How Can I Tell if a Cancer Man is Testing Me

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7/27/2007 2:29:04 AM | More
CapricornMermaid

Hello All

I've read on the board that Cancer men will test women. I would like more information on how to "pass the test". I do not know if I'm doing a good job at this or not. So here is a little history.

I started dating a Cancer male back in January. He asked me out every night for 2 weeks. I finally agreed to meet him and we got a long really well. It was like meeting my soulmate. He reminds me of myself and when I look into his eyes, I can feel what is in his heart. Anyway, after a few months we became intimate. He then wanted to become exclusive and he told me that he was falling in love. I was not yet in love with him, but I cared about him. Anyway, we broke up soon after because I found out he was living with another woman. He did not want to break up and literally begged me to stay with him. He even cried and tried to explain how he was planning to get his own apartment. He told me that he is happy when he is around me. He even came over to talk to me about the situation, But I was way too hurt to believe him and decided to move on. Anyway, it's been about 3 months since we last saw each other. I miss him like crazy. He called one day to tell me that he moved out on his own and would like to see me again. But I do not want to feel hurt again. We are still friends. When we talk on the phone, I keep things light and friendly. We laugh a lot and he makes me feel happy. But I do not want to rush into things. Sometimes I wonder if I am hurting his feelings by being so distant. Anyway, this is where we are today. I hadn't heard from him in 2 weeks, so I sent him a text message letting him know that I missed him. I sent some jokes and some nonsense text messages to put a smile on his face. He then called me to let me know that he missed me too. We talked for a few minutes and hung up. Then he sent a text message saying that he still loves me. I sent him one saying that I luv him too. But when I think about it... how can he lie to me and love me?? Does this sound like love? Is this how the Cancer man loves? Why couldn't he be honest with me from the beginning? I just wonder if he is testing me to see how easy it will be for him to come back into my life. What do u think? Is he trying to butter me up for more of his lies and games?

Signed, Capricorn Mermaid
7/27/2007 9:54:06 AM | More
maianm

33 years old female

Was this woman just a roomate or was he in a relationship with her?
7/27/2007 10:54:01 AM | More
CapricornMermaid

"Was this woman just a roomate or was he in a relationship with her?"

Well it was a woman he bad been with for 5 years. But at the time, they were not "together" just living under the same roof. She did not want the relationship to end, but he was preparing to move out when we started dating. He just hadn't found a place yet. I had to shorten the story above, but he did finally tell me the truth one night and admitted that he was living with a woman, but looking to purchase a home or get an apartment because he was no longer in love with her. The woman cheated on him with her ex-boyfriend and he never really recovered from her cheating. He said that he did a lot for her, but she was never happy with anything he did. He is African American and she is Hispanic. She's called him the "N" word during an argument, but apologized and said that she was just so upset... well anyway, he was really hurt So when he finally told me the truth about the situation, I told him that I enjoyed the time we spent together, but that he needs to take some time and heal. I feel that he is doing that. When I talk to him on the phone, he sounds happier. He is enjoying his new place and cooking... he's been spending time with his family and dating. I've been understanding because I know what it feels like to be in an unhappy relationship. And I know how it feels to want to leave, but it's hard because you don't want to hurt the other person. Especially when the other person does not want to let go. It was a tuff situation. But I am not sure how to handle him wanting to come back into my life. I am afraid that I will get hurt again. I do not know if he is testing me to see how easy it will be. I do not know what his angle is. But he is not rushing me and everything is light and friendly. He apologized for his actions... several times. I dunno
7/27/2007 11:12:24 AM | More
krobe03

Keep your heart guarded, but not to guarded. AND YES! Cancer men do love like this. LOL! You have to let go of the fear of being hurt. If he hurts you again, then let him go. And YOU KNOW you Caps have to have the "PERFECT" relationship. Quit trying to please him. Just take things slow, don't rush, and let him come to you on his terms like he is doing. Hold off on the sex, and lead him into a committed relationship.

DANGER! WARNING!
AND THIS IS JUST MY OPINION, don't try so hard trying to convince him, or please him. He will pick up on this and think you are controlling, which to a man, it is. Just let him lead the way to a committed relationship. After, committment, you take over!

HOLD OFF THE TOUCHING AND FEELING until he gives YOU what you want. You want a committed relationship. He wants regular sex. Fair deal!
7/27/2007 11:14:53 AM | More
CapricornMermaid

"Do you really need US to answer these questions? The answers are obvious, aren't they? This may was lying to you and most probably to the woman he was living with. Actions speak louder than words...MUCH LOUDER."

I know what you're saying. I didn't explain the whole story because it's just a lot. But he was not in love with the woman anymore just living under the same roof until he could move out. There was no respect in their home anymore. He was doing what he wanted to do. She was doing what she wanted to do. I do not know the whole story, but he explained some of the complications. Like how she cheated with an ex-boyfriend, started staying out late, doing drugs... etc. It was just an unhappy relationship and he was really tired.



7/27/2007 11:28:46 AM | More
kateinkansascity

The user who posted this message has hidden it.


7/27/2007 11:40:31 AM | More
CapricornMermaid

"Keep your heart guarded, but not to guarded. AND YES! Cancer men do love like this. LOL! You have to let go of the fear of being hurt. If he hurts you again, then let him go. And YOU KNOW you Caps have to have the "PERFECT" relationship. Quit trying to please him. Just take things slow, don't rush, and let him come to you on his terms like he is doing. Hold off on the sex, and lead him into a committed relationship."


Okay..lol, this sounds like a plan. Thank you for this answer. I wouldn't have sex with him at this point, but it is so temptingly good. I am just being cautious because I still care about him, yet at the same time.. I do not want to lose myself in the process of being with him again. He will have to work a little harder and show me that he is trusting and sincere. I just worry that I may be too hard on him. He is very sensitive and I am not as emotional as he is. I mean, I am VERY emotional, but I am selective in who I show my deep feelings too.

Like the first time he told me he loved me, I told him that I wasn't sure if I loved him yet. So he started backing off and sent a text message saying that he was falling in love, but was scared. Then soon after, I started falling for him because he is very emotional and I love that. By him being so emotional it makes me feel that I too can make a fool out of myself and become vunerable. So I posted this topic because he is sensitive,... he is so sensitive that I sometimes think it's a game or test.





7/27/2007 12:02:12 PM | More
CapricornMermaid

"Just my opinion but based on my cancer experience, if he lies, he will lie again. You need to really think this thru before you move forward. You are seeing several majot character flaws more like red banners, not flags. Read the prior cancer posts about woman and cancer men, PLEASE..........
"

You're right... there's too many red banners LOL. Too many, and that is why I am here posting on this board. Right now there is too much uncertainty. I have been giving him the benefit of the doubt, because I've been in a similar situation. Where I was living with someone and I was very unhappy. I wasn't perfect in this relationship. I lied, I wasn't always honest. But I learned a lesson from that relationship and I will never be that unhappy or dishonest again. I am not the same person, and I know that if I can change and realize my actions, other people probably do the same. We are all learning and growing and evolving as human beings. We have lessons to learn and we sometimes look like awful people to others while we learn our lessons. But I have been keeping my distance from him and protecting my heart...because I have to SEE that he made changes in his life. I do not listen to what men tell me, I have to see it to believe it.

But then I wonder, how will I see it, if I'm afraid to be around him. He wants to see me, but I have been keeping my distance. As a Capricorn, we are always protective like that. I wonder if I am being too protective and cautious. I wonder if it's a game to him.
7/27/2007 12:12:05 PM | More
maianm

33 years old female

Capricorn -

If I have not learned anything else about these Cancer it is - take things SLOW. I tried to rush things a lil' with my Cancer and it came back to bite me on the butt. Luckily, it was not too late to turn it around.

If not for his good, for your own good just take it slow and proceed with caution. Just let it play out. Let him chase you and you will be able to determine what his intentions are with you. Let him come to you...and do not settle.

7/27/2007 12:26:42 PM | More
krobe03

But then I wonder, how will I see it, if I'm afraid to be around him. He wants to see me, but I have been keeping my distance. As a Capricorn, we are always protective like that. I wonder if I am being too protective and cautious. I wonder if it's a game to him.

So what if it seems like a game. YOU ARE PROTECTING YOUR HEART which is VERY ATTRACTIVE TO MEN! Men WANT a woman that protects her heart from dangerous situations. He KNOWS that he made a mistake, and played you with lies. And keep distancing yourself from him until he proves with his ACTIONS that he wants this WAY more than you do. YOU are letting him KNOW that you are not just settling for any kind of exciting man that enters your life and you VALUE yourself and your time dearly.

Yes! He is going to test you. I know Caps are calm, but get a little SNAPPY every once in a while to let him know, HEY! This is NO SOFTY your are dealing with here. I am nice, kind, sweet, honest, WHEN I WANT to BE! Not when HE WANTS you to be. Girl, if you let him, a CANCER man will send you on a loot, to be with him. STAY friendly, but distant and aloof from him.

Yes, guard your heart, but, you cannot live in the fear of being HURT for the rest of your life. YOU HAVE to take risks. So, what if he lied, do you think he is worth another one. SET ONLY 2 standards within your heart. WITHIN YOUR HEART! MAYBE 3. If he meets those 3 standards in YOUR HEART, then you can deal with any and every thing else. Make sure your standards are realistic! If you set to many high standards, NO MAN will fit in, and you will NEVER be pleased. Don't make it to impossible for him to have you, but, remain HARD to get. Men say they don't like HARD to get women, but, that is a LIE! THEY love this BS!
7/27/2007 2:23:09 PM | More
kateinkansascity

The user who posted this message has hidden it.


7/27/2007 2:45:23 PM | More
SweetestFatale

30 years old female from Fayetteville, North Carolina  USA  

Sounds great to me KnKC. This is some advice I'll probably revisit to keep fresh as I continue on this journey with my Cancer. A lot of times women do lose sight of what they need and invest everything in him him him.
7/27/2007 2:58:10 PM | More
SweetestFatale

30 years old female from Fayetteville, North Carolina  USA  

Dont let a man test you or rather dont stress his tests, just be you and if he likes your answer yay if not still yay because now you know he isnt the one for you or you arent the one for him, but NEVER answer to fit him. Give him an answer/action/thought that is true to who you are and let him deal with it. It's better to give him the real deal and let him see the true you then it is to give him some concocted answer and waste time with facades.
7/27/2007 3:46:24 PM | More
CapricornMermaid

This is really great advice ladies. I appreciate your input. He wanted to see me yesterday, but I didn't see him. I sent a text message letting him know that I am happy that he decided to move on and is now living on his own. I told him that I would like to see him but I do not want to be hurt. He sent a message this morning saying that he would like to see me and he does not want to hurt me. He said he wants me to be happy.

Within the months that we've been apart, I have been taking a lot of inventory in myself. I've been building my business. Started eating raw foods and dropped a few pounds. I meditate and I have my house is great order (accept for one room LOL). I've been doing things that make me happy. I spend a lot of time reflecting on my life, as I have no children and I am alone most of the time. I have a lot of time for myself. But I would like to be in a relationship. I'm 32, sweet as pie... but can be cookiemonstery when I wanna be. I'm very mature, responsible. And I love myself, I've spent a lot of time with myself.. getting to know me.

I am just ready to share my heart with someone who compliments me and my personality. Someone whom I compliment as well. He's knows what I want, but I think he is afraid that he will not be able to fit the bill. Like a lot of men, he has low self-esteem. That's why men pull away once they know that a woman cares about them.

It's like this...when a man has low self esteem, he subconsously dislikes himself. So when you meet this type of man and tell him how great he is and how you want to be with him... he will smile and pretend to feel flattered. But deep within, he looks down on a woman for liking him so much. He looks down on a woman for liking something that his dislikes... which is his own self. So that is why "playing hard to get" works on a man who has low self esteem. But a man who places self value on his life, would never tolerate such tactics. Because he knows that he can get another woman in a heartbeat. Or better yet, he doesn't have time for games.

My biggest thing is, I see how great he is and I do not understand why he has a low sense of self. I pray that he will come out of it, because if he did... we would probably be a decent couple. I know what it feels like to have a low sense of self. I think everybody at some point in life experiences the same, until the have an awakening. I pray that he will have an awakening for us, if not for himself. I'm just ra
7/27/2007 3:55:36 PM | More
CapricornMermaid

"No woman should stop making your self happy with or without a man. That is the biggest mistake I once made when I was younger. Live your life, enjoy your life, enjoy yourself and what makes you happy. Continue to do the things you love to do. No man and no one can make a woman happy or complete you but your self. Love your self first. Make yourself happy first. Then, you can love and share it with another. Don't lose yourself. Take extra good care of you."

You're right Rainfairy Lioness. I feel that I take good care of myself. But I need to take EXTRA good care of myself. I do care about him though, but I have to care about myself first. I get too caught up in how other people feel and making everyone else happy.
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