How do I get a cancer man to reveal true feelings?

10/11/2008 3:49:39 PM | More
saggirl

I hurt him. We're 'friends' now and hang out. I feel like he likes me but he says that I make him uncomfortable. I think he has strong feelings for me but is holding himself back.

I want to be able to talk to him and be open and honest but worried that he will just come back to me with lies to cover up how he really feels.

Do I just sit him down and talk? If so, what's the best approach? What is the best way to get him to tell me his true feelings?
10/11/2008 4:30:28 PM | More
cansir

said it many times before..take it out to a laid back familiar place for dinner or drinks and play it cool. ask what you want to know in a non threatning manner and no matter what make sure you are relaxed. we can pick up on peoples feelings and emotions and he feels any negativity coming from you he will totally shut down and be on the defensive. hmm now thinking about, this might not work for all cancers but me but anyway good luck..
10/11/2008 4:55:21 PM | More
saggirl

"How did you hurt him?"

I said mean things that offended him and I also rejected him several months ago. I have apologised to him since.


I'll be out with him and a few friends tomorrow, should I take him aside? I don't think that he'd meet me alone for drinks or dinner.

We had a hug last night when we said goodbye, I held on to him for a long hug like we used to have before, he pulled away and said that I make him feel uncomfortable. There are other girls that he knows likes him and he's happy flirting with them. But why not me?
10/11/2008 6:08:36 PM | More
saggirl

"I don't really understand what he means by you "make him feel uncomfortable". As in he is uncomfortable with that because of the weird status between you two, or he's uncomfortable in a sexual harassment sort of way?"

I don't know what he meant by that either. I should have asked him why and what he meant but I didn't want to push him and just said 'sorry' and went in to the kitchen. He was going to bed so he said goodbye. I stayed in the kitchen for a bit, he came to the door and told me again he was going to bed and said good bye. I just had to force a smile and left for home. Was he trying to get something out of me or was he telling me to get lost?

I rejected him because i wasn't ready for anything serious at the beggining of the year. As soon as I ended things with him i realised i liked him.
10/12/2008 11:13:41 AM | More
YaMama



Sun.....Sagittarius Moon....Cancer Sat

I agree with CB and LK here. I'm a Sag as well dealing with a Cancer but I have never rejected him. It was the opposite with us however, at this point I think you just need to be his friend and show some consistency and trustworthyness (is that a word?...lol). Don't have any expectations or preconceived ideas about how you want him to respond to you because he'll sense that and go into his shell and it will only make you frustrated and then you'll take it out on him and then he'll be gone. Keep your insecurities under control because most likely they are self inflicted if you know what i'm trying to say. Cancers are cautious and the fact that he is even having any contact with you at all says something.

Tell him how you feel, what was going on with your emotions at the time you rejected him, be sincere about it and then let it be. Don't expect him to respond right then and there. You may not even get a response at all. He'll think about it in his own time and respond when and if he wants. At this point, he owes you nothing.

Be confident, be cool, be consistent, don't have any expectations, be his friend and show him that you can be trusted. Don't make the situation complicated...keep it simple.
10/13/2008 12:39:14 AM | More
Sagittarius89

24 years old female

Can you feel the fiyaaaa?!

saggirl, I think you only want what you can't have and your mad the attention is gone, I go through this alot too. You think you have feelings for the person because they no longer show them, but I bet the second he would show them you would get freaked out and run for the hills. I think you make him "uncomfortable" because he has feelings for you and is now shoving them back cause you push and pulled too much and now he's moving on in fear of more rejection. They need the groundage that sags can't really provide. That doesn't make you a bad person though, not at all. It's just different needs.

10/13/2008 9:04:18 AM | More
saggirl

Thanks for all your advice and comments, I really do appreciate them.

I'm totally exhausted with this guy and thinking of giving up. I have tried to be consistent but it's like he's playing a game with me. I can't, won't and don't know how to play games, that's why I keep screwing up I guess.

After he told me that I made him feel uncomfortable by giving him a long hug, I was kind of angry with him and coming to terms with the fact that he actually doesn't like me. I saw him the next day and considered saying to him, again, that I was sorry. I decided not to. Because I was still quite angry with him I didn't shower him with attention like he normally gets from me. I was still being pleasant but not being overly friendly. At the end of the night when it came to saying goodbye, I gave him a kiss on the cheek and a hug. I went to pull away and he held on for a bit longer. Arrrrrh! Why does he do this to me?

Cancerbuddy – I'm sorry but people make mistakes all the time. Say things and do things that they shouldn't have done. That's life. That's why couples argue. Then they make up and it makes you stronger. Doesn't mean that you should be punished for months and months later. I feel like I'm walking on egg shells with this cancer guy, not wanting to hurt him. I understand you venting though lol

Iamcancer – such a lovely post about sagi's. Thank you. I can deal with the moods but not the mind games. It's too confusing for me. If you like me, tell me. If you don't, leave me alone. If the cancer guy had expressed any fight when I ended things, I would have given it a go.

Sagittarius89 – I must admit, when things first ended I thought it was as aspect of want what you can't have. All my friends were telling me this too. Months have passed now and I still feel the same about him. There have been other guys that I ‘can't have' for one reason or another and I don't care, I just move on, but this guy is different.

Yamama – I have tried to be his friend and be consistent. He's the one who I feel is doing the pushing and pulling. What do you mean by my insecurities? I struggle cos I just want to be open, direct and talk but I get the feeling this is the wrong approach.
I've told him before that I didn't realise my feelings for him until things ended. He just pushes it aside and says that he never had feelings for me in the first place.
10/13/2008 10:13:42 AM | More
krobe03

He just pushes it aside and says that he never had feelings for me in the first place.


Just on a positive note- MEN can spend alot of time with you and not have feelings for you. Esp. if the attraction is not there. If he is telling you he never had feelings, take it for what it is worth and do your own thing.

Maybe some time, space and distance will allow him to see just how special YOU are to him. If not, go ahead on with your life. I know it is hard but with practice and finding other things to do with your life, it works.
10/13/2008 4:38:51 PM | More
dummylove

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10/13/2008 4:41:04 PM | More
saggirl

"maybe....maybe he is not lying. maybe he does not have feelings for you. just because you decided you have feelings for him...it does not mean he is required to reciprocate. you are a sag though...you are not going to understand that."

Can you help me understand? One minute he says that he will miss me. The next minute he says he doesn't. He looks at me so intently it drives me crazy. He does just enough to keep me interested, as soon as I go for it, he backs off and makes me feel like a nutcase for even considering it. I then cool it and then the cycle starts again.

If he doesn't like me, why doesn't he just stay away from me? Not talk to me etc. That's how I would feel if there was somebody who i didn't have feelings for and i knew liked me. I wouldn't want to mess them around. What are the kisses and hugs about? It's just a big ego massage to him and i'm tired of it. Also, don't cancer's like to test people? and put their barriers up to protect themselves from getting hurt?
10/13/2008 5:44:43 PM | More
saggirl

Yep games. Games that I don't know how to, and don't want to play. I said to him 'Look I've been horrible to you and I'm sorry, but you've been horrible to me now' and he said 'Yes'. That was almost 2 months ago now and he's still being horrible and messing with my head.

I've tried to move on but he's got a hold on me.

10/13/2008 6:11:59 PM | More
saggirl

Ok krobe03 and leokitten, I'm taking your advice and backing off. Thank you. I'm seeing him this weekend and I will act civil but not pander to him like I normally would. I'm at the point now where I'm quite angry with him and I have my own self respect to consider. Once the weekend is done, no more. I've given him enough chances.

oooooh, that felt good to write. lol

It won't hurt all that much, I'm a sag and I'll be fine.
10/13/2008 11:07:50 PM | More
cansir

a bottle of jameson might also work..
10/18/2008 5:17:51 PM | More
Sagittarius89

24 years old female

Can you feel the fiyaaaa?!

The user who posted this message has hidden it.

10/18/2008 5:18:54 PM | More
Sagittarius89

24 years old female

Can you feel the fiyaaaa?!

The user who posted this message has hidden it.


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