How to handle a caner man who's upset with you

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10/6/2007 2:39:36 PM | More
sexyscorp19

female

Recently the cancer guy I'm dating got upset with me. When I asked him why he is upset his response "I shouldn't have to tell you". My question is do I continue to ask him to tell me what I did (I have a really good idea, he's been feeling neglected because I haven't been able to see him in a while) or do I wait until he's ready to talk? Do I apologize for neglecting him (even if it's not on purpose)?

Usually if there's an issue, it's me being upset with him but this is the first time he's been upset with me (that I know of ) and I just wanted advice on how to handle this. Any comments would be greatly appreciated.

Thanks.
10/6/2007 7:01:21 PM | More
krobe03

If he is upset with you, I suggest (only a suggestion) for you to just let him sulk. If he likes to sulk, let him. You could express to him that you know it seems as if you are neglecting him but you are not intentionally doing it, he will respond to kind of feeling to that sort, plus that will let him know that you are in tune with his feelings and emotions which he will find very attractive. Once you share your feelings, back off some until he comes back around to you. As long as he is aware that you are in tune with his feelings, he will come out of his shell. If he doesn't open up, let him sulk.
10/7/2007 9:57:32 PM | More
krobe03

what if hes never comes out and continues to be bitter and blaming you?
what do you do in that situation?

I don't know about other women but I would tell him before we even get started doing anything serious, if you don't agree with something I do, you need to tell me. You need to set boundaries so that I would know upfront what you like or dislike. I would tell him all he has to do is tell me, not really because you need to share your feelings but I need to know what I need to do to protect your heart from going through any pain I would cause you to make you resentful. I don't know, it has worked for me. And it is only a suggestion with what has worked in my experience. It may or may not work out in another person's situation.
10/7/2007 9:57:54 PM | More
xangelfishx

32 years old female

the fact that he told you "you should already know" tells you he expects you to apologize - if he thinks you already know what you did then he thinks you are doing it on purpose. I wouldn't recommend saying that you think that's what you did though - because if that's not it then he might get even more upset - you might want to just talk to him and tell him that you know you've been really busy lately and you hope he hasn't felt neglected but if he did then you're sorry [assuming you are] and either he'll cheer up or he won't and then you'll know that wasn't what he was upset about.
10/7/2007 11:43:19 PM | More
SRG

30 years old male from Colorado  USA  

Birthdate: VII - XIII - MCMLXXXIV

Sexyscorp.. don't mean to be too vulgar but maybe this can be resolved in the sack.. they say if there's ever any issues between a cancer and scorp, the bedroom is where it's solved.
10/8/2007 10:05:42 AM | More
sexyscorp19

female

Krobe,

You're advice was dead on. I sent him a text and just said that I really cared for him and that I wasn't avoiding him intentionally. I didn't hear anything from him the rest of the evening but got a phone call the next day asking if I wanted to meet for breakfast and that everything was cool. So we ate, hung out, and the topic never came up (not sure if that's a good thing) but he seems to be over it. Letting him work it out for himself was a good idea. I think because they are so emotional no amount of me telling him I wasn't doing it on purpose was going to help. I think he just needed a little time to figure it out.

SRG,
LOL, I think that's the other reason he was able to get over it quickly.

However, I have another question so since the beginning whenever he's said anything that suggests how he feels he's always done so indirectly. Yesterday we were just sitting there talking about ex's and he said "its ok I know you only love me". I didn't say anything to that because I didn't know to respond to it or not. The word love or anything else that has anything to do with feelings has never come out of his mouth. Do you think he was trying to test the waters? Or am I making too big of a deal?

Thanks to everyone for their feedback

10/8/2007 12:11:43 PM | More
krobe03

Do you think he was trying to test the waters? Or am I making too big of a deal?

He will ask you question like that too? LOL! Don't do like me, I acted like he threw me off guard and of course, that made him upset. Just ask him does he love you in a playful way. I did not dot that but I heard that would be good advice. I simply put it off to feel his raft. LOL! Just act cool about it, and back off of the question a bit, if you rush up on him to fast, he will probably back off some. DOn't know all the answers but it has worked for me in my experience.
10/8/2007 4:43:26 PM | More
SRG

30 years old male from Colorado  USA  

Birthdate: VII - XIII - MCMLXXXIV

Sexyscorp.. just like I thought, you had everything under control from the start.

But seriously, why do people have to overthink things so much? Relationships are that much easier when you don't have to over analyze every spoken word and instead can just enjoy each others company without saying anything at all. Am I right or am I right?
10/8/2007 8:38:09 PM | More
sexyscorp19

female

Leokitten,

That was beautiful, and I guess as direct as a cancer man is ever going to get

SRG,
You are definitely right, however, if we didn't over think things (which unfortuately is a female trait, a lot of us anyway) we wouldn't be on these boards would we
10/8/2007 8:38:33 PM | More
sexyscorp19

female

Leokitten,

That was beautiful, and I guess as direct as a cancer man is ever going to get

SRG,
You are definitely right, however, if we didn't over think things (which unfortuately is a female trait, a lot of us anyway) we wouldn't be on these boards would we
10/9/2007 12:46:32 AM | More
SRG

30 years old male from Colorado  USA  

Birthdate: VII - XIII - MCMLXXXIV

Overthinking = stress, stress = shorter lifespan and less time in the sack.

Next time sexyscorp.. don't take any of that guilt trip crap.. sometimes we cancers like to throw stuff like that at you just to get you to admit how you really feel.. then again, you already knew that..

10/9/2007 12:58:32 AM | More
sexyscorp19

female

You know I did know that, I just totally forgot. Now that you mentioned it, it would make sense with how he acted. Why do you guys do that? Would it really be that bad to just say what you feel!! Oh wait, I'm talking about cancers so I guess it would

Isn't holding all those feelings in stressful!!!
10/9/2007 12:58:42 AM | More
sexyscorp19

female

The user who posted this message has hidden it.

10/9/2007 9:40:59 AM | More
SRG

30 years old male from Colorado  USA  

Birthdate: VII - XIII - MCMLXXXIV

I don't know, sometimes I catch myself doing it too.. being indirect is part of our nature. When you understand the nature of something you'll know what it's capable of.
10/9/2007 10:19:17 AM | More
cansir

tell him you are sorry, buy him an ice cream, and let him play with your boobies..that is how you handle a cancer man who is upset with you..lol
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