Cancer Men and Insecurity?
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|So after leaving my last cancer man because he was afraid to commit (he recently started contacting me again), I have begun dating another, yes, another cancer man--I don't know why but that is what I seem to attract. |
Anyway, with this being my second cancer man I notice how insecure they can be. What do I need to do to help that? I was honest with the first one about my feelings and it seemed that when I told him how I felt about him, he backed off, but the minute I backed off, he was questioning if I still liked him. The same seems to be happening with this new cancer man. I truly don't understand. I know that they need space to figure out what their own feelings are--I am OK with that and am good at giving it to them, but it seems that when I give them the time they need, they start to question my feelings for them. I figured I better learn as much about the cancer man as that is what it seems are attracted to me lately. Added to that, I just LOVE the cancer man. The sweet nature, smile, stare--so endearing and I even find them adorable when they're being moody HELP!
|@Sweetlibra34 - |
I am dealing with the same situation with the cancer man I have been seeing for the past 3 months.
I was honest with my feelings and he started to pull back too. Since I have he has shown a little more interest. He keeps telling me to relax and that his head is elsewhere. The he tells me he is thinking about setting down and smiles at me. CONFUSING. Feels like I am playing red light, green light when I was a kid.
I just want to wait around on someone that doesn't know what he wants. He is 42 and that is just too old to be sooooo confused.
I started a topic for help myself. I think the Cancer guy is nice enough but it just seems like he is making too hard.
|Don't act so hasty to tell him or them about how feel about them.|
Posted by Latingal415
That's what I do with them--give them their space, but check on them every now and again. I have heard that sometimes the biggest battle Cancers deal with is trying to understand themselves. Thanks
Posted by woodenmeow
@woodenmeow--Wow! I'm beginning to wonder if we're not dating the same person, lol. My Cancer is also 42 years old and is playing the same exact game. I keep hearing myself say, "he's 42, he's too old to not know what he wants at this point!" I also think my Cancer is a super nice guy but he seems to be so unsure about everything. Every time I pull back, he comes around and asks if I still like him. It is so confusing. He's lucky he's cute, charming and a genuinely good guy or I would be done.
Posted by Karka
I don't tell them right away how I feel about them, me telling them usually comes after a comment that they have made questioning if I like them or not and even then I keep it simple like, "I like you and my time with you."
|I'm really confused by all this. In another thread Cancers are saying they constantly need reassurance. And here you guys are saying don't tell them you like them directly. WTF. So be reassuring but don't be too hasty in telling them how you feel? Makes no sense.|
Posted by sweetlibra34
Maybe he does know what he wants but is still figuring out how you might fit in too his world.
I'm also thinking at this age, some men may not feel the same urgency to move things forward as the woman.
I'm amazed to hear so consistantly how we Cancer men seem incapable of expressing ourselves and where we stand, or is it just misunderstanding between men and women in general?
I was very honest with my Cancer guy n telling him I would like to spend more time and see what happens and if it turns into a relationship I am good with it. And all he keeps telling me is to relax, and that if I want him to be my boyfriend he can't give that to me right now. Not sure if it's a stalling method or if he is being genuine.
I have taken a step back. To protect myself at this point. I am too old to be chasing men.
|Every time I was ready to fall deeply madly in love with my Cancer guy he would pull some major passive aggressive stuff ie not speaking to me...or just being completely non-responsive...and then the cycle begins all over again with a bunch of apologies and promises to do better. He would ask me if I was the one who's over him...when he was pulling the silent treatment on me in the first place...|
I really liked him...a lot...I did. In fact I still wish things were different. But it's just too painful at times.
Age doesn't make a difference....they can pull these stunts well into their 50s. I have a Cancer male friend in his 60s and still playing these games.
I think if you want this bad enough woodenmeow, then you just gotta go at it kamikaze style. Go for broke. All in. Don't be afraid of getting hurt or what not. It's a take it or leave it attitude. All the conventional dating rules go out the window with these guys.
if he is saying he doesn't want to be your "boyfriend" then be like ok whatever...and continue doing what you're doing. You have limits so stick to your guns if you're gonna say this is where you draw the line....wherever that line may be is your call.
|As you describe him as a "new man" this seems pretty normal to me. I can't speak for the fellas but this Cancer lady is slow to get into a relationship & slow to get out of one. In the beginning, I'll drive you nuts with the mixed messages because I'm afraid of getting hurt and don't know, at that point, if it's really what I want. Basically, it takes time and a lot of patience to be with a Cancer. Then again, real love slowly develops over time. Be patient and try to go with the flow and not psych things out this early. Once we get passed the rollercoaster of the first few months, it gets a lot better, assuming you really click. Good luck!|
|maybe it's that they are swayed so easily by feelings that they keep trying to understand and believe in love but not sure what love is or if it is real. wondering what can go wrong. my dad was a cancer guy, he was hot and cold. he loved my mom deeply and was romantic but he could also be a real grouch. he would often hide in his cancer shell when he was most upset and then would only show his crabbiest face when approached. but still waters run deep,they say cancers feel very vulnerable. so allow someone to relax and get to know you because they are also getting to know themselves at the same time.|
|I agree with you sweetlibra!! cancer men are wonderful!|
Found some old posts that might help you! I trust them because some of the best advice I ever got were from virgo women so I trust her advice.
It is confusing though because you do get many contradictory advice some saying to ignore and some saying to not ignore. IMO though most of the relationships that crash and burn though is because the girl gives too much. Good luck and I hope your relationship works out!
Posted by xtinaOn behalf of all Cancer men, Thank you.
You are now entitled to a complimentary glass of wine and a massage.
Posted by xtina
Those links are pretty good advice.
Don't detect any attempts to manipulate in them, which would really queer it for someone using the advice selfishly.
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