Cancer Men and Insecurity?

sweetlibra34
So after leaving my last cancer man because he was afraid to commit (he recently started contacting me again), I have begun dating another, yes, another cancer man--I don't know why but that is what I seem to attract.

Anyway, with this being my second cancer man I notice how insecure they can be. What do I need to do to help that? I was honest with the first one about my feelings and it seemed that when I told him how I felt about him, he backed off, but the minute I backed off, he was questioning if I still liked him. The same seems to be happening with this new cancer man. I truly don't understand. I know that they need space to figure out what their own feelings are--I am OK with that and am good at giving it to them, but it seems that when I give them the time they need, they start to question my feelings for them. I figured I better learn as much about the cancer man as that is what it seems are attracted to me lately. Added to that, I just LOVE the cancer man. The sweet nature, smile, stare--so endearing and I even find them adorable when they're being moody HELP!
woodenmeow
@Sweetlibra34 -

I am dealing with the same situation with the cancer man I have been seeing for the past 3 months.
I was honest with my feelings and he started to pull back too. Since I have he has shown a little more interest. He keeps telling me to relax and that his head is elsewhere. The he tells me he is thinking about setting down and smiles at me. CONFUSING. Feels like I am playing red light, green light when I was a kid.
I just want to wait around on someone that doesn't know what he wants. He is 42 and that is just too old to be sooooo confused.
I started a topic for help myself. I think the Cancer guy is nice enough but it just seems like he is making too hard.
Karka
Don't act so hasty to tell him or them about how feel about them.
sweetlibra34
Posted by Latingal415
Give him time to think about his feelings but keep checking on him. Cancers can be indecisive sometimes. We prefer you to be direct but some can get scared off and hide inside their shells until they figure out what they want. Cancers are very confusing ppl. I sometimes don't even understand myself_???


That's what I do with them--give them their space, but check on them every now and again. I have heard that sometimes the biggest battle Cancers deal with is trying to understand themselves. Thanks
sweetlibra34
Posted by woodenmeow
@Sweetlibra34 -

I am dealing with the same situation with the cancer man I have been seeing for the past 3 months.
I was honest with my feelings and he started to pull back too. Since I have he has shown a little more interest. He keeps telling me to relax and that his head is elsewhere. The he tells me he is thinking about setting down and smiles at me. CONFUSING. Feels like I am playing red light, green light when I was a kid.
I just want to wait around on someone that doesn't know what he wants. He is 42 and that is just too old to be sooooo confused.
I started a topic for help myself. I think the Cancer guy is nice enough but it just seems like he is making too hard.


@woodenmeow--Wow! I'm beginning to wonder if we're not dating the same person, lol. My Cancer is also 42 years old and is playing the same exact game. I keep hearing myself say, "he's 42, he's too old to not know what he wants at this point!" I also think my Cancer is a super nice guy but he seems to be so unsure about everything. Every time I pull back, he comes around and asks if I still like him. It is so confusing. He's lucky he's cute, charming and a genuinely good guy or I would be done.
sweetlibra34
Posted by Karka
Don't act so hasty to tell him or them about how feel about them.


I don't tell them right away how I feel about them, me telling them usually comes after a comment that they have made questioning if I like them or not and even then I keep it simple like, "I like you and my time with you."
geminibunny
I'm really confused by all this. In another thread Cancers are saying they constantly need reassurance. And here you guys are saying don't tell them you like them directly. WTF. So be reassuring but don't be too hasty in telling them how you feel? Makes no sense.
woodenmeow
Geminibunny -

I was very honest with my Cancer guy n telling him I would like to spend more time and see what happens and if it turns into a relationship I am good with it. And all he keeps telling me is to relax, and that if I want him to be my boyfriend he can't give that to me right now. Not sure if it's a stalling method or if he is being genuine.
I have taken a step back. To protect myself at this point. I am too old to be chasing men.
geminibunny
Every time I was ready to fall deeply madly in love with my Cancer guy he would pull some major passive aggressive stuff ie not speaking to me...or just being completely non-responsive...and then the cycle begins all over again with a bunch of apologies and promises to do better. He would ask me if I was the one who's over him...when he was pulling the silent treatment on me in the first place...

I really liked him...a lot...I did. In fact I still wish things were different. But it's just too painful at times.

Age doesn't make a difference....they can pull these stunts well into their 50s. I have a Cancer male friend in his 60s and still playing these games.

I think if you want this bad enough woodenmeow, then you just gotta go at it kamikaze style. Go for broke. All in. Don't be afraid of getting hurt or what not. It's a take it or leave it attitude. All the conventional dating rules go out the window with these guys.

if he is saying he doesn't want to be your "boyfriend" then be like ok whatever...and continue doing what you're doing. You have limits so stick to your guns if you're gonna say this is where you draw the line....wherever that line may be is your call.
Este8
As you describe him as a "new man" this seems pretty normal to me. I can't speak for the fellas but this Cancer lady is slow to get into a relationship & slow to get out of one. In the beginning, I'll drive you nuts with the mixed messages because I'm afraid of getting hurt and don't know, at that point, if it's really what I want. Basically, it takes time and a lot of patience to be with a Cancer. Then again, real love slowly develops over time. Be patient and try to go with the flow and not psych things out this early. Once we get passed the rollercoaster of the first few months, it gets a lot better, assuming you really click. Good luck!
KittyKnitter
maybe it's that they are swayed so easily by feelings that they keep trying to understand and believe in love but not sure what love is or if it is real. wondering what can go wrong. my dad was a cancer guy, he was hot and cold. he loved my mom deeply and was romantic but he could also be a real grouch. he would often hide in his cancer shell when he was most upset and then would only show his crabbiest face when approached. but still waters run deep,they say cancers feel very vulnerable. so allow someone to relax and get to know you because they are also getting to know themselves at the same time.
xtina
I agree with you sweetlibra!! cancer men are wonderful!

Found some old posts that might help you! I trust them because some of the best advice I ever got were from virgo women so I trust her advice.
http://www.dxpnet.com/opinion/cancer/I-Have-The-Secret-3846590.asp

http://www.dxpnet.com/opinion/cancer/This-how-u-date-a-cancer-man-3674902.asp

It is confusing though because you do get many contradictory advice some saying to ignore and some saying to not ignore. IMO though most of the relationships that crash and burn though is because the girl gives too much. Good luck and I hope your relationship works out!
CancerOnTheCusp
Posted by xtina
I agree with you sweetlibra!! cancer men are wonderful!

Found some old posts that might help you! I trust them because some of the best advice I ever got were from virgo women so I trust her advice.
http://www.dxpnet.com/opinion/cancer/I-Have-The-Secret-3846590.asp

http://www.dxpnet.com/opinion/cancer/This-how-u-date-a-cancer-man-3674902.asp

It is confusing though because you do get many contradictory advice some saying to ignore and some saying to not ignore. IMO though most of the relationships that crash and burn though is because the girl gives too much. Good luck and I hope your relationship works out!


Those links are pretty good advice.
Don't detect any attempts to manipulate in them, which would really queer it for someone using the advice selfishly.
xtina
Posted by xMoonMan
Posted by xtina
I agree with you sweetlibra!! cancer men are wonderful!
On behalf of all Cancer men, Thank you.
You are now entitled to a complimentary glass of wine and a massage.


Why thank you . I accept the wine and I'll make a toast to all cancers: "May your coming year be filled with magic and dreams and good madness. I hope you read some fine books and kiss someone who thinks you're wonderful and don't forget to make some art (write or draw or build or sing or live as only you can) and somewhere in the next year I hope you surprise yourself"





Recent Topics

adoreU
adoreU
You fuck everyone at least once,
adoreU
adoreU
You're annoying. You talk too much. You're nosy. You lack emotions. You always think there's something wrong with everyone else. I think most of you are rude as hell.
adoreU
adoreU
You jump to conclusions. You're selfish. Your sign is a damn goat. You're superficial. You always think someone's jealous of you. You're never optimistic.
CrabMan13
CrabMan13
Hi Cappy ladies. Should I confess my feelings for this Capricorn woman? I liked her since September. I tried being friendly with her; we do texting, sometimes we talk on the phone until dawn, I tried asking her out on a friendly dinner but she would alway
cuteboy
cuteboy
so have anybody ever pursue their career fields of their midheaven signs? can't say i haven't. if not, would you like to someday pursue that career? so have at it folks. i'm off to bed. i'm tired af.
Westsidekodak
Westsidekodak
I'm confused now.
starwars
starwars
hey virgos, do you get tired from socializing? by socializing, i don't mean meeting people everyday and having 'small talk' I mean being in the same room for 7 hours with the same people. I love socializing i like to enjoy my time with other people,
adoreU
adoreU
Personally, I hate to assume, but it happens every now and again. It's a nasty habit in my book that makes you sound like an idiot. Thoughts? Opinions?
dracula
dracula
Hey guys, I'm new to this forum. Any insight would be appreciated. My compatibilities also would be appreciated, I am a male. From experience Cancer woman are too emotional. Dated many but loved Virgo, then May Gemini the most and now in a relationship w
Illuminati
Illuminati
Met this guy a few weeks go, we've been on dates and he added me onto Facebook right away. I saw him kissing a girl on the street the other day and had a talk with him on the phone afterwards. He said that is his ex girlfriend. He broke up with her be
Imarollin
Imarollin
LOL! Ever lburnt something in the oven? Maybe you've lit a trash can on fire during a potluck.. I don't know what you did but I want you to share it with me. I think I'm the queen of domestic failures. So come on ladies (or gents), spill it! Laugh
yourtypicalcancer
yourtypicalcancer
I have been crushing on this aquarius girl for like 4 months now and at first we were talking a lot and she went out of her way to care for me and i was happy and everything. I thought that maybe this time this bond could grow without all the sadness. I w