Cap Man - Slow to commit or just a player?

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7/28/2010 7:32:21 AM | More
aquariusredhead

I have read alot on the message board about how Capricorn men are slow to commit, but my question is how do you know if he's just moving slow, or playing you for a fool?

I've been dating a Cap for about 3 months, and he has been showing increasing interest in me (multiple dates per week; he even invites me to spend weekends at his house). However, I found out that he is going on a date with another -- new -- girl tonight. I can appreciate that he is dating and wants to be sure about me before showing a commitment of any kind, but it also bothers me that I spent last weekend and will spend this upcoming weekend in his bed, and yet he's still dating others.

I'm not looking for marriage, engagement or anything of the sort, but would like to give the relationship a chance to grow. I'm ok with giving him plenty of time -- I am not needy or clingy -- but I worry that if I'm too passive about him continuing to date other women I could end up sending the message that I just don't care. Not to sound like my mother, but why should he "buy the cow if he gets the milk for free"? lol

Any thoughts? How should I broach the topic with the Cap effectively? Thanks for any insight! (side note - we are in our late 30s, both divorced).
7/28/2010 12:27:06 PM | More
tiki33

female

Oxytocin, when it’s got you hooked on

Cap men are slooooooow but I would caution you with giving your body and emotions to a man that is not ready...I don't feel his behavior has anything to do with being a capricorn but has everything to do with being a man that is keeping his options open. My suggestion is to X the weekend and go out with your friends, go do something fun and awesome that doesn't include him....See many times what happens is the woman jumps ahead of the man, she assumes b/c he's calling, he's asking her out that he's ready for love and commitment and the reality is..he's just calling and asking you out b/c he wants to and not really feeling those deep emotions that say I want to make this longterm yet it's a good sign if he's calling and asking you out but you have to PACE things with him, don't give him all of you so quickly, this isn't about playing games but some capricorn men can burn a woman out, meaning he will show deep interest up until he either gets bored of your availability to him or he finds someone more interesting to date so it would be in your best interest to slow down, be less available and not revolve your life around this guy especially a guy that clearly is leaving his options open by dating other women.

If your concerned that he will take you for granted then your right, he will take you for granted if you begin to show through your actions that your way more into him than he is into you and usually women show this by giving a man sex when he wants it (not challenging him) being super available and that's when a man just loses interest, he begins to feel like the woman is just a friend, once that happens he's out of there, usually you can tell when that happens b/c he's suddenly up some other womans face and/or dating and having sexual relations with other women.

7/28/2010 12:31:27 PM | More
tiki33

female

Oxytocin, when it’s got you hooked on

My suggestion is to go out on a date preferably with a hot guy and this has nothing to do with sex, therefore you will begin to feel less tied emotionally to this one man which will prevent you from over functioning as in giving yourself completely away to a man that's unsure about you b/c once you give yourself to a man that is slightly out of reach, unavailable your doomed to fail with him, be disappointed and hurt over his actions yet if you keep your options open and continue to date other men you will see a shift in how you deal with this one guy that isn't stepping up, you may even lose interest in him altogether especially if you meet someone better.

Younger cap men can be players but I dunno if this guy is a player especially if he hasn't talked about exclusivity with you but him dating other women, that's a SIGN, a signal to you that he's just not that into you on a deep emotional I only want to be with you kind of level.

Keep dating him and other men if you choose but please don't become a statistic, another woman giving her heart and soul over to an emotionally unavailable man, men are known to have the ability to hang with a woman but feel nothing in terms of love and commitment and yes it can go on for years if we let it, if he's still dating other women then he's not thinking in terms of commitment with you (yet) if ever.
7/28/2010 12:36:57 PM | More
tiki33

female

Oxytocin, when it’s got you hooked on

Just to be clear, once a man know he has you 100$ he slacks off (100% as in your completely available to him sexually, mentally, emotionally) and your not challenging him anymore to keep up his end of the dating process that's when he moves on to more challenging situations with women.

Dating him 3x's a week doesn't mean he's all yours and he won't ever date another woman, if he's serious about you, serious about settling down he won't date other women but if he's just out having a good time he's going to date until he meets that one woman that challenges him in a way that makes him feel on a deep level that being with her is better than being alone which includes being with random women.
7/28/2010 12:37:22 PM | More
tiki33

female

Oxytocin, when it’s got you hooked on

100%
7/28/2010 1:40:31 PM | More
tiki33

female

Oxytocin, when it’s got you hooked on

DapperDon I am shhhhhh d:

7/28/2010 5:01:30 PM | More
cancergem

27 years old female

Sun Cancer Moon Capricorn M

tiki!! how are you?
7/28/2010 5:12:30 PM | More
tiki33

female

Oxytocin, when it’s got you hooked on

Hi Cancergem....I'm good, nice profile picture...those eyes, a good story behind those eyes
7/28/2010 9:06:06 PM | More
aquariusredhead

Thanks for all of the advice... You're right. I need to diversify my portfolio. :-) I just tend to be a "serial dater" instead of a multi-tasker. I'll pick a guy, try him on for size for a while, if it works - great, if not - I'll drop him like a bad habit and move on to the next. I really enjoy Mr. Cap, but probably need to find other men to occupy my time. If it's a timing or trust issue... he'll have to discover that for himself. Or as LovelyScorp said, if I don't meet all of his criteria, then I'm wasting my time anyway.

I don't like to share either, and that was what was bothering me the most... That we have an absolutely great time when we're together -- laughing, playing, talking, etc. -- but still he seems to be looking for the next best thing. I won't be "runner up" to anyone. Been there, done that, not doing it again. I just didn't know if saying that to him would be the best approach, or let my actions speak for themselves.
7/28/2010 9:16:58 PM | More
tiki33

female

Oxytocin, when it’s got you hooked on

The user who posted this message has hidden it.

7/28/2010 9:18:48 PM | More
tiki33

female

Oxytocin, when it’s got you hooked on

Actions speak louder than words, honestly coming at him that way will only serve to ensure him you were way ahead of him in the feelings department and will put the nail in the coffin, to clarify I'm not saying it's not okay to say your truth to a man, of course meet men with a level of honesty if you absolutely have to say something about a particular issue. I find cap men can deal with honesty way better than other signs, as long as your not hyper emotional he can handle it.

If you enjoy dating him I would encourage you to continue on and take a page out of his book, keep your options open to date other people yet if you truly are ready to settle down with someone maybe this guy isn't the best option for you right now and it's time to move on...You have to figure out what you want and lead by that example.

If you really can't get past him dating other women whilst dating you then end it and move on to someone that will give it a chance with you without dating other women.

7/29/2010 12:24:52 AM | More
HappyCappy

26 years old male from Kaneohe bay, Hawaii  USA  

Rising Sign is in 23 Degrees Scorpio S

i like honesty. actions can be misleading. im too young but whatever i know what i like.
7/29/2010 1:37:08 AM | More
SuperCap

33 years old male from NC  

Posted by LovelyScorp
cap men are complicated to say the least. I'm dealing with one of my own.

they are extremely slow at trusting and letting you into their world.

red flag if he is setting up other dates and you are spending the night. he may feel that you just don't fit all his criteria. If you don't fit the very specific, high expectations that he has placed on his potential mate, you are just a play toy until "the one" comes along. These guys do not settle.

don't get me wrong or let me hurt your feelings. you are more than likely a wonderful, beautiful person with a lot going for you but these guys sometimes put unrealistic expectations on others. you would be better off exerting your energy on someone who could accept you for you.

if it were me, I would start pulling away. I don't play well with others when it comes to sharing.

Love this comment Lovelyscorp


Yeah....there is so much a woman should not do. Very little that she should do...for ME that is.

Alot of times women are just simply doing TOO MUCH. They really add on a lot of "extra" in terms of interacting. Most of the time I'd like to think we as men SAY WHAT WE MEAN. At least that's how I think. Very RARELY when I meet a female do I have an ulterior motive. (only those I dont like, and I stay away from them so that I don't use ulterior motives at them)
Some guys out there may be a little "emo" and Adhd also and they can be blamed for some things.

Basically women.....if I make effort to continue pushing a conversation with you, then I probably think you're cute and would love to roll around in the meadow.

If a woman asks me questions about ME, then I know she is assertive and loves learning about anyone, has open-minded curiosity, and can keep the conversation moving whether shes attracted to me or not means alot. She's an objective adapter....very science and sexy to me....cant wait till she lets me take her glasses off....but even when she says its ok to take them off...I'll be at the point where I want her to leave them on, waaaay before.

Women...when we're talking...you shut the f*&^ up...and look at us when we're talking to you. I as a cap male don't mind doing the same as long as you keep it civil and bring up good arguments as well as explain to me how you were lead to feel this certain way...and I'll be happy to concede and apologize. I'm going to give you
8/2/2010 12:35:14 PM | More
SuperCap

33 years old male from NC  

Yeah I think people should always start off conversation with a common dilemma. By discussing what is both wrong with you..you evolve into discussing what is both RIGHT with you.

Anybody should be able to get along given this simple rule of mine and its an intelligent ice-breaker. Common "enemy" brings about "togetherness".

Male and female must discuss common struggle in order to, gain comfort in discussing silliness and being silly together, which is ok and fine BUT, being adult in your thought-process and your speech is paramount to any interaction.

Male or female can start out with silliness first, but you really have to be on point and sometimes games and manipulation is involved.

Most people dislike the same common gripes about life and can recall the negative more quickly.
But most people don't LIKE the same things, hence why its hard to just simply find a mate.

I try to learn from everybody bc people are our most valuable physical resource.

(only supercaps opinion) not law
8/7/2010 4:15:01 PM | More
cappysweetie



Guess what sign I am ... bet you can't g

Posted by DapperDon
I think I'm qualified to answer this question since I have studied the ways of Capricorns at University of Michigan.



xD!!!!! *zing*zing*
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