Cap Men: Transition in life view?

1/10/2009 9:25:07 AM | More
CapTaur

I'm curious about the transition the Capricorn man has made since I've been in his life. I'm white, he's black. I'm Taurus (4/21), he's Capricorn (1/16). We've been friends/lovers for close to a year now. We became intimate quite quickly, which I know is not recommended; however after we got a taste for each other there was really no other option (it keeps getting better, too -- you just have to open him up with your own sexual confidence).

This is what I know: We're good together; we connect on important levels. But am curious: When I first met him, he mentioned that he never was going to get married and never have children: "I'd be a good uncle." Now, after months of sharing moments and thoughts, he mentions that I "would be a good mother," and saying his kids are going to the best schools," or his "kids will be this/that."

Now let me explain an important aspect of our relationship: We have a mutual understanding to respect our own individual lives and goals, but have not established a "set-in-stone-you're-my-everything" relationship. At one point I told him "you deserve a better job, get on it" and within a month he had started a new career. Another goal of his was to get his Master's degree. When he was accepted into the Grad program he wanted, I showed him how proud by buying him a big-ticket coat he'd been eye-ing for months. He wears it every chance he gets. Now he not only wants to get his MA, he's after his PhD. When I ask him for something, he always obliges if he can, but I never press if it is an inconvenience to him/his schedule. I make him laugh, even in bed - we are like kids ... or rabid animals. I've encouraged him to focus on his own, and he has shown me how to keep myself on my own track.

However I am curious: This man is extremely attractive -- he has many women chasing him. I never keep "tabs" on him, and have told him I trust him enough to not be concerned with what he does when we're not together. My question: Is it possible he would mention kids, mother, his future with other women, or do Capricorn men keep those conversations sacred between himself and his special someone? Also -- What does this transition in life view (i.e.: no wife, no kids to "good mother"/"when I have kids") in my Capricorn man mean?

I would appreciate any feedback. I care a lot about this man and what we have.
1/10/2009 9:41:51 AM | More
tiki33

female

Oxytocin, when it’s got you hooked on

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1/10/2009 9:49:15 AM | More
tiki33

female

Oxytocin, when it’s got you hooked on

Per my own experience with a couple of very confident very secure have it together financialy very very very handsome Capricorns NOTHING IS SACRED, they had this way of setting up strong boundaries very quickly and gaining ones loyalty very fast thus they could tell everyone the same thing and then say shhhhhhhhh it's our secret, no one knowing they all know the same thing. They have a way of making everyone think and feel safe but they pretty much tell/told everyone the same thing in different ways and they knew no one would compare notes due to the loyalty factor.

If your not having any problems such as disappearing acts, hot and cold then he's most likely comfortable with you enough due to the lack of pressure within the relationship, if he's not directing a future specifically DIRECTLY with you then I wouldn't assuming he was adding you into the equation, usually a cap will add you in his future with no problem IF he see's a future with you, meaning if he doesn't say we/us in any of those conversations then he's most likely appreciative of all you have done but your not the person he's going to do it with.....I don't say that to upset you but some Cap men can be very opportunistic and if you can motivate him to change his life for the better then he needs you but once he decides he doesn't need that and he wants to experience real true love he may flitter off and be with someone completely totally different than you...beware of raising up boys to men, most times it's not the woman who got him there that reaps the benefits.

From what I hear Taurus and Capricorn is supposed to be the best pairing, I don't feel you have anything to worry about BUT you have to also be aware of the money factor, if he's not making tons of money then he's not going to feel at ease until he reaps the benefits of having a very stable foundation in life.
1/10/2009 3:35:20 PM | More
CapTaur

Thank you for this, Tiki. I understand and appreciate your feedback. And no -- my cap is not wealthy, but focused on building his empire, and there is no doubt this man will move mountains.

In response: Yes. He has made comments regarding "we" and "us" in the form of: "we'll figure it out." (this comment was made in context to having a child together -- he brought up the subject -- I just listened). This comment is still settling in, but I'm not in any rush to have children. I have my own empire to establish. We're both still very young -- merely 25.

In some cases I think he finds me intimidating, but I allow him the privledge of "being in control" of situations and find it endearing. When he wants to take charge, I allow it -- only because most of his decisions are based on what he knows I want and will agree to ... (or is this just me thinking that this is the case?)

Also: Other interesting observations about this cap:

1) If anyone, male/female, shows any sign of insecurity towards him, he'll lose interest immediately. Even their opinions become moot.

2) He can easily put on a hard, cold front (light switch), especially when around other males, but is tender, willing, open and caring in intimate situations.

3) He always likes to be in control and is always prompt to dates/picking me up/meeting me -- and if anyone or anything happens to make him late, you're easily discarded.

4) When he says something, he means it; he hopes secretly you're taking mental notes and will impress him with what he has mentioned sooner or later. This, I have noticed, is a key element of Capricorn admiration: Throw them off ... by giving them what they expect. Especially when their expectations are so high.

Now, out of curiousity: Is there any feedback you can give me on a 4/21/83 - 1/16/83 match?

And ...

What can you tell me about a 25 yr old male cap? How best should I deal with him?



1/10/2009 6:45:27 PM | More
GEMuine

female

Interesting. My Cap brings up children with me as well, and he just turned 22. And he does the whole, "We'll discuss it later," thing. I'm the one that's iffy about kids, and he's like, "I'm GOING to change your mind!" Yeah, yeah, still no commitment. So whatever...

And those 4 things you noted are exactly on the head with my Cap as well. Especially the last one, when he says something he means it. Whenever I can regurgitate something my Cap said to me a long time ago, he lights up. I guess he doesn't think I listen to him lmao.

Good luck though. As long as he isn't disappearing, I would just go with the flow.
1/12/2009 11:18:54 AM | More
CapTaur

I have heard of Capricorns "disappearing" and am curious: by "disappearing" does this mean that they don't respond to any messages/calls and completely vanish, or does it just mean you haven't heard from them in a few days?

The situation with my cap is usually we go days (4-6) without contact, but when we do contact each other there is always a response.

Does this constitute "disappearing"?


1/12/2009 11:47:03 AM | More
tiki33

female

Oxytocin, when it’s got you hooked on

"Does this constitute "disappearing"? "

Depends on whose doing most of the contacting meaning do you have to contact him after 4-6 days or does he come to you?
1/12/2009 1:25:16 PM | More
GEMuine

female

Disappearing for me means I send a message and he doesn't respond... ever. A few times I've sent my Cap a message and he completely ignores it. Then weeks later, he'll send me a message like he never received mine and I'm ready to chew his head off...
1/12/2009 1:43:46 PM | More
CapTaur

Greatbull: Nope; I find him incredible. I thought to mention it because it's an interesting perspective to our relationship. That, and I've yet to read any comments about interracial relationships on this forum and wanted to throw that into the mix.

Tiki, Gem: I am the one to contact him most of the time. If I call, he usually picks up between the first and second ring. If I text, I get a response within three-four minutes. If I don't get a response, I don't make a deal out of it and go about my business.

Now, can any of you tell me about a 1/16 cap male?

1/12/2009 2:03:30 PM | More
CapTaur

Xun: I'm very interested in this. Would you direct me towards one of these threads? And if you're Capricorn -- would you tell me something about how you react/respond when thinking about transitioning into a relationship with another person?
1/12/2009 3:04:36 PM | More
tiki33

female

Oxytocin, when it’s got you hooked on

Captaur he sounds emotionally lazy and what I mean by that is he is just basically responding to you and letting you handle the relationship but if you having to go to him doesn't bother you then it is what it is but I wonder if you weren't doing all the pursuing, calling, texting would he man up and seek you out or would he just allow the relationship to go into never ever land?

1/12/2009 3:34:38 PM | More
CapTaur

Tiki - You bring up a point I have certainly thought about. True -- he may be emotionally lazy, however I think it is more that he is emotionally broken (and currently in the process of being fixed). Let me explain:

After 10 mths of dating, I told him how I felt about him (again, my move). He reciprocated his emotions towards me and through his reciprocation, mentioned that he had just finished the last of his divorce paperwork. I was shocked. I had no idea he had been married in the past (we're only 25!), and his ex broke his heart into a billion pieces. His trust in women plummeted. Because he couldn't stand this situation, he moved coasts to start a new life. A year into this new life he met me. During the first few months of our meeting, he was probably rampantly rebelling against love -- a random woman here, a random woman there ... maybe this is why he initially said to me that he was never going to get married or have children. Hence my initial question: Do cap's change their minds about these types of perspectives on life when the right situation comes along?

Now -- after I told him my feelings for him, and he told me his, he confirmed a week later: "You're my girl." I confirmed with him that this is what I wanted and have considered myself now officially "off the market." As is he. This is our first step.

Also -- If I don't hear from him in four days, do I freak? No. Why? Because I understanding he's building his empire. He just started his MA, a new career in teaching, has his own tutoring business on the side, and now has a new woman in his life that he actually trusts! He is starting a new chapter of his life; a better chapter. He has me here for support -- I call him when I want to see him, and we usually spend our time workingout together or running errands.

I pursue him, yes -- but he also pursues me when he is feeling open to affection -- cap men can't take a lot of intense emotion all the time. (you know this more than I do)

Part of me is proud that I can show him how to trust a woman again. Maybe for right now I have to do most of the pursuing ... but I will take your advice after this weekend, Tiki (after his birthday), and see if he initiates contact with me after a few days. Now -- my question is this: what if he doesn't contact me -- What would your advice for me be in this circumstance?
1/12/2009 4:55:23 PM | More
tiki33

female

Oxytocin, when it’s got you hooked on

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1/12/2009 4:56:05 PM | More
tiki33

female

Oxytocin, when it’s got you hooked on

Captaur if your happy, truly happy with your Capricorn then don't rock the boat...In all honesty you seem to have your head and heart in the right places, I don't see much of problem if you go to him in your own way and he comes to you in his own way, as long as you feel balanced, you feel no resentment towards him then do what feels right for you, yes I question how things would play out if yu didn't come to him after 4 to 6 days but most likely he would come to you but it would take him a bit longer to get back with you or maybe he wouldn't do anything at all and wait on you to contact him, won't really know unless you do it...but for the most part you have a man that is in your life, he's taking his time, doing his thing, making you happy when your with him, no head games, not emotional roller coaster rides, you seem to have a really good thing going on and probably could help a few women on DXP, give them your secret to keeping your Cap interested without all the disappearing acts

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