Do Cap Men Ever Get Over Feeling Hurt or Rejected
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|and marriage and babies in the baby carriage.. he will run. So just do you FOREVER, keep your body fit, keep your mind healthy, dress up and look pretty, which isn't hard for an Aries woman to do. Take up a class in something and find a baby sitter for the kids sometimes and enjoy your life. |
A lot of women forget to be women first. Especially after they have children, they start to put their children first. But you have to put yourself first, then you can be a better mom to your children. And once you put yourself first, you'll start thinking "hey, I'm a good catch... I don't need Mr. Cap to make me happy" and once you start sending him a message that you have choices and you have a life and that you know your worth and what you deserve and that you won't wait around for him... he will come running back time and time again.
But when you leave the door open, it sends a signal that you are chasing him. And anything that you chase, will run away.
I hope this helps... ~~Capricorn Mermaid
|I know this is an old post, but it caught my eye... because my cousin is going through a similar situation. |
She's been with a Cap man for 6 years and he is definately committment phobic and has beeb since the day she met him. She is a Saggitarius. Anyway, one year.. she had enough so she stopped calling him and moved on completely with NO contact at all.
She met another man, who she wasn't too crazy about... but they enjoyed each other's company. Once Capricorn man heard of this, he rushed back to be in her life and proposed marriage and they had a baby before the wedding.
So when she was pregnant, they started having problems. He started becoming committment phobic again, so she put him out and didn't see him for several months and didn't contact him at all. So he kept begging to come back and be apart of the child's birth. She told him NO and kept her distance... the more distance she kept with him, the more he wanted to be with her.
So when it was time for her to go into labor, she let down her guard and told him he could come and be apart of the babies birth. He couldn't wait to be there and video taped the birth and just held his baby and he cried. He told her he loved her and he thanked her and he was so appreciative and in love with her again.
So then she started "pushing" for a stronger committment and marriage again. During this time he had lost his job and was feeling like crap I'm sure. So it just seems the more she pushes for it... the more he runs. But when she ignores his ass, and lives her life... he comes running back, literally.
So now she is living her life and having no contact at all. She is very hurt because their baby is growing.. he is 7 mos now. She is moving on, with NO contact. And this Capricorn guy sends her text messages and she found out that he always looks at her pictures.
I suggest that you not contact him and live your life and do what makes you happy. This Cap man will be back. He is just with the other woman, so he can get over you. Which is will be hard, because the less contact you have with him... the more he will think of you and fall in love with you over and over.
And then when he returns to your life... you have to keep living your life. You have to treat him this way with your actions... let your actions say "hey, I have a life and I won't force you to be apart of my life". Then he will want to stick around.
But the minute you start pressing for committment
|Most capricorns have a hard time getting over being hurt -- only if they are really into the person.|
I agree with both of you about the anger, because I've never been an angry person by nature, a lot of me changed through the years dealing with all this, not always for the best I have to remember that. One things for sure I am sick and tired of this, we go to court in 2 weeks so I'll let the courts handle it all, my Aries nature to want all to be well for all, always trying to battle for what I feel is right, gets me stuck a lot, sometimes I can't see or believe the negativeness or anger in myself mainly beause I'm use to letting it out and not worrying about how I direct it, but you live and you learn, your totally right the only one's I change or save is myself and my children, that's why I came to this board for a different perspective.
Thanks for all the help and advice.
"For your own mental health ( because it is kind of obvious you are about to tip over the edge), take the advice given to you."
BECAUSE I EXPRESS MY ANGER ONLINE INSTEAD OF FIGHTING IT OUT OR ACTUALLY I TRY TO DEAL WITH EVERYONE ELSE'S FEELINGS BUT MY OWN, I LISTEN AND TAKE I PLENTY OF ADVICE, SOME I WILL APPLY SOME I WON'T BUT WHEN IT BOILS DOWN TO IT IF WHATEVER I DO IS RIGHT IN THE EYES OF GOD AND MY CHILDREN THAT MAKES "ME" OKAY SWEETIE.
FAR AS ATTACKING I'M NOT ATTACKING JUST RESPONDING GENERALLY OF THE SAME KIND. IT'S DEFINITELY BEEN ENLIGHTENING SOMETHINGS I'VE READ I AGREE WITH AND SOMETHINGS ARE RESPONSES I EXPECT. DO UNDERSTAND I HAVE NO PROBLEMS LOOKING AT MYSELF AND ACTUALLY TRYING TO CORRECT MY OWN ERRORS.
I'LL SAY ONCE AGAIN I BELIEVE DO ONTO OTHERS AS YOU WOULD HAVE THEM DO ONTO YOU, THAT'S WHY A LOT OF THINGS HE DIRECTED TOWARDS I SWALLOWED MY PRIDE BECAUSE WE ALL REAP WHAT WE SOW AND ONLY WHAT WE SOW WHETHER BAD OR GOOD, IT'S JUST BEEN THE PART WITH THE KIDS THAT WAS HARD TO SWALLOW. THAT I DIDN'T SEE COMING FROM HIM, BUT HEY WHEN LIFE GIVES YOU LEMONS, MAKE LEMONADE.
I hear you on that, as I just said most of my venting goes on this board, the anger has to be released somewhere and better here than on him. It's so many things that go on it would take weeks to write it, but I realized a longtime ago where our blessing come from, I pray for this man just like I pray for my kids, myself and others, that he be safe, okay and that God helps him. I truly believe my problem is caring I mean in the sense of having felt I couldn't turn my back on their father, try to be a friend, try to work with him, especially while he's going through what he is, but I also get angry too because me, my family and our children have been the only one's who helped this man and were there for him no matter what he did, his own family wouldn't help him, so yeah anger does come out when he acts as if everything is all my fault, maybe none you hear that in what I say because mostly anger at what he does comes out, but believe me this story is getting so old and tired, I'm to the point that if he doesn't want to be there for the kids, it doesn't matter because their being blessed anyways, it's his loss.
Actually I'm getting spiritual counseling and that maybe some of the reasons why theres so much anger inside, because i'm use to releasing it and i'm trying to redirect it, and I'm not use to that, that's whats complicated for me, I'm use to battling, but am trying to be peaceful for the kids sake, for you to say I don't care about how he's handling it, yeah you need to know the whole story from both sides, because I've asked him to go to a Co-parenting after seperation or break up class, I've asked, I've tried and all that he refuses to do, I don't let that stop me from doing it for me and the kids. That's the problem I do care about what their father is going through and part of me wishes I didn't, the hurt part, but he's their father, someone I was going to marry, I can't help but to hurt for him, I don't want anything bad to come his way, our kids way or mines. I didn't want to go to court but I felt there was no other way, it isn't even about the money, it's more about custody, I've offered to give him joint custody, I've taped everything he's missed for him that goes on for our kids, I keep him posted on everything, he's even said that I don't have to do what I do, but I do it because I want him to know our kids love him no matter what's going on, I want all of us to be okay, my anger is something I vent on here most times I feel it's better here than on him.
|should do for our kids. This is my main problem, see I Loved this man very deeply, so much so that I put up with being lied too, cheated on, disrespected for years until I guess he realized that he wanted to do right by me or love me and have a family, when I moved away from him, we had been together off and on since Oct. 1998 until we moved in together June 2002 and got engaged, now I know that I put up with a lot and that was my choice, because I Loved him, even the day I felt I couldn't take anymore I still loved him deeply, but if I can put my hurt, anger, pride, love aside to say our kids come first, none of you know that I have helped this man with things even since we broke up, I don't sit here and try to toot my own horn, I'm just being honest about what has happened. My anger towards him has been expressed with words towards him, not with action or towards our children, I've apologized to him about my words when we were together, you think he's shown any remorse towards anything he's done towards me or our children, so all in all he has the right to be hurt and anger, but I damn sure do too, and I try my best not to be, not saying I don't sometimes because I do, but I learn from my mistakes there's a lot of people who can't say that and when I'm wrong not only do I try to look at it, I try to do something about it. |
There are 3 sides to every story his side, my side and than there's the truth of it all, he's told me since we broke up, he loved me for my spirit because I'm one of the most honest people he knows, he told me not even 2 weeks ago that he knows I'm a friend and that I've always given him good advice, but he turns right around and act like he doesn't know, why I'm saying this is because I have had this man's back more than he's ever had mine's, I have done things for him positive that he's never done for me, even up until this day, so even though I hurt him, and even though I have been negative towards him with my words, he seems to forget all the hurt, pain and hell he sent me through but yet I still tried to love him, I MAYNOT have been successful with moving past things but I damn sure tried and when I realized I couldn't, I loved him enough to let him go, I loved myself enough too, I loved our children enough to not want them to see me and their father always arguing and making each other miserable because neither one of knew what to do better at the time. None of what me and him went through gives him the right to hurt our kids
No problem, I have no problem, but let me first say what my hurt is really about, our kids, what they feel, what their going through first and foremost, than mines and also his hurt, part of my heart aches to see him going through what he is. So let's start first with what he's told me I did because some of it I agree with and some of it I don't. He's told me that I questioned his manhood, I made him feel low, I hurt his feelings and I destroyed his life by breaking up with him, that he tried to make for all that he did but I just couldn't forgive him. So what I agree with is that I said things to him that did hurt his feelings, they were true, but I could've had more tact with my words and considered how it would make him feel, I questioned his manhood and that I don't take back I would be lying if I said I did, I felt I was justified, I hurt him with my words, I didn't put forth the effort I could've neither of us did, so I felt if we were unhappy why no matter love or not keep going on like that if neither one of us would step up enough to change it, I was unhappy with myself after having another child I wasn't ready for at the time with someone I refused to see the effort he was making because of what I was going through and what I was holding on to that he had done, I couldn't move forward or look past the past, I hadn't forgiven him and I felt that, that's why I felt we needed time apart, I saw he was going through things that he needed to sort through also, and when 2 people aren't together themselves and won't lean on each other, than what should you do, I felt I made the right decision, I felt it was mutual because the day we broke up we had an argument I said to him any other woman that wants this problem can have it on the phone, when me and the kids got home he was gone he came back home at 5 am in the morning I told him to go back where he came from, I couldn't take it anymore. Mind you I was also at this point because I couldn't let go of the past because he was doing things that made me suspicious in the present, he would constantly do things I told him were inappropriate with co-workers or let's say made me feel uncomfortable, with someone I was trying to trust again. See I had a part in it too not making a new start; I broke it off because of this also.
So if any of you could explain to me, realistically, as adults and parents what does anything me and him did to each other while together, have to do with how we
|a daddy too, "ALL THE THINGS I DO" I work for myself (I'm starting a business now), go to school full-time, take care of my 5 children (15yrs., 13yrs. 12yrs., 7yrs., 3 yrs.) SO DON"T TELL ME ABOUT WHAT HE'S GOING THROUGH WHEN HE WON'T HELP WITH A DAMN THING, AND IT STILL GET'S DONE. He wouldn't even help our children through the break up far as their feelings, all of it fell on me, and I welcome it because I'm a woman, a strong woman, an Aries woman maybe one of the strongest there are, I guess I am a little pissed at your comment about my kids, CAP"S USE sweetie, ARIES Keyword is: "I AM" enough said.|
|he can't say the same, not even with his children. My ex started with anger and spite, you wonder why I feel it's a fight, maybe because I'm standing my ground saying you can do whatever you want, that's you, just don't bring that NEGATIVENESS this way. Control honey if I broke it all down to you, how he's tried to control through total manipulation every since we broke up, I honestly don't know if you would agree.|
Capricorn's keyword is: "I USE" people, things, and situations, ask yourself what's the true definition of using, because there's good and bad, but we both know how spiteful Cap's are when they feel slighted, how NEGATIVENESS and fear, suspicion are Cap's first response, we both know, Cap's are very sensitive to themselves not so much to other's, let's get real here my ex can dish out all of what he can't take himself, a lady he went to high school with who is a Cap also, ironically works at the courts and answered when I called she was totally shocked that I had to even take him to court for support for our children, she said I hurt his pride and that she understood being a Cap herself that she would cut her nose to spite her face, she would be very spiteful also, she said eventually he'll snap out of it. See Cap's have a problem with seeing only their own pain when hurt and not pain they maybe inflicting on others that's why Cap's have such a hard time, I've read your post also, and maybe things like this is Cap's problem because they tend to have tunnel vision and think the way they see the world is reality and when people stand up to Cap's God forbid their trying to control you but your not trying to control them, see ARIES will go toe to toe and we thrive on battle because we will not be unjustly ruled unless we want too, we tend give so much to others and we tend to get the short end of the stick, but see I repressed a lot of my ARIES nature to have peace with this man for our children, but see there's only so much or so long I will turn the other cheek before I slap his A** back, if I was who I really can be and didn't consider our kids, oh it would be a war. Your entitled to your opinion's and I don't take them personally because it's the same mindset I've been dealing with, far as our children honey they are doing very well, because of God first and foremost, and their mother because evidently I got my head together and the so called responsible, grounded Cap ex of mine, can't do for his children, deal with himself, all of it and be
I agree with some of what you're saying, but I also expect this response also. Control maybe I've tried to control in the relationship because Cap's want total control and so do Aries want control ( but a mature Aries knows when it's not worth a battle), but to expect this man to help with his responsibilities also "our children" isn't trying to control him, that's just common sense. Now I won't dispute he's going through a lot, but me and the kids have been through a lot also, because he's been very manipulative, you have a right to your opinion, but there's isn't a enough space on this board to explain everything we've been through with this man. I believe in do onto others as you would have them do onto you, that's why despite his anger or mines I've tried to work with him for our kids. Yeah we both may have had problems but me personally that was always kept between me and him and not our children, he doesn't understand that distinction.
What he does is his business but anything directed towards me or our children, is what I have an issue with. He feels he can pop in and out when he wants too, do for our children when he wants too, not when "THEY" need it, that's what I have a problem with and as long as I have to be mama and daddy your damn right I have a problem with someone telling me or our children what we can or can't do. I ask him simple things like please don't tell the kids your going to get them or do something if your not and if you can't be considerate enough to let them know that, but he does the opposite, if asking for common courtesy, respect and consideration is considered trying to control to you than I guess I am. I made this situation about our children a longtime ago and you know what everyone goes through things, when he took the van back from me and our kids, I lost my job and I didn't have income for 4-5 months, I would ask him on days he got paid just for gas money to take our kids to school he would lie and say yes, but would disappear, I can't ask him to help with anything with our kids, but mind you the day we broke up, we made arrangements on support because we didn't want to go to court, but he never keeps his words or is even considerate enough to say anything of why, so you walk in my shoes, and if Cap's truly understood how they make others feel and did something about it, they wouldn't always be their own worst enemy, I have been a friend and supportive of my ex and what's he's been through, he
|I know it sounds crazy! SHOW NO interest. The bastard will B running 2 U hand and foot. Move on, let go. If he did not call, U should have left it at that. He is bitter right now. He will B bitter, as long as U try 2 push ANYTHING! Quit pushing and C what happens. I promise, it takes some time, but it works. He can C that U want him 2 care. SO, he is resisting. Don't give him anything 2 resist.|
|Also thank you all, I came to this board to better understand him, I'm no where near perfect, I made a lot of mistakes, I feel that I try to learn from them though, I can be very strong headed, but I've learned there's a time and place to be like that. My aunt thinks that it hard for me to grasp that because I'm growing or changing doesn't mean that he is going too right now. We broke up, but I told him we just needed time apart, he took that as I don't care about him, or love him, that he wasn't good enough to marry, I've told him continuosly that's not what I felt. I don't think he understands that any chance we had to reconcile he's destroying, because I was hurt also, our children are hurting and once you hurt my children, I don't care what I feel or felt for him it's a done deal. |
He moved right in with another woman not even 2-3 months after we broke up, stopped helping or providing for our kids, and he's been telling me he's having problems over there just yesterday, I say to myself does he wonder why, I've tried to talk to him as a friend, but sometimes people can burn their bridges for the last time, and he has. I didn't want to go to court but I feel that's the only way now, because he so wishy washy he seem to be unsatble right now, and although I care, I've wanted to be there for him, I can't ttire myself out anymore trying too, my love and energy is for me and our kids, because he will drain me if I let him.
|no respect for any of us, no consideration, so I've gotten to the point where I don't want to deal with him at all, and I went to the Friend of the court. He lost his job last week, I got him that job a very good job, very good job and he just blew it, I do get he's going through a lot, but see my job I lost 5 months ago because of him and he thought it was funny, when he lost his job, I tried to give him connections to another good job with Fords, only thing I asked him was what happened with his job, he told told me don't worry about that, I could've brought up about my job and what goes around comes around, but I didn't, I've learned, to be more postive and encouraging with the things I say to him, but that never works either, and it's sad I'm getting to a point where all this time I have been repressing my true spirit the Aries in me, because if I was who I use to be years ago, his feelings would have really been hurt, we really would've battled it out, but I'm getting to a point where I'm starting not to care (and I've tried my best to stay away from feeling that way) but I'm tired of him, and the deep love I had for him is dying, each time our kids get hurt.|
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