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It's unnerving to call what doctors do "paractice"

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M
8/25/2012 2:39:27 PM | IP
M

male from Capritude  

Hurk :p
M
7/8/2012 10:36:07 PM | IP
M

male from Capritude  

The user who posted this message has hidden it.

SwimmingLioness
7/7/2012 3:50:19 PM | IP
SwimmingLioness

female from The Great Plains  USA  

Leo Sun/Merc/Venus

HaHa!! Me too, lol'd


Another surgery snafu-spoof:

Cardiac Surgeon: "W-w-whoooops! … I GOT it! … I GOT it! … oh-butter! … *thud* ... I don't, got it!"

Anesthetist: "Buttafingas!"

Cardiac Surgeon: "Well, the five second rule applies here too, right?"

Anesthetist: *nods vigorously*
M
7/7/2012 1:56:07 PM | IP
M

male from Capritude  

Well I lol'd
M
7/2/2012 12:34:14 AM | IP
M

male from Capritude  

A short history of medicine:

Patient: "I have an ear ache."
Physician:..
2000 B.C. - Here, eat this root.
1000 A.D. - That root is heathen, say this prayer.
1850 A.D. - That prayer is superstition, drink this potion.
1940 A.D. - That potion is snake oil, swallow this pill.
1985 A.D. - That pill is ineffective, take this antibiotic.
2000 A.D. - That antibiotic is artificial. Here, eat this root.
M
7/2/2012 12:14:43 AM | IP
M

male from Capritude  

I went to see my doctor yesterday. The sign in the window said "If you are more than 20 minutes late for an appointment, you will be charged a fee." Yet, I was 5 minutes early and sat there 40 minutes before I was called to see the doctor. What's wrong with this?

Medical Definitions

Benign: What you be after you be eight.
Artery: The study of paintings.
Bacteria: Back door to cafeteria.
Barium: What doctors do when patients die.
Cesarean Section: .A neighborhood in Rome.
Catscan: Searching for kitty.
Cauterize: Made eye contact with her.
Colic: A sheep dog.
Coma: A punctuation mark.
D & C: Where Washington is.
Dilate: To live long.
Enema: Not a friend.
Fester: Quicker than someone else.
Fibula: A small lie.
Genital: Non-Jewish person.
G. I. Series: World Series of military baseball.
Hangnail: What you hang your coat on.
Impotent: Distinguished, well known.
Labor Pain: Getting hurt at work.
Medical Staff: A Doctor's cane.
Morbid: A higher offer than I bid.
Nitrates: Cheaper than day.
Node: Was aware of.
Outpatient: A person who has fainted.
Pap Smear: A fatherhood test.
Pelvis: Second cousin to Elvis.
Post Operative: A letter carrier.
Recovery Room: Place to do upholstery.
Rectum: Darn near killed him.
Secretion: Hiding something.
Seizure: Roman emperor.
Tablet: A small table.
Terminal Illness: Getting sick at the airport.
Tumor: More than one.
Urine: Opposite of you're out.
Varicose: Nearby, close by.
Vein: Conceited
M
7/2/2012 12:10:11 AM | IP
M

male from Capritude  

Things You Don't Want to Hear During Surgery

-"Accept this sacrifice, O Great Lord of Darkness"
-Bo! Bo! Come back with that! Bad Dog!
-Better save that. We'll need it for the autopsy.
-Wait a minute, if this is his spleen, then what's that?
-Hand me that... uh... that uh... thingie
-Oh no! I just lost my Rolex.
-Oops! Hey, has anyone ever survived 500 ml of this stuff before?
-There go the lights again...
-Ya' know... there's big money in kidneys...and this guy's got two of 'em.
-Everybody stand back! I lost my contact lens!
-Could you stop that thing from beating? It's throwing my concentration off.
-What's this doing here?
-I hate it when they're missing stuff in here.
-That's cool! Now can you make his leg twitch?!
-Well folks, this will be an experiment for all of us.
-Sterile, shcmerle. The floor's clean, right?
-What do you mean he wasn't in for a sex change?
-OK, now take a picture from this angle.
-This is truly a freak of nature.
-This patient has already had some kids, am I correct?
-Nurse, did this patient sign the organ donation card?
-Don't worry. I think it is sharp enough.
-What do you mean, "You want a divorce"!
-FIRE! FIRE! Everyone get out!
-Rats! Page 47 of the manual is missing!
-Isn't this the one with the really lousy insurance?
M
7/2/2012 12:08:00 AM | IP
M

male from Capritude  

Med jokes and other related nonsense Post'em if you got'em.

The doctor took his patient into his office and said, "I have some good news and some bad news."
The patient said, "Give me the good news."
The doctor said, "They're going to name a disease after you."

 

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