libra breakups

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1/17/2010 12:05:00 PM | More
marmir

I was curious how Libra's are with breakups.

I have a friend who broke up with his ex months ago (last year April), and he knows the relationship isn't right for him and that if he doesn't break away now it's going to get much much worse years from now. He knows she's not the right person for him but somehow she has such a hold on him and makes him feel bad and he feels obligated to be with her. Anyway, he told her how he felt about her, and she was DEVASTATED and heartbroken. Now I think he feels bad and may consider being with her again even though it's not the right relationship for him.

Hearing him upset saddens me as I don't think it's fair for him to put such a responsibility on one person. Will he be able to move on or go back with her out of pity?

Please help, I really empathize with him, but I also feel like I can no longer be friends with him due to the emotional roller coaster he has going on with his ex! Either be with her or move on!
1/17/2010 4:25:05 PM | More
curious visitor

30 years old female from tampa area, florida  usa  

libras partner, so to break a partnership is always hard.

personally, i'm very matter of fact about ending things. i try to state it as a simple 'we aren't compatible' sort of thing, completely void of emotions. when emotions are brought into it, it makes it very difficult, because it's very easy to manipulate a libras emotions (which is why we often seem so cold and emotionless). maybe talk to him about the practical aspect of it. unless he's got a water moon or something, he should be able to justify breaking up from a rational perspective.

but of course he'll feel upset. let him mope. that's what we do.
1/17/2010 4:48:04 PM | More
marmir

haha! Sorry Amethyst! I guess I came off a little too strong...we've been friends for over 7 months now. He's expressed that he likes me and we chat on a regular basis everyday. But I do feel like perhaps I should give some space to think what/whom he really wants.

Thanks Curious. He has been fairly rational about the whole thing. I've been supportive and told him that he has done the right thing and assured him he's made the right decision. I've known him to be the sort of person that's very frank and honest about how he feels if he doesn't see a good potential in the relationship...do they general take long to get over a breakup? So far it seems it's taking him ages!
1/17/2010 5:19:04 PM | More
Lunamistress

29 years old from Canada  

Sun Capricorn 0.11 Moon Taurus 3.10

@Marmir

Do Libras get over breakup easily?

From my experience, my first love didn't get over me after I broke up with him for a year.

Now my husband didn't get over his first love until 4 years later. He has spoken to me about her, and said that he didn't understand why she can go into a new relationship so easily after a breakup. They have been dating for 4years.

But from these two points, the libra didn't breakup with the girl, the girl did it to them. So it depends on the the libra I guess. And libras do hold a strong attachment to their ex even after a breakup even if they don't think they were the one because libras don't like seeing close ones hurt. My husband is still friends with all his exes.

Remind him why he broke up with her in the first place. His rational reasoning should steer him clear from jumping back in the relationship. One thing you should NEVER DO is rush a libra, if you rush them he might consider jumping back in the old relationship, their deciding takes a while because of their scales but once they have decided, they usually stick to it.
1/18/2010 12:55:45 AM | More
Bella79

female

The user who posted this message has hidden it.

1/18/2010 5:28:47 AM | More
krysrenee7

female

Popcorn is best for these kinds of occas

Well one, don't lose more sleep over HIS situation than he would. It very well may be possible that him going through all this emotional turmoil with his ex might be spilling out onto & effecting his friendships with others like you BUT know your place. If he's your friend, then don't take this time to make everything about you. The last thing he'll need is someone he cares for (and that claims to care about him) walking away from him over something that he techinically never did to you. If you're tired of all the emotional rollercoasters he going through then the WORST/LAST thing you can ever do is walk away. He needs your support. Just like Libras can be emotionally manipulated by negative people, remember that extremely positive & supportive people can sway their mindsets just as much. If your friendship with him is based on who he harps over then the friendship is superficial. You may not like what he's going through, & hey, that's understandable to feel hurt when you witness someone manipulating & hurting someone closest to you; that's understandable. BUT if you walk away from him, then your intentions with him will be questioned. Do you like this guy and/or want him for yourself? And hey, it's a known fact that when Libras are emotionally torn, they tend to talk/vent it out to those closest to them. Well if him coming to you about his problems with his ex is what is turning you off, then don't make this about you & ask him to stop venting (b/c that won't help the situation). If you have to, then stop listening to it or request that he not tell you everything, that way you won't have to feel so sucked in by what HE (not you) is going through

1/18/2010 5:34:44 AM | More
krysrenee7

female

Popcorn is best for these kinds of occas

And when it comes to Libras & relationships, it's not like they are heart-less. Yes, they can fall out of love just like everybody else, but understand that Libras are the sign of balance. One of their biggest fears is making the wrong decision. And for them, sometimes the "wrong" decision could be in walking away from someone due to them being stubborn, selfish or b/c of some inner battle/insecurity that had nothing to do with the other person. And in other cases, sometimes the "wrong" decision could be in staying all for the wrong reasons. It just depends. Libras aren't good at walking away the next day as if nothing ever happend. They believe in giving credit where credit is do. The fact is, at ONE point in time this girl must've meant alot to this Libra & just like with most people, Libras hate losing something/someone even if it's best for them. They hate the aspect of losing period, even if losing was the best thing. Even if Libras are no longer attracted to/interested in you, they still care about how others see them. They don't like to be seen as the prince charming when the relationship is going great only to recieve "the world's worst boyfriend" award just b/c things don't work out. They care strongly about the opinions of others, especially others that they've at 1 point in time emotionally invested in. It is generally hard for them to move on b/c of how indecisive they are. They, like many get used to the "routine" & are the ones who will stay in their comfort zone (being with his ex) even if his "comfort zone" isn't so comfortable anymore. Libras always fear that they might walk away from something great all b/c of their own stupidity, so they try their best to stick it out & stand by the loyalty within them as much as possible. This part about them can be their biggest strength/turn on or biggest downfall
1/18/2010 6:02:05 AM | More
marmir

Krysrenee, you said it PERFECTLY! He's EXACTLY what you described!

He's doing much better now, keeping busy and things. And yes I noticed they only open up to people closest to them. I'm very flattered by it, but sometimes by the way he says things, he makes you SO emotional too!! But he hasn't changed his mind about his decision. Even though he mopes back and forth, here and there at times...I would never want to lose him as a friend. He's SO sweet!
1/18/2010 5:36:20 PM | More
Nefer

42 years old female from Michigan  

Totally freakin' awesome, LOVE being me!

Posted by Lunamistress
libras do hold a strong attachment to their ex even after a breakup even if they don't think they were the one because libras don't like seeing close ones hurt. My husband is still friends with all his exes.


I've noticed this with the Libras I've known, especially my Libra beloved. He's friends with ALL of his ex's, no matter how badly they hurt him, or how hard it was to get over them ....would STILL do any sort of "friend" thing he could for any of them if asked (and has!) Borrow money, need a ride, a shoulder to cry on, someone to talk to, etc. etc. Funny thing is most of those girls are a bit uncomfortable and confused because I truly don't mind. I don't feel the need to compete with them, or compare myself to them. Maybe THEY might harbor some devious plan to get him back someday, but I know he won't do it - no matter how sweet and friendly he is to them and they mistakenly think that means he wants them back. And no matter how much I don't trust THEM, I trust HIM explicitly. We're very happy together.

The ONE ex who simply doesn't WANT to be his friend (after 7 years together, and her dumping him practically at the altar for a co-worker she'd been cheating with for over a year)... it makes my Libra sorta crazy and all the way sad. He'd RATHER be friendly with her, but if they run into each other, it's like cat hissing and fur flying within 5 minutes, no matter how civil they try to be. Personally, I don't think she's ever dealt with her own guilt over what she did to him, and seeing him reminds her that she treated him very badly. Plus, her current man does not want her associating with her ex. Guess he figures if she'd cheat FOR him, she'd cheat ON him. Probably a very wise way of looking at it, actually.
1/19/2010 1:42:07 PM | More
krysrenee7

female

Popcorn is best for these kinds of occas

@Marmir...yeah that's just the nature of some Libras. They can be very confusing. It's weird b/c on 1 hand, they'll make it perfectly clear that they have no intentions on going back to their ex partners but then again, on the other hand, they'll still make the DECISION to harp over things that no longer matter. So of course, that just opens up room to assume that either 1. The Libra is in denial & isn't being honest about how he really feels (since we as humans only assume that people only invest time/energy into things/people that they want) OR 2. This Libra isn't ready to let go. In either case, this is normal of Libras. They go back & forth with their actions, literally just like their emotions go back & forth. It's frustrating to those on the outside looking in b/c it's like sheeesh, either marry the girl or get over it! Either way, pick one! And since Libras like to talk their frustrations & emotions out with those closest to them, it can kind of seem like Libras just harp for the sole purpose of just harping, even if there's no gain in it. When Libras are going "through it" it's expected that those closest to them will have to suffer too. And that's b/c you, the person on the outside looking in, isn't the person who was in love with the girl so of course your standpoint on things is going to be from a more LOGICAL point of view than his. In due time though, he will stop harping & move on. It takes them a longggg time sometimes to get someone out of their system. And even more weirdly, when they can sense that their friends are getting frustrated over their wishy-washy emotions, they might even justify their feelings b/c using the "I'm just a nice/fair person" card. Trust me, they hate going back & forth just as much as we, as their friends do, but they can't help it. It's who they are
1/19/2010 4:06:17 PM | More
curious visitor

30 years old female from tampa area, florida  usa  

Posted by marmir
Thanks Curious. He has been fairly rational about the whole thing. I've been supportive and told him that he has done the right thing and assured him he's made the right decision. I've known him to be the sort of person that's very frank and honest about how he feels if he doesn't see a good potential in the relationship...do they general take long to get over a breakup? So far it seems it's taking him ages!


libras dwell on everything forever. our memories are insane. our belief in our ability to have done things differently, and to pick at things in our memory trying to learn a lesson so we don't make the same mistakes again (instead of just admitting that sometimes things just don't work out) is garganuan. libras bond with other people. we are the sign of partnerships. one on one relationships. even once a particular relationship ends, it still goes on in our heads, at least the memory of it, like it's some alternate universe. we never really get over anybody. or we rarely do. and someone has to be pretty awful to make a libra really get over them completely. and i don't just mean love relationships. friendships too. i still often think of the friends i had when i was in preschool. preschool!!!!!! we aren't all that nuts about it. but generally expect a libra to have a long memory and to be very sentimental. but if we can view a breakup as being a rationally good decision, it's very unlikely that we'll go back on it.

it's just how it is.

1/19/2010 7:00:37 PM | More
krysrenee7

female

Popcorn is best for these kinds of occas

I agree with "curious." The Libras I know are exactly as he's described. It's even harder for a Libra to move on from a relationship or friendship if the reason the partnership/courtship ended was more the other person's fault. So for example, if a Libra has no choice but to move on physically from someone b/c they got cheated on, dumped or betrayed in some form, it's alot harder for them to let go. They might physically let go, might stop all the communication, but mentally, they'll always hold on to those memories so much so that they might even carry those insecurities or grudges over into their next relationships. You'd almost have to do the UNTHINKABLE in order for a Libra to really stop harping over you & even in that case, the worse the breakup/end of something that once meant something to them, the WORSE & longer it takes for them to fully regain confidence & get back to their normal emotionally free selves. Libras can move on, marry someone else but yet still not find any problem with hooking up with (not sexually) with flings from the past. Libras never really re-cover from heartbreaks, even if they are the ones who caused the breakup/end of the relationship/friendship..no they simply make the decision one day to move on, either b/c they've found someone else to take their minds off of things or b/c of pressure from others to "get over it." Libras, once they invest their hearts into you, & no matter what good or bad you've done to them, the other person will always have a "piece" of that Libra even after it's over. And this can give off the impression that Libras don't know how to move on and/or that they continually harp/hold grudges
1/19/2010 7:05:25 PM | More
krysrenee7

female

Popcorn is best for these kinds of occas

I mean, not to get it twisted. Libras know how to move on physically. They literally are good at walking away from past friendships/relationships BUT a part of their heart always stays behind, even when they are physically & socially moving forwards. That's just the nature of Libras. The good thing though is that once a Libra FINALLY makes the decision to emotionally move on, that decision is final & 99% of the time unchangeable. And like I said, even if it's the Libra's idea/choice to move on, that doesn't mean that emotionally they were ready at the time. Some Libras move on b/c of pressure from others to move on, some move on b/c they don't have a choice (due to the other person cutting off all the communication) & hell, some Libras move on only b/c someone else came along to occupy their minds for the time being. Either way, every person that a Libra has ever loved/cared about, a piece of their hearts will always be left behind
2/9/2010 12:04:51 AM | More
cutie2009

@marmir..sometimes its not about any sign or zodiac.its about just two people.if you are thinking about it rationally and emotionally then let me bring to your notice another part of it.I can say this as I have gone through something really similar and thats why i wud like to add that aspect which none has touched upon. Their are situations when two souls have been in 'love' and they get separated due to various circumstances,ego issues, family pressures which they are not able to handle due to other factors..that 'love' doesnt die..it might get supressed but deep inside they are still together..mentally and emotionally. In life you can have as many boyfriends and girlfriends as u may wish..but u cannot feel the same as you may feel for that one special person.And it might not be the indecisiveness of a libran only that pulls him back, its that love which is across boundaries and timeless which holds you on. If you are a genuine friend of this guy i would suggest you not to be selfish at this moment.It might be realy rosy and happy now for you people to talk and interact but deep inside if the truth is that those two people have spent long years together and mentally they are with each other, and the girl is genuinely loves this guy, you should help him realise what he really wants. Because even if you do not, he would, if there love is true and they got separated due to their foolish ego's.He might just take sometime as you have been helping him distract from his deep inside feelings. If he outrightly hates this woman he wouldnt be with her as it is. But if they are meant to be together they would be sooner or later. Realise the difference between 'ex' and 'love'. Realise the difference between having an 'affair' and 'being in love'. Rest is you know better as it depends on the situation too.
2/9/2010 7:49:33 AM | More
marmir

You're very right. He has told me many times he doesn't love her and doesn't want to be with her in a romantic relationship. He cares about her, but they can't be together in the way she wants because it's too much. You know the funny thing is that it almost seems like providence how we met. We connected straight away, and when we finally met up (we live in different countries), it was like we've known each other for years and just having dinner with an old friend. Everything seemed so familiar between us and he felt it too. In the begining he said that he knew we would get on well, and that was why he flew all that way to see me! It was very romantic...

oh and the whole ex thing. They are friends.
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