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37 years old female from A place called Happy, the journey was all about getting to know me
Pretty funny, almost always on time. I c
|You're a good mom Roxi. I think it is just something about little girls and their daddy's. #shouldershrug.|
Posted by glassblowing
no it's not a fresh breakup. we've been officially separated for 5 years. i had cancer during that time though and it kind of forced us to stay together for practical reasons. he does have anger issues and would probably admit to that. the fact that sometimes he is very rational and almost understanding gives me the hunch he still has bi-polar tendancies.
as for the kids being safe and secure, i can't say i'm in a position to judge his stability in terms of his relationship with them, even though he judges me constantly. i try and keep things purely about the kids and it's important they have a relationship with their father in which they make up their own minds about the kind of man he is. all i have to do is be here for them and they do turn to me with all their issues, so i'm lucky in that sense.
i have to distance myself from his state of mind. my son is almost 17. soon he will be able to walk if he wants to but that has to be his decision...same goes for my daughter. as long as one parent is consistent in their lives and that parent is me, then i'm performing my role ok imo.
|What i don't understand but would like to understand OP is if you know this man is NOT stable then why wouldn't you as parent do what you NEED to do to ensure your kids are and feel safe? |
|when we were together, he was diagnosed as bi-polar but he never accepted the diagnosis. to be honest, i think i triggered it all...it was the combination of our personalities...a toxic mix for both of us in different ways. he's with another aries now and seems to have overcome many things but whenever i'm involved in the mix, he reverts back to how he was which was pretty hateful really.|
he was very close friends with another aries. they were like blood brothers but the other guy cut him out of his life totally cos he couldn't stand to see the way he treated me any more. mind you, i perpetuated it all by staying in the relationships and then did the worst thing ever and had kids thinking it would change things.
so many mistakes made on both sides. our kids are fortunately, very well balanced but i do feel they've had to face up to some serious issues at a young age and i feel guilty about it ruined their childhood.
|yeah, my kids were pretty eager for us to separate. i don't really care if it sounds biased cos i'm just reporting the facts but he put them through hell during the protracted breakup...got himself arrested on numerous occasions and that's all i'm saying.|
i would love it to be a civilised breakup cos i moved on a while ago and don't feel anything for him any more but he isn't capable of being civilised.
i'm not saying i'm perfect cos sometimes it gets so frustrating with him battling me on every single point that i do rant about him to the kids...and i know that's bad and so i always apologise
i also admit that i know i have selfish needs for having my kids with me....i can't help it cos they're still young and i'm not ready for them not to live with me yet, specially my daughter. but ultimately, in the case of my son, i had to swallow hard and let him do his thing, even though it left me heartbroken...i knew it wasn't about me. it's still hard letting go though
as for my ex, i don't believe he's moved on. we were together for more than 20 years and were almost like an institution amongst our friends. this is his way of getting back at me but this is also the man whose daughter, 8 at the time, begged him to stop when he took a sledge hammer to the house i was living in...and carried on regardless...and the same man who spat in his own son's face for 'taking my side'.
like i said. i'm just reporting the facts. an important fact is that despite everything, i know he would die for his kids and whatever he 'decides' for them is for what he considers to be for their benefit.
|My mother is a Scorpio my father was an Aries. I was 9 when they divorced and I was so damn happy about it. He left my mom for a young Sag, he left the Sag for an even younger Aquarius. Karma nearly took Sag to the crazy house!|
Posted by acrabbycrab12
Period end of story. ^^^^^^^^^^^^^^
You both are probably really great parents if you both work together to be that for your children. Put the egos away and let that butter in the past go....
|hahhah...yeah, i'm a scorpio and i was YOUNG AND NAIVE!!! stuck at it for a long time too so he must've had something going for him......aaaah yesss, i remember now |
he wants them to live in england with them cos he's a selfish marker. he thinks life is better there because, despite the fact we moved to spain as a family, it all went tits up for him cos i couldn't live with his cheating, lying ass. he begged and pleaded for 18 months but i wouldn't give in and so he left the country to live with his cheating, lying alter-ego.
but because he's a perennial game-player, he's convinced everyone there that he is the one who's been scorned and HE'S the injured party in our split and therefore, he doesn't deserve to be the one living without the kids.
my son has a terrible relationship with him. he's almost 17 and will be moving out to live on his own as soon as he can. my daughter worships the ground he walks on but also loves her mommy and tbh, at 13 and going through puberty, she needs to be with ME.
ultimately, i want both kids to be happy and i want them both to be free to choose where they live but my ex puts pressure on her and makes her feel that it amounts to a choice between us and that's just not fair imo.
|Wait..... I've always wondered, are you a Scorpio and if so, what were you doing with an Aries? :O|
|my ex husband, father to my two kids, knows absolutely no depths when it comes to 'persuading' my daughter to live with him in a different country to me. he is currently with the woman he left me for...another aries and my aries daughter is staying with them for a few weeks over the summer. wow...what a rammy house that is, lol!! my poor virgo son is in amongst them too until he comes to see me in a couple of days.|
anyway...i digress. my ex wants both our kids to live with him and he's always made that known. he even said to my face earlier this year that he will stop at nothing til he has them both. my son went back last september to pursue his chosen career and for no other reason. he's nearly 17.
my aries daughter on the other hand has always been easily swayed by her dad but had decided before this trip to see him that she wanted to stay with me in spain. anyhow, she's only been there a few days and already he's said to her that she should stay with him....she said she didn't want to leave spain....he said 'perhaps he would have to make the decision for her then'.
seriously!!! what kind of parent applies that kind of pressure?? she's obviously told me about it and asked me not to say anything otherwise 'he'll get in a mood with me'...so i won't but still.....!!!!!
he's always played games for selfish reasons and always pretty much won but he's stooping very how here.
ram opinions please?