Forgiveness isn't really beneficial
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Posted by R1g0rM0rT1sPosted by IntriguedScorpPosted by ellessque
exactly true. Why does forgiveness imply excusing poor behavior and then letting it go on? Not true. Forgiveness simply means that I will not be a victim to your poor behavior any longer. I forgive you for your transgression because it has a hold on ME until I do. Forgiveness, imo, is the ultimate "You no longer own me."
|Forgiveness is an act of freewill, without expecting/gaining anything in return. Forgiveness can benefit both sides. On the other hand it doesn't have to. What if the sinner doesn't care to be forgiven, then who benefits? |
Does forgiving a person means that you accept the person for he/she is?
To forgive means to accept/recognize the flaws of being human.
This is what i'm trying to work on. I am asked by my partner, how can he be forgiven- I answered "I don't know". I truly don't, because I am hurt by his actions. He can't take it all back and his sorry doesn't give comfort. He decided that he will be a better person for me, it's hard but he's doing it one step at a time.
|Ok, if you accept a person for who they are and what they are capable of; essentially you never really "forgive" you accept and move on. Forgiveness is reserved for people you don't know. If I got hit By a drunk driver I would forgive them, if my good friend was driving drunk and hit me, I would accept it, because I would already know my friend has a tendency to drive drunk. This post makes no sense to me. Forgiving someone for being who they are? I don't get that. What I fully comprehend is acceptance.|
|Forgiveness can be beneficial to the one who is slighted. Usually its just a way to end it for yourself and say whatever you are a sparkle motion idiot and I am ridding myself from you. |
Good bye, slam door move on. At least I say " I forgive you for being a moron it is not your fault".
Makes life so much better for me.
Do I forget? Hell no. Do I stress over it later? Definitely not.
I toss it away with all other trash and forget about it.
Forgive for yourself and not for the other person. It does nothing for the other person.
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|actually i can post this. it doesn't require that i retype...|
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point being, your thread is entitled "Forgivenss isn't really benefical." outside of your generalizations about "99%" and YOUR belief that forgiveness requires that the forgivee never, ever, never do wrong again, forgiveness IS beneficial as it results in a release, a "pardon" to and for both parties.
if YOU try to stop defining it in Piscean/Virgo terms, you'd gain some insight into the word and progress yourself.
as a Pisces, you "forgive" so you can get. when YOU don't get what YOU want in return, YOU turn around and forgive again. you circle the bowl or wade in stagnant water until it dawns on you that your sacrifices are for naught. it's only until you exercise some level of forgiveness and "swim away."
so no, we are not in agreement and that's what makes your refusal to see/understand that fact pretty darn sad.
eh...my original post was better. DAMN YOU MR.DXP!!!
|ugh, i responded to the ignorance you posted, but this site is so treetrunked up and i dont feel like typing again.|
|Now, back to the reason why I made this thread ... |
In the example above, we find a woman who forgives her boyfriend's unfaithfulness to her, while actually believing that this forgiving of him equals he is suppose to grant her loyalty .... when in reality, the only thing accomplished was him knowing that he doesn't have to be held accountible. And evidence of this is in his continued inappropriate relations with other women, which causes continued emotional pain for his girlfriend.
So, the question remains .... how did this forgiveness benefit you?
|from Scorpio board:|
Posted by DoThatSaggie
Posted by caligula
correct ... and visa versa .. if the apology is only forthcoming because it's expecting a reward.
I will state it again, as was in the OP ....
"Perhaps, there are a few exceptions in where a person accidently harmed you in some way ... but, I'd be willing to wager that 99% of the time when you are in a position to have to forgive a person for injuring your feelings .. that this person isn't looking for self improvement in realizing what happened, rather they are looking for retribution, looking for being rewarded for saying they are sorry.
The tongue can say anything ... but, if it says sorry without being sorry .. then how is forgiving that person actually helping you, when you are the one who is getting hurt in the process?"
How stupid you are Tubby. You verify the point of the thread, but, think you are disputing it .. and you don't know the difference. Must be your sun in Taurus.
Posted by IntriguedScorpPosted by ellessque
there are numerous schools of thought that say you should have forgiveness in your heart. isn't that one of the foundations of christianity....father forgive them for they know not what they do....(this is a JEW quoting JC btw)!!
this is obviously forgiveness outside of a love relationship though imo. for me, forgiveness in an abusive relationship as the abusee is just like laying yourself out as a doormat and i know cos i did it for years, so i'm not judging.
however...i won't go into details but something really bad happened to me as a child which i had trouble dealing with for years. the perpetrator of this evil died when i was 15 and i still couldn't let it go. eventually, the only way i was able to start to repair the damage he did was by having forgiveness in my heart for him. all the time i didn't forgive, i remained a victim and he remained in control, dead or alive.
so in that situation, i think forgiveness is beneficial but in abusive relationships, the opposite is true. if you continue to forgive, you continue to be a victim. it's only when you have NO FORGIVENESS LEFT...that you break the abusive cycle.
|The meaning of forgiving someone changes in different scenarios..|
Your father abandoned you when you were a kid. Now you are a grown up man and he is sick admitted in hospital, asking you for forgiveness and requesting you to come to visit him.
Now no matter how regretful he is but he cannot undo what he did, you can’t be child again, you can’t get love and care of father when you needed that. Now either you can think that ok he did bad with me but I won’t do bad with him (Forgive him) or you can treat him as he treated you (Not forgive him). In this scenario I think forgiveness is beneficial for you as you’ll definitely feel good about you after doing good with someone.
You are having argument with your boy friend and he slapped you on face. You got angry and broke up with him. He is asking forgiveness and saying what he did was in anger and was a mistake. You accepted his apology. After one week one more argument and he slapped you again. You broke up, he is asking for forgiveness again, you accepted apology. And after few weeks he slapped you again during an argument.
Now this is a scenario in which forgiveness is not beneficial for you because a pattern of behavior has been developed that he can do ANYTHING with and then can get you back by saying sorry. But sorry is not a magical word that can undo all the harm one did to you.
A sorry should have two things in it:
One: strong feeling of repentance for what you did
Two: strong resolution that I won’t do it again
Without these two things, it’s a shallow word that many use as a tool to hurt people again and again.