I don't get it......help! Cancer men are crazy?
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|Ok so I am a 31 yr old Leo woman. I met a 30 yr old cancer man online back in April or May or this year. We talked back and forth through text mssgs for the last 5 months but no real discussions. Usually it's a hello hear an there followed by a few days of no responses by another hello here and there etc. In the first two weeks we met up for coffee and he said he wanted to see me again sometime. During this conversation he explained he had a 2 yr old daughter and she was everything to him an that he wasn't with his ex any longer. He also mentioned that his ex cheated in him and they split up and he dated other women but didn't take anyone seriously since he was still hung up in his ex. Then they got back together and it didn't work so try finally called it quits. Him and his family still pay for her education and everything else in order for his daughter to live in a happy environment and have a good upbringing. Not sure but sounded like the ex couldn't afford these things on her own. No big deal......understandable. Also stated that he spends almost every weekend with his daughter and that other women in the past didn't respect that it couldn't handle it. I am a single parent myself and thought nothing of it. I live with my 8 yr old son and we have no contact with his father at all. Throughout the next five months we texted here and there but very casually. No phone conversations. I often ask him to go out an meet up and he always says no and that he's too busy with work and family etc. Two weeks ago we finally went on a date. We got to learn a lot abou each other and I spent the night. He was very polite and sweet the entire time. A complete gentleman. First I've ever been with to this extent. I was very impressed with him. He live at home with his family. They were away this night. The next morning I had to get emergency contraceptive and he said he don't care if I opted not to do this and that we would have beautiful children. This was very odd to me. It seemed as though he wanted it to happen. Said this is how it was with his ex and he was ok with whatever I decided. Being a career woman and my business finally taking off I am not in the position to have anymore children right now unplanned. I also want to be married the next time around and do things the right way. I took the pill and let him know. Since then we have talked hear and there again via text but nothing substantial. Again I ask him to hang out. He say he wants to buy then it's never -|
|A good time and he is still always too busy and doesn't make plans or put any effort into seek me. Finally yesterday I asked him again if he wanted to do something and he gave me such a cold response that I finally had enough (I've Been holding back from saying what I felt for some time now) and I told him he makes me feel slighted and doesn't ever put any effort into this and that I'm tired of chasing him around. I've been doing it for 5 months now. I told him I couldn't do this anymore an that I wished him well. He said sure thing take care which made me more angry so I asked how he could be so cold. He responded that I was the cold one by cutting him off because he couldn't see me that day. He had a lot of things going in at work. I told him it had nothing to do with that day. I understood this. It was in general. And he wai he was offended by me wishing him well and citing him off. I told him I didn't want to but that he has never told me that he cares the slightest bit and I obviously do an I told him that I care about him and that I try and try an try to get to know him and all he does is pull away. What am I supposed to do? I did what I knew best. Walked away from an impossible situation. He said cutting him off meant I didn't care and he didn't believe me. We settled it an we both apologized. It's fine. But again we are back to the texts here and there and getting nowhere. |
I just don't get it. I hear all this hoopla about cancer men being So sweet and so caring etc but I get nothing from him. Wtf. What does This mean? At one point I told him if he wanted this to have been just a one night stand or he wanted to have strictly a sexual relationship to let me know and I would treat him accordingly. He said that's not what he wanted and it wasn't a one night Stand to him and that he wanted to see me again. But then why does he act like this? I just don't get him and I'm totally frustrated with him. Should I continue to try or just ignore him an hope he goes away? I know eventually if I ignore him in a week or so he will text me but that's it. That's all I ever get.
Please help me understand what all of this means. Be blunt and honest. I'm a Leo and not much hurts me I just don't like thugs that don't make sense and aren't fair.
|Please refer to the "Voices in my Head" thread over on the Cancer boards. Should shed some light.........|
|It's quite possible that you're the most desperate woman I've encountered on dxp ... maybe not, but, pretty damn close ... certainly the most thick headed|
|Desperate no. Thick headed yes but that was a useless comment so no thank you. If you feel crummy seek happiness in other methods outside of putting others down. Maybe life will take a turn for the Better for u then. Good luck Mouse.|
Posted by LovelyQ
So thick headed that you can say the words, and still not get it. You will still blabber on about what is going on, what does it mean, why isn't he this, or why isn't he that .....
And still get nothing from him ... as if the truth of that is in some kind of story, in which you elect to close the book.
so thick headed that you will still come to dxp and type out
Posted by LovelyQ
Because the truth of it is just too simple to manage to get through your thick head .. due your deseperation.
|It's pretty simple. You need more from a relationship than this man can offer. He has been honest with you that you are not a priority in his life, and yet you get upset when he doesn't treat you like one. Despite what he says, you don't actually have a relationship. A relationship is where you meet up regularly, get to know each other, meet his family, sleep with him when you are ready (not to fit in when his family were away - hey that was a bit red flag!!), and discussing future plans which include constraception.|
You don't have a relationship with this guy so when you start behaving like the girlfriend who has been slighted you are not his responses are not consitent. You are not his girlfriend and you never have been.
|So.. you FINALLY got some backbone, spoke up, said you were tired of chasing him around, seeya.. but then you flopped yourself back down like a doormat ...with just a few words from him, once again he's got you right back where he wants you - him doing the least he can possibly get away with and keep you taking his crumbs of affection and attention.|
So either you're a total doormat who freaked out when she finally *gasp* stood up for herself and called him out on his poor/indifferent/lazy treatment... or you're a drama queen and an emotional manipulator who really just "threatened" to leave as an ultimatum, or to see what he would do, or to try to get him to fight for you.
.. because here you are.. once again.. hooked back in.. and he's STILL giving you nothing, and NOTHING'S CHANGED. Why is that good enough for you? Why doesn't it enrage you to be treated badly? Why doesn't it give you the strength to refuse subpar treatment? Why don't you love YOURSELF more than you love this man (a man who does SO little for you, no less!)?? ARE you that desperate to have a man, or just THIS man? :c
Posted by LovelyQ
He obviously isn't into you ....
Posted by LovelyQ
Then not only do you sleep with a man who isn't into you .... you don't wrap it up.
nuff said about your character
|I'm not sure what to make of this either, but I do understand where you're coming from - Cancer men are confusing! I've known a Cancer man for a little over a year now. We became best friends and it turned romantic twice - then he'd just pull back! Like what we had was never anything! To make matters worse, he is now dating an ex-friend of mine (also a pisces). They don't know I know. So he throws me a text once in awhile to keep us on good terms - and THAT'S SUPPOSED TO BE OK???|
Seriously crazy those Cancer men are...my sympathy to you.
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