Virgo man... do I tell him how I feel? 

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4/18/2011 3:41:34 AM | More
sunnycap

female

This is my first time here, and I'm really hoping to get some help from Virgo guys (and others too)

I met up a Virgo guy 9 months ago. We've know each other for 8 years via mutual friends, but have never really spoken much. We did not see each other often (maybe once a year), and then just exchanged a few words (he seemed very shy around me). However, he has always really stared at me, placed himself next to me or behind me and followed me when we've been at the same place. We have both been in long term relationships, but are both now single.

We met by chance last summer, and when we both realised that we were single, things hotted up. He made the first, very gentle move. I did not reciprocate at that time, but kept it friendly and nice, so did not really reject him. The second time we saw each other, the attraction was magnetic and explosive. He told me that we've always had chemistry. We have slept together 3 times since then, and every time it gets better than the last. I just feel there's such a strong connection there. We don't need to use words, it's almost like we can just feel it between us. When I touch him, it's like an electric current. If I touch his stomach, he becomes very quiet and just stares me in the eyes. I have never, ever felt anything like this before, and I have a couple of long relationships behind me (one that lasted for 18 years).

The problem is that I've told him from the start that I'm not interested in anything heavy, just fun and games. The reason I originally did say this is because he suggested we'de meet, and then he completely ignored me when I phoned up and texted him (again, his suggestion that we should arrange what time to meet on the phone). I felt rejected, so said what I said just so he wouldn't think I was coming on too heavy.

Before we hooked up last summer, I know there's been (and are) other women in the picture. He had a very bad breakup with his long-term girlfriend 15 months ago. She cheated on him, left him, got engaged to someone else a few weeks later and now has a baby by her new fiancee. After the breakup, he has been with quite a few women, including one who's more or less declared her deep love for him quite publicly. We did talk about this at one point, and he knows that she is in love with him.

Even though we've slept together 3 times, he is painfully shy around me (and me around him to a certain extent). It seems that he needs to drink quite a bit to feel brave enough to even ta
4/18/2011 4:07:33 AM | More
Lobo

from Dallas, scropio moon  

value="http://www.youtube.com/v/AS3p05KX

Well if he is still acting shy around you, it could mean that he still harbors deep feelings for you. Perhaps if you press him and just say up front what you want you will find were you truly stand.
4/18/2011 4:09:21 AM | More
sunnycap

female

... continued...

to even talk to me. He just seem very shy and nervous around me. He can talk easily with other women (including the one who loves him and who he's had an on-off thing with for about a year), but not with me.

He works abroad (in a war zone) and is away for 10 weeks at a time, then home for 4 weeks. The last 3 times he's been back, we've slept together. This time around, he pulled away from me, but slept with other women. He wanted to hang around me on social occasions, but seemed to not want to do anything else (even though I made it clear that I was quite keen). I know it's not because he's not attracted to me, because the intense attraction is there (and always has been). It's almost frightening! So I'm very confused. He's happy to sleep with the other women, but suddenly not me. He's told me in the past that the others are just someone to be with.

I also told him a few months ago that he can be with whomever he wants, that it has nothing to do with me. I know how stupid this was, but I was simply so afraid of scaring him away that I pretended that I was OK with it. He has subsequently walked off with someone else twice in front of me. We have subsequently spent hours together in a bar. He was very shy and nervous around me and drank quite heavily before he could even talk to me. He was very serious and thoughtful until he got a bit drunk and loosened up a bit.

The last time we saw each other, he stood with this on-off woman in a bar. I chatted happily to some other guys, laughing and having a good time. He looked at me, and then suddenly became very serious and thoughtful. A few minutes later he left, which upset the other woman greatly. I went to another bar 30 min later, and he was there. I did not talk to him, left him on his own to chat with some guy friends. He suddenly stood right behind me again to order a drink. I did nothing. We both stayed until way past closing time, but did not chat to each other. In the end I left, and just walked past him and the guys he was talking to.

I'm so scared of coming on too strongly. I have in the past with him when I've been drunk, and I think it scares him. So this time around I thought I'd do the opposite. I know it's sending mixed signales, but I have a deep fear of rejection. I'm a Capricorn, by the way

So, I'm wondering, do I tell him how I really feel? Send him a message when he's back at work where he can think about it on his own, analysing it without fear of bumpin
4/18/2011 4:18:45 AM | More
sunnycap

female

@Lobo

Thanks for your quick reply! I agree that it's probably best to tell him how I feel. However, a part of me is so scared of doing it because I'm worried that I won't see him again, and I don't think I can bear that! I'm sort of thinking that if I say nothing, then we could just hook up and chat and hopefully build something slowly. He has told me that he has never promised me anything, that he doesn't like expectations, which is why I've said nothing and pretended to be cool about everything. He's had quite a few Freudian slips, said things that made me very surprised, realised what he's said, retracted it quickly and looked very embarrassed.

But despite what he's said, maybe I should be upfront and honest about my feelings anyway, so at least he knows where he stands with me?

I simply don't know what to do!
4/18/2011 4:28:14 AM | More
Lobo

from Dallas, scropio moon  

value="http://www.youtube.com/v/AS3p05KX

He sounds like he cares more than he's letting on, and when you said you just want "fun and games" a defense mechanism went off in his head. If you pressure him he will either spill his feelings are stay guarded.
4/18/2011 4:42:39 AM | More
sunnycap

female

I think he has a great fear of rejection and of being hurt, especially because of the breakup of his relationship 15 months ago, so maybe you're right, Lobo, that he will just pull back and stay guarded because of what I've said.

By the way, he's virgo sun, capricorn moon and venus in virgo. I've read quite a bit about astrology recently, to try and make sense of it all, and have found that this combination often makes you shy with an intense fear of rejection.

So, what do you think I should do? Write him a very honest message telling him how I really feel and then give him complete space to think about it and analysing it?

4/18/2011 4:51:35 AM | More
Lobo

from Dallas, scropio moon  

value="http://www.youtube.com/v/AS3p05KX

I'm still a bit new to dxp and astrology myself. I WAS thinking that when I posted last. He has a huge fear of rejection given is last relationship tanked. I would gather that talking to him in person would be the most effective.If your both afraid of rejection admitting how you feel 1st will perhaps make him more comfortable and more inclined to take a chance.
4/18/2011 5:50:32 AM | More
sunnycap

female

The thing is he's away now for the next 9-10 weeks. He's also very thoughtful and analytical abut things, so I'm wondering if it would be better to just let him know how I feel in a message/email. It would give him time and space to think it through without fear of us bumping into each other making it a bit awkward. I don't think he likes confrontation very much, so perhaps it's the best way to do it?

There was a lot of drama between us this time around. My feeling were running so high, and we ended up arguing quite spectacularly when he came back. I apologised and kept away from him a bit after that. Then we spent many hours together (with a few other friends) in a bar. The woman he's had an on-off thing with for the past year was also there, but working in the bar one floor up. He did not go up there once and declined getting a lift back home with her, preferring to stay for a few more hours with me. I'm just trying to determine if he actually has any feeling for me before telling him my own feeling for him.

4/18/2011 10:00:28 AM | More
P-Angel

55 years old female from Planet Neptune  

Just

You can't really expect anyone to read all that and give you any sound advice, since the reader would fall asleep half way through.


Summarize in 8 sentences or less.
4/18/2011 10:13:14 AM | More
sunnycap

female

@P-Angel

How am I suppose to summarise in 8 sentences when so much has happened that might be important as to wether or not I should let him know how I feel?
4/18/2011 10:48:27 AM | More
libra08

damn girl he has feelings for the girl at bar. I mean if a virgo is done with a girl he's done with it he wouldnt even let his shadow near the girl. I dunno about you but in my point of view yes he has feelings for you but not deep enough yet its like your head to head with bar girl. He knows he'll bump into her with you on tow. He went there so the bar girl can see her with you.

Take a deep breath. Think. Do you really love him that much? anyways the moon is libra ( since you believe in astrology and stuff ) so this would be a good day to tell him if you really want to. But before doing the TALK practice it first, Edit all the drama it would be better if you tell him face to face ( perfect makeup perfect smile make sure everything's perfect just to even out the odds of him running away ). Remember be classy and not too syrupy. don't be like me ( libra) hahaha.

4/18/2011 11:09:07 AM | More
sunnycap

female

@libra08

The thing is, he spent 6 hours with me in that bar while the other woman was working in the same bar but upstairs. He did not once go up and see her. She came downstairs to ask if he wanted a lift (they live not far away from each other), but he declined and stayed in the bar with me for another couple of hours (it was a lock in for a few people, so we were there until 4.30 in the morning).

The following weekend he popped into the bar because it was the other woman's birthday. However, he only stayed next to her for just over an hour. He saw me having a good time with a couple of other guys, looked me in the eyes across the bar, and suddenly became very thoughtful and serious. A few minutes later he left, much to the other woman's distress. I stayed for another 30 minutes then went to another bar, where he was (where we've been together a few times). He stayed at that bar until way past closing time. Stood right behind me to order a drink. Tried to get eye contact with me across the bar during the evening. In the end it was just him, two other guys he talked to and me left. When he left, he stayed in the hallway chatting to these two guys. I had to squeeze past him to get out. I really regret not saying anything to him at the time. I'm just so scared of coming on too strongly, which I have done a few times with him in the past.

He's gone back to work now, so I won't have a chance to tell him face to face for about 2 months. Do I send him a message telling him how I feel, so that he can think about it quietly on his own?
4/18/2011 11:44:28 AM | More
libra08

yeah you can if you can handle his answer.
4/18/2011 12:21:03 PM | More
sunnycap

female

Not sure if I can right now, so perhaps I'll think about if for a week or two. However, this is what I've been doing for the last 9 months, leaving it and waiting to see what happens when he comes back. Somehow it feel right to be completely honest about me feelings, but a part of me tells me to wait a bit. hence the confusion and this thread asking for some advice
4/18/2011 12:48:52 PM | More
libra08

WAIT <<< now thats gonna be your problem girl. Don't wait. Stand up and go do something else. have your haircut, makeover or go out with the girls. im sure he's just waiting for you to contact him , SO DON'T contact him ever surprise the butter out of him
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