virgo drug addict
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|Has been smoking and selling pot for 7 years on a daily basis due to comming from a wreck of a family and to mask some serious heartache. The question is, let him be and never say a word about it or take an agressive intervention approach to help him even though he has not asked for help. When you love someone do you stand by and let someone self destruct who doesnt want help or do you jump in and take action knowing they will fight your efforts?|
|He has done that as well in the past. He holds a regular job as well. I am not as worried about the selling as much as the doing and the serious health effects it has in the long term as well as the addiction that has a firm grip on him. I am interested in some serious replies regarding helping someone with a severe addiction.|
|hey we meet again, I can share my story if okay with you...?|
Virgo Cap love connection we agreed was "epic" =)
My Cap is currently in rehab for -mainly- alcohol abuse but also self medicating/ mixing prescription drugs while drinking...
He has been battling addiction and depression for many years now... (before we meet)
we have been together two years and things got real a few months ago. It was scary and uncertain journey to reach that decision. So you are right to question and ponder this!
Basically, the hardest thing for me was allowing him to 'go there'.. to become vulnerable and confront this addiction and its impact
on us and his family... to deal with it himself.
I wanted to protect "us" but that translated into denial, enabling, and permitting his self destructive behaviour.
He needed me to put my foot down.
Now you- I think this is what you need to do.
Your intentions are pure and coming from a place of love, (his health being big concern for you etc)
and if you are meant to be together you will make it!
It may seem hopeless, he may be hostile and you may find yourselves fighting but if you are prepared this doesn't mean the end of the relationship but rather the beginning of bigger,better things and the creation of a man you deserve and who deserves your love sweetness x
And if he can't see that!? well he be crazzzaaay lol
Posted by guiwaterdaymaster
Hi pm How r u? Hope you are well
Posted by wagtail
indeed we meet again and i am happy as i appreciate your input so how did you put your foot down? I am disappointed in myself that i have not acted earlier in this situation. I've never said a word in fear of upsetting him but my communication skills have transformed. I am no longer walking on eggshells around people but saying exactly what i think and feel despite the reaction it may bring. what is your suggestion on the best way to handle this?
|i know he has health insurance though his other job. I'm thinking he is going to need to serious treatment. He is in his later 20's and he has been doing this for years. I believe he is severely addicted.|
|you know you are going to get some butter, f em. lol btw any advice on confronting and helping a guy with a drug problem?|
|Don't feel guilty! It is normal /overwhelming faced with someone else's self hatred! It is not your fault for hesitating!|
Dealing with it? I just said it. The words. *thunder lightning*
Sounds easy but it's not, right? You know, expressed myself.
I just said this is what I see you doing. fact.
This is how it makes me feel.fact.
He got defensive... it isn't easy for Capguy to face the truth, well, he knew the truth but there was denial.
He would've pushed it and pushed it to see what he could get away with. Like, I can destroy myself.. . can you stop me? and do you love me enough to refuse to watch me?
And I just broke up with him, I just stopped loving him. Not really but in my head space I stopped loving him and took a big step back and was like woah this is not what we signed up for time to stop.
bit different cos you have an ongoing/ still building I think relationship with your boy =) ? If he has trust issues you may need to establish those first so that he has a safe feeling when you confront or point out these things later. Virgo's are super critical sometimes but not always so good at self criticism, (I mean they do very much self judge but not necessarily happy to receive from others lol)
Anyway, first thing they told me in counselling was you must not make their problem your problem. That is a battle you cannot win.
But, you just gotta be a bit of a cookiemonster I think.
I think he will pull away a lot when you do this, yes. I think you might feel some real distance between you too, but if he is any way intelligent he will be grateful.
You might just be the motivation he needs... people attract each other for a reason sometimes...
|^^^^^great advice. I have no problem being a cookiemonster. i think his life is full of enablers. but if he runs when i tell him i think he needs help then so be it. I'm not going to continue to stand idle while someone i care deeply for continues on this destructive path. I mean he has been to jail for it, etc. exactly @building a relationship stages|
Posted by PecheressePosted by xxoommmxxoo
I think this is true, but she has expressed very much that she loves him...
This means generally 'just don't' is not an option.
but, it is the wisest course of action for self protection in Life yes =) Life is hard enough with out trying to save others...
I would advise don't as well but I think sometimes it is worth it... just dont go down with the ship and dont be disappointed when an addict lets you down, because they will let you down, love in my opinion can be enough though... hence trying to give some advice lol
Posted by Pecheresse
lol @15 joints a day! i see where you are comming from. His main thing is pot, def not coke. I agree if someone is happy then so be it but i know he deals with some deep depression and the constantly escaping with the weed. I guess i'll have to find out how happy he really is and if he is open to help at all.
Posted by xxoommmxxoo
It's his escapism from life. Take that away from him and you will never be apart of his life again.
On the other hand if do one of those interventions where there are several people around when it's done. he may just turn into fire and brimstone really fast. + he want ever forget that and you'll be a goner to.
The best thing you can do is talk to him by yourself only and him and you go to counseling together. Yes, you and him both. You give him the idea of him going by his self it just may backfire.
He may not even be a 'Drug Addict', you may be labeling him wrong because of what you say ie. Physical and Mental Addiction. By what you say he has Mental Addiction because he wants to not think of past events and such. So all in all in the end he'll have an 'addiction' as you say to another drug when in counseling, it is your pick.
Posted by wagtailPosted by PecheressePosted by xxoommmxxoo
I agree with you wagtail. You cannot just watch someone you love continue to self destruct without at least trying to help them.
|At the end of the day your actions are all you can be accountable for.|
You feel in your heart the right thing to do is reach out to him here. This is what your definition of love encompasses...
so who are we to say- no he is unworthy?
You have to do what you think is true to you and all I worry is he may not deserve it yet... Dont throw your pearls before swine all that jazz, you are such a lovely Cap...
My Cap was like, this may be a hopeless task and we may fail at this too BUT - I want to know that I did everything I could to make this love work before giving up on us. And I agree! =)
Gotta love Cap loyalty, it is undaunted.
Posted by xxoommmxxooPosted by wagtailPosted by PecheressePosted by xxoommmxxoo
wow that's touching. i didn't really read the entire post, because i don't care enough to, but have you considered the possibility that maybe this person is just a lost cause? possibly worse, a bad seed?