virgo men and distance/space/disappearing

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12/6/2007 12:26:59 PM | More
v-lady

39 years old female

"I hate to advocate drugs, alcohol, viol

I know this has been discussed at length elsewhere on this board, but I thought I'd revive the topic as I'm dealing with it at the moment.

Here's what I'm struggling with at the moment. I'm dating a Virgo. We've been growing closer and closer and on Monday had an incredibly intimate, profoundly emotional sexual encounter. I haven't heard from him since.

I'm not panicking. I'm assuming that he needs to go off and figure some things out for himself. It's strange because we usually talk every day and this is really long without contact, but I'm also determined that he initiate the next contact we have. In that sense, I'm ok.

What I'm concerned about is balancing my need for reassurance with his need for space. It's fair enough that he needs to distance himself to get a handle on his feelings. I can't hold that against him. At the same time, I need him to say something along the lines of "You're fine, v-lady. I need to go and sort some things out and I'll be back when I'm done."

Yes, he's had a tough time of things and yes, he has every reason to have all sorts of emotional issues surrounding him getting involved in a new relationship. This isn't just about *him* and *his* issues, though. I can't ignore my own needs for attention and validation just so he can feel comfortable dealing with whatever he needs to deal with.

Help!
12/6/2007 12:37:07 PM | More
v-lady

39 years old female

"I hate to advocate drugs, alcohol, viol

It's so strange that I have to ask this as a virgo! I'm completely useless as using myself as a sort of benchmark on how to deal with these things.

I'm also telling myself to remain non-emotional. In that sense, I've decided that I'll be warm and receptive when he does get back in touch. Then I'll wait a bit and explain to him what I'm thinking in terms of my needs.

And I'm sure every water sign reading this is thinking "wtf"! Whatever.
12/6/2007 12:45:25 PM | More
P-Angel

55 years old female from Planet Neptune  

Just

Hi, v-lady ... welcome back. Obviously the Pisces man is history.

This is normal for Virgo men, and yes, we discuss it often. And being a woman, it's not easy to sit back with overwhelming emotional intensity for somebody ... but, this is their way.

Maybe this will ease you a tad .. the V man only pulls away and goes MIA when he is into a woman ... if he kept constant casual contact at this stage, then he's not into you.

Though, you want verbal validation .. if you let yourself realization that by not giving you the "verbal", and looking at the absence and what it really means for him to do this .. then you'll see that by his actions of withdrawing completely without contact actually means he likes you very much.

When dealing with Virgo men (opposite of the females who are verbal at these times) .. you have to register his actions as indicators.
12/6/2007 12:45:45 PM | More
v-lady

39 years old female

"I hate to advocate drugs, alcohol, viol

I guess I'm looking for some sort of reassurance. I'm so overwhelmed by my feelings at the moment that it seems the one way to work through them is to have a plan of some kind. I totally understand that people accuse virgos of being so rational and so cold, but it really is the only thing to do when the options are sink or swim.
12/6/2007 12:51:07 PM | More
v-lady

39 years old female

"I hate to advocate drugs, alcohol, viol

Hey p-angel. It's good to see you. I've been following everyone here for months but haven't thought to post and actually say hello.

I still adore my Pisces, but have managed to put things in perspective with him. Fabulous man, but so exhausting to have a massive crush on a man in another country.

I think one of the reasons that I want to pour my heart out here is that I know I shouldn't be doing it with my virgo. I agree that him going MIA is a good sign when it comes to a long term perspective, but every fibre of my being wants to be held and reassured NOW.

Sigh.

He really is a great guy, though. It's taking every ounce of maturity I've ever claimed to possess to be secure enough to let him go do his thing and know that he'll be back if it's meant to be.

Thank you ladies for helping me maintain my sanity this afternoon.
12/6/2007 12:52:51 PM | More
v-lady

39 years old female

"I hate to advocate drugs, alcohol, viol

oh oh oh!! You're so right starfish!!!

The first month we were seeing each other, it was all about "I want you so much" and "you're so amazing" and great sex and on and on and on. And then some really genuine, deep emotion surfaced and all of that great, flowery talk is gone. Adios.

12/6/2007 12:54:35 PM | More
v-lady

39 years old female

"I hate to advocate drugs, alcohol, viol

Ok. Have to run for a couple of hours. Sorry to say hello and then go again. Talk to you all later!
12/6/2007 12:59:26 PM | More
P-Angel

55 years old female from Planet Neptune  

Just

So nice to hear about someone loving .. most people only want to talk about what's wrong in their life.

He's got you shining .. I can see all the way over here. Don't worry, he really likes you v-lady .. the signs are there. Maybe try working out to release some of that excitment will help.





**geez ... just told a Virgo not to worry**
12/6/2007 1:01:15 PM | More
P-Angel

55 years old female from Planet Neptune  

Just

Later ... go spread all that love you have.
12/6/2007 1:27:38 PM | More
caprigirlwithvirgo

HAHAHAHAHA

The "standard" virgo problem of withdrawing!

Since you too, are a virgo , V-lady I am very happy that two virgos will screw each other and no one else from any other sign will screw them!
12/6/2007 3:43:29 PM | More
v-lady

39 years old female

"I hate to advocate drugs, alcohol, viol

I'm not sure if this is a related question or not... Once virgo men fall in love deeply, can they ever love again? I've been reading a lot about how hard it is for virgos to find a partner they want to settle with and, when they do decide to marry, it's forever.

Here's my concern. My virgo is a widower. He lost his wife two and a half years ago and loved her very deeply.

Will the virgo in him want to stay true to her memory rather than find love again with someone else?

12/6/2007 3:50:23 PM | More
caprigirlwithvirgo

Will the virgo in him want to stay true to her memory rather than find love again with someone else?

************
Here is something motivating:

Answer :: YES!

If I am correct Mr. Warren Buffet is a virgo. He was not living with his wife when she was alive but never divorced her. He remarried after couple of years passed by to his first wife's death. The person he remarried to was a care taker preparing soup and food every day for him and was appointed by his late wife.

So yes- there is a chance if that makes you feel happy.


12/6/2007 4:51:49 PM | More
v-lady

39 years old female

"I hate to advocate drugs, alcohol, viol

Thank you so very much for saying that DC. I'm thanking you for all sorts of reasons, but one of them is that I can't begin to tell you how much it means to be able to talk with someone who can speak from a perspective I can't even fathom. In all likelihood I'll never be able to go up to you and give you a hug and tell you what a difference those words made. But I'd like to very much.

This is big in terms of the emotions and issues involved. Scary big. I find myself doing a lot of praying at the moment. We're all so damaged and there's so much baggage and so many elements in play that it's hard to stay centered and try and approach things from a place of love.

I've never before had my own sense of self and own sense of dignity be such a crucial factor in any relationship. That's probably why I see so much value in this experience - regardless of what my virgo decides to do. I feel myself growing, but it's definitely coming with the requisite pains.

Blah.
12/6/2007 5:22:24 PM | More
DyarStraße

53 years old male from The Deep South  

.......... DyarStraße / dyrstr8z .......


v-lady,

To paraphrase Olympia Dukakis in Moonstruck: If Virg loves you, he'll drive you crazy - because he knows he can.

"Once virgo men fall in love deeply, can they ever love again?"

Yes! I've had FOUR Big Loves in my life -- married to the latest one now. My Virgo Dad remarried back during the summer, after losing my Leo Mom more than a decade before -- and he's 83, so even Very Old Dawgs can learn to love again...
12/6/2007 10:00:09 PM | More
caprigirlwithvirgo

DC:

VERY VERY touching post. Made my heart very heavy..
I must admit you are very strong and behind your smiles you seem to cover a lot of pain- didn't know that much.

I hope you do find more peace and a wonderful relationship as an outlet to your sensitive kind soul.


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