virgo men and distance/space/disappearing

capsungemriseaqumoon
Posted by v-lady
I know this has been discussed at length elsewhere on this board, but I thought I'd revive the topic as I'm dealing with it at the moment.

Here's what I'm struggling with at the moment. I'm dating a Virgo. We've been growing closer and closer and on Monday had an incredibly intimate, profoundly emotional sexual encounter. I haven't heard from him since.

I'm not panicking. I'm assuming that he needs to go off and figure some things out for himself. It's strange because we usually talk every day and this is really long without contact, but I'm also determined that he initiate the next contact we have. In that sense, I'm ok.

What I'm concerned about is balancing my need for reassurance with his need for space. It's fair enough that he needs to distance himself to get a handle on his feelings. I can't hold that against him. At the same time, I need him to say something along the lines of "You're fine, v-lady. I need to go and sort some things out and I'll be back when I'm done."

Yes, he's had a tough time of things and yes, he has every reason to have all sorts of emotional issues surrounding him getting involved in a new relationship. This isn't just about *him* and *his* issues, though. I can't ignore my own needs for attention and validation just so he can feel comfortable dealing with whatever he needs to deal with.

Help!


Seems this post is very old, but I found it when I googled my own situation. Just had the same thing happen, got intimate with a Virgo after a couple of weeks of dating, and he is noticeably quiet now. Thanks for all this advice! )
CLCNY30
Virgo men disappear? Wow...Virgo men sound like Pisces men's twin brother...
I hear so many similarities between the two signs and sexes
It's weird
taniok
i've been googling (how desperate,lol) this topic since long,seems pretty common,so here is my story,comments and advices welcome,as i have no idea what to do...

I'm a Capricorn girl and i met my Virgo accidently on a plane 29th of july. Not to bore people with details i must say it was an amazing story,like a fairy tale,he was flying to places i was at,calling every day,texting...every girl's dream story untill not long ago...
I left to Hong Kong for 2 months,he said he has no problems with that,and a since then things went terrible: time difference,he wouldn't call,answer texts on time,i was freaking out he wants to leave me,so started asking for his calls,he would promise,but no call,so i wrote once hurtfull text,saying he has no heart....responce came in 3 different moody texts. First one convincing me i'm just overreacting,second teaching me things,third 'treetrunk off,if u ever write smth that disrespectful i'm sure u'll be just a memory for me'
I took time off,week later appologized,no answer,another week later wrote him i miss him and that i'm coming back to europe soon,hoping he'll fly to see me--- no answer.
Then was a merry christmas and then a happy new year text filled with lots of love and warmth.
Finally got an answer from him on New Year's night,was thanking for all my love,sending much much more to me and signed it 'Yours G.'
I started hoping i'll get a call from him,but nothing.

Now after reading all the blogs i understood that he was giving me signs to understand him and give him a break,he'd call me,when he'd feel like,but i was too impatient to wait...
All my fault...

So i have a question...will he ever call??? i really want to hear him and just know he's ok and i didn't kill him with my stupid behaviour and 'no heart' text...
What to do??? Please guys help! Don't know why but feel like i lost a piece of myself loosing him.
tiki33
I agree with 25th that you both need to leave each other alone for awhile, the fact there ever was abuse is not good and that alone should make you stop seeing that kind of man provoked or not, people just don't stop hitting and verbally abusing one another just like that....At some point things will escalate again and ol' boy will be catching a case messing with you and/or vice versa.

No one here can tell you what to do that's obvious but you really need to put things into perspective. There was an issue with abuse, that's enough to fall back and leave it alone and/or seek counseling to help you both sort out your issues together.

If I were him I would disappear on you as well, being an aries you probably drain the hell out of him and he needs his alone time, the initial attraction keeps him coming around but I can bet you he's concerned about things escalating again and so he keeps his distance, of course it's unspoken why he's distancing, the usual excuses are work, stress, busy with life etc but the reality is he probably doesn't want to spend too much together time with you b/c of how you are. Men never and I mean never forget an uncontrollable situation with an emotionally out of control psycho acting woman, that will be seared into his mind forever.
ariesbabie
No, not i love you, we both had missunderstandings and misscommunications because of assumptions before and we both realized communication was an issue im not looking for confirmation every 4 minutes. It is what it is. We are fine he came over after work yesterday we had a very good evening, night and we have made plans for today. He has just been working a lot lately in order to get his life back on track again, he has alot on his mind as he got laid off a little bit ago. what do u mean by trying to fit him into a square peg? He is not an abusive individual we had a couple violent incidents which both of us played a role in and were at fault. All this post was about was getting some insight on the charactoristics of a typical virgo and the behaviour of one, in my situation. My problem is the resassurance issue, but i realized a virgo is not the most affectioniate person 24/7, i can live with that, i changed my attitude towards everything instead of always looking for a argument and being agressive and i beleive we are on the road to success. Thank you all for your insight. I realized Virgo's need space so do Aries i guess just not as much, Im starting school again taking time off work and am back out with my friends more, i guess he was just the focal point in my life for awhile so thats why i took it so hard when he went back to work. Amazing how once an independant aries became so clingy for awhile quite absurd actually. I think i just missed him thats why i over reacted, questioning everything, i tend to do that. Thanks again u guys
ariesbabie

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tiki33
"He's very different but he tries very hard because he noticed that communication was an issue and really makes an effort to talk about how he feels."

I dunno but it still seems to me like your minimizing the issues you share with him and more focused on future talk and what you want rather than paying attention to the fact that you may be putting too much energy into the wrong man for you....just my opinion, I could be wrong.

IMO If he has to make an effort he is probably just tired of it all, tired of trying to make it work, tired of discussing feelings, doesn't mean he doesn't feel for you or anything like that but if it's hard to communicate, effort has to be made to communicate, he has to make a conscious effort to be a certain way with you then it's hard no matter how great or deep his feelings are for you and it's not fun anymore then why stick around...I'm sure he will be back around once he recharges
ariesbabie
You are probably right, but ive been in other relationships before. I am a very strong individual who really doesn't tolerate this kind of behaviour. I really do love this man. These incidends haven't happend for awhile and alcohal played a part in my emotion insensitivity and provoking. We worked past that, and he hasn't done anything since,nor have I. The day before he left for a week, even a week before, we were perfectly fine. H'e probably just working and busy. im just not used to dealing with these kind of individuals i feel like if i do too much i am too clingy and crazy, so i am taking a step backward and waiting on him to see what he trully wants. We have discussed on numerous occasions our future together. Virgo's are just very confusing to me, Me being an aries is a very straighforward person, He's very different but he tries very hard because he noticed that communication was an issue and really makes an effort to talk about how he feels. i just want to know if these disspearances are normal on their part even after their specific about what they want. He used to be around so much, its like all of a sudden he's in his own little world for the past few weeks. He hasn't changed, he's the exact person i know and love maybe not so affectionate, i think i just have a problem with the distance and not communucating every day. or maybe im just over reacting. From him off work to working long early hours. whatever life goes on. i just wanted to know if this is normal virgo behaviour and if i should i contact or let him reach out
tiki33
typically abusers/men with abusive tendencies tend to have very inconsistent behavior and tend to have other women around...

Your young and there is hope if you break the patterns of abuse now, unfortunately for you, you learned what love looks like in in an unhealthy manner through your mom/parents, your bound to replay that out with men, a suggestion, get help fast, learn boundaries, learn what healthy love is before you get on this cycle of attracting abusive men, if your provoking men then that is something you should try to understand about yourself and stop behaving this way, most likely you have some deep self esteem issues that are distorted and need to be balanced out and also the behavior may be something you picked up from your mom by witnessing her deal with her own issues with self esteem and men and maybe consider getting some kind of help via therapy to learn how to dismantle that kind of toxic behavior before it escalates into something unmanageable and becomes a bad habit/pattern in your relationships.

Provoked or unprovoked it doesn't matter....Real men that have control over his life won't hit women, they don't verbally abuse women, they just don't go there period, they walk away before they lose themselves and act out of character and that may be partly why he's not around, you trigger him into being a person that he doesn't like, best he keep his distance before he catch a case.
ariesbabie
ok thanks to u both for your responce, i understand what your saying it hasnt happend in awhile and he has kept his word. It does give me something to think about though, thanks for your opinions. As for the dissapearances, is this normal? in the way that he has done. what does it mean. Does he care? or is it all pretend because dissapearing to me doesn't show that. please exclude the opinion u just stated above i want insight based on his other actions as well.
tiki33
Sorry hid post...I failed...Didn't read so none of what I wrote made sense

tiki33

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ariesbabie
it really wasn't that bad, i provoked it pretty bad and i already knew he was insecure. I didnt just stand there i did some stupid stuff back to him as well. we moved on he apoligized a number of times, saying that he acted in anger he really didnt mean to do it brought me ice and that he hates that i got him to that point and that he never wants to do that and he wont do it again, thats not the type of man he is.

I sound like an idiot dont I lmao. I'm aware of that, my mother was in an abusive relationship with my father then she divorced him, i witnessed this as well. I promised myself i wouldnt let this happen to me, it just doesn't seem that bad i guess in the situation im in. He made a mistake. Everyone does, in anger.
OneSexyGem

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CLCNY30
Posted by P-Angel
Hi, v-lady ... welcome back. Obviously the Pisces man is history.

This is normal for Virgo men, and yes, we discuss it often. And being a woman, it's not easy to sit back with overwhelming emotional intensity for somebody ... but, this is their way.

Maybe this will ease you a tad .. the V man only pulls away and goes MIA when he is into a woman ... if he kept constant casual contact at this stage, then he's not into you.

Though, you want verbal validation .. if you let yourself realization that by not giving you the "verbal", and looking at the absence and what it really means for him to do this .. then you'll see that by his actions of withdrawing completely without contact actually means he likes you very much.

When dealing with Virgo men (opposite of the females who are verbal at these times) .. you have to register his actions as indicators.


Aww, that was really sweet

And I agree with P-angel. I think the encounter triggered something that was just as scary (in a wonderful way) on his end the way it did with you.

I think you're right to wait for him to contact you, and I hope things work out.
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