Adreamuponwaking
@Adreamuponwaking
10 Years5,000+ Posts
Comments: 2650 · Posts: 6434 · Topics: 214
What does it mean?
You are on page out of 2 | Reverse Order
Posted by Mactavish_R
Nothing wrong with that. Completely normal Gemini behaviour.
Should've went on with your usual plan and told her you want to do *cough* things with her.
I did tell her.
I'm just trying to figure out what she meant by that comment.
I only understand that comment in the context of two people in a relationship
Lol the answer is her choice of words.
" With Someone Else" and whether or not she should worry about that :-)
" With Someone Else" and whether or not she should worry about that :-)
Posted by Lostthoughts
Lol the answer is her choice of words.
" With Someone Else" and whether or not she should worry about that :-)
sorry correction I added the else....
her exact question was
" is it something you did with someone that I should be worried about"?
Posted by akitu
Wait hang on you told her?? Finally! What did she say to that bit I feel like that’s more important?
pretty sure I got curved/friendzoned
she said she was really flattered a few times
and asked me a couple of follow up questions
( like when did the attraction start
was a curiosity or more of a desire
what prompted the feelings
would I rather the attraction be there or not)
she didn't really reciprocate...except for a few platonic compliments about my intelligence
she said as frustrating those crushes feel ( referring to the type that I have on her) ..she often enjoys them
and ultimately she was glad I told her because as my friend she wants to support me and that she tries to be open minded so that I can come to her with anything......
Posted by mars_in_cappyPosted by Mactavish_R
She has feelings for you dude.
She's a woman, not a "dude".
Anyway Adreamuponwaking, as long as you get to the endgame, assumptions don't matter, right?click to expand
I want to get to the endgame.
I'm not sure if it's possible.
I think I'm supposed to give up hope but I want her so bad I can't.
I was thinking about her so much today...it started to ache.....
Posted by Mactavish_RPosted by AdreamuponwakingPosted by Mactavish_R
Nothing wrong with that. Completely normal Gemini behaviour.
Should've went on with your usual plan and told her you want to do *cough* things with her.
I did tell her.
I'm just trying to figure out what she meant by that comment.
I only understand that comment in the context of two people in a relationship
She has feelings for you dude.click to expand
I wish.
Posted by Dreamy88Posted by AdreamuponwakingPosted by akitu
Wait hang on you told her?? Finally! What did she say to that bit I feel like that’s more important?
pretty sure I got curbed/friendzoned
she said she was really flattered a few times
and asked me a couple of follow up questions
( like when did the attraction start
was a curiosity or more of a desire
what prompted the feelings
would I rather the attraction be there or not)
she didn't really reciprocate...except for a few platonic compliments about my intelligence
she said as frustrating those crushes feel ( referring to the type that I have on her) ..she often enjoys them
and ultimately she was glad I told her because as my friend she wants to support me and that she tries to be open minded so that I can come to her with anything......
It sounds like she did curve you to me. That last paragraph, is that something she has said verbatim to you?click to expand
yep
Posted by Dreamy88Posted by AdreamuponwakingPosted by Dreamy88Posted by AdreamuponwakingPosted by akitu
Wait hang on you told her?? Finally! What did she say to that bit I feel like that’s more important?
pretty sure I got curbed/friendzoned
she said she was really flattered a few times
and asked me a couple of follow up questions
( like when did the attraction start
was a curiosity or more of a desire
what prompted the feelings
would I rather the attraction be there or not)
she didn't really reciprocate...except for a few platonic compliments about my intelligence
she said as frustrating those crushes feel ( referring to the type that I have on her) ..she often enjoys them
and ultimately she was glad I told her because as my friend she wants to support me and that she tries to be open minded so that I can come to her with anything......
It sounds like she did curve you to me. That last paragraph, is that something she has said verbatim to you?
yep
Dam. Sorry for being so blunt to you. Well, on to the next, bro-detteclick to expand
yeah she just likes the attention
*sigh*
Posted by Dreamy88Posted by AdreamuponwakingPosted by Dreamy88Posted by AdreamuponwakingPosted by akitu
Wait hang on you told her?? Finally! What did she say to that bit I feel like that’s more important?
pretty sure I got curbed/friendzoned
she said she was really flattered a few times
and asked me a couple of follow up questions
( like when did the attraction start
was a curiosity or more of a desire
what prompted the feelings
would I rather the attraction be there or not)
she didn't really reciprocate...except for a few platonic compliments about my intelligence
she said as frustrating those crushes feel ( referring to the type that I have on her) ..she often enjoys them
and ultimately she was glad I told her because as my friend she wants to support me and that she tries to be open minded so that I can come to her with anything......
It sounds like she did curve you to me. That last paragraph, is that something she has said verbatim to you?
yep
Dam. Sorry for being so blunt to you. Well, on to the next, bro-detteclick to expand
the shitty thing is the next girl most likely won't be for awhile.
this girl was the second person I found physically attractive in my life.
first girl was 3 years ago when I was 28.
I wish I could find more people attractive and on a consistent basis.
I really want to have sex with someone that I'm actually into...that's all.
it's like it's never going to happen at this point ...Fuck
Posted by mars_in_cappyPosted by Adreamuponwaking
I want to get to the endgame.
I'm not sure if it's possible.
I think I'm supposed to give up hope but I want her so bad I can't.
I was thinking about her so much today...it started to ache.....
It's pretty hard to get to an endgame with a gemini, eg, to get what you want. It's like sands through the hour-glass, even when you're holding the glass, the reality is slipping through. That is my experience with them anyway.
I was aching for a Cancer woman last year. Still think about her now and wonder what it was and sometimes feel so connected to her and then, sometimes... nothing. It's hard, but i ride the horrible times and realise it will end at some point.
I'm kind of happy with myself, so it doesn't matter as much.
You have to make a lot of compromises for a Gemini, not sure whether i'd go through that again, given that they never love you enough.click to expand
I just want to have sex with her.......
several times.lol
Posted by Dreamy88Posted by AdreamuponwakingPosted by Dreamy88Posted by AdreamuponwakingPosted by Dreamy88Posted by AdreamuponwakingPosted by akitu
Wait hang on you told her?? Finally! What did she say to that bit I feel like that’s more important?
pretty sure I got curbed/friendzoned
she said she was really flattered a few times
and asked me a couple of follow up questions
( like when did the attraction start
was a curiosity or more of a desire
what prompted the feelings
would I rather the attraction be there or not)
she didn't really reciprocate...except for a few platonic compliments about my intelligence
she said as frustrating those crushes feel ( referring to the type that I have on her) ..she often enjoys them
and ultimately she was glad I told her because as my friend she wants to support me and that she tries to be open minded so that I can come to her with anything......
It sounds like she did curve you to me. That last paragraph, is that something she has said verbatim to you?
yep
Dam. Sorry for being so blunt to you. Well, on to the next, bro-dette
yeah she just likes the attention
*sigh*
I kind of feel like Gemini women look for more cerebral and slightly emotionally unavailable people, but that’s just my observation and idk if I’m even right.click to expand
lol but that's pretty much me though.
scratch that.....that is me.
she said she loves my big beautiful brain. we had a class together about a year and a half ago and I would often debate with the professor....which she loved.
I think it's why she pursued hanging out with me.
Posted by Dreamy88Posted by AdreamuponwakingPosted by Dreamy88Posted by AdreamuponwakingPosted by Dreamy88Posted by AdreamuponwakingPosted by akitu
Wait hang on you told her?? Finally! What did she say to that bit I feel like that’s more important?
pretty sure I got curbed/friendzoned
she said she was really flattered a few times
and asked me a couple of follow up questions
( like when did the attraction start
was a curiosity or more of a desire
what prompted the feelings
would I rather the attraction be there or not)
she didn't really reciprocate...except for a few platonic compliments about my intelligence
she said as frustrating those crushes feel ( referring to the type that I have on her) ..she often enjoys them
and ultimately she was glad I told her because as my friend she wants to support me and that she tries to be open minded so that I can come to her with anything......
It sounds like she did curve you to me. That last paragraph, is that something she has said verbatim to you?
yep
Dam. Sorry for being so blunt to you. Well, on to the next, bro-dette
the shitty thing is the next girl most likely won't be for awhile.
this girl was the second person I found physically attractive in my life.
first girl was 3 years ago when I was 28.
I wish I could find more people attractive and on a consistent basis.
I really want to have sex with someone that I'm actually into...that's all.
it's like it's never going to happen at this point ...Fuck
Are your physical standards really high? I used to keep unrealistic physical standards. Now i consider the entire being before I make judgementsclick to expand
No it's a marker of my sexuality. I'm demi
the gemini wasn't my type physically.
but all of her engagement ...and hanging out with her repeatedly via her request ....observing how strange she was...as well as her emotional problems .....lol
the attraction grew.
first it was like someone flipped a switch one day....and then the attraction just got deeper and deeper as I tried to figure out what made her tick.
she's like a puzzle.
Posted by Dreamy88Posted by AdreamuponwakingPosted by mars_in_cappyPosted by Adreamuponwaking
I want to get to the endgame.
I'm not sure if it's possible.
I think I'm supposed to give up hope but I want her so bad I can't.
I was thinking about her so much today...it started to ache.....
It's pretty hard to get to an endgame with a gemini, eg, to get what you want. It's like sands through the hour-glass, even when you're holding the glass, the reality is slipping through. That is my experience with them anyway.
I was aching for a Cancer woman last year. Still think about her now and wonder what it was and sometimes feel so connected to her and then, sometimes... nothing. It's hard, but i ride the horrible times and realise it will end at some point.
I'm kind of happy with myself, so it doesn't matter as much.
You have to make a lot of compromises for a Gemini, not sure whether i'd go through that again, given that they never love you enough.
I just want to have sex with her.......
several times.lol
Wait are you just trying to hit and quit? Lolclick to expand
not necessarily quit but it's clear that if anything thing would transpire between us it would have an expiration date.
we are both seniors. she's graduating in May and may or not stay here for grad school. I'm not sure where I will be after August either.
Posted by Dreamy88Posted by AdreamuponwakingPosted by mars_in_cappyPosted by Adreamuponwaking
I want to get to the endgame.
I'm not sure if it's possible.
I think I'm supposed to give up hope but I want her so bad I can't.
I was thinking about her so much today...it started to ache.....
It's pretty hard to get to an endgame with a gemini, eg, to get what you want. It's like sands through the hour-glass, even when you're holding the glass, the reality is slipping through. That is my experience with them anyway.
I was aching for a Cancer woman last year. Still think about her now and wonder what it was and sometimes feel so connected to her and then, sometimes... nothing. It's hard, but i ride the horrible times and realise it will end at some point.
I'm kind of happy with myself, so it doesn't matter as much.
You have to make a lot of compromises for a Gemini, not sure whether i'd go through that again, given that they never love you enough.
I just want to have sex with her.......
several times.lol
Wait are you just trying to hit and quit? Lolclick to expand
to be honest what prompted me to text her..is I really thought I had a shot...my friend texted me that I should text her after I told her about how about two months ago the gemini was randomly DMing me about needing / preferring words instead of gifts ( I had just given her a small gift before I left for my trip) and that it means so much to her when people start to open up to her
as well as being down for something temporary but passionate.
Posted by akituPosted by AdreamuponwakingPosted by akitu
Wait hang on you told her?? Finally! What did she say to that bit I feel like that’s more important?
pretty sure I got curved/friendzoned
she said she was really flattered a few times
and asked me a couple of follow up questions
( like when did the attraction start
was a curiosity or more of a desire
what prompted the feelings
would I rather the attraction be there or not)
she didn't really reciprocate...except for a few platonic compliments about my intelligence
she said as frustrating those crushes feel ( referring to the type that I have on her) ..she often enjoys them
and ultimately she was glad I told her because as my friend she wants to support me and that she tries to be open minded so that I can come to her with anything......
Okay well I’m glad you have your answer now. Please please please for the love of god stop torturing yourself by reading into every little thing she says. Be free! ❤️click to expand
lol I'm trying
Posted by Dreamy88Posted by AdreamuponwakingPosted by Dreamy88Posted by AdreamuponwakingPosted by Dreamy88Posted by AdreamuponwakingPosted by Dreamy88Posted by AdreamuponwakingPosted by akitu
Wait hang on you told her?? Finally! What did she say to that bit I feel like that’s more important?
pretty sure I got curbed/friendzoned
she said she was really flattered a few times
and asked me a couple of follow up questions
( like when did the attraction start
was a curiosity or more of a desire
what prompted the feelings
would I rather the attraction be there or not)
she didn't really reciprocate...except for a few platonic compliments about my intelligence
she said as frustrating those crushes feel ( referring to the type that I have on her) ..she often enjoys them
and ultimately she was glad I told her because as my friend she wants to support me and that she tries to be open minded so that I can come to her with anything......
It sounds like she did curve you to me. That last paragraph, is that something she has said verbatim to you?
yep
Dam. Sorry for being so blunt to you. Well, on to the next, bro-dette
yeah she just likes the attention
*sigh*
I kind of feel like Gemini women look for more cerebral and slightly emotionally unavailable people, but that’s just my observation and idk if I’m even right.
lol but that's pretty much me though.
scratch that.....that is me.
she said she loves my big beautiful brain. we had a class together about a year and a half ago and I would often debate with the professor....which she loved.
I think it's why she pursued hanging out with me.
I’m kind of curious how it went in the beginning. I haven’t really read fully about how you two started off. Also, just curious, does she swing that way too or are you trying to turn herclick to expand
our first hang out session she said she was into girls/ how she recently had her first kiss with a girl.
she's also specified her type.
I think she's a typical gemini woman. they are very open sexually. they won't necessarily marry or want to end up with a woman but they can and are usually willing to have a passionate affair or temporary relationship with a woman ala Angelina Jolie and Jenny Shimizu lol
Posted by Dreamy88Posted by AdreamuponwakingPosted by Dreamy88Posted by AdreamuponwakingPosted by Dreamy88Posted by AdreamuponwakingPosted by Dreamy88Posted by AdreamuponwakingPosted by akitu
Wait hang on you told her?? Finally! What did she say to that bit I feel like that’s more important?
pretty sure I got curbed/friendzoned
she said she was really flattered a few times
and asked me a couple of follow up questions
( like when did the attraction start
was a curiosity or more of a desire
what prompted the feelings
would I rather the attraction be there or not)
she didn't really reciprocate...except for a few platonic compliments about my intelligence
she said as frustrating those crushes feel ( referring to the type that I have on her) ..she often enjoys them
and ultimately she was glad I told her because as my friend she wants to support me and that she tries to be open minded so that I can come to her with anything......
It sounds like she did curve you to me. That last paragraph, is that something she has said verbatim to you?
yep
Dam. Sorry for being so blunt to you. Well, on to the next, bro-dette
the shitty thing is the next girl most likely won't be for awhile.
this girl was the second person I found physically attractive in my life.
first girl was 3 years ago when I was 28.
I wish I could find more people attractive and on a consistent basis.
I really want to have sex with someone that I'm actually into...that's all.
it's like it's never going to happen at this point ...Fuck
Are your physical standards really high? I used to keep unrealistic physical standards. Now i consider the entire being before I make judgements
No it's a marker of my sexuality. I'm demi
the gemini wasn't my type physically.
but all of her engagement ...and hanging out with her repeatedly via her request ....observing how strange she was...as well as her emotional problems .....lol
the attraction grew.
first it was like someone flipped a switch one day....and then the attraction just got deeper and deeper as I tried to figure out what made her tick.
she's like a puzzle.
You know, I had a feeling you are Demi lol I just didn’t want to ask. That’s strange though, she was the one to fully engage you and now it may or may not be flopping for you. I’m just trying to make clear though, are you interested in forming a proper relationship with for endgame or is this purely sexualclick to expand
Purely sexual.
Though she has qualities that I realized I would want in a gf ( driven , smart af , nerdy- she's into reptiles and bugs )
she is also 21.
IF she were 25/26 and a little more settled in who she was and what she wanted in life with the and had the same qualities I'd consider having more than a sexual relationship with her....
Posted by CancerAquaSaggPosted by Adreamuponwaking
Right before I told the gemini that I wanted to do naughty things to her...I told her I wanted to tell her a secret ( which was I wanted to do naughty things to her)
what surprised me was her response.
she asked what type of secret it was and then asked if I had done something with someone that she should worry about.
what did she mean by that?
Ugh such a Gemini thing to say. Now all the focused is on what you said. She's flaking and is about to leave you.click to expand
flaking on what?lol
Posted by akituPosted by AdreamuponwakingPosted by akituPosted by AdreamuponwakingPosted by akitu
Wait hang on you told her?? Finally! What did she say to that bit I feel like that’s more important?
pretty sure I got curved/friendzoned
she said she was really flattered a few times
and asked me a couple of follow up questions
( like when did the attraction start
was a curiosity or more of a desire
what prompted the feelings
would I rather the attraction be there or not)
she didn't really reciprocate...except for a few platonic compliments about my intelligence
she said as frustrating those crushes feel ( referring to the type that I have on her) ..she often enjoys them
and ultimately she was glad I told her because as my friend she wants to support me and that she tries to be open minded so that I can come to her with anything......
Okay well I’m glad you have your answer now. Please please please for the love of god stop torturing yourself by reading into every little thing she says. Be free! ❤️
lol I'm trying
Well this thread says otherwise..click to expand
yeah...I've had a theory that she was using me for attention/narcissistic supply.
and I guess this thread was to help confirm that she has intentionally been sending mixed signals/playing games.
our interactions have been different from my interactions with other girls in the past.
but that's also because I've only dealt with pisces women exclusively in the past.
none of them initially pursued hanging out with me...besides making sure they sat close to me in class.
this chick literally texted me all day everyday for weeks.
insisted we hang out to get work done repeatedly
flirted with me etc
I was trying to figure out why. it seemed like she trying to manipulate me...especially given she was "so vulnerable" the first time we hung out ( e.g having to take care of her terminally ill dad , being assaulted in high school)
any so like I said I convinced myself / really started to believe early on that she was a narcissist.
which has helped me to keep my emotions in check HOWEVER started to deep my sexual attraction to her which is fucked up.
I really wanted a sexual relationship with her....I need to practice.
Most people have tons more experience and should the right girl be out there
I fear I won't have the experience when it comes time.
I'm sick of getting offers from dudes and couples..sex wise.
which has helped me to keep my emotions in check HOWEVER started to deep my sexual attraction to her which is fucked up.
I really wanted a sexual relationship with her....I need to practice.
Most people have tons more experience and should the right girl be out there
I fear I won't have the experience when it comes time.
I'm sick of getting offers from dudes and couples..sex wise.
Posted by PhangusPosted by AdreamuponwakingPosted by akituPosted by AdreamuponwakingPosted by akituPosted by AdreamuponwakingPosted by akitu
Wait hang on you told her?? Finally! What did she say to that bit I feel like that’s more important?
pretty sure I got curved/friendzoned
she said she was really flattered a few times
and asked me a couple of follow up questions
( like when did the attraction start
was a curiosity or more of a desire
what prompted the feelings
would I rather the attraction be there or not)
she didn't really reciprocate...except for a few platonic compliments about my intelligence
she said as frustrating those crushes feel ( referring to the type that I have on her) ..she often enjoys them
and ultimately she was glad I told her because as my friend she wants to support me and that she tries to be open minded so that I can come to her with anything......
Okay well I’m glad you have your answer now. Please please please for the love of god stop torturing yourself by reading into every little thing she says. Be free! ❤️
lol I'm trying
Well this thread says otherwise..
yeah...I've had a theory that she was using me for attention/narcissistic supply.
and I guess this thread was to help confirm that she has intentionally been sending mixed signals/playing games.
our interactions have been different from my interactions with other girls in the past.
but that's also because I've only dealt with pisces women exclusively in the past.
none of them initially pursued hanging out with me...besides making sure they sat close to me in class.
this chick literally texted me all day everyday for weeks.
insisted we hang out to get work done repeatedly
flirted with me etc
I was trying to figure out why. it seemed like she trying to manipulate me...especially given she was "so vulnerable" the first time we hung out ( e.g having to take care of her terminally ill dad , being assaulted in high school)
This is how straight women often are with our friends.click to expand
hmmmm..........
maybe it's confusing because the majority of my straight sexual friends
physically came on to me at least one point...or several times.
at least the ones that were or became close.
as for my other straight friends/acquaintances they maintained distance. we hang out like once every couple of months and might exchange texts a few times each month.
anyway the way she treats me now is how I expect someone who wants a platonic friendship with me to interact with me.....
Posted by PhangusPosted by Adreamuponwaking
any so like I said I convinced myself / really started to believe early on that she was a narcissist.
which has helped me to keep my emotions in check HOWEVER started to deep my sexual attraction to her which is fucked up.
I really wanted a sexual relationship with her....I need to practice.
Most people have tons more experience and should the right girl be out there
I fear I won't have the experience when it comes time.
I'm sick of getting offers from dudes and couples..sex wise.
You don't even like her, dude. Why are you upset about it?click to expand
I'm sexually frustrated.
I really want to experience having sex with someone I find physically attractive.
people say it's awesome.
as a 31 year old...I'm growing impatient.
also there are things I like about her...as well as I like how I feel around her in comparison to other girls from my past.
with the last girl...who I was really into I was nervous all the time..would second guess my texts...felt rejected/had constant blows to my ego.
with her there's this feeling that it will always be fun/light.i don't second guess myself and I don't feel nervous around her....and yet I am physically attracted to her.
also given her preference to communicate openly...she would have been perfect for an fwb type of experience.
I think I could have learned a lot about her ...but also women in general.
Posted by PhangusPosted by AdreamuponwakingPosted by PhangusPosted by AdreamuponwakingPosted by akituPosted by AdreamuponwakingPosted by akituPosted by AdreamuponwakingPosted by akitu
Wait hang on you told her?? Finally! What did she say to that bit I feel like that’s more important?
pretty sure I got curved/friendzoned
she said she was really flattered a few times
and asked me a couple of follow up questions
( like when did the attraction start
was a curiosity or more of a desire
what prompted the feelings
would I rather the attraction be there or not)
she didn't really reciprocate...except for a few platonic compliments about my intelligence
she said as frustrating those crushes feel ( referring to the type that I have on her) ..she often enjoys them
and ultimately she was glad I told her because as my friend she wants to support me and that she tries to be open minded so that I can come to her with anything......
Okay well I’m glad you have your answer now. Please please please for the love of god stop torturing yourself by reading into every little thing she says. Be free! ❤️
lol I'm trying
Well this thread says otherwise..
yeah...I've had a theory that she was using me for attention/narcissistic supply.
and I guess this thread was to help confirm that she has intentionally been sending mixed signals/playing games.
our interactions have been different from my interactions with other girls in the past.
but that's also because I've only dealt with pisces women exclusively in the past.
none of them initially pursued hanging out with me...besides making sure they sat close to me in class.
this chick literally texted me all day everyday for weeks.
insisted we hang out to get work done repeatedly
flirted with me etc
I was trying to figure out why. it seemed like she trying to manipulate me...especially given she was "so vulnerable" the first time we hung out ( e.g having to take care of her terminally ill dad , being assaulted in high school)
This is how straight women often are with our friends.
hmmmm..........
maybe it's confusing because the majority of my straight sexual friends
physically came on to me at least one point...or several times.
at least the ones that were or became close.
as for my other straight friends/acquaintances they maintained distance. we hang out like once every couple of months and might exchange texts a few times each month.
anyway the way she treats me now is how I expect someone who wants a platonic friendship with me to interact with me.....
Just reminded myself that I'm speaking from Ancient times again. lol Might not be relevant. When I was in college and grad school, friends were like family...saw them every day, told them everything, had sleep-overs. Constantly talking about our sex lives, fantasies, etc. It was a little more complicated with gay friends, but even with them, it was kind of like that.click to expand
ok well I really appreciate your input.
maybe it's a sign specific thing.
I've never had a gemini female friend before.
most of my friends have been aquas pisces libras leos.....
and they are different just telling you lol
Posted by PhangusPosted by AdreamuponwakingPosted by PhangusPosted by AdreamuponwakingPosted by PhangusPosted by AdreamuponwakingPosted by akituPosted by AdreamuponwakingPosted by akituPosted by AdreamuponwakingPosted by akitu
Wait hang on you told her?? Finally! What did she say to that bit I feel like that’s more important?
pretty sure I got curved/friendzoned
she said she was really flattered a few times
and asked me a couple of follow up questions
( like when did the attraction start
was a curiosity or more of a desire
what prompted the feelings
would I rather the attraction be there or not)
she didn't really reciprocate...except for a few platonic compliments about my intelligence
she said as frustrating those crushes feel ( referring to the type that I have on her) ..she often enjoys them
and ultimately she was glad I told her because as my friend she wants to support me and that she tries to be open minded so that I can come to her with anything......
Okay well I’m glad you have your answer now. Please please please for the love of god stop torturing yourself by reading into every little thing she says. Be free! ❤️
lol I'm trying
Well this thread says otherwise..
yeah...I've had a theory that she was using me for attention/narcissistic supply.
and I guess this thread was to help confirm that she has intentionally been sending mixed signals/playing games.
our interactions have been different from my interactions with other girls in the past.
but that's also because I've only dealt with pisces women exclusively in the past.
none of them initially pursued hanging out with me...besides making sure they sat close to me in class.
this chick literally texted me all day everyday for weeks.
insisted we hang out to get work done repeatedly
flirted with me etc
I was trying to figure out why. it seemed like she trying to manipulate me...especially given she was "so vulnerable" the first time we hung out ( e.g having to take care of her terminally ill dad , being assaulted in high school)
This is how straight women often are with our friends.
hmmmm..........
maybe it's confusing because the majority of my straight sexual friends
physically came on to me at least one point...or several times.
at least the ones that were or became close.
as for my other straight friends/acquaintances they maintained distance. we hang out like once every couple of months and might exchange texts a few times each month.
anyway the way she treats me now is how I expect someone who wants a platonic friendship with me to interact with me.....
Just reminded myself that I'm speaking from Ancient times again. lol Might not be relevant. When I was in college and grad school, friends were like family...saw them every day, told them everything, had sleep-overs. Constantly talking about our sex lives, fantasies, etc. It was a little more complicated with gay friends, but even with them, it was kind of like that.
ok well I really appreciate your input.
maybe it's a sign specific thing.
I've never had a gemini female friend before.
most of my friends have been aquas pisces libras leos.....
and they are different just telling you lol
Well, every individual is different. The friend I had who flirted with me the most back then was a Taurus, and the friend who was embarrassed to discuss her sex life was also a Taurus. I'll be hanging out with three girlfriends from high school next weekend, and it's the Aquarius or the Libra who always brings up sex while the Capricorn and I are bashful about talking about our husbands. *shrugs*click to expand
true I'm learning this.
Posted by tiziani
It's tough when I met people where I feel like I have zero game, and my poise just went out the window.
But I'd resist temptation to try and explain away everything in retrospect. That is just friendzone-cope.
coping and reflecting is important and a good thing dude.
also it is really important to try to understand and learn from this experience so if and when something similar should happen again... I won't misinterpret and waste time again .
--------
upon reflecting and learning from you guys
if something like this happens to me in the future...I would make a move sooner/ as soon as I realized the physical attraction started...that way I would know sooner and could move on...instead of torturing myself /reading too much into things.
Posted by PhangusPosted by AdreamuponwakingPosted by PhangusPosted by Adreamuponwaking
any so like I said I convinced myself / really started to believe early on that she was a narcissist.
which has helped me to keep my emotions in check HOWEVER started to deep my sexual attraction to her which is fucked up.
I really wanted a sexual relationship with her....I need to practice.
Most people have tons more experience and should the right girl be out there
I fear I won't have the experience when it comes time.
I'm sick of getting offers from dudes and couples..sex wise.
You don't even like her, dude. Why are you upset about it?
I'm sexually frustrated.
I really want to experience having sex with someone I find physically attractive.
people say it's awesome.
as a 31 year old...I'm growing impatient.
also there are things I like about her...as well as I like how I feel around her in comparison to other girls from my past.
with the last girl...who I was really into I was nervous all the time..would second guess my texts...felt rejected/had constant blows to my ego.
with her there's this feeling that it will always be fun/light.i don't second guess myself and I don't feel nervous around her....and yet I am physically attracted to her.
also given her preference to communicate openly...she would have been perfect for an fwb type of experience.
I think I could have learned a lot about her ...but also women in general.
Fundamentally, though, you think she is a narcissist. As soon as she figures that out, she's not gonna want to be your friend.click to expand
maybe.
but I also think I'm a narcissist ....or at least have narcissistic tendencies. in reality we all have some narcissistic tendencies. it's really like a scale . Moreover all full blown narcissist aren't bad. they just are deeply insecure and have control issues. they love control...and they love to "flex" / "overachieve" because it soothes their deep rooted insecurity.
she's has owned up to her controlling issues..well she doesn't seem to think it's an issue ..well most of the time. she's a gemini.
the attention seeking/needing to flex/prove to everyone how smart /accomplished she is...is something I've observed and tried to figure out myself. based on things she's told me about her parents and knowing other aspects about her past.....I've attributed that to insecurity.
but of course I could be projecting ( which is especially easy to do given some similarities about her present and past as we well as my present and past).....but that's what I've got.
Posted by tizianiPosted by AdreamuponwakingPosted by tiziani
It's tough when I met people where I feel like I have zero game, and my poise just went out the window.
But I'd resist temptation to try and explain away everything in retrospect. That is just friendzone-cope.
coping and reflecting is important and a good thing dude.
also it is really important to try to understand and learn from this experience so if and when something similar should happen again... I won't misinterpret and waste time again .
--------
upon reflecting and learning from you guys
if something like this happens to me in the future...I would make a move sooner/ as soon as I realized the physical attraction started...that way I would know sooner and could move on...instead of torturing myself /reading too much into things.
That's fair enough. Well I actually agree what you took out of it.click to expand
\
yeah I'm trying to be patient /kind to myself because this is a lesson I should have learned with the first girl...though that was a bit more complicated.
it was easier /less complicated to make a move with this girl...except for the fact I would have had to keep seeing her every week as we had a class together after she had turned me down.
I ultimately would have had to drop the class....which would have been probably a good thing. I absolutely hated that class and I ended up getting an incomplete. I have a little over a week to complete the course work for that class and it's a pain. Hoping I can pull it together so I don't fail it.
Posted by PhangusPosted by AdreamuponwakingPosted by PhangusPosted by AdreamuponwakingPosted by PhangusPosted by Adreamuponwaking
any so like I said I convinced myself / really started to believe early on that she was a narcissist.
which has helped me to keep my emotions in check HOWEVER started to deep my sexual attraction to her which is fucked up.
I really wanted a sexual relationship with her....I need to practice.
Most people have tons more experience and should the right girl be out there
I fear I won't have the experience when it comes time.
I'm sick of getting offers from dudes and couples..sex wise.
You don't even like her, dude. Why are you upset about it?
I'm sexually frustrated.
I really want to experience having sex with someone I find physically attractive.
people say it's awesome.
as a 31 year old...I'm growing impatient.
also there are things I like about her...as well as I like how I feel around her in comparison to other girls from my past.
with the last girl...who I was really into I was nervous all the time..would second guess my texts...felt rejected/had constant blows to my ego.
with her there's this feeling that it will always be fun/light.i don't second guess myself and I don't feel nervous around her....and yet I am physically attracted to her.
also given her preference to communicate openly...she would have been perfect for an fwb type of experience.
I think I could have learned a lot about her ...but also women in general.
Fundamentally, though, you think she is a narcissist. As soon as she figures that out, she's not gonna want to be your friend.
maybe.
but I also think I'm a narcissist ....or at least have narcissistic tendencies. in reality we all have some narcissistic tendencies. it's really like a scale . Moreover all full blown narcissist aren't bad. they just are deeply insecure and have control issues. they love control...and they love to "flex" / "overachieve" because it soothes their deep rooted insecurity.
she's has owned up to her controlling issues..well she doesn't seem to think it's an issue ..well most of the time. she's a gemini.
the attention seeking/needing to flex/prove to everyone how smart /accomplished she is...is something I've observed and tried to figure out myself. based on things she's told me about her parents and knowing other aspects about her past.....I've attributed that to insecurity.
but of course I could be projecting ( which is especially easy to do given some similarities about her present and past as we well as my present and past).....but that's what I've got.
I disagree. I think full-blown narcissism is bad by definition. I think you're confusing healthy self-esteem with narcissism.click to expand
Lol no .
I understand the differences .
People with healthy self esteem don’t brag and talk about themselves all the time . They also don’t suffer from pathological eating .
Also back to comment about full blown narcissism being bad ...first I might highlight that they are different types of full blown narcissists!
( vulnerable , communal , grandiose etc ).
Some narcissists harm themselves and not others which is not good either but is different than the malicious/ dangerous view most people have .
Posted by nanorobotPosted by AdreamuponwakingPosted by PhangusPosted by AdreamuponwakingPosted by PhangusPosted by Adreamuponwaking
any so like I said I convinced myself / really started to believe early on that she was a narcissist.
which has helped me to keep my emotions in check HOWEVER started to deep my sexual attraction to her which is fucked up.
I really wanted a sexual relationship with her....I need to practice.
Most people have tons more experience and should the right girl be out there
I fear I won't have the experience when it comes time.
I'm sick of getting offers from dudes and couples..sex wise.
You don't even like her, dude. Why are you upset about it?
I'm sexually frustrated.
I really want to experience having sex with someone I find physically attractive.
people say it's awesome.
as a 31 year old...I'm growing impatient.
also there are things I like about her...as well as I like how I feel around her in comparison to other girls from my past.
with the last girl...who I was really into I was nervous all the time..would second guess my texts...felt rejected/had constant blows to my ego.
with her there's this feeling that it will always be fun/light.i don't second guess myself and I don't feel nervous around her....and yet I am physically attracted to her.
also given her preference to communicate openly...she would have been perfect for an fwb type of experience.
I think I could have learned a lot about her ...but also women in general.
Fundamentally, though, you think she is a narcissist. As soon as she figures that out, she's not gonna want to be your friend.
maybe.
but I also think I'm a narcissist ....or at least have narcissistic tendencies. in reality we all have some narcissistic tendencies. it's really like a scale . Moreover all full blown narcissist aren't bad. they just are deeply insecure and have control issues. they love control...and they love to "flex" / "overachieve" because it soothes their deep rooted insecurity.
she's has owned up to her controlling issues..well she doesn't seem to think it's an issue ..well most of the time. she's a gemini.
the attention seeking/needing to flex/prove to everyone how smart /accomplished she is...is something I've observed and tried to figure out myself. based on things she's told me about her parents and knowing other aspects about her past.....I've attributed that to insecurity.
but of course I could be projecting ( which is especially easy to do given some similarities about her present and past as we well as my present and past).....but that's what I've got.
I didn’t see anything narcissistic about this situation and these interactions you posted about. I saw you pursuing a girl romantically, who definitely wanted to be friends and opened up to you. A girl who wanted to pursue a friendship. Was mature, kind, and frank with you.
As a 21 yr old Gemini, she truly could have been so much more shitty by stringing you along and then breaking your heart
As for her control, and needing to prove herself... she’s 21 years old! Of course she is insecure. She doesn’t know who she is or what she wants and she is trying to figure that out along with what her place in the world is.click to expand
Ok I didn’t play up the controlling aspect on here .
For her sex is mostly about mind control .
She explicitly told me that .
She fantasizes / is learning how to pole dancing because she wants the desire / control over others .
She’s into needles and electro play ....and not as a receiver she literally wants to inflict pain on her partners and control their mind because that’s what satisfies her the most .
She lacks empathy / can be callous at times . She complained about a kid with Tourette’s negatively distracting her for her gre exam . She’s made similar comments about other people who were obviously troubled but distracted her during lectures . I’ve seen the process of her devaluing people when the no longer feed her ego and or bruise it .
So ...... all of the above
Plus what I said about the exaggeration / bragging / concern for self over others/ constant attention seeking and fishing for compliments ( like she literally kept asking me what I thought about her ) Is how I came to the narcissistic conclusion .
I identify to some degree with some of her narcissistic traits . Especially the boasting , overachieving, seeking relationships of “value” because of a deep rooted insecurity due to growing up in a troubled home and being raised by manipulative parents .we actually have very similar childhoods.
I also identify trying gather as much info on other people so I can know what to expect from them because I have control issues as well .
I’d say I’m a vulnerable /communal narcissist where as she’s a grandiose one .
The main difference is I don’t want to inflict pain on anyone and for me sex isn’t about mind control .
Sex would be an outlet to feed my narcissistic supply...I’d try to go overboard and learn as much about and do as much to please my partner ultimately .....for the compliments/ to feed my ego . Which isnt healthy I know .
Posted by tizianiPosted by AdreamuponwakingPosted by tizianiPosted by AdreamuponwakingPosted by tiziani
It's tough when I met people where I feel like I have zero game, and my poise just went out the window.
But I'd resist temptation to try and explain away everything in retrospect. That is just friendzone-cope.
coping and reflecting is important and a good thing dude.
also it is really important to try to understand and learn from this experience so if and when something similar should happen again... I won't misinterpret and waste time again .
--------
upon reflecting and learning from you guys
if something like this happens to me in the future...I would make a move sooner/ as soon as I realized the physical attraction started...that way I would know sooner and could move on...instead of torturing myself /reading too much into things.
That's fair enough. Well I actually agree what you took out of it.
\
yeah I'm trying to be patient /kind to myself because this is a lesson I should have learned with the first girl...though that was a bit more complicated.
it was easier /less complicated to make a move with this girl...except for the fact I would have had to keep seeing her every week as we had a class together after she had turned me down.
I ultimately would have had to drop the class....which would have been probably a good thing. I absolutely hated that class and I ended up getting an incomplete. I have a little over a week to complete the course work for that class and it's a pain. Hoping I can pull it together so I don't fail it.
I'm in a very similar situation, with a hard deadline for next Friday. Play through the pain 🍹click to expand
Lol
I wish I could drink
Posted by Dreamy88Posted by PhangusPosted by Dreamy88Posted by AdreamuponwakingPosted by Dreamy88Posted by AdreamuponwakingPosted by Dreamy88Posted by AdreamuponwakingPosted by Dreamy88Posted by AdreamuponwakingPosted by Dreamy88Posted by AdreamuponwakingPosted by akitu
Wait hang on you told her?? Finally! What did she say to that bit I feel like that’s more important?
pretty sure I got curbed/friendzoned
she said she was really flattered a few times
and asked me a couple of follow up questions
( like when did the attraction start
was a curiosity or more of a desire
what prompted the feelings
would I rather the attraction be there or not)
she didn't really reciprocate...except for a few platonic compliments about my intelligence
she said as frustrating those crushes feel ( referring to the type that I have on her) ..she often enjoys them
and ultimately she was glad I told her because as my friend she wants to support me and that she tries to be open minded so that I can come to her with anything......
It sounds like she did curve you to me. That last paragraph, is that something she has said verbatim to you?
yep
Dam. Sorry for being so blunt to you. Well, on to the next, bro-dette
yeah she just likes the attention
*sigh*
I kind of feel like Gemini women look for more cerebral and slightly emotionally unavailable people, but that’s just my observation and idk if I’m even right.
lol but that's pretty much me though.
scratch that.....that is me.
she said she loves my big beautiful brain. we had a class together about a year and a half ago and I would often debate with the professor....which she loved.
I think it's why she pursued hanging out with me.
I’m kind of curious how it went in the beginning. I haven’t really read fully about how you two started off. Also, just curious, does she swing that way too or are you trying to turn her
our first hang out session she said she was into girls/ how she recently had her first kiss with a girl.
she's also specified her type.
I think she's a typical gemini woman. they are very open sexually. they won't necessarily marry or want to end up with a woman but they can and are usually willing to have a passionate affair or temporary relationship with a woman ala Angelina Jolie and Jenny Shimizu lol
That is the one huge thing I appreciate about Gemini women. They are super blunt. They’ll tell you with no filter if they like you or if you did something that offends them. It gels with my air placements so I appreciate solid communication.
Yeah, I really don't get what the problem is. She was honest.
It’s basically a hard pill to swallow. The Gemini isn’t interested beyond the “friendship”, and op will have to accept it and move forward from it. Geminis are pretty tactful in picking up that falling energy and making themselves charged again though, so hopefully op will be able to draw the lines whenever she needs to. Geminis are impressively amazing with communication to direct the flow almost exactly how they want. It’s mind blowing. They sense someone is pulling back and if they want, they can restore all of the energy back to bring that interest back
Also, the Gemini is only 21. She’s just entering the game and has plenty of more years to craft the skill
@adreamuponwakingclick to expand
Another Gemini with the same birthday actually just told me to not be discouraged and that I was still in the game for fwb.
One of the many people that told me to make a move .
I’m still glad I did and like I said to tizani I just wished I had done it sooner So I wouldn’t have wasted time reading into things and I could have drawn boundaries earlier .
My plan moving forward that I have had is to focus on myself . I really need to up the self care game .
Work on my self esteem .
I believe the attraction primarily formed because I actually thought she was coming on to me ..... in addition to the narcissism / thing .
If she wasn’t / isn’t anymore which seems to be the case the attraction will wan . I just need not to internalize the rejection and learn from it .
I usually internalize / get bitter about these things but am trying to expand my understanding about things . It’s helping to reflect about how I have curved others recently ...for similar reasons .
Posted by PhangusPosted by AdreamuponwakingPosted by PhangusPosted by AdreamuponwakingPosted by PhangusPosted by AdreamuponwakingPosted by PhangusPosted by Adreamuponwaking
any so like I said I convinced myself / really started to believe early on that she was a narcissist.
which has helped me to keep my emotions in check HOWEVER started to deep my sexual attraction to her which is fucked up.
I really wanted a sexual relationship with her....I need to practice.
Most people have tons more experience and should the right girl be out there
I fear I won't have the experience when it comes time.
I'm sick of getting offers from dudes and couples..sex wise.
You don't even like her, dude. Why are you upset about it?
I'm sexually frustrated.
I really want to experience having sex with someone I find physically attractive.
people say it's awesome.
as a 31 year old...I'm growing impatient.
also there are things I like about her...as well as I like how I feel around her in comparison to other girls from my past.
with the last girl...who I was really into I was nervous all the time..would second guess my texts...felt rejected/had constant blows to my ego.
with her there's this feeling that it will always be fun/light.i don't second guess myself and I don't feel nervous around her....and yet I am physically attracted to her.
also given her preference to communicate openly...she would have been perfect for an fwb type of experience.
I think I could have learned a lot about her ...but also women in general.
Fundamentally, though, you think she is a narcissist. As soon as she figures that out, she's not gonna want to be your friend.
maybe.
but I also think I'm a narcissist ....or at least have narcissistic tendencies. in reality we all have some narcissistic tendencies. it's really like a scale . Moreover all full blown narcissist aren't bad. they just are deeply insecure and have control issues. they love control...and they love to "flex" / "overachieve" because it soothes their deep rooted insecurity.
she's has owned up to her controlling issues..well she doesn't seem to think it's an issue ..well most of the time. she's a gemini.
the attention seeking/needing to flex/prove to everyone how smart /accomplished she is...is something I've observed and tried to figure out myself. based on things she's told me about her parents and knowing other aspects about her past.....I've attributed that to insecurity.
but of course I could be projecting ( which is especially easy to do given some similarities about her present and past as we well as my present and past).....but that's what I've got.
I disagree. I think full-blown narcissism is bad by definition. I think you're confusing healthy self-esteem with narcissism.
Lol no .
I understand the differences .
People with healthy self esteem don’t brag and talk about themselves all the time . They also don’t suffer from pathological eating .
Also back to comment about full blown narcissism being bad ...first I might highlight that they are different types of full blown narcissists!
( vulnerable , communal , grandiose etc ).
Some narcissists harm themselves and not others which is not good either but is different than the malicious/ dangerous view most people have .
If she brags about herself all the time I’m back to wondering why you want to be her friend anyway.
I didn’t say narcissists are bad. I said narcissism is bad. It’s most damaging to the narcissistic but potentially also to everyone around them.click to expand
As a Pisces ...who believes she is also a narcissist ..what do you think ? Lol
I’m not going to lie .
I initially found her a bit annoying but my nature is to always figure out the why .....
All of the hang out sessions and texts in which she mostly just talked about herself gave me plenty of data .....Which is how I formed this theory .
Just purely listening and observing .
Posted by nanorobotPosted by AdreamuponwakingPosted by PhangusPosted by AdreamuponwakingPosted by PhangusPosted by Adreamuponwaking
any so like I said I convinced myself / really started to believe early on that she was a narcissist.
which has helped me to keep my emotions in check HOWEVER started to deep my sexual attraction to her which is fucked up.
I really wanted a sexual relationship with her....I need to practice.
Most people have tons more experience and should the right girl be out there
I fear I won't have the experience when it comes time.
I'm sick of getting offers from dudes and couples..sex wise.
You don't even like her, dude. Why are you upset about it?
I'm sexually frustrated.
I really want to experience having sex with someone I find physically attractive.
people say it's awesome.
as a 31 year old...I'm growing impatient.
also there are things I like about her...as well as I like how I feel around her in comparison to other girls from my past.
with the last girl...who I was really into I was nervous all the time..would second guess my texts...felt rejected/had constant blows to my ego.
with her there's this feeling that it will always be fun/light.i don't second guess myself and I don't feel nervous around her....and yet I am physically attracted to her.
also given her preference to communicate openly...she would have been perfect for an fwb type of experience.
I think I could have learned a lot about her ...but also women in general.
Fundamentally, though, you think she is a narcissist. As soon as she figures that out, she's not gonna want to be your friend.
maybe.
but I also think I'm a narcissist ....or at least have narcissistic tendencies. in reality we all have some narcissistic tendencies. it's really like a scale . Moreover all full blown narcissist aren't bad. they just are deeply insecure and have control issues. they love control...and they love to "flex" / "overachieve" because it soothes their deep rooted insecurity.
she's has owned up to her controlling issues..well she doesn't seem to think it's an issue ..well most of the time. she's a gemini.
the attention seeking/needing to flex/prove to everyone how smart /accomplished she is...is something I've observed and tried to figure out myself. based on things she's told me about her parents and knowing other aspects about her past.....I've attributed that to insecurity.
but of course I could be projecting ( which is especially easy to do given some similarities about her present and past as we well as my present and past).....but that's what I've got.
I didn’t see anything narcissistic about this situation and these interactions you posted about. I saw you pursuing a girl romantically, who definitely wanted to be friends and opened up to you.click to expand
Also something that I just want I address /really irked me about your last post is
I don't get how you saw me "pursuing a girl who definitely wanted to be friends".
SHE INITIATED and TEXTED ME all day every day for several weeks.......
She repeatedly invited me to events , things or to get work done together.
which I misinterpreted. I understand that now.
------
Let's just be clear I did not think she was cute initially . I honestly thought she was pursuing me...which fostered interest...and then the getting to know her "vulnerable" side is what sparked the attractiongave me the incentive to try and make a move or at the very least test the waters.
I'm a Pisces Sun with a taurus Venus . I'm passive as fuck . Taurus Venus people aren't initiators....we drag our feet and test out things. We like a sure thing.
The gift idea was a test to see where her head was at because I wasn't 100 percent certain.
I didn't finally make a move until this past Monday after a month and a half of reflecting on cryptic messages she randomly sent me again about wanting a non specified person to open up , appreciating words over gifts
and being down for a temporary passionate thing.....
which I guess was about someone else....but I again interpreted that ish wrong.
my pisces friend who I had feelings about a decade ago .......who did in hindsight reciprocate....encouraged me to make a move after sharing what the gemini said. just to give you context with my pisces friend btw I convinced myself that she was straight and not interested despite her making serval physical moves with me over the course of our friendship. I dragged my feet with the pisces . I encouraged the pisces to get a boyfriend and eventually told her about my feelings over a year into our friendship.
I thought it was fitting to have someone who I had such an experience with and who knows me so well encourage me to take more risks when I think I'm interested in someone...and so I did.
Posted by PhangusPosted by AdreamuponwakingPosted by PhangusPosted by AdreamuponwakingPosted by PhangusPosted by AdreamuponwakingPosted by PhangusPosted by AdreamuponwakingPosted by PhangusPosted by Adreamuponwaking
any so like I said I convinced myself / really started to believe early on that she was a narcissist.
which has helped me to keep my emotions in check HOWEVER started to deep my sexual attraction to her which is fucked up.
I really wanted a sexual relationship with her....I need to practice.
Most people have tons more experience and should the right girl be out there
I fear I won't have the experience when it comes time.
I'm sick of getting offers from dudes and couples..sex wise.
You don't even like her, dude. Why are you upset about it?
I'm sexually frustrated.
I really want to experience having sex with someone I find physically attractive.
people say it's awesome.
as a 31 year old...I'm growing impatient.
also there are things I like about her...as well as I like how I feel around her in comparison to other girls from my past.
with the last girl...who I was really into I was nervous all the time..would second guess my texts...felt rejected/had constant blows to my ego.
with her there's this feeling that it will always be fun/light.i don't second guess myself and I don't feel nervous around her....and yet I am physically attracted to her.
also given her preference to communicate openly...she would have been perfect for an fwb type of experience.
I think I could have learned a lot about her ...but also women in general.
Fundamentally, though, you think she is a narcissist. As soon as she figures that out, she's not gonna want to be your friend.
maybe.
but I also think I'm a narcissist ....or at least have narcissistic tendencies. in reality we all have some narcissistic tendencies. it's really like a scale . Moreover all full blown narcissist aren't bad. they just are deeply insecure and have control issues. they love control...and they love to "flex" / "overachieve" because it soothes their deep rooted insecurity.
she's has owned up to her controlling issues..well she doesn't seem to think it's an issue ..well most of the time. she's a gemini.
the attention seeking/needing to flex/prove to everyone how smart /accomplished she is...is something I've observed and tried to figure out myself. based on things she's told me about her parents and knowing other aspects about her past.....I've attributed that to insecurity.
but of course I could be projecting ( which is especially easy to do given some similarities about her present and past as we well as my present and past).....but that's what I've got.
I disagree. I think full-blown narcissism is bad by definition. I think you're confusing healthy self-esteem with narcissism.
Lol no .
I understand the differences .
People with healthy self esteem don’t brag and talk about themselves all the time . They also don’t suffer from pathological eating .
Also back to comment about full blown narcissism being bad ...first I might highlight that they are different types of full blown narcissists!
( vulnerable , communal , grandiose etc ).
Some narcissists harm themselves and not others which is not good either but is different than the malicious/ dangerous view most people have .
If she brags about herself all the time I’m back to wondering why you want to be her friend anyway.
I didn’t say narcissists are bad. I said narcissism is bad. It’s most damaging to the narcissistic but potentially also to everyone around them.
As a Pisces ...who believes she is also a narcissist ..what do you think ? Lol
I’m not going to lie .
I initially found her a bit annoying but my nature is to always figure out the why .....
All of the hang out sessions and texts in which she mostly just talked about herself gave me plenty of data .....Which is how I formed this theory .
Just purely listening and observing .
I don't know. I avoid people I don't like, and would be very upset to find that someone I thought was a friend secretly didn't like me. I'd feel tricked, to be quite honest, especially if that person was trying to get sexually intimate with me.click to expand
I don't dislike her. The narcissistic thing makes me feel like I'm in control and is comforting. I knew what to expect from her. Needless to say my family dynamics are pretty messed up. Manipulation and control ( of me) are what I know....and manipulating manipulators is also what I know. Vulnerable narcissist play weak or rather emphasize their weakness to test people. People reveal more to you when they don't see you as a threat..and the more you know about people..the more control you have over the interaction with them. You can't necessarily control them but you can control what you do around them and avoid certain outcomes. They won't ever really be able to hurt you this way.
I know it's not healthy.
Also last thing to add as far as my narcissist theory goes is I noticed that the gemini mirrors me which is typical of narcissist .
she literally will reuse my words or pose my own opinions as her own a few months down the line......
super crazy. I'm proud of myself to recognize it pretty early on.
...there seemed to be this lack of true deep connection when she would say these things like I miss you. I tried gazing into her eyes a couple of times..and it just seemed empty.
It wasn't like my past romantic entanglements or even with my close friends where there was really solid bonding...listening to each other...spending time here and there and supporting each other and knowing each other for awhile. Connections take time. So there's that also.
she literally will reuse my words or pose my own opinions as her own a few months down the line......
super crazy. I'm proud of myself to recognize it pretty early on.
...there seemed to be this lack of true deep connection when she would say these things like I miss you. I tried gazing into her eyes a couple of times..and it just seemed empty.
It wasn't like my past romantic entanglements or even with my close friends where there was really solid bonding...listening to each other...spending time here and there and supporting each other and knowing each other for awhile. Connections take time. So there's that also.
Posted by PhangusPosted by AdreamuponwakingPosted by PhangusPosted by AdreamuponwakingPosted by PhangusPosted by AdreamuponwakingPosted by PhangusPosted by AdreamuponwakingPosted by PhangusPosted by AdreamuponwakingPosted by PhangusPosted by Adreamuponwaking
any so like I said I convinced myself / really started to believe early on that she was a narcissist.
which has helped me to keep my emotions in check HOWEVER started to deep my sexual attraction to her which is fucked up.
I really wanted a sexual relationship with her....I need to practice.
Most people have tons more experience and should the right girl be out there
I fear I won't have the experience when it comes time.
I'm sick of getting offers from dudes and couples..sex wise.
You don't even like her, dude. Why are you upset about it?
I'm sexually frustrated.
I really want to experience having sex with someone I find physically attractive.
people say it's awesome.
as a 31 year old...I'm growing impatient.
also there are things I like about her...as well as I like how I feel around her in comparison to other girls from my past.
with the last girl...who I was really into I was nervous all the time..would second guess my texts...felt rejected/had constant blows to my ego.
with her there's this feeling that it will always be fun/light.i don't second guess myself and I don't feel nervous around her....and yet I am physically attracted to her.
also given her preference to communicate openly...she would have been perfect for an fwb type of experience.
I think I could have learned a lot about her ...but also women in general.
Fundamentally, though, you think she is a narcissist. As soon as she figures that out, she's not gonna want to be your friend.
maybe.
but I also think I'm a narcissist ....or at least have narcissistic tendencies. in reality we all have some narcissistic tendencies. it's really like a scale . Moreover all full blown narcissist aren't bad. they just are deeply insecure and have control issues. they love control...and they love to "flex" / "overachieve" because it soothes their deep rooted insecurity.
she's has owned up to her controlling issues..well she doesn't seem to think it's an issue ..well most of the time. she's a gemini.
the attention seeking/needing to flex/prove to everyone how smart /accomplished she is...is something I've observed and tried to figure out myself. based on things she's told me about her parents and knowing other aspects about her past.....I've attributed that to insecurity.
but of course I could be projecting ( which is especially easy to do given some similarities about her present and past as we well as my present and past).....but that's what I've got.
I disagree. I think full-blown narcissism is bad by definition. I think you're confusing healthy self-esteem with narcissism.
Lol no .
I understand the differences .
People with healthy self esteem don’t brag and talk about themselves all the time . They also don’t suffer from pathological eating .
Also back to comment about full blown narcissism being bad ...first I might highlight that they are different types of full blown narcissists!
( vulnerable , communal , grandiose etc ).
Some narcissists harm themselves and not others which is not good either but is different than the malicious/ dangerous view most people have .
If she brags about herself all the time I’m back to wondering why you want to be her friend anyway.
I didn’t say narcissists are bad. I said narcissism is bad. It’s most damaging to the narcissistic but potentially also to everyone around them.
As a Pisces ...who believes she is also a narcissist ..what do you think ? Lol
I’m not going to lie .
I initially found her a bit annoying but my nature is to always figure out the why .....
All of the hang out sessions and texts in which she mostly just talked about herself gave me plenty of data .....Which is how I formed this theory .
Just purely listening and observing .
I don't know. I avoid people I don't like, and would be very upset to find that someone I thought was a friend secretly didn't like me. I'd feel tricked, to be quite honest, especially if that person was trying to get sexually intimate with me.
I don't dislike her. The narcissistic thing makes me feel like I'm in control and is comforting. I knew what to expect from her. Needless to say my family dynamics are pretty messed up. Manipulation and control ( of me) are what I know....and manipulating manipulators is also what I know. Vulnerable narcissist play weak or rather emphasize their weakness to test people. People reveal more to you when they don't see you as a threat..and the more you know about people..the more control you have over the interaction with them. You can't necessarily control them but you can control what you do around them and avoid certain outcomes. They won't ever really be able to hurt you this way.
I know it's not healthy.
If you know that it is unhealthy, why do you continue to do it and expect a good outcome? You haven't been straight up with this Gemini, so frankly, she owes you nothing.click to expand
lol I didn't say she owed me anything..did I?
Also this is something I recently learned about myself. I'm literally talking last month (December).
After my surgery I had a lot of down time and I have just been reflecting.
I already brought it up with my therapist. It something I'm going to have to learn to deal with.
This is a mechanism that has developed over 31 years via having an unstable living environment and developing insecure attachment. I'm anxious avoidant...I've at least known that for the past decade and have been working on it.
The narcissism thing again is new.
Posted by PhangusPosted by AdreamuponwakingPosted by PhangusPosted by AdreamuponwakingPosted by PhangusPosted by AdreamuponwakingPosted by PhangusPosted by AdreamuponwakingPosted by PhangusPosted by AdreamuponwakingPosted by PhangusPosted by AdreamuponwakingPosted by PhangusPosted by Adreamuponwaking
any so like I said I convinced myself / really started to believe early on that she was a narcissist.
which has helped me to keep my emotions in check HOWEVER started to deep my sexual attraction to her which is fucked up.
I really wanted a sexual relationship with her....I need to practice.
Most people have tons more experience and should the right girl be out there
I fear I won't have the experience when it comes time.
I'm sick of getting offers from dudes and couples..sex wise.
You don't even like her, dude. Why are you upset about it?
I'm sexually frustrated.
I really want to experience having sex with someone I find physically attractive.
people say it's awesome.
as a 31 year old...I'm growing impatient.
also there are things I like about her...as well as I like how I feel around her in comparison to other girls from my past.
with the last girl...who I was really into I was nervous all the time..would second guess my texts...felt rejected/had constant blows to my ego.
with her there's this feeling that it will always be fun/light.i don't second guess myself and I don't feel nervous around her....and yet I am physically attracted to her.
also given her preference to communicate openly...she would have been perfect for an fwb type of experience.
I think I could have learned a lot about her ...but also women in general.
Fundamentally, though, you think she is a narcissist. As soon as she figures that out, she's not gonna want to be your friend.
maybe.
but I also think I'm a narcissist ....or at least have narcissistic tendencies. in reality we all have some narcissistic tendencies. it's really like a scale . Moreover all full blown narcissist aren't bad. they just are deeply insecure and have control issues. they love control...and they love to "flex" / "overachieve" because it soothes their deep rooted insecurity.
she's has owned up to her controlling issues..well she doesn't seem to think it's an issue ..well most of the time. she's a gemini.
the attention seeking/needing to flex/prove to everyone how smart /accomplished she is...is something I've observed and tried to figure out myself. based on things she's told me about her parents and knowing other aspects about her past.....I've attributed that to insecurity.
but of course I could be projecting ( which is especially easy to do given some similarities about her present and past as we well as my present and past).....but that's what I've got.
I disagree. I think full-blown narcissism is bad by definition. I think you're confusing healthy self-esteem with narcissism.
Lol no .
I understand the differences .
People with healthy self esteem don’t brag and talk about themselves all the time . They also don’t suffer from pathological eating .
Also back to comment about full blown narcissism being bad ...first I might highlight that they are different types of full blown narcissists!
( vulnerable , communal , grandiose etc ).
Some narcissists harm themselves and not others which is not good either but is different than the malicious/ dangerous view most people have .
If she brags about herself all the time I’m back to wondering why you want to be her friend anyway.
I didn’t say narcissists are bad. I said narcissism is bad. It’s most damaging to the narcissistic but potentially also to everyone around them.
As a Pisces ...who believes she is also a narcissist ..what do you think ? Lol
I’m not going to lie .
I initially found her a bit annoying but my nature is to always figure out the why .....
All of the hang out sessions and texts in which she mostly just talked about herself gave me plenty of data .....Which is how I formed this theory .
Just purely listening and observing .
I don't know. I avoid people I don't like, and would be very upset to find that someone I thought was a friend secretly didn't like me. I'd feel tricked, to be quite honest, especially if that person was trying to get sexually intimate with me.
I don't dislike her. The narcissistic thing makes me feel like I'm in control and is comforting. I knew what to expect from her. Needless to say my family dynamics are pretty messed up. Manipulation and control ( of me) are what I know....and manipulating manipulators is also what I know. Vulnerable narcissist play weak or rather emphasize their weakness to test people. People reveal more to you when they don't see you as a threat..and the more you know about people..the more control you have over the interaction with them. You can't necessarily control them but you can control what you do around them and avoid certain outcomes. They won't ever really be able to hurt you this way.
I know it's not healthy.
If you know that it is unhealthy, why do you continue to do it and expect a good outcome? You haven't been straight up with this Gemini, so frankly, she owes you nothing.
lol I didn't say she owed me anything..did I?
Also this is something I recently learned about myself. I'm literally talking last month (December).
After my surgery I had a lot of down time and I have just been reflecting.
I already brought it up with my therapist. It something I'm going to have to learn to deal with.
This is a mechanism that has developed over 31 years via having an unstable living environment and developing insecure attachment. I'm anxious avoidant...I've at least known that for the past decade and have been working on it.
The narcissism thing again is new.
You didn't exactly. But it seems like you felt you were led on, and you seem to question the motives of all of her actions rather than take any of them face value, while simultaneously not revealing anything about yourself. Is it possible you're projecting?click to expand
Two things
numero uno -
I don't think I am comfortable with the phrase "led on" because I associate it with being salty or upset ... as people usually are when they feel like they were led on.
But I don't feel that way.While I do feel like she did things which made me feel like she was pursuing me...and was a bit cryptic with her DMs...I'm not salty. I think if I were younger and inexperienced and I had really invested my emotions like I did with other girls ( if that were at all possible) I definitely would have felt upset.
The moment this girl started engaging with me my thought was ...what is her angle? Even when she started to pursue hanging out with me hardcore / trying to make herself available to help me with the class material....I was always thinking what is her angle? What is she getting? She's all business all the time and from the east coast. She talks really fast and has this anxious energy.
numero dos -
As for the projecting..I literally mentioned that I could be to a certain extent in previous posts addressed to you. That is how in fact came up with the theory that I may myself be a narcissist hence all the research and finding out about the different types. I knew I wasn't exactly the same.
I have settled on though that it is not pure projection because of all of the reasons I outlined above ...most of what she explicitly said to me...especially about the deriving pleasure from control and inflicting pain on others.
If it weren't for that...I could say that maybe this is just 100 percent pure projection. But the mind control thing coupled with everything else....she's textbook. Especially the mirroring. She's literally been like a parrot at times. 🦜
-------------
Also Phangus quick question- when divulging intimate things about yourself to your friends when you were In college ...I'm assuming you did that after you had known them for awhile right and they were truly your friends?
This gemini did it the first time we hung out. For me that was a red flag...and my therapist agrees. It was an attempt to manipulate me ..to make me feel closer to her.
Which worked as I did form an attachment to her...but because I liked that she was trying to manipulate me/wanted me to like her....as it felt familiar. It's how I was raised. Also huge ego boost. when a narcissist identifies another ( accomplished) narcissist who is trying to pursue them....... it's like an ultimate jackpot kind of pay off/feed for the narcissistic supply
Posted by PhangusPosted by AdreamuponwakingPosted by PhangusPosted by AdreamuponwakingPosted by PhangusPosted by AdreamuponwakingPosted by PhangusPosted by AdreamuponwakingPosted by PhangusPosted by AdreamuponwakingPosted by PhangusPosted by AdreamuponwakingPosted by PhangusPosted by AdreamuponwakingPosted by PhangusPosted by Adreamuponwaking
any so like I said I convinced myself / really started to believe early on that she was a narcissist.
which has helped me to keep my emotions in check HOWEVER started to deep my sexual attraction to her which is fucked up.
I really wanted a sexual relationship with her....I need to practice.
Most people have tons more experience and should the right girl be out there
I fear I won't have the experience when it comes time.
I'm sick of getting offers from dudes and couples..sex wise.
You don't even like her, dude. Why are you upset about it?
I'm sexually frustrated.
I really want to experience having sex with someone I find physically attractive.
people say it's awesome.
as a 31 year old...I'm growing impatient.
also there are things I like about her...as well as I like how I feel around her in comparison to other girls from my past.
with the last girl...who I was really into I was nervous all the time..would second guess my texts...felt rejected/had constant blows to my ego.
with her there's this feeling that it will always be fun/light.i don't second guess myself and I don't feel nervous around her....and yet I am physically attracted to her.
also given her preference to communicate openly...she would have been perfect for an fwb type of experience.
I think I could have learned a lot about her ...but also women in general.
Fundamentally, though, you think she is a narcissist. As soon as she figures that out, she's not gonna want to be your friend.
maybe.
but I also think I'm a narcissist ....or at least have narcissistic tendencies. in reality we all have some narcissistic tendencies. it's really like a scale . Moreover all full blown narcissist aren't bad. they just are deeply insecure and have control issues. they love control...and they love to "flex" / "overachieve" because it soothes their deep rooted insecurity.
she's has owned up to her controlling issues..well she doesn't seem to think it's an issue ..well most of the time. she's a gemini.
the attention seeking/needing to flex/prove to everyone how smart /accomplished she is...is something I've observed and tried to figure out myself. based on things she's told me about her parents and knowing other aspects about her past.....I've attributed that to insecurity.
but of course I could be projecting ( which is especially easy to do given some similarities about her present and past as we well as my present and past).....but that's what I've got.
I disagree. I think full-blown narcissism is bad by definition. I think you're confusing healthy self-esteem with narcissism.
Lol no .
I understand the differences .
People with healthy self esteem don’t brag and talk about themselves all the time . They also don’t suffer from pathological eating .
Also back to comment about full blown narcissism being bad ...first I might highlight that they are different types of full blown narcissists!
( vulnerable , communal , grandiose etc ).
Some narcissists harm themselves and not others which is not good either but is different than the malicious/ dangerous view most people have .
If she brags about herself all the time I’m back to wondering why you want to be her friend anyway.
I didn’t say narcissists are bad. I said narcissism is bad. It’s most damaging to the narcissistic but potentially also to everyone around them.
As a Pisces ...who believes she is also a narcissist ..what do you think ? Lol
I’m not going to lie .
I initially found her a bit annoying but my nature is to always figure out the why .....
All of the hang out sessions and texts in which she mostly just talked about herself gave me plenty of data .....Which is how I formed this theory .
Just purely listening and observing .
I don't know. I avoid people I don't like, and would be very upset to find that someone I thought was a friend secretly didn't like me. I'd feel tricked, to be quite honest, especially if that person was trying to get sexually intimate with me.
I don't dislike her. The narcissistic thing makes me feel like I'm in control and is comforting. I knew what to expect from her. Needless to say my family dynamics are pretty messed up. Manipulation and control ( of me) are what I know....and manipulating manipulators is also what I know. Vulnerable narcissist play weak or rather emphasize their weakness to test people. People reveal more to you when they don't see you as a threat..and the more you know about people..the more control you have over the interaction with them. You can't necessarily control them but you can control what you do around them and avoid certain outcomes. They won't ever really be able to hurt you this way.
I know it's not healthy.
If you know that it is unhealthy, why do you continue to do it and expect a good outcome? You haven't been straight up with this Gemini, so frankly, she owes you nothing.
lol I didn't say she owed me anything..did I?
Also this is something I recently learned about myself. I'm literally talking last month (December).
After my surgery I had a lot of down time and I have just been reflecting.
I already brought it up with my therapist. It something I'm going to have to learn to deal with.
This is a mechanism that has developed over 31 years via having an unstable living environment and developing insecure attachment. I'm anxious avoidant...I've at least known that for the past decade and have been working on it.
The narcissism thing again is new.
You didn't exactly. But it seems like you felt you were led on, and you seem to question the motives of all of her actions rather than take any of them face value, while simultaneously not revealing anything about yourself. Is it possible you're projecting?
Two things
numero uno -
I don't think I am comfortable with the phrase "led on" because I associate it with being salty or upset ... as people usually are when they feel like they were led on.
-------------
Also Phangus quick question- when divulging intimate things about yourself to your friends when you were In college ...I'm assuming you did that after you had known them for awhile right and they were truly your friends?
This gemini did it the first time we hung out. For me that was a red flag...and my therapist agrees. It was an attempt to manipulate me ..to make me feel closer to her.
Which worked as I did form an attachment to her...but because I liked that she was trying to manipulate me/wanted me to like her....as it felt familiar. It's how I was raised. Also huge ego boost. when a narcissist identifies another ( accomplished) narcissist who is trying to pursue them....... it's like an ultimate jackpot kind of pay off/feed for the narcissistic supply
Yeah, I read saltiness. I suppose I read that into it since you don't feel that way.
I think sexual sadism is on another axis/plane/whatever than narcissism, isn't it? It's difficult for me to understand as well, but I understand them as not necessarily related. Verbatim parroting is weird. I'm not sure I've seen that behavior.
I formed bonds a lot more quickly with my college friends than with other people because we met in the dorms and did everything together. I can't remember how quickly I actually started divulging intimate things, but it probably wasn't the first day, and it would have been a more appropriate place than in class, like in someone's dorm room after a drinking party. I bonded fairly quickly with my grad school friends, but I was already more mature and discreet by that point, and I wasn't living so communally.click to expand
yeah exactly !Having lived on campus...in dorms there is this potential to get closer to people faster but not on day one I experienced with my roommate and with others. At uni you are away from your family and the people you see everyday act as surrogates. For me my friends also were my family or at least the closest thing I ever had to one...especially since I come from a highly dysfunctional one. They were instrumental in getting me to realize that actually. I didn't know until I was out in the real world how different other families were ...
Posted by PhangusPosted by AdreamuponwakingPosted by PhangusPosted by AdreamuponwakingPosted by PhangusPosted by AdreamuponwakingPosted by PhangusPosted by AdreamuponwakingPosted by PhangusPosted by AdreamuponwakingPosted by PhangusPosted by AdreamuponwakingPosted by PhangusPosted by AdreamuponwakingPosted by PhangusPosted by Adreamuponwaking
any so like I said I convinced myself / really started to believe early on that she was a narcissist.
which has helped me to keep my emotions in check HOWEVER started to deep my sexual attraction to her which is fucked up.
I really wanted a sexual relationship with her....I need to practice.
Most people have tons more experience and should the right girl be out there
I fear I won't have the experience when it comes time.
I'm sick of getting offers from dudes and couples..sex wise.
You don't even like her, dude. Why are you upset about it?
I'm sexually frustrated.
I really want to experience having sex with someone I find physically attractive.
people say it's awesome.
as a 31 year old...I'm growing impatient.
also there are things I like about her...as well as I like how I feel around her in comparison to other girls from my past.
with the last girl...who I was really into I was nervous all the time..would second guess my texts...felt rejected/had constant blows to my ego.
with her there's this feeling that it will always be fun/light.i don't second guess myself and I don't feel nervous around her....and yet I am physically attracted to her.
also given her preference to communicate openly...she would have been perfect for an fwb type of experience.
I think I could have learned a lot about her ...but also women in general.
Fundamentally, though, you think she is a narcissist. As soon as she figures that out, she's not gonna want to be your friend.
maybe.
but I also think I'm a narcissist ....or at least have narcissistic tendencies. in reality we all have some narcissistic tendencies. it's really like a scale . Moreover all full blown narcissist aren't bad. they just are deeply insecure and have control issues. they love control...and they love to "flex" / "overachieve" because it soothes their deep rooted insecurity.
she's has owned up to her controlling issues..well she doesn't seem to think it's an issue ..well most of the time. she's a gemini.
the attention seeking/needing to flex/prove to everyone how smart /accomplished she is...is something I've observed and tried to figure out myself. based on things she's told me about her parents and knowing other aspects about her past.....I've attributed that to insecurity.
but of course I could be projecting ( which is especially easy to do given some similarities about her present and past as we well as my present and past).....but that's what I've got.
I disagree. I think full-blown narcissism is bad by definition. I think you're confusing healthy self-esteem with narcissism.
Lol no .
I understand the differences .
People with healthy self esteem don’t brag and talk about themselves all the time . They also don’t suffer from pathological eating .
Also back to comment about full blown narcissism being bad ...first I might highlight that they are different types of full blown narcissists!
( vulnerable , communal , grandiose etc ).
Some narcissists harm themselves and not others which is not good either but is different than the malicious/ dangerous view most people have .
If she brags about herself all the time I’m back to wondering why you want to be her friend anyway.
I didn’t say narcissists are bad. I said narcissism is bad. It’s most damaging to the narcissistic but potentially also to everyone around them.
As a Pisces ...who believes she is also a narcissist ..what do you think ? Lol
I’m not going to lie .
I initially found her a bit annoying but my nature is to always figure out the why .....
All of the hang out sessions and texts in which she mostly just talked about herself gave me plenty of data .....Which is how I formed this theory .
Just purely listening and observing .
I don't know. I avoid people I don't like, and would be very upset to find that someone I thought was a friend secretly didn't like me. I'd feel tricked, to be quite honest, especially if that person was trying to get sexually intimate with me.
I don't dislike her. The narcissistic thing makes me feel like I'm in control and is comforting. I knew what to expect from her. Needless to say my family dynamics are pretty messed up. Manipulation and control ( of me) are what I know....and manipulating manipulators is also what I know. Vulnerable narcissist play weak or rather emphasize their weakness to test people. People reveal more to you when they don't see you as a threat..and the more you know about people..the more control you have over the interaction with them. You can't necessarily control them but you can control what you do around them and avoid certain outcomes. They won't ever really be able to hurt you this way.
I know it's not healthy.
If you know that it is unhealthy, why do you continue to do it and expect a good outcome? You haven't been straight up with this Gemini, so frankly, she owes you nothing.
lol I didn't say she owed me anything..did I?
Also this is something I recently learned about myself. I'm literally talking last month (December).
After my surgery I had a lot of down time and I have just been reflecting.
I already brought it up with my therapist. It something I'm going to have to learn to deal with.
This is a mechanism that has developed over 31 years via having an unstable living environment and developing insecure attachment. I'm anxious avoidant...I've at least known that for the past decade and have been working on it.
The narcissism thing again is new.
You didn't exactly. But it seems like you felt you were led on, and you seem to question the motives of all of her actions rather than take any of them face value, while simultaneously not revealing anything about yourself. Is it possible you're projecting?
Two things
numero uno -
I don't think I am comfortable with the phrase "led on" because I associate it with being salty or upset ... as people usually are when they feel like they were led on.
-------------
Also Phangus quick question- when divulging intimate things about yourself to your friends when you were In college ...I'm assuming you did that after you had known them for awhile right and they were truly your friends?
This gemini did it the first time we hung out. For me that was a red flag...and my therapist agrees. It was an attempt to manipulate me ..to make me feel closer to her.
Which worked as I did form an attachment to her...but because I liked that she was trying to manipulate me/wanted me to like her....as it felt familiar. It's how I was raised. Also huge ego boost. when a narcissist identifies another ( accomplished) narcissist who is trying to pursue them....... it's like an ultimate jackpot kind of pay off/feed for the narcissistic supply
Yeah, I read saltiness. I suppose I read that into it since you don't feel that way.
I think sexual sadism is on another axis/plane/whatever than narcissism, isn't it? It's difficult for me to understand as well, but I understand them as not necessarily related. Verbatim parroting is weird. I'm not sure I've seen that behavior.click to expand
yeah I think it could be but I actually wondered if her equating inflicting pain with pleasure came from being assaulted in HS. One of her primary experiences being intimate was being assaulted . I do know it's definitely why she started getting piercings. It helps her to dissociate ( from the site of her trauma) . She has a relatively thick skin-ego as most narcissists do according to the work of Didier .
Also I just realized that the controlling of pain in it's various forms ( the pain she gets from her depriving herself from not eating, or when she gets pierced or the pain she gives to others ) also is maybe a part of a coping strategy born from the trauma she's suffered growing up in an unstable environment as well as the assault she experienced. Whenever she is stressed she resorts to one of these..as it gives her a sense of control since she is literally controlling the time and parameters included the magnitude and type of pain experienced.
Posted by Dreamy88Posted by PhangusPosted by Dreamy88Posted by PhangusPosted by Dreamy88Posted by AdreamuponwakingPosted by Dreamy88Posted by AdreamuponwakingPosted by Dreamy88Posted by AdreamuponwakingPosted by Dreamy88Posted by AdreamuponwakingPosted by Dreamy88Posted by AdreamuponwakingPosted by akitu
Wait hang on you told her?? Finally! What did she say to that bit I feel like that’s more important?
pretty sure I got curbed/friendzoned
she said she was really flattered a few times
and asked me a couple of follow up questions
( like when did the attraction start
was a curiosity or more of a desire
what prompted the feelings
would I rather the attraction be there or not)
she didn't really reciprocate...except for a few platonic compliments about my intelligence
she said as frustrating those crushes feel ( referring to the type that I have on her) ..she often enjoys them
and ultimately she was glad I told her because as my friend she wants to support me and that she tries to be open minded so that I can come to her with anything......
It sounds like she did curve you to me. That last paragraph, is that something she has said verbatim to you?
yep
Dam. Sorry for being so blunt to you. Well, on to the next, bro-dette
yeah she just likes the attention
*sigh*
I kind of feel like Gemini women look for more cerebral and slightly emotionally unavailable people, but that’s just my observation and idk if I’m even right.
lol but that's pretty much me though.
scratch that.....that is me.
she said she loves my big beautiful brain. we had a class together about a year and a half ago and I would often debate with the professor....which she loved.
I think it's why she pursued hanging out with me.
I’m kind of curious how it went in the beginning. I haven’t really read fully about how you two started off. Also, just curious, does she swing that way too or are you trying to turn her
our first hang out session she said she was into girls/ how she recently had her first kiss with a girl.
she's also specified her type.
I think she's a typical gemini woman. they are very open sexually. they won't necessarily marry or want to end up with a woman but they can and are usually willing to have a passionate affair or temporary relationship with a woman ala Angelina Jolie and Jenny Shimizu lol
That is the one huge thing I appreciate about Gemini women. They are super blunt. They’ll tell you with no filter if they like you or if you did something that offends them. It gels with my air placements so I appreciate solid communication.
Yeah, I really don't get what the problem is. She was honest.
It’s basically a hard pill to swallow. The Gemini isn’t interested beyond the “friendship”, and op will have to accept it and move forward from it. Geminis are pretty tactful in picking up that falling energy and making themselves charged again though, so hopefully op will be able to draw the lines whenever she needs to. Geminis are impressively amazing with communication to direct the flow almost exactly how they want. It’s mind blowing. They sense someone is pulling back and if they want, they can restore all of the energy back to bring that interest back
Also, the Gemini is only 21. She’s just entering the game and has plenty of more years to craft the skill
@adreamuponwaking
Do you think the Gem has been intentionally hot and cold with her? If so, to what end?
That I can’t answer. There’s not enough information for me to grasp fully what is going on. She can be looking for a friend or not, but I will lean more towards the side that she really wants a friend and is pushing for thatclick to expand
My answer is I think she has always been looking for a source of attention. The label doesn't really matter. Friend or otherwise.
Posted by the_verdictofkiki
I don't think everyone is a narcissist... or that everyone has narcissistic tendencies... maybe that's why you were attracted to her.. because you saw yourself in her?
Anyway.. narcissists need constant validation of how great and amazing they are because they probably know they are really shitty ppl... like they know they are lacking somewhere whether they like to admit it or not... the professionals say because they feel like they are not enough.... and if they don't get the validation they want they snap...
Narcissistic tendencies start very early in life.. most likely introduced by a parent or whoever raised the child.... then in turn they make the child believe they are never enough... then the child grows up to be like them and treat all else as if they are not enough all while demanding admiration and validation 🤢🤢🤢🤢🤮🤮🤮🤮🤮.
True not everyone is a narcissist but everyone has narcissistic tendencies . Google it. A healthy dose of narcissism is central to developing/ getting one's needs.
People think of a narcissist as this one extreme thing....it helps to remember the best example of narcissism are babies. They simply don't know / understand the needs and wants of other people because of lack of development /maturity.
Also I agree with the influence of one of both parents...however what's interesting is that narcissism can develop if your parents make you feel like you aren't enough AS WELL as if they boost your ego too much/ feel like you can do no wrong. I believe my mother is a narcissist . She does engage in manipulation and gaslighting all the effing time.The devaluing was the worst. It once even culminated into me being homeless.
As for the gemini while she never ended up homeless I do know she struggles with food security because of her parents being self absorbed /having issues. I asked her about underwear and getting other stuff she needed and again she seemed to have had a similar upbringing to me. Her parents seem to be too self absorbed to really be in touch and consistent with providing for her. Her dad seems to be the worst from stories she said to me. He's literally told her about how he didn't really want to have kids/her. I can only imagine how knowing that growing up would make me feel.
And like I said to Phangus I have theorized that some of this might be projection but there were distinct character traits/actions that I myself don't possess that she does which are in line with narcissism.(Love bombing , mirroring , and inflicting physical pain and emotional ).
As for the commonalities we both have self esteem issues especially ...a history with pathological eating.
my parents , calling me fat and making other comments is what precipitated mine.
she hasn't specified how/ what her eating issue was..just that she had/has one which I believe. I did see an old facebook photo of her when she was about 15 and she was overweight. Flash forward to 16 she had lost a lot of weight, started dying her hair blonde etc.
Posted by nanorobotPosted by AdreamuponwakingPosted by nanorobotPosted by AdreamuponwakingPosted by PhangusPosted by AdreamuponwakingPosted by PhangusPosted by Adreamuponwaking
any so like I said I convinced myself / really started to believe early on that she was a narcissist.
which has helped me to keep my emotions in check HOWEVER started to deep my sexual attraction to her which is fucked up.
I really wanted a sexual relationship with her....I need to practice.
Most people have tons more experience and should the right girl be out there
I fear I won't have the experience when it comes time.
I'm sick of getting offers from dudes and couples..sex wise.
You don't even like her, dude. Why are you upset about it?
I'm sexually frustrated.
I really want to experience having sex with someone I find physically attractive.
people say it's awesome.
as a 31 year old...I'm growing impatient.
also there are things I like about her...as well as I like how I feel around her in comparison to other girls from my past.
with the last girl...who I was really into I was nervous all the time..would second guess my texts...felt rejected/had constant blows to my ego.
with her there's this feeling that it will always be fun/light.i don't second guess myself and I don't feel nervous around her....and yet I am physically attracted to her.
also given her preference to communicate openly...she would have been perfect for an fwb type of experience.
I think I could have learned a lot about her ...but also women in general.
Fundamentally, though, you think she is a narcissist. As soon as she figures that out, she's not gonna want to be your friend.
maybe.
but I also think I'm a narcissist ....or at least have narcissistic tendencies. in reality we all have some narcissistic tendencies. it's really like a scale . Moreover all full blown narcissist aren't bad. they just are deeply insecure and have control issues. they love control...and they love to "flex" / "overachieve" because it soothes their deep rooted insecurity.
she's has owned up to her controlling issues..well she doesn't seem to think it's an issue ..well most of the time. she's a gemini.
the attention seeking/needing to flex/prove to everyone how smart /accomplished she is...is something I've observed and tried to figure out myself. based on things she's told me about her parents and knowing other aspects about her past.....I've attributed that to insecurity.
but of course I could be projecting ( which is especially easy to do given some similarities about her present and past as we well as my present and past).....but that's what I've got.
I didn’t see anything narcissistic about this situation and these interactions you posted about. I saw you pursuing a girl romantically, who definitely wanted to be friends and opened up to you.
Also something that I just want I address /really irked me about your last post is
I don't get how you saw me "pursuing a girl who definitely wanted to be friends".
SHE INITIATED and TEXTED ME all day every day for several weeks.......
She repeatedly invited me to events , things or to get work done together.
which I misinterpreted. I understand that now.
------
Let's just be clear I did not think she was cute initially . I honestly thought she was pursuing me...which fostered interest...and then the getting to know her "vulnerable" side is what sparked the attractiongave me the incentive to try and make a move or at the very least test the waters.
I'm a Pisces Sun with a taurus Venus . I'm passive as fuck . Taurus Venus people aren't initiators....we drag our feet and test out things. We like a sure thing.
The gift idea was a test to see where her head was at because I wasn't 100 percent certain.
I didn't finally make a move until this past Monday after a month and a half of reflecting on cryptic messages she randomly sent me again about wanting a non specified person to open up , appreciating words over gifts
and being down for a temporary passionate thing.....
which I guess was about someone else....but I again interpreted that ish wrong.
my pisces friend who I had feelings about a decade ago .......who did in hindsight reciprocate....encouraged me to make a move after sharing what the gemini said. just to give you context with my pisces friend btw I convinced myself that she was straight and not interested despite her making serval physical moves with me over the course of our friendship. I dragged my feet with the pisces . I encouraged the pisces to get a boyfriend and eventually told her about my feelings over a year into our friendship.
I thought it was fitting to have someone who I had such an experience with and who knows me so well encourage me to take more risks when I think I'm interested in someone...and so I did.
As far as your “pursuing”, I think you put a lot of effort, care, and serious thought into her,click to expand
that's true.
but again I would say that is different than the traditional definition of pursue. I wouldn't conflate being invested in finding out what this behavior involving me was all about with me trying to get with her from day one.
I wanted a sexual relationship with her since and only after I was convinced that this unique behavior towards me was her conveying in sexual interest in me.
all of the unhealthy behavior that followed and me putting this person puzzle together/ figuring out what makes her tick..... served to deepened the sexual interest...because I'm a sick puppy.
Posted by the_verdictofkikiPosted by AdreamuponwakingPosted by the_verdictofkiki
I don't think everyone is a narcissist... or that everyone has narcissistic tendencies... maybe that's why you were attracted to her.. because you saw yourself in her?
Anyway.. narcissists need constant validation of how great and amazing they are because they probably know they are really shitty ppl... like they know they are lacking somewhere whether they like to admit it or not... the professionals say because they feel like they are not enough.... and if they don't get the validation they want they snap...
Narcissistic tendencies start very early in life.. most likely introduced by a parent or whoever raised the child.... then in turn they make the child believe they are never enough... then the child grows up to be like them and treat all else as if they are not enough all while demanding admiration and validation 🤢🤢🤢🤢🤮🤮🤮🤮🤮.
True not everyone is a narcissist but everyone has narcissistic tendencies . Google it. A healthy dose of narcissism is central to developing/ getting one's needs.
People think of a narcissist as this one extreme thing....it helps to remember the best example of narcissism are babies. They simply don't know / understand the needs and wants of other people because of lack of development /maturity.
Also I agree with the influence of one of both parents...however what's interesting is that narcissism can develop if your parents make you feel like you aren't enough AS WELL as if they boost your ego too much/ feel like you can do no wrong. I believe my mother is a narcissist . She does engage in manipulation and gaslighting all the effing time.The devaluing was the worst. It once even culminated into me being homeless.
As for the gemini while she never ended up homeless I do know she struggles with food security because of her parents being self absorbed /having issues. I asked her about underwear and getting other stuff she needed and again she seemed to have had a similar upbringing to me. Her parents seem to be too self absorbed to really be in touch and consistent with providing for her. Her dad seems to be the worst from stories she said to me. He's literally told her about how he didn't really want to have kids/her. I can only imagine how knowing that growing up would make me feel.
And like I said to Phangus I have theorized that some of this might be projection but there were distinct character traits/actions that I myself don't possess that she does which are in line with narcissism.(Love bombing , mirroring , and inflicting physical pain and emotional ).
As for the commonalities we both have self esteem issues especially ...a history with pathological eating.
my parents , calling me fat and making other comments is what precipitated mine.
she hasn't specified how/ what her eating issue was..just that she had/has one which I believe. I did see an old facebook photo of her when she was about 15 and she was overweight. Flash forward to 16 she had lost a lot of weight, started dying her hair blonde etc.
Narcissism is a psychological condition... so no I don't think a baby or babies are a perfect example for this... at least what I'm talking about:
*Narcissistic personality disorder — one of several types of personality disorders — is a mental condition in which people have an inflated sense of their own importance, a deep need for excessive attention and admiration, troubled relationships, and a lack of empathy for others.*
There could be other possible conditions that could be causing her behavior not just being a narcissist... because this is very specific type of behavior... does she need constant validation from you? And if she doesn't get it does she go get her narcissist supply elsewhere?.. because that is how a real narcissist behaves... they need their validation drug supply and will go to crazy extents to get it.
.click to expand
Again you are conflating narcissism with NPD. Narcissism itself is not a disorder.
Not everyone has NPD but everyone does have narcissistic tendencies at one point or another .
"Psychologically speaking, narcissism is a personality trait that every person possesses to some degree. Like any characteristic, it exists on a spectrum. We all fall somewhere along the narcissism continuum. In fact, a certain amount of self-centeredness is healthy. Research shows that it contributes to confidence, resilience, and ambition.
However, any personality trait taken to an extreme can become pathological."
and to answer your question YES she does. she constantly fishes for compliments and or attention.
the minute I turned her down for a hangout...because I was nyc...then she started to act really moody/flaky around me
even when I told her about my attraction...she was probing for my info....mainly to stroke her ego.
Posted by mars_in_cappy
Gee, this thread has taken a weird turn 😛
lol ...yeah there was this whole backstory. I didn't really share but to people in real life.
Posted by the_verdictofkikiPosted by AdreamuponwakingPosted by the_verdictofkiki
I don't think everyone is a narcissist... or that everyone has narcissistic tendencies... maybe that's why you were attracted to her.. because you saw yourself in her?
Anyway.. narcissists need constant validation of how great and amazing they are because they probably know they are really shitty ppl... like they know they are lacking somewhere whether they like to admit it or not... the professionals say because they feel like they are not enough.... and if they don't get the validation they want they snap...
Narcissistic tendencies start very early in life.. most likely introduced by a parent or whoever raised the child.... then in turn they make the child believe they are never enough... then the child grows up to be like them and treat all else as if they are not enough all while demanding admiration and validation 🤢🤢🤢🤢🤮🤮🤮🤮🤮.
True not everyone is a narcissist but everyone has narcissistic tendencies . Google it. A healthy dose of narcissism is central to developing/ getting one's needs.
People think of a narcissist as this one extreme thing....it helps to remember the best example of narcissism are babies. They simply don't know / understand the needs and wants of other people because of lack of development /maturity.
Also I agree with the influence of one of both parents...however what's interesting is that narcissism can develop if your parents make you feel like you aren't enough AS WELL as if they boost your ego too much/ feel like you can do no wrong. I believe my mother is a narcissist . She does engage in manipulation and gaslighting all the effing time.The devaluing was the worst. It once even culminated into me being homeless.
As for the gemini while she never ended up homeless I do know she struggles with food security because of her parents being self absorbed /having issues. I asked her about underwear and getting other stuff she needed and again she seemed to have had a similar upbringing to me. Her parents seem to be too self absorbed to really be in touch and consistent with providing for her. Her dad seems to be the worst from stories she said to me. He's literally told her about how he didn't really want to have kids/her. I can only imagine how knowing that growing up would make me feel.
And like I said to Phangus I have theorized that some of this might be projection but there were distinct character traits/actions that I myself don't possess that she does which are in line with narcissism.(Love bombing , mirroring , and inflicting physical pain and emotional ).
As for the commonalities we both have self esteem issues especially ...a history with pathological eating.
my parents , calling me fat and making other comments is what precipitated mine.
she hasn't specified how/ what her eating issue was..just that she had/has one which I believe. I did see an old facebook photo of her when she was about 15 and she was overweight. Flash forward to 16 she had lost a lot of weight, started dying her hair blonde etc.
I'm sorry you were put through that by your mother... but you are not her...nor have to be like her... its ultimately your choice.click to expand
I could never be like my mother. I do know for a fact I possess more empathy than she does.
I also fluctuate between narcissistic traits and echoistic traits...which makes sense given my upbringing.
My narcissism I would say has manifested the most in shitty jobs that I have had mostly also in group work.
In the past I would not understand/realize other people's needs and be concerned about my own\which I convinced myself is the same as my own.
For example ( e.g- working on an assignment for my past internship I thought was BS because there are ethical issues with the research we were doing). I took time/kept engaging my "team members" getting to know everyone else...especially their views about what we were doing not understanding that their views and knowledge base even were distinct from my own.
In the following meeting...it was obvious that I was seen as being disruptive.That project fell apart btw because it was BS.
In most of my interpersonal relationships I'd say the narcissism takes a different form. I more of a vulnerable narcissist / echoist. I suppress my needs and fear being a burden which in turn makes me feel like I'm deserving of love because I "care so much about my loved ones/am considering their needs that I am willing to sacrifice my own".
Posted by the_verdictofkikiPosted by AdreamuponwakingPosted by the_verdictofkikiPosted by AdreamuponwakingPosted by the_verdictofkiki
I don't think everyone is a narcissist... or that everyone has narcissistic tendencies... maybe that's why you were attracted to her.. because you saw yourself in her?
Anyway.. narcissists need constant validation of how great and amazing they are because they probably know they are really shitty ppl... like they know they are lacking somewhere whether they like to admit it or not... the professionals say because they feel like they are not enough.... and if they don't get the validation they want they snap...
Narcissistic tendencies start very early in life.. most likely introduced by a parent or whoever raised the child.... then in turn they make the child believe they are never enough... then the child grows up to be like them and treat all else as if they are not enough all while demanding admiration and validation 🤢🤢🤢🤢🤮🤮🤮🤮🤮.
True not everyone is a narcissist but everyone has narcissistic tendencies . Google it. A healthy dose of narcissism is central to developing/ getting one's needs.
People think of a narcissist as this one extreme thing....it helps to remember the best example of narcissism are babies. They simply don't know / understand the needs and wants of other people because of lack of development /maturity.
Also I agree with the influence of one of both parents...however what's interesting is that narcissism can develop if your parents make you feel like you aren't enough AS WELL as if they boost your ego too much/ feel like you can do no wrong. I believe my mother is a narcissist . She does engage in manipulation and gaslighting all the effing time.The devaluing was the worst. It once even culminated into me being homeless.
As for the gemini while she never ended up homeless I do know she struggles with food security because of her parents being self absorbed /having issues. I asked her about underwear and getting other stuff she needed and again she seemed to have had a similar upbringing to me. Her parents seem to be too self absorbed to really be in touch and consistent with providing for her. Her dad seems to be the worst from stories she said to me. He's literally told her about how he didn't really want to have kids/her. I can only imagine how knowing that growing up would make me feel.
And like I said to Phangus I have theorized that some of this might be projection but there were distinct character traits/actions that I myself don't possess that she does which are in line with narcissism.(Love bombing , mirroring , and inflicting physical pain and emotional ).
As for the commonalities we both have self esteem issues especially ...a history with pathological eating.
my parents , calling me fat and making other comments is what precipitated mine.
she hasn't specified how/ what her eating issue was..just that she had/has one which I believe. I did see an old facebook photo of her when she was about 15 and she was overweight. Flash forward to 16 she had lost a lot of weight, started dying her hair blonde etc.
Narcissism is a psychological condition... so no I don't think a baby or babies are a perfect example for this... at least what I'm talking about:
*Narcissistic personality disorder — one of several types of personality disorders — is a mental condition in which people have an inflated sense of their own importance, a deep need for excessive attention and admiration, troubled relationships, and a lack of empathy for others.*
There could be other possible conditions that could be causing her behavior not just being a narcissist... because this is very specific type of behavior... does she need constant validation from you? And if she doesn't get it does she go get her narcissist supply elsewhere?.. because that is how a real narcissist behaves... they need their validation drug supply and will go to crazy extents to get it.
.
Again you are conflating narcissism with NPD. Narcissism itself is not a disorder.
Not everyone has NPD but everyone does have narcissistic tendencies at one point or another .
"Psychologically speaking, narcissism is a personality trait that every person possesses to some degree. Like any characteristic, it exists on a spectrum. We all fall somewhere along the narcissism continuum. In fact, a certain amount of self-centeredness is healthy. Research shows that it contributes to confidence, resilience, and ambition.
However, any personality trait taken to an extreme can become pathological."
and to answer your question YES she does. she constantly fishes for compliments and or attention.
the minute I turned her down for a hangout...because I was nyc...then she started to act really moody/flaky around me
even when I told her about my attraction...she was probing for my info....mainly to stroke her ego.
. You blowing her off and her not reciprocating just sounds like just that... simple rejection.click to expand
Having travel plans/not being available is not the same thing as blowing her off.
Also her being flaky afterwards/acting cold and distant is curious.
Lastly in regard to the rejection...I have never had someone when rejecting me encourage me to hang on to the crush/ probe about details regarding it. that is very atypical. You reflect yourself ...if a friend of yours told you that were sexually attracted to you... and you did not reciprocate....would you probe and encourage them ? saying things like " I personally like connections like these" etc etc
No you wouldn't. you would try to not hurt their feelings but make it very clear that they should look elsewhere.
My few rejections have taught me that. I myself in turning down advances from friends have done that.
Posted by the_verdictofkikiPosted by AdreamuponwakingPosted by the_verdictofkikiPosted by AdreamuponwakingPosted by the_verdictofkiki
I don't think everyone is a narcissist... or that everyone has narcissistic tendencies... maybe that's why you were attracted to her.. because you saw yourself in her?
Anyway.. narcissists need constant validation of how great and amazing they are because they probably know they are really shitty ppl... like they know they are lacking somewhere whether they like to admit it or not... the professionals say because they feel like they are not enough.... and if they don't get the validation they want they snap...
Narcissistic tendencies start very early in life.. most likely introduced by a parent or whoever raised the child.... then in turn they make the child believe they are never enough... then the child grows up to be like them and treat all else as if they are not enough all while demanding admiration and validation 🤢🤢🤢🤢🤮🤮🤮🤮🤮.
True not everyone is a narcissist but everyone has narcissistic tendencies . Google it. A healthy dose of narcissism is central to developing/ getting one's needs.
People think of a narcissist as this one extreme thing....it helps to remember the best example of narcissism are babies. They simply don't know / understand the needs and wants of other people because of lack of development /maturity.
Also I agree with the influence of one of both parents...however what's interesting is that narcissism can develop if your parents make you feel like you aren't enough AS WELL as if they boost your ego too much/ feel like you can do no wrong. I believe my mother is a narcissist . She does engage in manipulation and gaslighting all the effing time.The devaluing was the worst. It once even culminated into me being homeless.
As for the gemini while she never ended up homeless I do know she struggles with food security because of her parents being self absorbed /having issues. I asked her about underwear and getting other stuff she needed and again she seemed to have had a similar upbringing to me. Her parents seem to be too self absorbed to really be in touch and consistent with providing for her. Her dad seems to be the worst from stories she said to me. He's literally told her about how he didn't really want to have kids/her. I can only imagine how knowing that growing up would make me feel.
And like I said to Phangus I have theorized that some of this might be projection but there were distinct character traits/actions that I myself don't possess that she does which are in line with narcissism.(Love bombing , mirroring , and inflicting physical pain and emotional ).
As for the commonalities we both have self esteem issues especially ...a history with pathological eating.
my parents , calling me fat and making other comments is what precipitated mine.
she hasn't specified how/ what her eating issue was..just that she had/has one which I believe. I did see an old facebook photo of her when she was about 15 and she was overweight. Flash forward to 16 she had lost a lot of weight, started dying her hair blonde etc.
Narcissism is a psychological condition... so no I don't think a baby or babies are a perfect example for this... at least what I'm talking about:
*Narcissistic personality disorder — one of several types of personality disorders — is a mental condition in which people have an inflated sense of their own importance, a deep need for excessive attention and admiration, troubled relationships, and a lack of empathy for others.*
There could be other possible conditions that could be causing her behavior not just being a narcissist... because this is very specific type of behavior... does she need constant validation from you? And if she doesn't get it does she go get her narcissist supply elsewhere?.. because that is how a real narcissist behaves... they need their validation drug supply and will go to crazy extents to get it.
.
Again you are conflating narcissism with NPD. Narcissism itself is not a disorder.
Not everyone has NPD but everyone does have narcissistic tendencies at one point or another .
"Psychologically speaking, narcissism is a personality trait that every person possesses to some degree. Like any characteristic, it exists on a spectrum. We all fall somewhere along the narcissism continuum. In fact, a certain amount of self-centeredness is healthy. Research shows that it contributes to confidence, resilience, and ambition.
However, any personality trait taken to an extreme can become pathological."
and to answer your question YES she does. she constantly fishes for compliments and or attention.
the minute I turned her down for a hangout...because I was nyc...then she started to act really moody/flaky around me
even when I told her about my attraction...she was probing for my info....mainly to stroke her ego.
Well I'm only familiar with the psychological disorder... so if you think that's what she has and you think you have that too then that is that. But I don't think that is the correct way to be classifying this particular situation... but to each their own. You blowing her off and her not reciprocating just sounds like just that... simple rejection.click to expand
lastly now again think of what your ex would do or a typical narcissist?
their motive is to keep you around just for the gratification .
to keep you as one of the sources for their supply........
the would use that opportunity like every other to gratify/stroke their ego.
Posted by the_verdictofkikiPosted by AdreamuponwakingPosted by the_verdictofkikiPosted by AdreamuponwakingPosted by the_verdictofkiki
I don't think everyone is a narcissist... or that everyone has narcissistic tendencies... maybe that's why you were attracted to her.. because you saw yourself in her?
Anyway.. narcissists need constant validation of how great and amazing they are because they probably know they are really shitty ppl... like they know they are lacking somewhere whether they like to admit it or not... the professionals say because they feel like they are not enough.... and if they don't get the validation they want they snap...
Narcissistic tendencies start very early in life.. most likely introduced by a parent or whoever raised the child.... then in turn they make the child believe they are never enough... then the child grows up to be like them and treat all else as if they are not enough all while demanding admiration and validation 🤢🤢🤢🤢🤮🤮🤮🤮🤮.
True not everyone is a narcissist but everyone has narcissistic tendencies . Google it. A healthy dose of narcissism is central to developing/ getting one's needs.
People think of a narcissist as this one extreme thing....it helps to remember the best example of narcissism are babies. They simply don't know / understand the needs and wants of other people because of lack of development /maturity.
Also I agree with the influence of one of both parents...however what's interesting is that narcissism can develop if your parents make you feel like you aren't enough AS WELL as if they boost your ego too much/ feel like you can do no wrong. I believe my mother is a narcissist . She does engage in manipulation and gaslighting all the effing time.The devaluing was the worst. It once even culminated into me being homeless.
As for the gemini while she never ended up homeless I do know she struggles with food security because of her parents being self absorbed /having issues. I asked her about underwear and getting other stuff she needed and again she seemed to have had a similar upbringing to me. Her parents seem to be too self absorbed to really be in touch and consistent with providing for her. Her dad seems to be the worst from stories she said to me. He's literally told her about how he didn't really want to have kids/her. I can only imagine how knowing that growing up would make me feel.
And like I said to Phangus I have theorized that some of this might be projection but there were distinct character traits/actions that I myself don't possess that she does which are in line with narcissism.(Love bombing , mirroring , and inflicting physical pain and emotional ).
As for the commonalities we both have self esteem issues especially ...a history with pathological eating.
my parents , calling me fat and making other comments is what precipitated mine.
she hasn't specified how/ what her eating issue was..just that she had/has one which I believe. I did see an old facebook photo of her when she was about 15 and she was overweight. Flash forward to 16 she had lost a lot of weight, started dying her hair blonde etc.
Narcissism is a psychological condition... so no I don't think a baby or babies are a perfect example for this... at least what I'm talking about:
*Narcissistic personality disorder — one of several types of personality disorders — is a mental condition in which people have an inflated sense of their own importance, a deep need for excessive attention and admiration, troubled relationships, and a lack of empathy for others.*
There could be other possible conditions that could be causing her behavior not just being a narcissist... because this is very specific type of behavior... does she need constant validation from you? And if she doesn't get it does she go get her narcissist supply elsewhere?.. because that is how a real narcissist behaves... they need their validation drug supply and will go to crazy extents to get it.
.
Again you are conflating narcissism with NPD. Narcissism itself is not a disorder.
Not everyone has NPD but everyone does have narcissistic tendencies at one point or another .
"Psychologically speaking, narcissism is a personality trait that every person possesses to some degree. Like any characteristic, it exists on a spectrum. We all fall somewhere along the narcissism continuum. In fact, a certain amount of self-centeredness is healthy. Research shows that it contributes to confidence, resilience, and ambition.
However, any personality trait taken to an extreme can become pathological."
and to answer your question YES she does. she constantly fishes for compliments and or attention.
the minute I turned her down for a hangout...because I was nyc...then she started to act really moody/flaky around me
even when I told her about my attraction...she was probing for my info....mainly to stroke her ego.
Well I'm only familiar with the psychological disorder... so if you think that's what she has and you think you have that too then that is that. But I don't think that is the correct way to be classifying this particular situation... but to each their own. You blowing her off and her not reciprocating just sounds like just that... simple rejection.click to expand
\
one final thing...did you even read about all of the things I mentioned as to why I thought she was one.
like all of the atypical behavior ( boasting about control, / how sex is for mind control , likes inflecting pain on others , the mirroring. , the self aggrandizement , and the attention seeking)?
Posted by the_verdictofkikiPosted by AdreamuponwakingPosted by the_verdictofkikiPosted by AdreamuponwakingPosted by the_verdictofkikiPosted by AdreamuponwakingPosted by the_verdictofkiki
I don't think everyone is a narcissist... or that everyone has narcissistic tendencies... maybe that's why you were attracted to her.. because you saw yourself in her?
Anyway.. narcissists need constant validation of how great and amazing they are because they probably know they are really shitty ppl... like they know they are lacking somewhere whether they like to admit it or not... the professionals say because they feel like they are not enough.... and if they don't get the validation they want they snap...
Narcissistic tendencies start very early in life.. most likely introduced by a parent or whoever raised the child.... then in turn they make the child believe they are never enough... then the child grows up to be like them and treat all else as if they are not enough all while demanding admiration and validation 🤢🤢🤢🤢🤮🤮🤮🤮🤮.
True not everyone is a narcissist but everyone has narcissistic tendencies . Google it. A healthy dose of narcissism is central to developing/ getting one's needs.
People think of a narcissist as this one extreme thing....it helps to remember the best example of narcissism are babies. They simply don't know / understand the needs and wants of other people because of lack of development /maturity.
Also I agree with the influence of one of both parents...however what's interesting is that narcissism can develop if your parents make you feel like you aren't enough AS WELL as if they boost your ego too much/ feel like you can do no wrong. I believe my mother is a narcissist . She does engage in manipulation and gaslighting all the effing time.The devaluing was the worst. It once even culminated into me being homeless.
As for the gemini while she never ended up homeless I do know she struggles with food security because of her parents being self absorbed /having issues. I asked her about underwear and getting other stuff she needed and again she seemed to have had a similar upbringing to me. Her parents seem to be too self absorbed to really be in touch and consistent with providing for her. Her dad seems to be the worst from stories she said to me. He's literally told her about how he didn't really want to have kids/her. I can only imagine how knowing that growing up would make me feel.
And like I said to Phangus I have theorized that some of this might be projection but there were distinct character traits/actions that I myself don't possess that she does which are in line with narcissism.(Love bombing , mirroring , and inflicting physical pain and emotional ).
As for the commonalities we both have self esteem issues especially ...a history with pathological eating.
my parents , calling me fat and making other comments is what precipitated mine.
she hasn't specified how/ what her eating issue was..just that she had/has one which I believe. I did see an old facebook photo of her when she was about 15 and she was overweight. Flash forward to 16 she had lost a lot of weight, started dying her hair blonde etc.
Narcissism is a psychological condition... so no I don't think a baby or babies are a perfect example for this... at least what I'm talking about:
*Narcissistic personality disorder — one of several types of personality disorders — is a mental condition in which people have an inflated sense of their own importance, a deep need for excessive attention and admiration, troubled relationships, and a lack of empathy for others.*
There could be other possible conditions that could be causing her behavior not just being a narcissist... because this is very specific type of behavior... does she need constant validation from you? And if she doesn't get it does she go get her narcissist supply elsewhere?.. because that is how a real narcissist behaves... they need their validation drug supply and will go to crazy extents to get it.
.
Again you are conflating narcissism with NPD. Narcissism itself is not a disorder.
Not everyone has NPD but everyone does have narcissistic tendencies at one point or another .
"Psychologically speaking, narcissism is a personality trait that every person possesses to some degree. Like any characteristic, it exists on a spectrum. We all fall somewhere along the narcissism continuum. In fact, a certain amount of self-centeredness is healthy. Research shows that it contributes to confidence, resilience, and ambition.
However, any personality trait taken to an extreme can become pathological."
and to answer your question YES she does. she constantly fishes for compliments and or attention.
the minute I turned her down for a hangout...because I was nyc...then she started to act really moody/flaky around me
even when I told her about my attraction...she was probing for my info....mainly to stroke her ego.
Well I'm only familiar with the psychological disorder... so if you think that's what she has and you think you have that too then that is that. But I don't think that is the correct way to be classifying this particular situation... but to each their own. You blowing her off and her not reciprocating just sounds like just that... simple rejection.
\
one final thing...did you even read about all of the things I mentioned as to why I thought she was one.
like all of the atypical behavior ( boasting about control, / how sex is for mind control , likes inflecting pain on others , the mirroring. , the self aggrandizement , and the attention seeking)?
im not disagreeing with you... shoot i dont even know you or the girl that you're talking about... my only point was that not everyone is a narcissists.... and maybe im having a hard time seeing it because I am not one... self centered... smarty pants.. totally but i don t need a person to validate me... i know* im cooooooooooooooooooooooooooclick to expand
never said you were
Join the Conversation. Explore Yourself. Connect with Others.
Discover insights, swap stories, and find people. dxpnet is where experiences turn into understanding.
Create Your Free Account →Related Topics
They're often in the same sign as the Sun that's why Sun is considered the main sign. But here are some examples. Donald Trump is a Gemini but he's not clever, he talks like a baby, Cancer Merc, uses baby words, a simplistic and childish expression.
Ryan
This is the guy’s Natal chart that I’m interested in. We’re both 21.
Do you guys think he’s more inclined to non-monogamous relationships with
His sun & Mars is in Gemini? He also has these aspects in his natal chart.
Sun trine Lilith
Mars trine
First time looking up this word, and I immediately thought about geminis
You know I had to do it we can't leave women out of this conversation. I'm all about equality 😄.
Top 5
1sag
2gem
3 Libra's
4 cancer
5 what ever sign lizzo is lol
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=mZtRhF8YukA
Aries: soul is bright and burning like fire that is constantly growing
Taurus: soul is quite and lush as a forest that has growing flowers everywhere
Gemini: soul is warm and soft as spring but also a little rainy and cloudy on days
Virgo: soul is mois
Quotes from a piece in Ny mag:
“I’m not sure I fall out of love,” he explained in his office. “I discover that I’m unable to stay. But it’s not as if I don’t still love them. I think in the end they recognize they were probably better off without me.
Are you attracted to driven men?
I am, I don't mean, rich, I mean someone who has dreams and are chasing them. Someone who doesn't settle for the bare minimum. I think it turns me off when a man is happy with just status quo. I believe this Gemini gu
i feel like people don't focus much on placements like this
but i have to say it's so real
i've never really felt settled on one job
i used to work (not chronological) for an environmentalist, there was a fundraiser i got into, then stem cell, there wa
This is my second thread about this but I guess the 1st one was too long for people to read it 😅 So, to keep this short, about 4 months ago I met a guy who is a gemini sun, capricorn moon, Taurus mercury and venus, aries mars. I know geminis well and he d
I left my Gemini last year in December. We were close friends and we really enjoyed each others company. So I left town on short notice because I was going for a job. I told her brother about the short notice.
Then almost a year later I came to my home
Gemini flaked for the second week in a row.
Should I just burn her gift? Block her number?
I'm that mad.
Mostly because I lost all of the data on my computer .
Apple replaced my hard rive when all I needed was a new MagSafe base.
So Next Wednesday is the last day of real class that the gemini and I will have together and I've decided to move forward and officially ask her is she would be down to be friends with benefits.
I need tips on how I should do this
I'm thinking about passi
I always start my posts with hello, but well Hello 👋. If you’re familiar with my account you may know I was involved with a Pisces in a very casual way, well I’ve decided to call things off.
I’m currently talking to a few guys, the main ones I’m interest
Okay guys, so I am getting the last of the details of my wedding done, and now it comes to jewelry.
Mind you, I am not someone who actively wears jewelry at all. I only wear my engagement ring, and prior to that, nothing.
I have a severe allergy to nic
that you hate most
and would like to whine about
tnx
mine is Dejanira in the 3rd aka asteroid #157
"Dejanira in the 3rd house/Gemini may be a person victimized by GOSSIP, by their siblings or by other’s words in general; mental abuse."
I was wondering if Lucifer is a Sag but thought maybe more a Gemini. What do you think?
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=vsEFhWKDQF4
Not sure if this was done already and more embarrassingly by me but I really like to know what is it that you like about being a Gemini? I wanna know the full details. Also if there is anything you hate about it you can spill that too.
This is a friendly
what surprised me was her response.
she asked what type of secret it was and then asked if I had done something with someone that she should worry about.
what did she mean by that?