Posted by EtherealTraveler
Thank you!! Sorry I didn't respond earlier than I should, was getting really late earlier on.
So I'm not exactly sure about the healing bit completely, since I can be supportive and give decent advice as said by people before, but histories with abuse in the form of bullying for many years across my school life plus other factors that contributed to shutting down my opinions (Criticised or ignored before for sharing opinions), so I have developed a rather cynical attitude towards viewing events and things really. Not sure if I'm misunderstanding but I always associated kindness with some degree of healing and selflessness so.
I haven't necessarily had power before RL, but I have attempted to apply for leadership positions (class rep for 6 straight years during elementary school, I didn't get to be class rep in any of those years) and failed usually. When I do get nominated, it wasn't always because of my ability but rather because of other aspects (I was class rep in my grade 10 year but I got nominated because I was, quoting everyone, a walking meme). Not that I did much to prove otherwise but eh. For online communities though, I have been in leadership positions numerous times and in different sized ones too, but that was in the past because as you said, those Nessus aspects make me prone to abusing my power plus some of my other negative Pluto aspects and I have an Icarus complex, which refers to those whose spiritual ambition exceeds their personality limits, leading to a backlash. Thus, it can be said that my "wings" have been stripped multiple times and I have been forced into exile (Venus in 12th house imo).
And as I developed earlier on, Sun trine Prey kind of applies sometimes but my cynical attitude has kind of overridden that sense of empathy. Plus I'm not really a responsible person, although I try to be, nor am I mature at my age in certain aspects, but people did say I'm really mature in other aspects (wanting commitment in relationships as a priority instead of wanting to have fun or whatever). You hit the spot on with my 1st house and my assertiveness and how my confidence is based on people's reassurance, although I wanted to add that I can be slightly abusive or at least what I know in my past, as I do things like hold grudges and resentment and would overstep to fuel my ambition -- hence Icarus complex.
I speak up my own opinions online and stuff when I'm in a setting where everyone's equal and everyone's opinions are valued, but I have since learned not to be super assertive towards my opinions, as I know it could cause backlash and I care more about my reputation than voicing my own opinion to gain backlash, even though I am known for being a bit of a hypocrite and devil's advocate, especially in my younger years.
I don't always speak up for others, unless I'm in a position to do so where I gain something from it, if I feel like following my own justice (hence me being devil's advocate, as other people's justices might not align with mines). Also what do you mean by "but your chart supports that building healing relationships"? As in you meant I am good at building platonic relationships with people and try to heal and help them?
I have had many moments in my life where I felt despair and hopelessness and powerlessness, like I believed that if I could be this and that, then none of it would have happened because I would have had the power to control the circumstances to my favour. I'm not sure about the repression completely, although I do find myself forced to follow orders sometimes and get contradicted by my parents over things and the one line that kept me not lashing out was that as children, we are robots and slaves (weird comparison but it's legit what I said in my head quote on quote) living out to serve their parents, and I believe that is somewhat true to this day. I liked being in control and in security as I'm the type of person who can't always follow orders unless I have to or if I'm convinced to. At my 18th birthday in January, I was left alone by my parents living overseas alone and studying and all that. While my mom's friends did help me overseas, my parents are physically in Asia while I'm in Europe, and many issues arise as a result, such as my weight dropping (I'm already underweight) and I didn't perform as well in school. And while I'm not completely sure about depression, I do have frequent mood swings and I did feel misunderstood and isolated sometimes, due to a childhood wound (Saturn in 4th house) and I want to be seen as more of a priority than an option by other people, but it's also because that I've been seen as an option that I can't really find people that can help me properly. To put it in another words, I'm almost like a doctor mentally but then doctors can't necessarily heal and save themselves the way they save their patients.
But thank you for the detailed analysis nonetheless
Posted by EtherealTraveler
Just realised I also have some aspects towards those asteroids too, not really conjunctions but there are squares. What are your insights @ACsquarepluto ? To clarify I'm not a victim of sexual abuse and hope I stay that way but in case of anything dangerous that might happen in the future, better be safe right?