Is this NORMAL?

A Cancer guy I've been talking to for just over a week asked me to watch a video of him jacking off. Now half of me is thinking that I just don't get out enough, and all the hip young twenty-somethings are exchanging videos of themselves masturbating, the other half is dumbfounded. Should I take it as a compliment that he wanted me to watch? Anybody out there have any thoughts on it that I haven't already had?

wait - is this the "redneck"?

lol no. This guy's new.

that's what you get for dumping the redneck 😉

PFT He decided he didn't want to dump me as soon as he found out I used to be an animal rights activist.

date, not dump

ummmm...... this might fall under the category of things "he wouldn't dare ask his queen to do", but would ask someone he wasn't really looking for anything with - but then again this is a much better question for the actual male cancers.......
Paul? [hee hee.....] cansir? How about blackknoxx? he'd tell you straight up

you sure know how to pick 'em don't you?

uh huh, thanks.

lol Juls, the Cancer guy Im talking to asked me after our first date if I would make a sex tape with him. I think they just say shocking things to get a reaction that they use for other purposes, maybe to gauge your innocence or self respect, what kind of foolishness you go along with, your sense of humor, that sort of thing.

lol, i dont think this is normal

it wouldnt happen where i came from, maybe the culture is different in your part of the world lol

Now he's suddenly in a relationship with someone else. Does it make any more sense that way?

Sounds like he only wants/wanted sex from you and that was his way of saying you'll would only have a sexual relationship with each other.

"he wouldn't dare ask his queen to do", but would ask someone he wasn't really looking for anything with"

Exactly!

I think your answer to his question might have lead to his decision to suddenly be with someone else.

Im a psych major so I've been trained to ask questions that dont mean so much just to get an answer that does.Sometimes the answers to the question are so much more important than the questions themselves...how did you answer the question?

Hell no! He's trippin. I agree with xangelfishx he wouldn't ask that of someone he really liked. He probably wouldn't even tell her that he get's off on shit like that.
Run from that one......

Exactly! No man thats seriously interested in you is going to come at you like that period.

I watched it *hangs head*

Next time if a man comes at you like that run in the other direction, unless you want a friends with benifits type relationship.

*nod*

are you sure he is a cancer? yeah we might say some outrageous stuff but usually our insecurity gets the best of us. so i am surprised he would be bold enough to ask you something like that..

Born 15 July. There you go.

that answers that..mike tyson and oj simpson are both cancers and they seem pretty normal..lol

lol mine was born the 14th. Like I said, they say some loony stuff, but he was most likely more or less trying to see what type of woman you were...doesnt mean he isnt kind of trashy for having made the video. I think the line to tow when dealing with a cancer, even if he asks you something off the wall is "would any self respecting woman do this?"

Yeah cansir, he definitely seems completely normal in every other sense

we can be sexual freaks and i am usually up for most things with a person i can trust..again my insecurities..

He's a normal Cancer. He wasn't going to waste time saying what it was that he really wanted from you and either you were down for it or not. The only were're insecure around someone is if its someone we really like but if its whatever then we'll be straight forward and to the point because we don't really care what the outcome be anyway because were're not trying to be with you like that.

I dont think his asking that means all he wanted was sex. If all he wanted was sex than I think that's what he would have asked for. I think he was asking the question to see what kind of woman she is and how she might fit in to his intentions. Even some women do that. They find out what guy will spend money, what guy will give the back rubs and cook dinner, and what guy lays the pipe, then... to each his role.

Now that you watched the video and you know he's with someone else, I would suggest that you not even pursue him because in his eyes you're most likely the friend with benefits.

i think everyone is overanalyzing. he sounds like a freak for even asking you a question like that and i wouldn't be surprised if we see him on dateline's to catch a predator..lol

That was in his eyes from the begining. If he wanted to persue a relatonship with her he would have done so even still with her agreeing to watch the tape. There are going to be things you don't like about a person that doesn't mean that you're going to move on to the next because you find something out about them that you don't like. He was coming out saying all he wanted was sex he said it in a indirect way. Just because he didn't say it word for word doesn't mean it wasn't what he meant. It all boils down to a person's intentions and he had no intentions of being anything serious with her. I wish a man would come to me talking sex during the first conversation, first date, or right out the gate. His mind should not be on trying to get in my panties or arouse me sexually. It should be on trying to get to know who I am as a person. I take any man talking about sex in the begining as an insult.

Yall are right, after knowing someone for a week I dont think its the right time to start asking sex questions. But truthfully a guy could wait a month to mention it and still be all about sex or he could ask a question pertaining to within the first month and not just be about sex. It depends on the conversation and the context. Now this convo and this context....drop him.

lol thats whats I was saying. This question in any context unless its somewhere between the vows and the honeymoon is a definite no, not for anything serious anyway. 😉

Exactly! A man knows right off the back what he wants from you. Its up to YOU to be honest with yourself and realize what that "want" is. Hanging on thinking what you want is going to turn into what he wants and vise versa is not what it is.

in responce to mspisces

It wasn't about finding a woman for his taste. She watched the movie and he still didn't want her because he never wanted her in the first place. This is so not about the movie I hope you'll are realizing this.

lol it had NOTHING to do with the video or finding someone to watch it. He was more or less looking to categorize her in his ranks by how she answered the question. Its like "all of you who would watch it go to the booty call bin, all of you who wouldnt let's go to dinner".

No thats not it. He clearly only wanted her in the booty call bin to begin with to even come at her like that. If a man comes at you in a drading disrespectful manner he is not trying to say he wants to get to know you and is serious about you. Yes people will test you to see what you're about but a man that truly interested is not going to go about it in a disrespectful manner as such. A man that has respect for you is not even going to bring up sex to you upon first meetings period. A guy that does that is just not that into you period. You can go along with his antics and the only place you and him will spend time is in th bedroom or on the couch.

How did you find out he was married if you didn't have any dealings with him? And no all men do not approach women the same way. I have known men to approach a women in a degrading manner because he felt he could but when he saw a lady he approached her as such. Not saying you're not a lady but you could be giving off a vibe that would have men approach you in a disrespectful way.

I highly doubt it was their first conversation and a guy can come out at the gate and see how you are as a woman and a sexual being in the first conversation. In this day and time when people are so sexual liberated its commonplace to ask someone their sexual orientation and how many children they have in the first conversation. I mean who doesnt want to know asap if they are messin with the town watering hole or not? She didnt give us a word for word rendition of the conversation so there is no way for you to know the context of the conversation in which he presented it or if it was in fact disrespectful as much as it could have been jokingly or daringly, or even if he was just asking for answers sake. Not every mention of sex or things sexual are disrespectful, especially in a friends type situation. If you dont know the guy then he shouldnt just come at you SUGGESTIVELY as if you are a hoe, but if you know him and he's droppin jokes because of the rapport that has already been built between you or if he's just asking questions to get a feel for your personality I think thats a different matter completely. I guess its a matter of personal preference tho. Its like people that know one another calling each other the same name and laughing when a stranger calling them the same thing would get busted upside the head. I find that it can save a lot of time and trouble when you hit the 3 taboos as close to the gate as you can: religion, politics, and sex. If I find out the guy is an atheist, republican, whoremonger then I wont waste time being politically correct.

Im not saying she should pursue this guy, Im saying you cant assume his intent for her based on this question alone.

A guy can never talk about sex and still have plans to use you. Pretentiousness is much more of a manipulation tool than being upfront and to the point. I'd rather a guy get to the point instead of putting on his polite face any day. And if his point is on point than Im with it, if his to the point face is not on point then Im not pursing him, but I'd rather him get to the point either way, even if its what other people would consider disrespectful.

Asking someone if they have children is not a sex question. It is disrespectful for a man's mind to be there period and he's verbally expressing it to you. He's letting you know what he wants and thats sex. He's not concerned with your hobbies your career the things that express who you are as a being he wants to know how you'll be able to get him off, disrespectful. If you are not in a EXCLUSIVE relationship with this person then asking a woman to watch porn or make a sex type is out of order period. Its not cute nor flattering and a woman should feel insulted if a man comes at her that way wether its the first conversation second first date or second. You and that person are not on the level to where you should feel that comfortable expressing sexual nature to that point. You can't compare other topic to this. If a man comes at you talking about sex that is letting you know upfront what he wants and is looking for. I see why women fall into being F*** buddies and friends with benifits because they don't know the simple signs that state wether a man is seriously interested in them or not. Sad...

lol oh ok star

lol forreal why buy the cow when you can get the milk for free!

Do you have any children? How do you feel about men with children? To me a man with a lot of children or a couple of children by different women tells me a lot about his sexual nature and how he views sexual relationships. That is the point Im trying to make. Its hard to find out how someone feels about sex if you never talk about it. And you're sitting there thinking the guy is all chaste and stuff when in actuality he's a whore all because you never brought it up in conversation.

Second I hope you arent trying to insinuate I should be insulted by him asking me about the sex tape after our first date when we were friends for 7 months before we ever went on a date. We had a rapport and were able to gauge the sexual nature of the other person. I asked him about his sexual exploits as a huge football star and it wasnt about me disrespecting him it was about finding about how he felt about sex and sexual relationships. If all he wanted was a booty call I highly doubt he would have taken the time to be my friend all that time never having mentioned us having a sexual relationship.

Its like me asking a guy on the first date if he would ever have a threesome, its not about me being slutty or actually wanting a 3some with him, its about me knowing how he feels about sexual relationships. If he was to say "yes I would, I have before" then I would NEVER go on a second date with him because I dont agree with anyone that has done that. Asking that question does not mean that he is already in the sex bin but it will help me figure out whether I want to get to know him.

I think too many people have gotton hung up on this zodiac sign thing and are forgetting that above all these are men. Astrology helps a great deal but men are just that men reguardless of what sign he is.

Who said anything about signs?

it has a lot to do with it. If he wanted to know after a week what kind of woman she was thenn asking the question would say a lot!

Now if you go back and read what I typed about him actually having one to show and showing it to her is a completely different matter.

Im not saying this guy is a winner, Im just saying that you cannot say in every situation that asking someone a question pertaining to anything sexual means that they are already considering sex with you. In some situations they could be considering whether or not they would ever do it. Think about it, if someone finds out at the gate that you are little more than a hoe by asking questions regarding your sexuality then chances are they will never have a relationship with you...time saved.

sweet you are contradicting yourself. You said that a man doesn't have to talk about sex but could still in the end only want that right? So by him not mentioning sex to you staright out the gate doesn't mean that isn't all he could want you for. Men string women along all the time to get what they want and if its good stick around to continue to get what they want as long as its allowed. There are plenty of man whores that do not have any children. A man that has alot of kids doesn't mean he's very sexually active because most men are it means he doesn't commit because he isn't married to any of his kids mother.

Its dead end to bring up sex with a potental mate if you're not planning to take it there. Thats just like a woman going to a man's house and you'll are talking sex but when he tries to hit it she's like no. Of course he's going to be like whats up because you shouldn't be heading in a direction if you don't want to go that way. Plain and simple a man that SERIOUSLY interested in you like that will not do that. No one on here is in a EXCLUSIVE relationship with a man that approached about sex early on, if so let me hear your story

I brought up signs because I feel that some of you are so concern with what sign the man is to see how he is and forgetting that they are men. Signs are all good and dandy but you need to know the ends and outs of how to deal with men not what sign they are that come second but him being a man is what needs to be handled first.

I dont think this is a matter of yall or me being right or wrong, I think its just having a different idea of what is polite and what is pretentious. Im the type of person that asks questions not because I already have an idea for the person, but because I want to know who they are. Pretentious people will ask all the right questions and answer a question the way they feel will please the other person most. Im the type if I want to know if they guy is a hoe I'll flat out ask him if he has sex with a lot of women, how many kids he has, how many he wants and how he feels about the word monogamy and Im not offended when he asks the same thing.

Would you and will you are 2 very different questions. Would you is not suggestive, will you is. And to me that makes the difference in feeling offended.