really need help with this Cancer man

i'm a Virgo female, met this Cancer man about a month ago. we live in different cities, about 2 hours drive from each other and have hit it off pretty well. we met on Tinder. it's a little lengthy but i really need some advice here. we've hung out on 3
Posted by coldwateryvirgo
keep your guard up. Virgo last longer with cancer when they stay cautious like they do in most relationship.

You fall for them , it usually start falling apart


truth
Posted by nikkistar
Posted by teerytotsx
Hope you can help me to have a closure on this.


I am not privy to your conversation, but I feel like you are reading into the text conversation and analyzing what he said in a way about him being upset with you going to the game with another guy, simply because you go into detail about what was said about almost everything else. I also think your being a little crazy obsessive with watching the game you attended back, and trying to find anything that would be about you.

Cancers aren't complete markers, so they will respond on their own time. But with this, he is obviously telling you where you are in his life. I don't know how you can see any positive in the way he is treating you, and you should value yourself more than what he is willing to give you. He doesn't really care, and he is telling you that. He isn't playing right now, and has a break, yet didn't even let reach out to you to see you. He told you he wasn't in his feelings, and responded in an annoyed manner when you "jokingly" said something. If there were any feelings involved at some point, you probably annoyed him with the over analyzing enough that you shot yourself in the foot. You aren't a priority. Which I have stated before. It has been obvious that you want more than an FWB from the start, and this guy won't give you that.

I also think your friends are playing up your neurotic analyzing as well, and feeding you what you want to hear and see. A word to the wise, there are some Cancer men that are smooth as silk. They have tested and rehearsed how they act with women to get the optimal affect they want. They have perfected the art of how to make a woman feel special with words, slight touches and all that jazz. It's practiced, and precise. They can do this, and walk away easily. How do I know? My own Cancer bf of 2 years, told me he use to do this, and he worked 95% of the time. Make the women feel special and unique, and its like picking candy from a baby.

Move on, don't look back. Get a man that treats you as a priority, and not as an option. Value yourself more. Demand more for yourself, then just scraps.
click to expand


Took him off finally. He responded “of course we will see each other when I come back” to my last text about me hoping to see him before I deleted him. I’m moving on.

Actually I didn’t get to make myself clear, just wanted to keep it short - I myself didn’t watch the rerun, his manager is a friend of mines and he was away during the game. He watched it and texted me asking why wasn’t he concentrating during the game, why did he keep looking at a certain direction and how was he doing when I was there. He didn’t know anything between us. So I used that and joked with this cancer guy.

Anyways I’m appreciative of your response. I wanted to hear from an outsider. There won’t be him anymore.
Aphrodite the Scorpionic Libran Women Hater
Posted by teerytotsx
Hope you can help me to have a closure on this.


I am not privy to your conversation, but I feel like you are reading into the text conversation and analyzing what he said in a way about him being upset with you going to the game with another guy, simply because you go into detail about what was said about almost everything else. I also think your being a little crazy obsessive with watching the game you attended back, and trying to find anything that would be about you.

Cancers aren't complete markers, so they will respond on their own time. But with this, he is obviously telling you where you are in his life. I don't know how you can see any positive in the way he is treating you, and you should value yourself more than what he is willing to give you. He doesn't really care, and he is telling you that. He isn't playing right now, and has a break, yet didn't even let reach out to you to see you. He told you he wasn't in his feelings, and responded in an annoyed manner when you "jokingly" said something. If there were any feelings involved at some point, you probably annoyed him with the over analyzing enough that you shot yourself in the foot. You aren't a priority. Which I have stated before. It has been obvious that you want more than an FWB from the start, and this guy won't give you that.

I also think your friends are playing up your neurotic analyzing as well, and feeding you what you want to hear and see. A word to the wise, there are some Cancer men that are smooth as silk. They have tested and rehearsed how they act with women to get the optimal affect they want. They have perfected the art of how to make a woman feel special with words, slight touches and all that jazz. It's practiced, and precise. They can do this, and walk away easily. How do I know? My own Cancer bf of 2 years, told me he use to do this, and he worked 95% of the time. Make the women feel special and unique, and its like picking candy from a baby.

Move on, don't look back. Get a man that treats you as a priority, and not as an option. Value yourself more. Demand more for yourself, then just scraps.
Posted by nikkistar
Posted by teerytotsx
Posted by nikkistar
Posted by teerytotsx
Posted by nikkistar
Posted by teerytotsx
Although I have to say one thing that baffled me till now though - when he was telling me he was coming to my city, I told him I’ll be doing something that night and asked him to join me. He declined initially bc he did tell me before that he only hangs with certain people like not everyone can be in his life, so he told me to hit him up after I’m done, or he will see me the next day for brunch before he returns.

He never says things or make plans with me like that.

Is this how fwb supposed to be? I thought it was purely just sex lol.


This right here says "I am not going to give you spouse like treatment".

He doesn't want to date, he doesn't want to make you a priority. He wants sex.

So yes, this is how fwb works.



Nikkistar, im back and i need help again. This has gotten WAAAAY more confusing.

So, i went to his city over the weekend, he's a pro athlete as mentioned and he had a game on saturday. I texted him a few days before that i'll be there with a friend, and he was happy, and sent a hugging emoji.

I got in, didn't hit him up, didn't ask to stay the night with him, basically showed up at his game with a male friend. My friend didn't tell me what it was, but basically just made one comment during the game, "when we see him, i'll tell him i'm your coworker. not going to ruin your game for you". so i asked why the need to clarify, and he just smirked.

after his game, i texted him congrats on the win (though he did really badly which was shocking to me and he also seem a little out of it during the game), and if he's up to link. he didn't reply at all, which is extremely unlike him. so i didn't want to be pushy, went to grab food with my friend instead while waiting for him.

still didn't hear from him the next day so i texted him good morning and if he's doing ok. he replied about an hour plus later and said he is and good morning. so i replied "oh ok, i wanted to see you for a bit" and he just didn't say anything. so i texted again and asked if he'll be coming to my city soon, and he said no, not that he know of. so i said "oh so i have to come out here more if i want to see you? lol" and he said yeah the season is kind of crazy. and that was it.

i understand fwb means no feelings involved, but seems to me he's in his feelings now? i'm actually getting quite tired of this whole affair - i don't know what are we, i don't know how to react, yet i don't like to walk away from something which i was already left hanging. i always have an inclination that he expects something out of me constantly, yet don't want to say anything. i know the best way is to ask him direct, but i've expressed my feelings some time ago, pretty much asked where is this going, and he didn't say anything hence i took it that he wants us to be fwb.


I don't know why you think he would be in his feelings with you, based off this story.

He had a bad game, and was in his feels about that. Again, you weren't a priority, and he didn't even respond to you while you were there. He likely went to his inner circle for that.

I don't know what more you want me to say about this. He is treating you, just like you say you are okay with, as a treetrunk buddy. He owes you no response, owes you no communication, owes you nothing, but his dick when he wants to get laid. He is treating you like an option, which is what you are.

That sounds cold af, and I am sorry if I come off brass with this, but I don't want you to get your hopes up for something more, cause by the looks of it, you will never be a priority.


it's ok. i felt like you're the only one that would understand cancer men and their behavior better than anyone else so i don't care if you come off brass

i began to felt like i'm just an option that's why i think maybe we are fwb, but he always throws me off guard with little subtle messages. i stopped overthinking things, accepted like you said f*** buddy even though we never spoke about it, and move past to meet other people, but he always seem to somehow reel me in with that subtlety. for example, just the week before he tried to initiate a conversation again by using the worst excuse on earth, and then went on to ask how am i doing. caught me completely off guard. or even share some stuff with me. so i don't know what to make of.

why can't he just come off and say what's on his damn mind. if im an option, then don't bother to check in on me or share anything with me. it's confusing af. i'm not getting my hopes high, i just want to know what is this.


There are many scenarios here at play. One he is a professional athlete, which means he probably gets hounded by girls a lot. Two, I mean there is a chance that he is just busy with the season, and doesn't have time for chit chat.

But honestly, it just sounds like I said it was. It is better for your heart and mind, to just leave it at fwb and not get your emotions so invested, so that you can't get hurt in the long run. I just don't want you to be like the many "Cancer left me" thread makers, without warning you.
click to expand


Nikkistar, so finally I had a talk with this cancer man. It was a brief one but he was indeed upset that I went to his game with a guy, and did not reach out to him on his game day and spend the night with him.

Basically I saw a post of his on social media and decided to drop a hi. He was being extremely cold in his reply. I decided to ask why is he reacting this way and if he’s ok or I had offended him or I may have upset him unknowingly (Fwb or not, Im someone who hates animosity) He said “no lol”. So I asked if I could go see him over the weekend and he said he won’t be back till the 15th (which I had an inclination he will be away cos it’s a break in the season).

So I told him I watched the rerun of the game that I was at, and there were a few camera shots of him looking my way with a smirk emoji. He denied about it and I said ok, then looks like I was giving myself way too much credit (sarcastically). Then he said, “you always do lol” and I’m like “well then looks like I need to stop being thirsty.” He got upset, and said if I was I wouldn’t have showed up at his game with a guy, didn’t hit him up before and didn’t stay with him that night, continuing to say who knows where I was at after. So I replied, “so you were in your feelings.” And he just said “I told you I wasn’t”. I ended the convo and said in any case, I hope to see him when he comes back. He didn’t reply, which was unlike him.

What are these really indicating? I’ve decided to take him off my contacts and block him soon, but just want to know I’m doing it for the right reason. I know I do like him and there are moments of us I think back that there were something between us, and you’re right that females can’t stay being fwb especially for me which I’ve never done it. Friends who have met him have said it was obvious he wasn’t about being a f*** buddy with me and that he definitely has something for me. But this is all getting a little too much for me especially I’m someone who analyzes so much.

Hope you can help me to have a closure on this.
I would say stop contacting him, he is even not showing any interest. Im sorry, but you deserve much more, even in a FWB situation.
Aphrodite the Scorpionic Libran Women Hater
Posted by teerytotsx
Posted by nikkistar
Posted by teerytotsx
Posted by nikkistar
Posted by teerytotsx
Although I have to say one thing that baffled me till now though - when he was telling me he was coming to my city, I told him I’ll be doing something that night and asked him to join me. He declined initially bc he did tell me before that he only hangs with certain people like not everyone can be in his life, so he told me to hit him up after I’m done, or he will see me the next day for brunch before he returns.

He never says things or make plans with me like that.

Is this how fwb supposed to be? I thought it was purely just sex lol.


This right here says "I am not going to give you spouse like treatment".

He doesn't want to date, he doesn't want to make you a priority. He wants sex.

So yes, this is how fwb works.



Nikkistar, im back and i need help again. This has gotten WAAAAY more confusing.

So, i went to his city over the weekend, he's a pro athlete as mentioned and he had a game on saturday. I texted him a few days before that i'll be there with a friend, and he was happy, and sent a hugging emoji.

I got in, didn't hit him up, didn't ask to stay the night with him, basically showed up at his game with a male friend. My friend didn't tell me what it was, but basically just made one comment during the game, "when we see him, i'll tell him i'm your coworker. not going to ruin your game for you". so i asked why the need to clarify, and he just smirked.

after his game, i texted him congrats on the win (though he did really badly which was shocking to me and he also seem a little out of it during the game), and if he's up to link. he didn't reply at all, which is extremely unlike him. so i didn't want to be pushy, went to grab food with my friend instead while waiting for him.

still didn't hear from him the next day so i texted him good morning and if he's doing ok. he replied about an hour plus later and said he is and good morning. so i replied "oh ok, i wanted to see you for a bit" and he just didn't say anything. so i texted again and asked if he'll be coming to my city soon, and he said no, not that he know of. so i said "oh so i have to come out here more if i want to see you? lol" and he said yeah the season is kind of crazy. and that was it.

i understand fwb means no feelings involved, but seems to me he's in his feelings now? i'm actually getting quite tired of this whole affair - i don't know what are we, i don't know how to react, yet i don't like to walk away from something which i was already left hanging. i always have an inclination that he expects something out of me constantly, yet don't want to say anything. i know the best way is to ask him direct, but i've expressed my feelings some time ago, pretty much asked where is this going, and he didn't say anything hence i took it that he wants us to be fwb.


I don't know why you think he would be in his feelings with you, based off this story.

He had a bad game, and was in his feels about that. Again, you weren't a priority, and he didn't even respond to you while you were there. He likely went to his inner circle for that.

I don't know what more you want me to say about this. He is treating you, just like you say you are okay with, as a treetrunk buddy. He owes you no response, owes you no communication, owes you nothing, but his dick when he wants to get laid. He is treating you like an option, which is what you are.

That sounds cold af, and I am sorry if I come off brass with this, but I don't want you to get your hopes up for something more, cause by the looks of it, you will never be a priority.


it's ok. i felt like you're the only one that would understand cancer men and their behavior better than anyone else so i don't care if you come off brass

i began to felt like i'm just an option that's why i think maybe we are fwb, but he always throws me off guard with little subtle messages. i stopped overthinking things, accepted like you said f*** buddy even though we never spoke about it, and move past to meet other people, but he always seem to somehow reel me in with that subtlety. for example, just the week before he tried to initiate a conversation again by using the worst excuse on earth, and then went on to ask how am i doing. caught me completely off guard. or even share some stuff with me. so i don't know what to make of.

why can't he just come off and say what's on his damn mind. if im an option, then don't bother to check in on me or share anything with me. it's confusing af. i'm not getting my hopes high, i just want to know what is this.
click to expand


There are many scenarios here at play. One he is a professional athlete, which means he probably gets hounded by girls a lot. Two, I mean there is a chance that he is just busy with the season, and doesn't have time for chit chat.

But honestly, it just sounds like I said it was. It is better for your heart and mind, to just leave it at fwb and not get your emotions so invested, so that you can't get hurt in the long run. I just don't want you to be like the many "Cancer left me" thread makers, without warning you.
Posted by nikkistar
Posted by teerytotsx
Posted by nikkistar
Posted by teerytotsx
Although I have to say one thing that baffled me till now though - when he was telling me he was coming to my city, I told him I’ll be doing something that night and asked him to join me. He declined initially bc he did tell me before that he only hangs with certain people like not everyone can be in his life, so he told me to hit him up after I’m done, or he will see me the next day for brunch before he returns.

He never says things or make plans with me like that.

Is this how fwb supposed to be? I thought it was purely just sex lol.


This right here says "I am not going to give you spouse like treatment".

He doesn't want to date, he doesn't want to make you a priority. He wants sex.

So yes, this is how fwb works.



Nikkistar, im back and i need help again. This has gotten WAAAAY more confusing.

So, i went to his city over the weekend, he's a pro athlete as mentioned and he had a game on saturday. I texted him a few days before that i'll be there with a friend, and he was happy, and sent a hugging emoji.

I got in, didn't hit him up, didn't ask to stay the night with him, basically showed up at his game with a male friend. My friend didn't tell me what it was, but basically just made one comment during the game, "when we see him, i'll tell him i'm your coworker. not going to ruin your game for you". so i asked why the need to clarify, and he just smirked.

after his game, i texted him congrats on the win (though he did really badly which was shocking to me and he also seem a little out of it during the game), and if he's up to link. he didn't reply at all, which is extremely unlike him. so i didn't want to be pushy, went to grab food with my friend instead while waiting for him.

still didn't hear from him the next day so i texted him good morning and if he's doing ok. he replied about an hour plus later and said he is and good morning. so i replied "oh ok, i wanted to see you for a bit" and he just didn't say anything. so i texted again and asked if he'll be coming to my city soon, and he said no, not that he know of. so i said "oh so i have to come out here more if i want to see you? lol" and he said yeah the season is kind of crazy. and that was it.

i understand fwb means no feelings involved, but seems to me he's in his feelings now? i'm actually getting quite tired of this whole affair - i don't know what are we, i don't know how to react, yet i don't like to walk away from something which i was already left hanging. i always have an inclination that he expects something out of me constantly, yet don't want to say anything. i know the best way is to ask him direct, but i've expressed my feelings some time ago, pretty much asked where is this going, and he didn't say anything hence i took it that he wants us to be fwb.


I don't know why you think he would be in his feelings with you, based off this story.

He had a bad game, and was in his feels about that. Again, you weren't a priority, and he didn't even respond to you while you were there. He likely went to his inner circle for that.

I don't know what more you want me to say about this. He is treating you, just like you say you are okay with, as a treetrunk buddy. He owes you no response, owes you no communication, owes you nothing, but his dick when he wants to get laid. He is treating you like an option, which is what you are.

That sounds cold af, and I am sorry if I come off brass with this, but I don't want you to get your hopes up for something more, cause by the looks of it, you will never be a priority.
click to expand


it's ok. i felt like you're the only one that would understand cancer men and their behavior better than anyone else so i don't care if you come off brass

i began to felt like i'm just an option that's why i think maybe we are fwb, but he always throws me off guard with little subtle messages. i stopped overthinking things, accepted like you said f*** buddy even though we never spoke about it, and move past to meet other people, but he always seem to somehow reel me in with that subtlety. for example, just the week before he tried to initiate a conversation again by using the worst excuse on earth, and then went on to ask how am i doing. caught me completely off guard. or even share some stuff with me. so i don't know what to make of.

why can't he just come off and say what's on his damn mind. if im an option, then don't bother to check in on me or share anything with me. it's confusing af. i'm not getting my hopes high, i just want to know what is this.
Aphrodite the Scorpionic Libran Women Hater
Posted by teerytotsx
Posted by nikkistar
Posted by teerytotsx
Although I have to say one thing that baffled me till now though - when he was telling me he was coming to my city, I told him I’ll be doing something that night and asked him to join me. He declined initially bc he did tell me before that he only hangs with certain people like not everyone can be in his life, so he told me to hit him up after I’m done, or he will see me the next day for brunch before he returns.

He never says things or make plans with me like that.

Is this how fwb supposed to be? I thought it was purely just sex lol.


This right here says "I am not going to give you spouse like treatment".

He doesn't want to date, he doesn't want to make you a priority. He wants sex.

So yes, this is how fwb works.



Nikkistar, im back and i need help again. This has gotten WAAAAY more confusing.

So, i went to his city over the weekend, he's a pro athlete as mentioned and he had a game on saturday. I texted him a few days before that i'll be there with a friend, and he was happy, and sent a hugging emoji.

I got in, didn't hit him up, didn't ask to stay the night with him, basically showed up at his game with a male friend. My friend didn't tell me what it was, but basically just made one comment during the game, "when we see him, i'll tell him i'm your coworker. not going to ruin your game for you". so i asked why the need to clarify, and he just smirked.

after his game, i texted him congrats on the win (though he did really badly which was shocking to me and he also seem a little out of it during the game), and if he's up to link. he didn't reply at all, which is extremely unlike him. so i didn't want to be pushy, went to grab food with my friend instead while waiting for him.

still didn't hear from him the next day so i texted him good morning and if he's doing ok. he replied about an hour plus later and said he is and good morning. so i replied "oh ok, i wanted to see you for a bit" and he just didn't say anything. so i texted again and asked if he'll be coming to my city soon, and he said no, not that he know of. so i said "oh so i have to come out here more if i want to see you? lol" and he said yeah the season is kind of crazy. and that was it.

i understand fwb means no feelings involved, but seems to me he's in his feelings now? i'm actually getting quite tired of this whole affair - i don't know what are we, i don't know how to react, yet i don't like to walk away from something which i was already left hanging. i always have an inclination that he expects something out of me constantly, yet don't want to say anything. i know the best way is to ask him direct, but i've expressed my feelings some time ago, pretty much asked where is this going, and he didn't say anything hence i took it that he wants us to be fwb.
click to expand


I don't know why you think he would be in his feelings with you, based off this story.

He had a bad game, and was in his feels about that. Again, you weren't a priority, and he didn't even respond to you while you were there. He likely went to his inner circle for that.

I don't know what more you want me to say about this. He is treating you, just like you say you are okay with, as a treetrunk buddy. He owes you no response, owes you no communication, owes you nothing, but his dick when he wants to get laid. He is treating you like an option, which is what you are.

That sounds cold af, and I am sorry if I come off brass with this, but I don't want you to get your hopes up for something more, cause by the looks of it, you will never be a priority.
Posted by nikkistar
Posted by teerytotsx
Although I have to say one thing that baffled me till now though - when he was telling me he was coming to my city, I told him I’ll be doing something that night and asked him to join me. He declined initially bc he did tell me before that he only hangs with certain people like not everyone can be in his life, so he told me to hit him up after I’m done, or he will see me the next day for brunch before he returns.

He never says things or make plans with me like that.

Is this how fwb supposed to be? I thought it was purely just sex lol.


This right here says "I am not going to give you spouse like treatment".

He doesn't want to date, he doesn't want to make you a priority. He wants sex.

So yes, this is how fwb works.
click to expand



Nikkistar, im back and i need help again. This has gotten WAAAAY more confusing.

So, i went to his city over the weekend, he's a pro athlete as mentioned and he had a game on saturday. I texted him a few days before that i'll be there with a friend, and he was happy, and sent a hugging emoji.

I got in, didn't hit him up, didn't ask to stay the night with him, basically showed up at his game with a male friend. My friend didn't tell me what it was, but basically just made one comment during the game, "when we see him, i'll tell him i'm your coworker. not going to ruin your game for you". so i asked why the need to clarify, and he just smirked.

after his game, i texted him congrats on the win (though he did really badly which was shocking to me and he also seem a little out of it during the game), and if he's up to link. he didn't reply at all, which is extremely unlike him. so i didn't want to be pushy, went to grab food with my friend instead while waiting for him.

still didn't hear from him the next day so i texted him good morning and if he's doing ok. he replied about an hour plus later and said he is and good morning. so i replied "oh ok, i wanted to see you for a bit" and he just didn't say anything. so i texted again and asked if he'll be coming to my city soon, and he said no, not that he know of. so i said "oh so i have to come out here more if i want to see you? lol" and he said yeah the season is kind of crazy. and that was it.

i understand fwb means no feelings involved, but seems to me he's in his feelings now? i'm actually getting quite tired of this whole affair - i don't know what are we, i don't know how to react, yet i don't like to walk away from something which i was already left hanging. i always have an inclination that he expects something out of me constantly, yet don't want to say anything. i know the best way is to ask him direct, but i've expressed my feelings some time ago, pretty much asked where is this going, and he didn't say anything hence i took it that he wants us to be fwb.
Posted by teerytotsx
Posted by TauRisser
Posted by CanerJason
Cancer man here - I have been talking to a Virgo at work. Just to share my frustrations with her - I feel like she is often unintentionally cold, by over intellectualizing things. Cancers are often moody, and my Virgo doesn't seem to have any patience if my mood doesn't fit what she expects. If I feel isolated, then I am in trouble for not acknowledging her attention. Yeah, we are defensive, we like sex, but as far as a relationship goes, we want to see that the other person makes attempts to understand us, and well, for me, make me feel "safe" in the relationship. It is hard to make changes. =P


Dealing with a hot and cold cancer man myself! We met about a month ago and he is very confusing. Very affectionate when we're together (especially when drinking), opened up to me in a big way! Even told me he was so happy I came over because he's been a wreck and confessed he tried to make me not like him for a few days (after he already made me like him of course, so I just ended up confused). Lots of hugs and handholding and cuddles when I visited last week. Then back to me having to initiate texting ALL THE TIME! I didn't text him all day today and plan to do the same tomorrow because he's giving me such mixed signals I don't know what to think. If he doesn't text at all tomorrow, I'm likely going to talk to him about it the next morning. Basically, "so what exactly are we doing here? Are you interested in seeing where this goes or not? Because I can't be the only one putting in effort."

What do you make of this?? Please help me!


Lol sounds like the situation I’m in. But after I expressed my emotions, he obviously didn’t reply and we didn’t talk about it after but this cancer man did change his ways of communicating. I still have to initiate till now but something did change a little. Not better and not worse. I asked the question too where do we go from here after knowing each other for a month - no luck lol.

I agree with what everyone says - need TONS of patience, do not put in too much expectations, wean off cancer men a bit and you’ll see some sort of result.
click to expand


Thanks! I haven't texted him all day today. Was extremely hard for me. Did it Sunday too but wasn't patient enough to wait for him to come to me first. I want to wait and see how long it will take. I'm so scared of the "what if he doesn't text me again". Ugh. It's still so weird. Had a couple crazy conversations and in between has been weird again. I don't get it for sure. I know he's dealing with some depression right now too. Sooooo hard. He's literally hijacked my brain.
Posted by nikkistar
Posted by teerytotsx
Posted by nikkistar
LOL I am sorry, I am totally going to come off as a cookiemonster.

But both you @teerytotsx and @elgantine set your worth from the start.

To the OP, you slept with him, and continue to sleep with him, hoping you will gain more than what he gives you. You will likely NEVER actually date him.

You see, there are the girls that Cancer men date, and get bonded to. And then there are the girls that they know just want to say, because they know "if I do A, then B will occur". As much as Cancer men don't want to admit this, they can't deny they will do this. When single, and not bonded to one girl, they can go to a bar, tell the girl EXACTLY what they want to hear, cause they have already tested their theories, and tests what works with the girls that are easy to get into bed with those words. It works almost 100% of the time for them, and they won't remember your name the next day. Or even if they do remember your name, they only see you for what you are to them, a warm hole.

Because the Cancer man wants a traditional valued woman, and one that is his bestfriend as well to be settled with. A girl that is easy to give up the goods without dating at least, will probably go that fast with other men. And it's hypocritical, but they don't want that in a partner.

I don't get why you women have sex with a dude, and think that that will magically make the man want to wife you, before even getting in a first or second date. JFC


Nikkistar always gives great advice but, we didn’t sleep with each other until much later bc I was too guarded and he was frustrated that I couldn’t tell he was interested in me. Yet after I expressed my feelings, idk if this is the way to take things slow or we are just fwb.

I’m not expecting him to wife me either. When I first put this thread out, I was confused at his signals and legit would like to take things to another level. But now, I’m just seeing us as fwb just so I’ll make myself feel better and not get hurt if anything happens.

And idk when and how to initiate anymore. Don’t even know what are the rules for fwb lol. He will use his day off to come see me, I feel like I should do that in return to go see him too? Just keep the balance? Idk. Feels like my situation gets more confusing lol.


If you're fine with a friends with benefit situation, then why even care about whom initiates what? A fwb situation is not based on emotions or even caring about these small things. The way I see it is, whether you want to admit it or not, you do internally want it to be more, otherwise you wouldn't be concerned with what you are concerned with.

Here's the thing, you basically gave services before a contract was signed, regardless of 2 to 4 to 12 dates.

I wish I could say that, regardless of how you deny it, that you will have the end results you deny wanting.

Most women aren't usually capable of having a fwb situation, because most want to be the exception to the rule and think they will be the one that will break out of the mold.

Now if you're truly content being an fwb, then worryjng about stuff that is spouse related as you are, is the first thing you need to stop analyzing. All you gotta be concerned with is are both individuals free at the same time to have a mutually gratifying sexual encounter. That's it.
click to expand


Right, and I’ve never done this before, let alone short term dating.

So at this point either I’ll stop analyzing anything and keep up with it with no emotions attached, or just move on to someone else.

Thanks Nikkistar, that was the kick in the butt I needed.
Aphrodite the Scorpionic Libran Women Hater
Posted by teerytotsx
Although I have to say one thing that baffled me till now though - when he was telling me he was coming to my city, I told him I’ll be doing something that night and asked him to join me. He declined initially bc he did tell me before that he only hangs with certain people like not everyone can be in his life, so he told me to hit him up after I’m done, or he will see me the next day for brunch before he returns.

He never says things or make plans with me like that.

Is this how fwb supposed to be? I thought it was purely just sex lol.


This right here says "I am not going to give you spouse like treatment".

He doesn't want to date, he doesn't want to make you a priority. He wants sex.

So yes, this is how fwb works.
Aphrodite the Scorpionic Libran Women Hater
Posted by teerytotsx
Posted by nikkistar
LOL I am sorry, I am totally going to come off as a cookiemonster.

But both you @teerytotsx and @elgantine set your worth from the start.

To the OP, you slept with him, and continue to sleep with him, hoping you will gain more than what he gives you. You will likely NEVER actually date him.

You see, there are the girls that Cancer men date, and get bonded to. And then there are the girls that they know just want to say, because they know "if I do A, then B will occur". As much as Cancer men don't want to admit this, they can't deny they will do this. When single, and not bonded to one girl, they can go to a bar, tell the girl EXACTLY what they want to hear, cause they have already tested their theories, and tests what works with the girls that are easy to get into bed with those words. It works almost 100% of the time for them, and they won't remember your name the next day. Or even if they do remember your name, they only see you for what you are to them, a warm hole.

Because the Cancer man wants a traditional valued woman, and one that is his bestfriend as well to be settled with. A girl that is easy to give up the goods without dating at least, will probably go that fast with other men. And it's hypocritical, but they don't want that in a partner.

I don't get why you women have sex with a dude, and think that that will magically make the man want to wife you, before even getting in a first or second date. JFC


Nikkistar always gives great advice but, we didn’t sleep with each other until much later bc I was too guarded and he was frustrated that I couldn’t tell he was interested in me. Yet after I expressed my feelings, idk if this is the way to take things slow or we are just fwb.

I’m not expecting him to wife me either. When I first put this thread out, I was confused at his signals and legit would like to take things to another level. But now, I’m just seeing us as fwb just so I’ll make myself feel better and not get hurt if anything happens.

And idk when and how to initiate anymore. Don’t even know what are the rules for fwb lol. He will use his day off to come see me, I feel like I should do that in return to go see him too? Just keep the balance? Idk. Feels like my situation gets more confusing lol.
click to expand


If you're fine with a friends with benefit situation, then why even care about whom initiates what? A fwb situation is not based on emotions or even caring about these small things. The way I see it is, whether you want to admit it or not, you do internally want it to be more, otherwise you wouldn't be concerned with what you are concerned with.

Here's the thing, you basically gave services before a contract was signed, regardless of 2 to 4 to 12 dates.

I wish I could say that, regardless of how you deny it, that you will have the end results you deny wanting.

Most women aren't usually capable of having a fwb situation, because most want to be the exception to the rule and think they will be the one that will break out of the mold.

Now if you're truly content being an fwb, then worryjng about stuff that is spouse related as you are, is the first thing you need to stop analyzing. All you gotta be concerned with is are both individuals free at the same time to have a mutually gratifying sexual encounter. That's it.
Although I have to say one thing that baffled me till now though - when he was telling me he was coming to my city, I told him I’ll be doing something that night and asked him to join me. He declined initially bc he did tell me before that he only hangs with certain people like not everyone can be in his life, so he told me to hit him up after I’m done, or he will see me the next day for brunch before he returns.

He never says things or make plans with me like that.

Is this how fwb supposed to be? I thought it was purely just sex lol.
Posted by nikkistar
LOL I am sorry, I am totally going to come off as a cookiemonster.

But both you @teerytotsx and @elgantine set your worth from the start.

To the OP, you slept with him, and continue to sleep with him, hoping you will gain more than what he gives you. You will likely NEVER actually date him.

You see, there are the girls that Cancer men date, and get bonded to. And then there are the girls that they know just want to say, because they know "if I do A, then B will occur". As much as Cancer men don't want to admit this, they can't deny they will do this. When single, and not bonded to one girl, they can go to a bar, tell the girl EXACTLY what they want to hear, cause they have already tested their theories, and tests what works with the girls that are easy to get into bed with those words. It works almost 100% of the time for them, and they won't remember your name the next day. Or even if they do remember your name, they only see you for what you are to them, a warm hole.

Because the Cancer man wants a traditional valued woman, and one that is his bestfriend as well to be settled with. A girl that is easy to give up the goods without dating at least, will probably go that fast with other men. And it's hypocritical, but they don't want that in a partner.

I don't get why you women have sex with a dude, and think that that will magically make the man want to wife you, before even getting in a first or second date. JFC


Nikkistar always gives great advice but, we didn’t sleep with each other until much later bc I was too guarded and he was frustrated that I couldn’t tell he was interested in me. Yet after I expressed my feelings, idk if this is the way to take things slow or we are just fwb.

I’m not expecting him to wife me either. When I first put this thread out, I was confused at his signals and legit would like to take things to another level. But now, I’m just seeing us as fwb just so I’ll make myself feel better and not get hurt if anything happens.

And idk when and how to initiate anymore. Don’t even know what are the rules for fwb lol. He will use his day off to come see me, I feel like I should do that in return to go see him too? Just keep the balance? Idk. Feels like my situation gets more confusing lol.
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