really need help with this Cancer man

i'm a Virgo female, met this Cancer man about a month ago. we live in different cities, about 2 hours drive from each other and have hit it off pretty well. we met on Tinder. it's a little lengthy but i really need some advice here. we've hung out on 3
Cancer ?
Posted by teerytotsx
i've also forgotten to mention that, he would usually tell me on his own accord that he's coming to my city but this time i had to ask him.. maybe im overanalyzing, idk.

ugh he's the only person i met in life that im most aggravated and confused about! lol.


I think cancers will be straightforward when they know exactly what they want. But when they are confused, they act wishy washy to figure it out. Usually not a good sign for the other person.

Right now he’s avoiding the uncomfortable conversation. He might not ever come back to talk about it. Maybe something else. But not that.

i've also forgotten to mention that, he would usually tell me on his own accord that he's coming to my city but this time i had to ask him.. maybe im overanalyzing, idk.

ugh he's the only person i met in life that im most aggravated and confused about! lol.
Posted by ariesgirl88
Posted by teerytotsx
Posted by PrincessT
I made the mistake of asking what "we were" but not in that context.... I made a lengthy email that was written from my heart... I even cried during writing it.. And he didn't even respond lmao.... They keep their emotions bottled up.. They don't express emotions with words..but with action.


and how did it work out eventually? he never replied to my text about me expressing my emotions but i definitely let insecurity speak on its own. i just don't want to be stringed along and find out im an idiot at the end of the day. also, i was so hurt from my last relationship that i just want to move on as soon as i can. it's been about 3 days since my text to him and yea he still hasn't replied. we didn't talk either.

yea i can already tell they're not big in calling and texting. well we don't used to talk everyday, just exchange a few texts every 2 days or so. i think i jumped into it cos he was showing all these signs of interest and i really just want to know where this is going. and i did tell him im too old and not interested to be doing casual hookup or fwb. and that if i should forget about the last time we slept together and just merely enjoy each other's presence, then tell me so i won't embarrass myself in the future. i basically just wanted to set the record straight that im not for him if he's looking for something casual.

and yea, i think im going to leave it as it is. till he texts me.



Big hugs to you my dear!

I have just done something similar to my cancer man. Long story short, I have asked him if we are dating exclusively. I know I may sound like I am rushing him into it. But Iike you, I want to set the record straight that im not for him if he's looking for something casual too. After all these while that we are dating and being intimate with one another. I guess I deserve the right to know if I am the only one he is seeing/ intimate with at this moment. I don't think that's too much to ask for.

And, he hasnt responded for 2 days. I will give him the time he needs to reply and for the rest I will just leave it to fate and god's will. Good luck to you too!

click to expand


well it's been like 5 days since my last "fateful" text to him about me trying to set the record straight lol. he didn't reach out to me and neither did i. though he posted something on social media extremely out of the blue in between, and i was like ghosted in the last couple of days too bc of work. feels like he was asking for attention but.. i could be wrong.

i wasn't sure to reach out to him or not but something tells me to just drop a hi and ask if he will be coming to my city again tomorrow since it's the weekend again. so i did. and all he replied was a "yes". which... is a little cold and unlike of him bc he would usually write in a more polite manner like, "yes i am", or something. anyways, granted he was probably busy when he replied. so i replied something short and said "will love to see you if you have time!". so i guess we will see if he will reply or will say anything to it... he always does but i just don't know about now anymore. he seemed pretty uncomfortable, but i could be wrong. but if we do get to meet which i do hope bc i miss him, i plan to move past that text message i sent and pretend that nothing happened.

does anyone have similar experience as me? if so, how did you speak to your cancer man again after a situation like this?
Posted by teerytotsx
Posted by PrincessT
I made the mistake of asking what "we were" but not in that context.... I made a lengthy email that was written from my heart... I even cried during writing it.. And he didn't even respond lmao.... They keep their emotions bottled up.. They don't express emotions with words..but with action.


and how did it work out eventually? he never replied to my text about me expressing my emotions but i definitely let insecurity speak on its own. i just don't want to be stringed along and find out im an idiot at the end of the day. also, i was so hurt from my last relationship that i just want to move on as soon as i can. it's been about 3 days since my text to him and yea he still hasn't replied. we didn't talk either.

yea i can already tell they're not big in calling and texting. well we don't used to talk everyday, just exchange a few texts every 2 days or so. i think i jumped into it cos he was showing all these signs of interest and i really just want to know where this is going. and i did tell him im too old and not interested to be doing casual hookup or fwb. and that if i should forget about the last time we slept together and just merely enjoy each other's presence, then tell me so i won't embarrass myself in the future. i basically just wanted to set the record straight that im not for him if he's looking for something casual.

and yea, i think im going to leave it as it is. till he texts me.
click to expand



Big hugs to you my dear!

I have just done something similar to my cancer man. Long story short, I have asked him if we are dating exclusively. I know I may sound like I am rushing him into it. But Iike you, I want to set the record straight that im not for him if he's looking for something casual too. After all these while that we are dating and being intimate with one another. I guess I deserve the right to know if I am the only one he is seeing/ intimate with at this moment. I don't think that's too much to ask for.

And, he hasnt responded for 2 days. I will give him the time he needs to reply and for the rest I will just leave it to fate and god's will. Good luck to you too!

Posted by PrincessT
I made the mistake of asking what "we were" but not in that context.... I made a lengthy email that was written from my heart... I even cried during writing it.. And he didn't even respond lmao.... They keep their emotions bottled up.. They don't express emotions with words..but with action.


and how did it work out eventually? he never replied to my text about me expressing my emotions but i definitely let insecurity speak on its own. i just don't want to be stringed along and find out im an idiot at the end of the day. also, i was so hurt from my last relationship that i just want to move on as soon as i can. it's been about 3 days since my text to him and yea he still hasn't replied. we didn't talk either.

yea i can already tell they're not big in calling and texting. well we don't used to talk everyday, just exchange a few texts every 2 days or so. i think i jumped into it cos he was showing all these signs of interest and i really just want to know where this is going. and i did tell him im too old and not interested to be doing casual hookup or fwb. and that if i should forget about the last time we slept together and just merely enjoy each other's presence, then tell me so i won't embarrass myself in the future. i basically just wanted to set the record straight that im not for him if he's looking for something casual.

and yea, i think im going to leave it as it is. till he texts me.
I made the mistake of asking what "we were" but not in that context.... I made a lengthy email that was written from my heart... I even cried during writing it.. And he didn't even respond lmao.... They keep their emotions bottled up.. They don't express emotions with words..but with action.
Cancer's are not really big on texting and calling...especially cancer men. Unless they're feeling insecure they will blow up your phone lol. Give him space...texting everyday is not giving h time to miss you. One text a week is enough...stop reaching out to him. Let HIM call you. You're coming off as desperate and needy. And that is a turn off for Cancer guys. It doesn't matter what sign you're dating. NEVER be vulnerable and give it all up in the first 6 months. They don't like to be rushed into anything...
And even if he’s truly a f*** boy, I don’t see how someone would painstakingly take the car 2.5 hours, gets in only at 2 am in the morning and came right away to see me at my apartment and chill without th me without trying to sleep with me, then barely sleeps and wakes up early to see me again in the morning and leaves in 5 hours. It sounds like a lot of effort and work to put in for a booty call. I’m really clueless on how to deal with him. I’ve dated and met enough men in my life but this one is the hardest to work with.
Posted by CanerJason
Honestly, I would love to just see her express her honest emotions / feelings about me. I feel like she is holding them back. I feel like I am the one to risk everything by admitting feelings for her.

Posted by teerytotsx
Posted by CanerJason
Cancer man here - I have been talking to a Virgo at work. Just to share my frustrations with her - I feel like she is often unintentionally cold, by over intellectualizing things. Cancers are often moody, and my Virgo doesn't seem to have any patience if my mood doesn't fit what she expects. If I feel isolated, then I am in trouble for not acknowledging her attention. Yeah, we are defensive, we like sex, but as far as a relationship goes, we want to see that the other person makes attempts to understand us, and well, for me, make me feel "safe" in the relationship. It is hard to make changes. =P


So what do you expect your Virgo to do if she doesn’t respond the way you hope she does? What sort of attempts do you wish to see?

Honestly I would love to text this cancer guy everyday, now that he even pointed out that he’s in his city alone since his friend left but I just don’t want to come across clingy. I tried to send him something funny today that I shared with my friends as well and everyone was dying laughing but he didn’t say anything at all the whole day.


click to expand


So we saw each other just this weekend but we didn’t hook up or anything. We just hugged when we see each other and when we part.

I felt so odd and decided to take canerjason’s advice and texted him last night about how I feel and asked where is this going, and that if at the end of the day we were merely enjoying each other’s presence and I should forget about last time we hooked up then just tell me so I won’t embarrass myself in any future situation. It was a long text but, he didn’t reply at all. Did I scare him away?
would love to just see her express her honest emotions / feelings about me. I feel like she is holding them back. I feel like I am the one to risk everything by admitting feelings for her.

Posted by teerytotsx
Posted by CanerJason
Cancer man here - I have been talking to a Virgo at work. Just to share my frustrations with her - I feel like she is often unintentionally cold, by over intellectualizing things. Cancers are often moody, and my Virgo doesn't seem to have any patience if my mood doesn't fit what she expects. If I feel isolated, then I am in trouble for not acknowledging her attention. Yeah, we are defensive, we like sex, but as far as a relationship goes, we want to see that the other person makes attempts to understand us, and well, for me, make me feel "safe" in the relationship. It is hard to make changes. =P


So what do you expect your Virgo to do if she doesn’t respond the way you hope she does? What sort of attempts do you wish to see?

Honestly I would love to text this cancer guy everyday, now that he even pointed out that he’s in his city alone since his friend left but I just don’t want to come across clingy. I tried to send him something funny today that I shared with my friends as well and everyone was dying laughing but he didn’t say anything at all the whole day.
click to expand


Cancer ?
I’d say he’s a treetrunk boy.
If you want something serious, keep looking
Posted by CanerJason
Cancer man here - I have been talking to a Virgo at work. Just to share my frustrations with her - I feel like she is often unintentionally cold, by over intellectualizing things. Cancers are often moody, and my Virgo doesn't seem to have any patience if my mood doesn't fit what she expects. If I feel isolated, then I am in trouble for not acknowledging her attention. Yeah, we are defensive, we like sex, but as far as a relationship goes, we want to see that the other person makes attempts to understand us, and well, for me, make me feel "safe" in the relationship. It is hard to make changes. =P


So what do you expect your Virgo to do if she doesn’t respond the way you hope she does? What sort of attempts do you wish to see?

Honestly I would love to text this cancer guy everyday, now that he even pointed out that he’s in his city alone since his friend left but I just don’t want to come across clingy. I tried to send him something funny today that I shared with my friends as well and everyone was dying laughing but he didn’t say anything at all the whole day.
Posted by nikkistar
Posted by teerytotsx
Posted by LadyNeptune
1. There is no relationship terms on the table.

2. You met him off of tinder, notorious for treetrunk boi's and hook ups.

3. He only texts you when he is coming to your area to meet up.

This all points to him only wanting a fwb, nothing exclusive. Did you ask him if he is looking for a relationship??

Cancers are notorious manipulators. He threw a fit cause you didn't respond right away, threatened to move onto someone else,...and you came running with apologies and your kitty.

He played you like a fiddle.


thanks for the last 3 replies - truly appreciative of it.

before we met up, we had conversations about future, not with us, but he would ask questions like how long do i plan to stay here, where will i move to if i leave, etc. to me, that kind of insinuates that he wasn't looking for something short or not serious. we're both actually foreigners working in another foreign country so we are away from our homes and families.

ive been hearing about cancers are known to be manipulators, but at the same time i can read into things too much. ive been told so many times too. i was dead certain that he was looking for a hookup or whatsoever initially, but bc my homegirl told me that it was obvious he is making the effort to come see me, i should just give him a chance. indeed im basically the only female he meets whenever he comes out here. it may seem silly for apologizing, but im also someone who hates animosity with others. either we clear up the air or ill keep sulking about it.

recently, he does seem to loosen up a little, still doesn't initiate conversations but when we speak, he shares a very tiny bit more about himself.

im honestly pretty clueless on how to move forward with him. either i just don't think about it and treat him as a regular friend and that that hookup was a mistake, or i completely see him as a fwb.


Some of the other posters know this about me, but my two best guy friends (family more than friends) are Cancers, and my current SO is a Cancer. I also have another Cancer ex as well.

Out of those 4 Cancers, the ex was the manipulative type that you have heard about. However, they are more far and few inbetween, and the majority are just more prone to being defensive. They tend to keep to themselves, or don't allow many people into their inner circle.

If you want to end up pursuing something with this Cancer, you will need to have a huge store of patience. They take a long time to do everything. lol
click to expand


i still don't know about the manipulating part, i still haven't seen that side of this guy. i mean, ive met a cancer man once. he's super chatty and we became good friends right after we first met.

i agree they seem to only let certain people into their lives. his good friend who he's been working with for a long time is leaving town for two months, and now he's just reaching out to me.
Posted by LadyNeptune
Posted by teerytotsx
Posted by LadyNeptune
1. There is no relationship terms on the table.

2. You met him off of tinder, notorious for treetrunk boi's and hook ups.

3. He only texts you when he is coming to your area to meet up.

This all points to him only wanting a fwb, nothing exclusive. Did you ask him if he is looking for a relationship??

Cancers are notorious manipulators. He threw a fit cause you didn't respond right away, threatened to move onto someone else,...and you came running with apologies and your kitty.

He played you like a fiddle.


thanks for the last 3 replies - truly appreciative of it.

before we met up, we had conversations about future, not with us, but he would ask questions like how long do i plan to stay here, where will i move to if i leave, etc. to me, that kind of insinuates that he wasn't looking for something short or not serious. we're both actually foreigners working in another foreign country so we are away from our homes and families.

ive been hearing about cancers are known to be manipulators, but at the same time i can read into things too much. ive been told so many times too. i was dead certain that he was looking for a hookup or whatsoever initially, but bc my homegirl told me that it was obvious he is making the effort to come see me, i should just give him a chance. indeed im basically the only female he meets whenever he comes out here. it may seem silly for apologizing, but im also someone who hates animosity with others. either we clear up the air or ill keep sulking about it.

recently, he does seem to loosen up a little, still doesn't initiate conversations but when we speak, he shares a very tiny bit more about himself.

im honestly pretty clueless on how to move forward with him. either i just don't think about it and treat him as a regular friend and that that hookup was a mistake, or i completely see him as a fwb.


None of that indicates he wants a relationship with you. Him 'making the effort to see you' just means he wants to see you, not that he wants to wife you up. And you said yourself that he always is super casual about it, saying he's gonna be in town for a hair cut...not saying he's coming there just for you. Your friend is telling you what you want to hear.

Asking how long you plan to stay here, etc. doesn't indicate deeper feelings either. If he's looking at you as a fwb he wants to know how much longer the kitty will be available to him.

Maybe he really does want a relationship with you. Your not going to know until you ask.

click to expand


i guess ladyneptune is right. i should ask where this is going.

funny bit, he actually tried to initiate a conversation yesterday. it was a failed attempt, but A for effort.
Cancer man here - I have been talking to a Virgo at work. Just to share my frustrations with her - I feel like she is often unintentionally cold, by over intellectualizing things. Cancers are often moody, and my Virgo doesn't seem to have any patience if my mood doesn't fit what she expects. If I feel isolated, then I am in trouble for not acknowledging her attention. Yeah, we are defensive, we like sex, but as far as a relationship goes, we want to see that the other person makes attempts to understand us, and well, for me, make me feel "safe" in the relationship. It is hard to make changes. =P
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