In love with married Cap man

Hi everyone, I need some male cappy perspective here... In 2008 I met a cappy man at work, and have been head over he
49 years old female from Small Town, USA
Mrs Aqua
Posted by FoxGlove
Hmmm... tough situation. First of all, I don't think that the OP had decided "ok, I'm going to fall in love with a married man and cause myself tons of emotional pain" -- it doesn't work like that -- so how 'bout we nix the judgment and name-calling. If she's attracted to him, she's attracted to him and she can't change that. It's what she decides to do about it that counts. Same thing with him -- he can't help how he feels -- it's how he ACTS that counts. So far, I don't see that either of them have done anything wrong. He's actually said he wants to do the right thing, and so far he has -- going as far as to turn down an affair. I think he showed actually showed respect there, to his wife and to OP. Now, whether or not they're going to divorce -- who knows? How he feels about OP now? Who knows? The way to find out? Ask him. One thing I believe about Caps -- you ask and they tell. Nine times out of ten, they're straight shooters. Good luck, OP.

I don't see any judgement or name calling. We are straight shooters and she asked our opinion, so we're giving it. I don't see anyone trying to make her feel like butter. We're just being honest and warning her. We have her best interest at heart!
49 years old female from Small Town, USA
Mrs Aqua
Posted by 88NNPISCES
Posted by notJTG1984
You should go for it!

hahahaa + 1

The wife will probably thank you for it.

click to expand

Lol!!! You could be right!!! My husband cheated on me, I kicked him out. I now KNOW it was a blessing in disguise!! I've never been happier!!

As a Cap man, if I had 6 kids, I wouldn't leave Calgirl. Most of us Cap men love two things the most, our family and our money. We don't like to part from neither. So move on. I know love can be overwhelming and overpowering to your emotions but move on this one. You can't win on this one. If him and his wife divorce and he gets the kids, you are going to have to take care of them. Not a way to start a relationship.
Calgirl, I know love is blind but do you really want take on a married man with 6 kids? If they all are under 18 yrs old, he is going to pay child support x6. Can you handle 6 kids when they have weekend visits with him? It's a lot to think about.
Ride or Die
To OP (If you're still watching this thread),

Listen, I'm sorry if I came across as judgmental. It really was NOT my intention. That talk about "having an emotional affair" was my own crap baggage and I get on my high horse sometimes and get carried away! LOL!

All I want to say now is that if you're still corresponding with him, you are cutting yourself off from receiving even better things in your life or meeting a really amazing and wonderful man who IS available to you FULLY and COMPLETELY. Right now, you're emotionally invested and waiting around with a glimmer of hope and you have been waiting, as you've said so yourself. How long are you prepared to wait this out?

Is he going to leave his wife? I don't know. Maybe you should ask him directly and then get your final answer and then you can move on and stop the waiting. And, there are no guarantees that once he leaves her he'll immediately want to settle down again. Are you prepared for that? Do you want kids? Does he want more kids?

Just don't spend too much time waiting for something that may or may not come to you.
anyway he's past his prime
all you'll hear from him is whine.
6 kids and now he's ready for you.
all you need is his wife knocking on your door.
that will kill your fantasy.
Ride or Die
Wow, 6 children?! That's a muy grande familia. Listen, put yourself in his wife's position for a moment and just IMAGINE that you are the one who was in this marriage with this guy. You've given him six beautiful kids and did your best to make him happy given the circumstances of the early marriage (No one REALLY knows what goes on in a marriage except the two people in it.. and GOD. That's a fact.)

No matter what you do, he's drifting away. He may be home but emotionally he's trying to check out and trade YOU in for a newer model to make him feel better about HIMSELF. This isn't about you or maybe not even about his wife. It's about HIM. He needs to fix himself.

I think an emotional affair is just the same IF NOT WORSE than a physical affair. He's lying to his wife, the woman that stood by him all these years. Can you honestly say that you want to be with a person like that, who's even considering it? What makes you think he won't do the same to you when he gets bored or doesn't FEEL the love anymore? What does this tell you about his integrity? He's going through a rough patch right now and he's talking about bailing? Look inside yourself and be BRUTALLY, PAINFULLY honest with yourself. You know the right answer, although your emotions are getting the best of you right now.

And TrueCap is right. His children will most likely never forgive you.

Respect yourself and know that YOU DESERVE SO MUCH BETTER than to wait around or even chase after a married man. I can tell you right now, he is so NOT worth it.

49 years old female from Small Town, USA
Mrs Aqua
Posted by notJTG1984
You should go for it!

Smart ass!!!!

49 years old female from Small Town, USA
Mrs Aqua
Yep, if they'll play with you, they'll play around on you!

Think of it this way - he's showing you a character trait. A very, very, very bad one.
"*********************** female, Married,
Posted by CapMusic

Leave married people alone.

Posted by capgirl75
"He had said to me at the time, that they were staying together because of the children, and if we were to ever end up together, he wouldn't want it to have started out as an affair. I completely agreed. We have amazing chemistry, but more importantly, a sense of emotional trust. He has said very little about his marriage, and I never ask, but what he has said indicates to me that they have grown apart. "

I don't even know how any woman falls for this bullbutter.
He's married. Nuff said.
Go find your own man.

click to expand


or even relationships without traditional marriage, but are committed. Leave them alone. It's called respect.
from Texas
I am all things complicated and fabulous at the same time! My chart:
Please move on and leave married people alone.

He's not worth it and why would you want to be with someone who is capable of living a lie?
44 years old from Near Hannibal, MO, USA
" "
Married is Married. Move on, meet some single guys. There are plenty of good ones out there. If he doesn't like his situation, he probably should have figured that out before fathering the 5 kids that came after the 1st that led him to marry this lady. 1 unexpected pregnancy is an accident, 5 more after that is not. Don't trust this guy.
49 years old female from Small Town, USA
Mrs Aqua
Yes. If he does divorce her, he will want to live the single life. Date, party, have fun, live it up. There won't be any room for you then either.
49 years old female from Small Town, USA
Mrs Aqua
You're probably not going to get a lot of support here on DXP. Just remember married men sometimes look for an ego boost. Especially if he's looking a woman ten years younger than him. They will also tell you what they think you want to hear just so they can get their rocks off on knowing a younger woman is interested in them. Also, men at that age are begininng to go through a midlife crisis and they need to feel like they still got it. They like feeling they can get it if they want it. Furthermore, he's got a lot invested in this marriage - kids, time, house, material possessions and will not be willing to give any of that up.

So, move on. Find another guy who can give you what you need. I'm sure you wouldn't want crumbs - that's all a married man can give you.

It's a lose, lose for you!!! Forget him!!!!!

If he's sincere, he will leave his wife. Let it be his own doing and don't be the "woman who broke up the marriage". His kids will never forgive you!!!!! So, if he ever does leave his wife, wait til that's said and done and after a significant amount of time, then you can think about him.

99% chance he will never leave.
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