Yea. Your right I don't feel worthy at times. But I do believe its been long enough and its time to change! I need to keep the past to the past or else I fear of becoming a crazy person in the future if I keep thinking about it. I was a spoiled little brat my parents were rich and had no time for me at all so I would be send to the baby sitters house with a bunch of kids and I'm used to getting what I wanted and I just took it and got beat up by the kids and baby sitter. And locked up in a garage or closet until my mother came to pick me up. I will appear as normal as everyone around me but in truth I feel like an empty shell. I feel bottled up inside. And also every time I meet a girl that I like I tend to give up right away because I know from past experience that she will have a boy friend. I'm only insecure of my personality. At first impression I have the charm and looks. Just once they do get to know me I really don't have a personality and very quiet. I think I bring out some kind of sad aura around me? I need to change that aura to a more positive one. Because I always think of the worst and it gets me in this kind of mood. I'm a real loser but I don't look it. I think guys and even my so called friends envy me because I'm getting close to my career. But alone? I hope things change soon. I've changed lately and have been less self-absorbed. You know what.. treetrunk the boy friend I'm treetrunking moving inn. I feel a strong chemistry between us. Its not like there married. Its about time I did something. I want be happy and if I have to brake a couple of eggs to do it so be it! Its about treetrunking TIME! The things I'm talking about in this topic is something people that would know me say. WOW so this is how you really feel? Kind of expression you would never guess that I am hurting inside this much. I do sulk but I'm learning to control my emotions and starting to look and be more positive. I tell myself almost every day that I am worth it! Its there lose I am confident. But some times I will be insecure and treetrunk it all up so saying this is a bit useless but I'm doing it until I really feel this way. BECAUSE I am worth it. I deserve the things I work hard on. I'm not a clingy person at all. I just think I tend to show a blow of attitude towards the girl I like because I'm in one of my treetrunked up moods. So I look shy quiet and sad.