Hi I decided to post in this because I’m in desperate need for some advice, especially from men. Please don’t assume that I’m materialistic or a gold digger. Read my post and tell me your thoughts (it’s a little bit long...)
My boyfriend didn’t had a car when I met him and I was completely okay with dating him and being his girlfriend since he’s a good guy. I have my own car so I have let my boyfriend use it. He has been using it for the past two years. He drives it when he needs to go somewhere and I also drive him to work on a daily basis.
Here’s the problem: Since his job is near mine, I had no problems driving him but now his company has been making him commute to another location which is more distant. Since he doesn’t have transportation I’ve let him have the car for the day and now he drops me off at work. I had no problems doing this for a while but now I’m getting annoyed by it. I don’t think it makes sense that he has my car while I’m paying for it. My car is expensive. I’m paying a loan for it, plus insurance, maintenance and gas. My boyfriend offers gas once in a while but the most he has given me is $ 10.00 and I usually pay 25.00 for the entire week.
Besides this, he also uses my car for his side business. He buys and re sells stuff and uses my car as a “pick up” truck to load it with heavy things he needs to deliver to his customers. I have a mini SUV so it’s not an ideal car to be putting a lot of weight on it. He knows this but still doesn’t do anything to get his own car. So far he has not saved ANYTHING to get his own car because he’s bad with money. I think he assumed he’ll be using mine forever.
I don’t know if I might sound selfish but I’m a little bit jealous of my car. Before I had it, I took the bus for years and never bothered anyone for rides. I figured things out on my own. So it doesn’t seem fair that now I have to give up my car that I work hard for so that someone else enjoys it. Boyfriend doesn’t tell his company he cannot go to the other location due to lack of transportation, so they keep sending him there. Since I want my car back for myself, I told my boyfriend he needs to figure out how to get to the new location. Now he’s giving me the silent treatment. He always does this when he doesn’t get his way. He says he doesn’t understand my way of loving him since I don’t give him my car. Until what point am I supposed to help him??? He assumes that I’m being selfish.
Since this problem has been going on for a while and he gets mad over it instead of having a plan to get a car, I’m starting to wonder if I should end the relationship. I am okay with him using my car once in a while but I don’t want him to take advantage of my generosity. If he throws a tantrum every time I put a boundary, then he will walk all over me. Am I bad for wanting him to find alternatives and get his own car instead of relying on mine??? Would it be bad to break up with him if this problem persists??? We could use just one car but since he has his side business and needs to commute to the other location at work, I think a car for himself would be necessary. I love him a lot but I don’t see him doing anything to become more independent.