Posted by Dastard2020
I was raised in a narcissistic family. Mom is covert/vulnerable narcissist and father an overt/grandiose narcissist. My brother was the golden child, I was the scapegoat for always speaking the truth and shattering the narcissistic fantasies made up of lies. He was always abusive to me for nor reason and would team up with my parents to gang up on me and make me the black sheep of the family. Everything was my fault in their eyes. There's too many incidents I could mention but one that I distinctly remember is him telling me to kill myself. Now imagine many other incidents similar to that one.
One day, we had an altercation over some petty issue that was blown out of proportion by him and my parents. It almost got physical. The issues started because I ordered Chinese food over the phone and they thought I forgot the rice cause they couldn't find it. Their donkeyes found the rice inside the bag after the incident ended.
They were trying to crucify me and blame me for not asking for rice. I said Chicken & Broccoli always comes with rice, that's so obvious that I shouldn't even need to mention it and if they forgot or needed me to mention that then they are just incompetent fools. I got angry and fed up of them ganging up on me and that's when my brother almost got physical and I looked at him dead in the eye and something snapped deep inside of my psyche. It was a crucial moment that lasted a few seconds, the emotional realization that he died to me in that moment and that he was not only dead to me and no longer my family, he was not only unable to get another chance from me to repair our relationship, but he was an enemy that I will somehow completely destroy.
There was no immediate plan to hurt him, all I knew was that I will hurt him so but so but sooo badly. I didn't know when, I didn't know how, but I had the certainty that hell was awaiting him. I was very willing and capable to be patient in order to plan the most cruel and devastating revenge. Days later I started to contemplate my options, they were things that went through my head and that I was willing to carry out that I still cannot mention to anyone without sending shivers down their spines and make them label me as a scary, dark, cruel, sadistic, mighty twisted and nefarious person. I don't even feel comfortable verbalizing those plans. But something that always stood to me was the absolute certainty that payback was coming... there was never a shadow of a doubt about that. I couldn't even fathom the idea of me possibly dying because I HAD to exact my revenge on him.
One time, about a year later, I was trying to calm my mind to focus on spell completely unrelated to this but could not lift my mood in order to do it successfully. Aside from that I was having a bad day and I was extremely frustrated. I thought to myself, I need to release the feeling of frustration in order to do this spell. To me frustration, anger, and hatred and deeply intertwined. So a lightbulb went on in my head and I decide to do a death/hatred ritual, using my brother as the target to release all the negative energy I had inside. I wasted no time because I did not want the anger to fade.
I visualized my anger and hatred towards him as black cloud with black lightening approaching him to where he spent most of his time (his room, sitting in front of the desktop computer) and entering his head, striking, burning, frying his brain, his neurons, whatever is inside his neurons, his spirit, his soul, his essence with the black lightning representing all my anger and hatred towards him. I poured so much emotion into it that I felt like my hatred could swallow an entire planets. I was completely exhausted at the end of the ritual. But also completely relaxed and at peace. I then sort of completely forgot about this ritual and never gave it much thought. My plans to destroy him were still going to be carried out, though.
One day, about a year later, he woke up and suddenly couldn't move his legs and was throwing up. He was taken to the hospital and had to be given steroids to reduce the swelling in his brain. A biopsy was performed and turns out he had stage 4 glioblastoma (brain cancer) that had been forming for about a year (what the doctor said) exactly around the time I performed the ritual and in the area that I visualized him being harmed.
He suffered a lot. It was a slow, painful death. At the beginning he did express that he thought karma had something to do with it. Months later he told me a man approach him and said someone did a black magick spell on him. About 3 months before his passing he told me he dreamed we were both kids again and we were still living with our grandmother, playing in the spiral staircase where we used to play as kids. And suddenly I disappeared, and then appeared out of nowhere with an axe and the most intense and disturbing expression of hatred in my eyes and face and was about to strike him in the head and kill him. He was crying as he was telling me his dream. He also mentioned perceiving the scent of incense in the dream. I did ended up admitting it was me who performed the black magick spell on him.
On the day of his passing I was asleep having a normal, bizarre dream about nothing important and suddenly found myself in his old room, illuminated with a bright light and him sitting in a white bed, wearing a white robe. He stood up, I approached him, we held hands and we starting crying. We didn't say a word, just I intuitively understood this was the end and goodbye. I woke up in tears and ran to his room to check on him. It was early in the morning about 6:30 am... held his cold hand and told him I dreamed of him. He was under palliative care at that point, he could not longer move or speak, only hear. Right before he passed, his skin had a very yellowish, pale and unhealthy tone, his hands were very cold, his body stiff... right before he died I saw the life escape his eyes and I started to weep. He somehow lifted out his arm and tried to reach for my head to console me as I was hugging his body, crying thinking he was already dead. After he made that last effort he did finally passed.
I lived with so much hatred and resentment for so many years and after his diagnosis and death I feel like an enormous weight has been lifted off my shoulders. Sometimes I feel very sad about how things turned out, sometimes when I remember the abuse I feel triumphant and vindicated. There are times when I ask myself if I had the choice to turn back time and change things, would I be happier now? And the answer is always no. Because he would be the same as he was prior to his diagnosis and I would be carrying the venom that is resentment and hatred.
Even though I'm quite adept at magick, in this type of cases there is no way to know with full certainty whether this was me, karma, or just a casuality. I believe it was me, but it could be karma. Who knows?