Posted by jeane Posted by geminiwithataurusman Posted by jeane Posted by sweethearts
Wow, I don’t know how you do it but yes leave the phone alone now, it’s just pure torture for you.
Looks like you are happy enough to accept he has you and her and you can live your life that way as long as he comes home to you. ( makes me wonder if he leaves his phone around for you to read it... that way both you and his gf accept his double life ) 🤔
It does sound like he loves you both and he’s comfortable, very comfortable living with the best of both worlds.
The only thing I urge you to do is tuck away a little bit of cash just in case your world comes crashing down one day out of the blue. Just enough to set you and the kids up on your own into another place where you can breathe.
i think this is the best advice.
you're happy with him, despite the existence of other woman. i say accept her presence and enjoy your life with him. i think you get a lot from this relationship. embrace it and try to put her out of your mind. often the little lies we tell ourselves get us through the day. maybe just accept that her being in his life is the price you have to pay to be with him.
but do put some cash away! you don't want the rug puled out from under you once those kids are grown.
Hello jeane. Thank you again for your advice! I read your posts often to get myself in line. I just want him with me jeane. I do not accept this woman and I keep thinking she will go. Stupid of me to think throughout our whole trip he didn't contact her, but he did, every single damn day! Not big conversations but text like "hey baby just checking in how are you" " hey beautiful I love you more than you could ever love me" "I don't give myself or my love openly and you have all of it" I am DISGUSTED! He told her this morning that pictures with me is like standing next to his co worker. Kissing, touching, displays of affection photos is like standing to his co worker???" What kind of co worker do you have if you are saying I am like your co worker with those types of photos?? Is this a play on words??? "You have me and I am just handling this for a little more, I am not building with you just because, I don't build with anyone."
I just want him to tell me its over if that is HOW HE FEELS!!!!!!! But I know I also need to say something. I really did think this week alone and away meant something.
but we've been here before. you thought that his time with you over mother's day meant that he hadn't contacted her but he had.
to throw the cat amongst the pigeons...it's quite possible that he is lying to her too. handling what a bit longer? from what you have described you aren't holding him ransom in this marriage nor does he have to placate you to stop you from doing your worst. if anything, this entire thread shows that you are not that kind of woman.
so my sense is that he is playing the both of you and will keep this going for as long as you both allow him to.
i know you go through these short bursts of anger but then calm down and talk yourself round. i'm not judging you for that by the way, i think we all do the best we can to get through the day. what works for one is not going to work for all.
i know you just want him with you. the sad fact is that i don't think that's a realistic possibility. if it's not this other woman, it will be someone else. from what you have said, he checked out being only with you a long time ago.
from what i can see you can either share him (and close your eyes to it in order to maintain the loving relationship you feel you have ie family bbqs, loving photos on facebook, gifts and weekends away) or you kick off and kick him out. the former is the closest to what you want. you have to decide is it worth the price you have to pay (his affection being elsewhere) to have it.
to be fair, for 3 years you didn't have an inkling this was going on. even over your birthday, he kept it well hidden from you. you're not the first woman in history whose husband kept a part of his life secret from her. you won't be the last.
ultimately the question is, can you close your eyes to it?
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Thank you jeane. You mentioned something, if its not you its someone else. Years ago, early in our marriage, I found out he was seeing someone, but it was nothing like this. The woman I found out about before in our early days was a purely sexual thing and definitely was for a couple of months if that, she also was seeing other people, etc..that was one of our tests to me and we succeeded over that hump. But this, I'm just amazed and pissed by. I feel like he is addicted to her and its disgusting to me. You can't even for a fucking day not talk to her??????????? to me that is addiction.
She has been giving him hell for my birthday week vacation too. His texts is everything of explaining to her, and telling her he loves her.
I do not want to share him, I just wanted him to want us and our family. I had finally disclosed what was going on to my sister and she advised to stick it out before I leave and save more because while I have a little money in the bank from my own job, it won't be enough to sustain me. We do not have a home with both of our names, our house was gifted to him before we were married by his late aunt. And some other financial things that we aren't connected in marriage by, he has always handled all financial matters.
Yes, I do love family bbqs, loving photos on facebook, gifts and weekends away, I think these memories made is everything! I thought he felt the same.
