Been in 2 really toxic relationships. Back to back at that. First one was because I was cheating on her and felt bad. We went back and forth for a lil while. It was from guilt then anger. Toxic in every way. From cheating to having 3 cops have their guns drawn in my face. Sad part is, I didn't love her. I was just caught in a vicious cycle of hate. Thought it could never get worse than that one. Boy was I wrong.
Met someone who would psychologically fuck me and a way I've never been messed with. And once I had enough(only after 2 months)I broke up with her. Oddly enough I got over her after 7 days. And was back on the scene when I got that call. She was pregnant. That pulled us back together. But something felt off. No bullshit, I prayed and asked for a sign was she meant for me(was waning religious at the time but beginning to be spiritual)and she lost the baby the next night. How big of a sign do you need? But I was hell bent on having a family and man what ensued gave me deep trauma. She did end up having my son but once I saw this was the end and that my nightmares was happening in my face...I left.
I myself was toxic tho. This all stemmed from a poor sense of self and not trusting myself. Those insecurities guided me towards women I would never have chosen had I stayed true to myself. Tbh I initially rejected them both. They were persistent tho. I take the blame for that.because I still made the choice to stay. But I healed and got back to the old me. Sometimes....in order to see the real you....the false you must be destroyed. God was it ever but that trauma turned me into the spiritual G I am.
So for me, it was because I had a false and weak sense of self
