"I'm full of restless creative energy and I must express it. I MUST! I must m
male from Gyeongsan
Hey Everyone, I'm so happy to see this valuable discussion brought up and some great points being made and the ladies here considering how I man feels about his role in a relationship. I especially want to compliment Libra Sun for thinking about how a man feels about the whole "guys pay" tradition. I want to say that she is pointing out a frustration that many of us guys feel about societies ideas about our role. Yes, a lot of guys feel there's a double standard idea of equality (lets have it when it benefits women and stay traditional when it benefits women). Something I want to point out is that no matter whether you choose to be traditional or not traditional, I think both men and women should be treated as if they are equally entitled to love and respect. This does not mean we're the same, but our responsibility is equal. I think just like a business deal, a relationship should be a win/win situation. People enter a relationship to feel loved. I don't mind buying dinner for my date to make her smile and feel loved, but if I get the idea she thinks it's "my job" to buy her dinner I start feeling taken advantage of and disrespected and not loved at all. I think double standards are the worst kind of disrespect. I've heard it mentioned on here that chivalry is a way for a man to show respect to a woman. I think something you don't hear in current US culture these day, is that men want to be respected as well and we both deserve respect. There's a difference between LETTING a man pay for the dinner and EXPECTING him to pay. If she expects us to pay then she doesn't have much respect for us. So yes, it's very nice when the lady pulls her wallet out ready to put in her share. Let us say it is our treat. And don't go describing your date and calling the man names afterword if he doesn't volunteer to pay for you. It's not his job. I don't think it's so much the women that want to show their independent that kills chivalry. I think it's the messages we get on TV in the US and UK that teach society that men are dumb and worthless and inferior or worse yet, violent wolves. Men don't feel like being chivalrous when society degrades them like that. I think a lot of men are like me. We want to be chivalrous when we feel loved and not when we feel looked down on.