@sugeredSap she knew I had to leave. wasn't a choice. I always told her I would come back even after we ended our relationship due to distance. I honestly don't think she did keep all ex's around there was one she used to tell me about. and he's the one she's with now, but for the life of me I don't know why she would get back with him. he's 15 years older than her and has 3 kids .
this is a tough one for me because she's the closet person I've been to in my 33 years on this earth... and that's including my twin brother and my fake ex fiancee (I should never had proposed). emotionally, intellectually, I've cut off dozens of women in my past. she's a tough one to let go of. she's a soul mate for me... I'm not saying she's THE ONE I'll be with forever, she's just made for me and I hate how we ended on those terms. I could take being her friend if we fizzled out and weren't compatible, sure we can be friends and she can hook me up with a hot girlfriend of hers lol ... but it's not the case and she and I both know it.