Maryann was absent December 11-16 because she had a fever, sorethroat, headache, and upset stomach. Her sister was also sick fever sorethroat, headache, her brother had a low grade fever and ached allo over I wasn't feeling my best either, there must be something going around. Her father even got hot last night.
An Illinois man left the snow-filled streets of Chicago for a vacation in Key West, Florida. His wife was on a business trip and planned to fly directly from there to Key West and meet him there the next day. When he arrived at his hotel in Florida, he decided to send his wife a quick e-mail. Unable to find the piece of paper on which he had written her company e-mail address, he did his best to type it from memory. Unfortunately he didn?t get it exactly right and the message was routed instead to a preacher?s wife, whose husband had just passed away earlier that week.
When the grieving widow opened her e-mail, she took one look at her monitor, let out a blood curdling scream and passed out in a dead faint. The woman?s daughter having heard the scream and the loud thud, rushed into the room. There she saw her mother lying on the floor and the following message on the computer screen:
MY DARLING WIFE; JUST CHECKED IN, EVERYTHING IS PREPARED FOR YOUR ARRIVAL TOMORROW. LOOKING FORWARD TO US BEING TOGETHER AGAIN. YOUR LOVING HUSBAND.
Sean, Ian, and pat or going out on a saturday night as they go by church sean says to his mates I must go into confesion. In the confesional he says forgive me father for I have sined. THe priest ask what is your sin. Sean says father I had sex with a women last night and we are not marred. The preist says was it margeret hullhan? sean father I cant tell you who it was Father it was that patty murphy girl wasn't it. No father I wont tell you. I* know says father Sarah McCaroy. no father says sean. Very well says father put 20 punt in the plate and say 100 hail marrys. Sean leaves the church his mates ask how did it go, saen says 100 hail marrys, 20 punt, and three good leads
More about doggies: Muldoon lived alone in the Irish countryside with only a pet dog for company.
One day the dog died and Muldoon went to the parish priest and asked: "Father, me dog is dead. Could ya?be sayin' a mass for the poor creture?"
Father Patrick replied "I?m afraid not, we cannot have services for an animal in the church. But there are some Baptists down the lane and there?s no tellin' what they believe. Maybe they?ll do something for the creature".
Muldoon said "I?ll go right away Father. Do ya' think $ 5000 is enough to donate to them for the service?" Father Patrick exclaimed "Sweet Mary, Mother of Jesus! Why didn?t ya tell me the dog was Catholic?"
Travelling can be fun: A wealthy old lady goes on a photo safari in Africa, taking her poodle along for company. One day the poodle starts chasing butterflies and before long discovers that he?s lost. Wandering about, he notices a hungry looking leopard heading rapidly in his direction. The poodle thinks Oh,No. Noticing some bones on the ground close by, he immediately settles down to chow on the bones with his back to the approaching cat. Just as the leopard is about to leap, the poodle exclames loudly "Boy, that was one delicious leopard. I wonder if there are any more around here?" Hearing this, the leopard halts his attack in mid-strike, terrified and slinks away into the trees, thinking: "Whew - that was close! The poodle nearly had me"
Meanwhile a monkey had been watching the whole scene from a nearby tree, figures that he can put his knowledge to good use and trade it for protection from the leopard. So off he goes, but the poodle notices him heading after the leopard and figures that something must be up. The monkey soon catches up with the leopard and spills the beans and strikes a deal for himself with the leopard. The leopard is furious at being made fool of and says: "Here monkey, hop on my back so you can watch me chew that poodle to bits!"
Now, the poodle sees the leopard coming with the monkey on his back and thinks what he can do. Instead of running, the dog sits down with is back to his attackers, pretending he hasn?t seen them yet and waits until they get just close enough to hear.
"Where is that damn monkey?" the poodle says loudly, "I sent him off an hour ago to bring me another leopard!"