MEN why is it so hard to tell a girl you're NOT in

Guys, what problems have you had in the past with telling a girl that you were not interested in dating her? Why is this so hard for men? Why would you rather string someone along instead of simply saying that you're not looking for anything at the moment? (or something along those lines) Why let it go on for over a year?

I think that they never want to burn bridges. I think they always want the door to be open just in case they want to come back..

"Why let it go on for over a year?"

No clue ..

On the flip side of that .. I've no clue why a girl would allow herself to be strung along for a whole year.

At some point .. wouldn't this light go off in a girls head? And further, if she came into a forum and said the words, "rather string someone along instead of simply saying ..", then shouldn't that be the light going off in the head that she's being strung along?

This thread is making it sound like the girl is some kind of victim for it asks .. "Why let it go on for over a year?", as if she has no recourse with her life except to sit back to await, and wonder what's so hard about approaching this topic .. as if the man is the only person in this scenerio that has been doing this for over a year.

The martyrdom of Virgos is something that escapes me .. I'm sure why it feels so valuable and worthy to endure suffering. They will though, and call it happiness, or being in love.

I call it being a fool, quite frankly. If you know he's been stringing you along for over a year .. then wtf are you doing putting an iota of thought or energy into this for?

Walk away with dignity.

"I'm sure why it feels .."


*** NOT ... I'm not sure why it feels ...

"then wtf are you..."

Look P-Angel, you're a cool person and all, but don't be rude to me. I've never said anything remotely rude to you throughout our many discussions. And it's simple to not give an "IOTA" about somebody when you simply don't give a rats @ss abou them. But when you really do care, it's hard to just treat people like crap. And think that us Virgos are cold.....umph

its a lot of disrespect that goes on here....no need to be rude and call people names..maybe she didn't realize that she was being strung along until recently..and in retrospect she's discovering that he's been playing games..we've all been in these situations and i'm sick of people acting like they're more than human and they know it all. when you're in love with someone you are truly blind...don't feel bad Southern. now you know the truth and you're free to move on...

"I call it being a fool, quite frankly. If you know he's been stringing you along for over a year .. then wtf are you doing putting an iota of thought or energy into this for?"


I'm assuming that the above quote of mine is what prompted you to say I'm being rude to you, since it's the iota part that you referenced.

This isn't rude .. this is telling you the truth. If the truth hurts, then I'm sorry about that .. but, you're a Virgo .. you guys are suppose to be all about the "truth".

You have become a martyr for him .. even in your justification of saying ..

"But when you really do care, it's hard to just treat people like crap"

.. this is in essence saying .. I know he's treating me like crap, I know he's been stringing me along .. but, I really do care for him, so it's hard for me to treat him like the crap he treats me.

You can get upset, or angry at me all you want ... that doesn't change that you've been emotionally laying at this mans feet for a year and a half, while he treats you bad emotionally, and you call it .... really caring about him.

You are enduring great suffering, and calling it love ... that IS being a martyr, Southern ... my intent is to be direct, if that appears rude to you then sobeit .. it's also the truth.

On your other thread, on the Scorpio board, you said that this Scorpio man doesn't tell you the truth, he doesn't speak his mind and tell you straight up ... and you called that being rude.

Vagueness is rude, directness is rude .. so, this would indicate to me that anything can be considered rude to you if it's something you don't want to hear.

It's been a year and a half, Southern .... and we've had this same discussion over and over.

What other way can it be said to you so that the light will go off in your head?

"On your other thread, on the Scorpio board, you said that this Scorpio man doesn't tell you the truth, he doesn't speak his mind and tell you straight up ... and you called that being rude.
Vagueness is rude, directness is rude .. so, this would indicate to me that anything can be considered rude to you if it's something you don't want to hear."

SIMPLE: YOU SAYING "WTF" TO ME IS RUDE. This seperate and outside of the discussion going on about the scorpio guy. Can you seperate that in your head?

"It's been a year and a half, Southern .... and we've had this same discussion over and over.
What other way can it be said to you so that the light will go off in your head?"

I will talk about it until I feel better plain and simple. It's not about YOUR timing and being done with it. It's about ME feeling better about it. I'll discuss it until I get it off my chest and feel better. I'm not going to bottle these feelings up. I've come too far in life and I've learned not to bottle up me feelings. You can be understanding and not make me feel any worse is what you can do P-Angel. Don't beat people down and make them feel like sh!t or like a dumb@ass for the way they feel.

Fuck is rude to you? Alright, then I'm rude as fuck because that word is a part of my everyday lingo.

For months now .. many people have responded to your posts about this man .. and in these responses, you've gotten a whole variety of attitudes, ranging from sweetness to directness to support to sympathy to harshness and every other kind of tone .. in all of them, every person has said the same thing to you in essence ..

.... this man is using you, and you are letting him.


So, now ... I'm being completely blunt with you .. will you be able to hear that? Or will you defy against the message to focus on extracting one word to call it a rude one, so you won't have to hear the message?

P-Angel, I got your bluntess about this months ago. My point being, what you did today was unecessary. I'm simply venting. I don't have a unrealistic expectation for you all to answer whats going on in this man's head. I'm simply hurt and venting. I don't expect you to fix it P-Angel. d@mn. You are freakin insensitive.

"Don't beat people down and make them feel like sh!t or like a dumb@ass for the way they feel."

"d@mn. You are freakin insensitive"


Call it what you want .. if it stops you from being a fool a moment longer than you can call me a total, heartless fuckwad.


And yes, I realize you are venting, Southern .. on the Scorpio board, you said he contacted you again, and yet, again, you flung yourself at him emotionally, for him to be unresponsive .. so you could come in here to vent again.

Whatever gets you to open your eyes, is all I care about .. so you can walk away with some pride and dignity ... if my harsh words get your attention so you wake the fuck up and walk away from that loser, then I'll say "fuck" all night long.

"I don't expect you to fix it P-Angel"


No doubt .. martyrs relish in the misery. Fixing it is the last thing they want, and by calling them out on it ... a huge emotional reaction follows.

P-Angel... I sent you a private message from another board posting 🙂 Thanks! Tond

"Whatever gets you to open your eyes, is all I care about .. so you can walk away with some pride and dignity ...
No doubt .. martyrs relish in the misery. Fixing it is the last thing they want, and by calling them out on it ... a huge emotional reaction follows."

You are soooooo far off base and you don't see it. All you see is how badly you want to be right about your evaluation of my reaction. I was ALREADY emotional and upset before I even came to this board today. And people don't walk away from a situation until they are fed up with it THEMSELVES. There is nothing that anybody can say to sway that individual. That person has to make up in their own mind and decide that they are fed up. And your words/reality are not encouraging me. They are so harsh that they are making me shut down to were I'm not even receptive to what you are saying. You can say the exact same thing in a loving way and I would be much more receptive and understanding about it. And I would even sit down and think about what you say. But when you attack me and stuff like that, I'm not hearing you. You can't take ONE method and think that it's going to work on all people. Maybe you can learn a lesson too tonight if you sit back and get off your high-horse for about 5 seconds. Or do you think you're above learning something new in life? Have a Blessed evening.

"You are soooooo far off base and you don't see it. All you see is how badly you want to be right about your evaluation of my reaction."


Southern, I don't give a rats ass about being right .. I do care about the fact that you've been upset with this man's treatment of you since you first started posting about him last September.

"I was ALREADY emotional and upset before I even came to this board today."

No shit, Southern ... and you think I can't comprehend that?

"And your words/reality are not encouraging me. They are so harsh that they are making me shut down to were I'm not even receptive to what you are saying."

No shit, Southern ... wake up call .. they aren't intended to be encouraging.


"You can say the exact same thing in a loving way and I would be much more receptive and understanding about it."


The purpose isn't to stroke you ... you've had enough of that to no avail. I've sat by for 6 months listening to people stroke your feelings lovingly, just for you to come back and make another excuse for the way he's treating you, and saying it's because Virgos are so loving and caring .. misunderstood. Thier hearts are gentle, and so if you care about someone then you won't stand up for yourself.

I don't give a flying fuck about you wanting words to be loving to you .. the time for treating you like a baby has ceased on my end. If you refuse to comprehend loving words, then I'll take an approach you will hear .. loud and clear


"And I would even sit down and think about what you say."

Oh, you'll sit down and think about what I'm saying alright. Everybody always does after the emotional reaction has passed.

"But when you attack me and stuff like that, I'm not hearing you."

Oh yes you are ... every word. Your emotional reaction is keeping it at bay for now .. but, once you get you get head back in order, your rational mind will indeed, hear every word.

Once again P-Angel, I'm not hearing you. Plain and simple. Your harsh words are not bringing me a reality jolt. Sorry. Time to lay it down for the evening.

And P-Angel, if you don't believe me, just ask my mother. She is JUST LIKE YOU. And till this day, she still can't through to me with the way she communicates. If you mother can't do it using that tactic, what the on earth makes you think that you can? NOT HAPPENING.

"my mother" not "you mother"

I feel better because I have vented and released, not because of a single word that you so kindly from the bottom of you heart typed on your computer.

You can't control people P-Angel and force them to "SEE" anything. Just like I can't FORCE. the Scorpio to SEE me for who I am.

"You can't control people P-Angel and force them to "SEE" anything. Just like I can't FORCE. the Scorpio to SEE me for who I am."

So why keep trying? You've given him long enough to see, if he's too stupid to see it then it's his loss. Or maybe he just doesn't think you're the one for him, maybe he sees you from a different perspective than what you see yourself? I dunno, just running through the possibilities here...

You sound like a very caring person, but it is being wasted on this guy. There are so many directions where you could focus this aspect of yourself and have a positive outcome. I'm a virgo woman so I can understand ST how hard it can be sometimes, and we have the tendency to analyse things to the point where they confuse us even more and we seek in desperation for the clarity which is actually staring us in the face. And damn those soft hearts of ours! But it's your choice whether you see it or not, but at the end of the day don't forget that the longer you take to let yourself see the truth, the only person that loses out is yourself.

Men dont like to answer obvious questions.

Wow what a passionate thread. My Pisces friends are never as harsh as P-Angel is to us Virgals. It's probably why I enjoy reading her POV's. She's so passsionate that I almost always feel her grip my shoulders and shake them. I can see her when she comes in my threads, look around, shakes her head and leaves. I don't know why I like it so much. Because it's a spanking, maybe? 😛

Now, back to SouthernT, Hi my Virgo sister. 🙂 Last, I checked off with your situation (November), the two of you (Scorpio man and you) had not made things official. There were still group dates and no concrete exchanges as far as feelings, intentions, etc. Am I right for the most part?

Have you been able to get this man's attention so that you can have a real conversation about what's going on and your feelings and his intentions. I just want to know if anything was made more concrete. I will try to play catch up in a minute. But, if nothing concrete has happened then it's pretty obvious why she can't move on easily.

She has not EXPERIENCED this man. You can't walk away from something you have fantasized about and imagined to be so wonderful and beautiful without actually experiencing it and seeing if the reality is just as glorious (or not). Virgo's need the final piece of the puzzle to be put in place in order to move on. Hence the analytical thing. If we haven't finished a mission then we have to keep going at it.

I think she is not on anyone's schedule to stay or leave this man. It's her life and her decision. However, if she wants advice and you've (DXP'ers in general) have given her all you can give her then say nothing more. It's her who will have to be tapped out. One way to get someone to make their own decisions is by not giving them any tips, hints, options. I hate when my Scorpio best friend of 10yrs does this to me. She knows now that when I ask her a question to respond with I don't know about that one or, Hmmm... then she lets me tell her my take on it (because I can't resist sharing my analysis). But, I don't get her opinion, just mine. Forces me to rely on my own thoughts and analysis.

SouthernT, I'm here for you as many are when you need to vent but you're going to have to make a move to get something concrete from him. I will read up. But, my knowing a Scorpio's ways about trusting other's motives you should be under his power (possessed) and considered his girlfriend by now. It's been long enough. So, where's the missing piece to the puzzle?

"P-Angel, being rude is not helping anyone. You think you are opening Southern T's eyes but you are only offending and hurting her with your harsh words."


On the contrary, scorpioheart ... our teacher in life comes from strong emotional reactions. Such as yourself, it's the strong emotional situation in which you feel neglected intimately that will be the catalyst in guiding you. Your Virgo man can be as sweet as he likes, have soft, loving words ... however, that disposition is not which is guiding you ... it's emotions that have been evoked, like say with your male friend you've had for 7 years and keep telling him you want him.

That is what is guiding you, scorpioheart .... support/soothing in times when we need a slap in the face, will only allow us to continue in our ignorance.

When you grow from your own emotional torment of guilt from allowing yourself to be stuck within a relationship where you know you don't belong ... then you'll have the capacity to understand this angle in which I aim to evoke a strong emotional reaction from Southern.

"you are only offending and hurting her with your harsh words"

No shit .. didn't I say that this was the intent already?

"Such problems occur because we are being lazy about taking responsibility of our own lives. Why wait for him to decide wether you are good enough for him and in the meantime suspend your emotions in space—?
You liked him. He seems to have liked you. However he is also being inconcsistent and flaky regading this whole thing. Then it is your responsibility to take care of yourself and decide what is right for you.
You dont have to end the connection or something drastic like that(if you are not yet ready) but be consistent in the message that you give. That behaviour is not ok with you then behave that way! You can still be your nice non-confrontational self.
It is acceptable that you have feelings for him and dont know how to handle it. Decide to suspend the feelings for now and stick with the facts...and behave accordingly.
The situation should not control you.....you should control the situation."

Thank you soooo very much. This is understandable to me and I can receive this very well. And I will continue to do my best and control the situation by learning to take better control of my emotions and by realizing that I am beautiful. It's all a learning process. Evolution does not take place over night.

And I am a STRONG believer that if you have experienced any traumatic events in life as a child, it will definatley affect the way that you interact with men later on in life. The way that a woman seeks "approval" from men later on in life. (I know that was completely off topic, however I still wanted to throw it out there just to open everyboy's mind a little more to the women's behavior in dating)

"She has not EXPERIENCED this man. You can't walk away from something you have fantasized about and imagined to be so wonderful and beautiful without actually experiencing it and seeing if the reality is just as glorious (or not). Virgo's need the final piece of the puzzle to be put in place in order to move on. Hence the analytical thing. If we haven't finished a mission then we have to keep going at it."

OH!!!! HOW I LOVE MY VIRGO SISTERS!! This is EXACTLY how I feel. I would hug you so tight right now if I could...lol...

guys, please let the people vent for whatever reason, they will feel much better and at some point when they are ready they will gather their power togetehr and move on to a better life!!!have you got any idea how it feels when you love someone and you are being used for whatever reason and not loved back, we need to understand every person that comes on here because they need us and if they take on what we advise them...fine if not they should at least be offered a shoulder to cry on. the same thing happened to me, but i am a strong person, and eventually i managed to move on, i was so upset but i took on leokitten's advice in the end(when i was ready) and now i am finally happy!!!

scorpioheart ... I don't make assumptions, I observe human behaviour and analyze undercurrents .. and point out what the problem is within the victim, who is one by choice = martyr.

Below, listen to what this says ... for what it really means. It is said in a such a way to infer that the user is at fault for using another person .. but, this isn't the truth because a person can only use you if you let them ..

"have you got any idea how it feels when you love someone and you are being used for whatever reason and not loved back"

When you love someone, and being used KNOWINGLY, not loved back ... so then fucking LEAVE and go find someone who does love you back. You don't stay there and just suffer, while blaming another person because you were made to suffer.

With the author of this thread .. we see this quote ..

"Why would you rather string someone along instead of simply saying that you're not looking for anything at the moment? Why let it go on for over a year?"

What this is asking is why would another person allow themselves to string you along for over a year ..... as if to suggest that this is the fault of a person other than yourself, when you KNOW you are being strung along.

If you KNOW you're fucking being abused, and ALLOW it .. then how the hell could a person possibly have sympathy for you?

"This is understandable to me and I can receive this very well. And I will continue to do my best and control the situation by learning to take better control of my emotions and by realizing that I am beautiful."

Look at the above, for example ... soothing words were offered to no avail, yet again. This woman says she will recieve kind words .. but, what the hell does this prove if it changes nothing? She only recognizes that she needs to control the situation and believe she's beautiful. To control a situation means to continue living within it .. now just with better control over her emotions.

The guy blew her fucking off a year and a half ago .. so, how exactly have all those loving words from friends helped her in any way to get to a reality check?

She needs to leave this loser .. not control her feelings while she still continues to be rug at his feet.

What the hell is the matter with you people, is my question. This is in essence saying it's OK to suffer, because somebody is suffering along with you, talking nice to you = they are embracing this torment with you.

Fuck that .... if you suffer by choice

There's a difference between being a victim and being a fool.

"On the flip side of that .. I've no clue why a girl would allow herself to be strung along for a whole year."

I feel you on that one P....

No one is obligated to be nice here. Why do people act like if you aren't being "nice", you aren't behaving "appropriately"? What exactly IS appropriate? Sometimes being "nice" is being fake. Receive a view contrary to yours, and appreciate directness. Cutting to the chase just might help in the long run.


Be you, and let others be them.

"And I am a STRONG believer that if you have experienced any traumatic events in life as a child, it will definatley affect the way that you interact with men later on in life. The way that a woman seeks "approval" from men later on in life. (I know that was completely off topic, however I still wanted to throw it out there just to open everyboy's mind a little more to the women's behavior in dating)"



What the fuck is that suppose to mean?

Is this another excuse for you to "chase" a man you know is stringing you along because you are allowing yourself to do this because of what happened to you as a child, and so this makes it a reason to seek out his approval to be a rug to walk on?

Is that actually the kind of approval you seek?
Is that what you are saying here?

If you KNOW you were traumatized as a child .. you know it .. then you are suppose to be healing yourself from it .. not using it as an excuse to continue "chasing" a man for 18 goddam months who doesn't want you.

"He doesn't pick up the phone and call and hasnt seen me since Jan and that was simply because we ran into eachother while out with other friends."


Southern, you said the above on the Scorpio board .. he just happened to run into you while out .. you hadn't seen him since Jan, he hasn't called you .... you two haven't even dated, you haven't even slept together, he hasn't even shared any feelings with you to suggest that he does want to date you or be with you, according to all the posts you've been making about him since last September ... and then, when you did get to talk to him, you asked him the below quote (also pulled over from Scorpio board) ...

"We've known eachother 1yr1/2 now & I really like you and I want to be more than friends. What do you think?"


And you've said in here that during this year and a half, you've been asking him to spill his feelings out to you this whole time .. and when you do, he blows you off and ignores you again for awhile.

What the fuck is the matter with you? Have you no pride?

You can't "chase" a man like that who isn't interested in a relationship with you and expect him to have any respect for you or your feelings because you make yourself out to be desperate, naive & foolish.

He's probably laughing at you, Southern .... STOP IT .. STOP DESPERATELY CHASING A MAN WHO DOESN'T WANT YOU.

You are only accomplishing degrading yourself ... other women in here aren't going to tell you that because most woman are too afraid of hurting your feelings .. but, I guarantee you, the majority are thinking it, because they know themselves that they would rather die than emotionally lay at a mans feet and grovel for his approval who kicked her to the curb even a second ago, much less .... EIGHTEEN FUCKING MONTHS AGO.


He doesn't want you ... if he wanted you, he would have you, he would be in your arms loving you ... walk the fuck away.

I wish I had the energy to go research all of this "advice" that was given to her. I seriously don't see her "situation" as unhealthy as the others see it being as though it has not reached it's full potential.

Now, if someone has given her pointers on how to connect with the young man and that didn't work then ok. As some of you fail to remember, he is a S C O R P I O man and anyone who has ever loved one should be able to relate here. However, thouse that were successful in obtaining the hearts of the beloved are qualified to give advice. It's like the saying goes, "those who can teach and those who can't do".

For all anyone knows it could be the lack of essential advice that is why she's been in this situation this long. While it's ok to be concerned about her, she really needed advice about the guy. If you offered none you should not be condemning her for hanging in there.

Relationships and affairs of the heart is not easy to figure out and I commend those who hang in there because I feel like I throw in the towel too easily. And since I can't figure out if that is a wise thing or not (could be a defense mechanism) I won't encourage someone else to take the same road as me.

However, back to the fact the man is a scorpio... where do you think she stands with a Scorpio man at this point, given all of the details?

I agree with many, its a topic not a topic of discussions of other people opinions on the persons situation personally and how they act on it.. That should be respected, yelling at them and being mean isn't going to teach anyone anything. ever. In fact that is just how they learn to keep quiet from reaching out then from such lashings and thus they don't learn. Everyone has their own pace and path they follow.

granted I am not a guy, however I think overall it comes down to someone not having the guts to just be honest with someone else. Male and female are guilty of this. I don't see situations like that in you loosing pride or dignity, just as you are seeking information and perhaps don't operate from the world of the non-communicators/actions speak louder then words people. Who wear that saying like a badge to cover the fact they can't just be brave and be honest back. It's the person who's running from facing things is the person who should lose the dignity or whatever for themselves for just leaving the person hanging. This isn't life or death, but it is someones heart. But thats just me I would never want to leave someone who put themselves into thinking of me just hanging respectively, feelings the same or not.

I read most of the post not all throughly to know her story fully. However she has some power to keep standing and pursuing. She's looking for an answer. No need to belittle her for trying to seek that honestly, although too, a valid point taken that these things happen and people sometimes give you no "reason, response" for their actions. Like everyone, you learn more through time to predict better with experience the outcome of the questions you seek to hear answers to.

"MEN why is it so hard to tell a girl you're NOT intereted".

Most people don't want you to think they are the bad guys. Hurting your feelings by telling you straight make them feel bad plus it decrease their chances of sleeping with you again which was their original plan to begin with. If you think about it, how else are people going to get laid when they don't want to be in a relationship just yet. That's why when you spot such a person, don't waste time and just RUN!!lol

That's why he wants to avoid answering ST's "are we on the same page?" question for as long as possible.

It doesn't really matter why this man won't answer the same page question, which btw, Abby, this means you know the details of this.

Why he would do it is irrelevant ... what is relevant is exactly what Sagigoat has suggested.

"MEN why is it so hard to tell a girl you're NOT intereted".

This means, she has awareness that the man is NOT interested. Does it have to come from his mouth?

If you called the fire department because your house was on fire, are you only going to leave the house to save yourself IF the dispatch tells you to? If they don't tell you that, are you going to stand there and burn to death?


If you're being lied to by a person to whom you know is telling you an outrigth lie, does another person have to tell you that you are suppose to disregard what they are saying for you to know this? Or, are you going to believe every single word they say, until you hear an admission of deception?

It's absolutely ridiculuous to be that dense and "stuck" within holding onto this based soley around another person having to tell you what your own common sense and intellect is telling you.

It's saying ... why aren't you telling me you aren't interested .. meaning, she KNOWS he's not interested in her, but, will continue to suffer until he admits it.

How idiotic is that?

If a person is acting/behaving, treating you like they detest you, do you actually have to hear them say, "I hate you", to know? Or, are you going to continue to attempt to be loving and giving to them, and just come in here or to friends to say .... "Why won't she tell me she hates me? I'm so confused."

Absolutely ridiculous .... if this woman KNOWS he's not interested in her, and actually references this in her post here, and continues to "chase" him regardless .. then she deserves no pity for being a fool.

ARe you going to feel sorry for a person who is on oxygen, can't breathe from emphasemia because they smoked their lungs into respiratory failure? Are you going to feel sorry for a person on the streets who was offered a job and a place to live, but refused the offer becuase they'd rather be a street person and suffer?

If what you do in life, you are aware of consequences .. and just blindly do it anyway .. then you are a fool if you think someone is just suppose to pity you for it.

"it decrease their chances of sleeping with you again which was their original plan to begin with"


I agree with the whole not wanting to be a bad guy for the sake of keeping the womans legs open .. however, this man is NOT interested in her, that he hasn't even taken her sexually, which would be easy for him to do since she throws herself at him. Alls he have to do, is lie to her to passify and her legs would open.

He's not even doing that ... when she brings up a question, or a comment about liking him and wanting him .... he ignores her until they just happen to run into each other.

"I think overall it comes down to someone not having the guts to just be honest with someone else."


How about having the guts to be honest with yourself?

This is all being put onto the Scorpio man, as if it's ALL his responsibility to be honest with Southern .... and if he's not straight forward, then she'll lie to herself and wait for him to validate her feelings.

"She's looking for an answer"

The problem I have with this, is she's already asked the guy 3 times over the last 18 months to be more than friends, and each time he's denied her but he just hasn't done it in a nasty way. She's got her answer, she just doesn't want to accept it.

She sounds like a sweet lady in general, but by persuing a guy who doesn't want her she's not only robbing herself of other opportunities but she is also disrespecting him in a sense.

I personally have never had that need to complete the puzzle thing that MA was talking about, but what people have to realise is they'll never get everything they want (in ST's case it's this man), and sometimes you just have to accept that fact and let it go without experiencing it. Think of how many guys don't get the women they want, and when it's us (the guys want, but don't get) we certainly don't go around pitying them. And if it were a child whinging about not getting everything they want, you'd think they were just a spoiled brat and tell them to get on with it. It's just a fact of life...

And yeah I gotta say I feel kinda bad about the blunt manner in which i've been responding, i'm usually very nice to people here but i'm starting to consider the other elements of this situation. 😐

You cannot control another person in whether they are going to be honest with you, or whether they are going to be forthcoming with you, or how they are going to treat you ..... the only person you can control is yourself.

And if you allow yourself to be abused/used by a man, and continue to "chase" after him, eventhough you KNOW you are being taken for a fool, and disregarded by him ..... then this only shows lack of integrity, strength and respect for yourself.

If you don't respect yourself .. how in the hell is another person suppose to have respect for you?

And that is what is happening here .. Southern is expecting him to have enough respect for her to be honest and forthcoming, while she displays herself as having no self-respect by allowing him to walk on her, while she KNOWS it.

I don't understand people .... I really don't. Just like now .. I'm not showing her any respect because she doesn't have any for herself. That's the nature of the beast ..

.. respect isn't deserved .. it is earned ..

"southern already knew that by looking at the subject of this thread - "MEN why is it so hard to tell a girl you're NOT intereted"."

We are discussing "MY" situation over on the Scorpio board. I am asking this question seperate and outside of my situtation.(granted, yes, it was prompted by my situation) My original question again is why is it so hard for a man to simply tell a girl that he is not interested. I feel that a man knows when he meets a girl if she has potential or not. And I think a guy will know inside of him that he doesnt like a girl but he will continue to hang around to try and get as much out of the situation as possible. My point being, tell a girl that you are not interested...that she disgusts you....she's too fat....too skinny....to dark....to light....smiles too much.....doesnt smile enough....whatever the case....tell her that you dont think the two of you would be a good match. When you try to let things linger instead of telling her the truth....you end up hurting her more than you would have by simply telling her the truth. SOME guys try to hang around to try to get sex or whatever out of the situation knowing that he doesnt like her and that is dishonest and selfish.

"it happens at times that you stay stuck in a situation that you might know is bad for you but there is something that is not letting youtake off. Some lessons are harder for some people to learn that it is for others!
im sure all of us have gone through it at varying degrees and through differnt situations ourselves....

some compassion and sympathy please....
she must be really hurting even if she is doing it to herself. Let her come out of it...."

Thank you for showing understanding. And yes it hurts, alot. Even when I walk away from it and remove myself, it's still going to hurt.

"That should be respected, yelling at them and being mean isn't going to teach anyone anything. ever. In fact that is just how they learn to keep quiet from reaching out then from such lashings and thus they don't learn. Everyone has their own pace and path they follow."

Agreed. The words you speak to a person (friend, mother, sister, daughter, husband, wife) can only do one of two things: 1) Build up or 2)Tear down. Don't speak words to people that will stop them from reaching out for your help and wisdom.

"and sometimes you just have to accept that fact and let it go without experiencing it. Think of how many guys don't get the women they want, and when it's us (the guys want, but don't get) we certainly don't go around pitying them."

Agreed, but usually when people are not interested, then they don't continue to "entertain" the other person. If I knew a man was interested in me and I didnt feel the same way, then I wouldnt sit up and talk on the phone with him and invite him over my house and send him Valentines day messages as well as other messages telling him how "beautiful" he is. In other words, my ACTIONS would match my words and/or thoughts so that there is no confusion. The Scorpio I delt with did ALL of the above and still continues to do it, hence my confusion. Never slept with the guy and WILL NOT sleep with him especially under these circumstances. I told him when we met that I don't do casual sex and I will not compromise my morals no matter how much I like this man.

"You have to handle your emotions though. He has totaly confused you and agitated you. Why are you passive about this?? Where is that anger?? If you are tired of being toyed with then show the passion, show the deciciveness, show the frustration.
Who knows what will come out of it, maybe you will manage to loose him off your trail.
Maybe he will finaly see what he wants to see and decide....
maybe a lot of things.......
You will not get him to make any moves if you leave the situation the way it is. The ball is in your court so to speak. Talk will not yield anything. Remember scorpio is a emotional being. They speak with emotions. Push his emotional buttons and then see how he will react."

I agree with everything you said. My problem is , and always has been, that I don't know HOW to express anger. I don't yell and cuss and scream and fight ect....I bottle everything up and I get quiet when I'm mad or upset. I experience hurt more than I experience anger. And to me, talking things out is healthier and easier than blowing my top about things. I feel anger, but I don't know how to express anger. And that simply goes back to my upbringing and the way my controlling mother raised me. So I know what the source of my problem is, however I don't know how to make changes and fix it. Make sense? When you tell me to push his emotional buttons, I don't even know how to do that.