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    ....I'll tell you later...
    female from NY
    Joined dxpnet on February 07, 2018.
    I'm not looking for advice. But if you have anything to give that's fine. This is more of a rant or to vent. I feel I'm losing control.

    I was always free spirited in love. Before my 5 year relationship ended (cheating scorpio) I was never afraid to love. Fully and wholeheartedly. I was giving, but never took myself for granted. I never questioned the feelings or motivations of my s.o. I was relaxed and I just let people be. I wasn't judgy. Or nasty. I never fought. I never spoke my mind tho either. I didnt push, or nag...I was fun, and goofy and happy.

    I had a good relationship with my ex. In retrospect it was boring and mundane but when I was in it it was fine. I had my finance's in order. A surplus in my bank account. My friendships were flourishing, I was happy with myself, and spending time on myself. We were saving to buy a house. We want on nice vacations and owned property upstate, our own little slice of heaven. I had my whole life figured out and I liked the way our future looked.
    He turned around to me one day and said "I'm not sure I really ever loved you", I left with the clothes on my back and later found out there was another girl. I was crushed but I vowed to find a better love, a bigger love. A real love.
    In a year, I changes my life. I made new friends. I put myself out there. Attended events and social gatherings. I moved to my own place. I dated a nice guy (it just didnt work but he was a good guy to meet) and then I found my match, the man whom I want to be with forever.
    So why an I more sad, unmotivated and I a a spiral? My anxiety is at an all time high, my fears of rejection and abandonment is out of control. In self sabotaging my perfect qnd happy relationships. I'm picking fights with my s.o daily. I got a promotion at work but I cant concentrate on anything. I'm broke, in debt. Blew thiugh my savings and I moved back in with my mom. My life is never ending boxes and I sleep 12 hours a day. Go to work, eat. Repeat.
    My boyfriend is aticking by me, even though I think uts unfair and I tell him if he leaves k understand. Hes frustrated, I'm exhausted and I just cant pull my self out if it. I hate victimhood but this one I cant stop.
    I dont have insurance...I've become reclusive. My friends dont talk to me. And honestly I'm just not strong enough to help myself