Look at Borderline Personality Disorder
I figured out two years ago (12 years into the relationship) that he made shit up. I for years believed I was this terrible person. Then one day it clicked that I am who I have always been HE changes...
And then suddenly the denial washed away and I saw everything.
My marriage was broken. He was abusive. I was depressed and damaged (likely some sitt of PTSD) and he has done it all on his own.