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    existential_crisis.exe
    Joined dxpnet on January 10, 2015.
    I somewhat do in private, and it's always random. Either I was watching something that sparked my emotions, or was listening to music and it made me feel/ think a specific way which sparked my emotions.

    This gets really hard in public like when watching something. My cousins wedding was kind of tough, but manageable. Funerals are even harder, but I try to be a rock from everyone else. I feel like me forcing myself to be strong somewhat takes the strain off of everyone else.

    Sometimes I still try to hold it back in private too. It's like I'm afraid to let the feeling completley control me. Normally in private it goes from tears swelling, then rolling, me holding back and making weird noises to keep it contained, then me forcing myself to pull it together. Normally that is during depressed moments from digging too deep within myself. Then I'm afraid to look at myself in a mirror. Other times i let it somewhat control me, and dont hide from it at all. I'll replay the thing that made me cry over and over just to feel it again because its so different to me. Tears of joy from a deeper understanding of people and life are the best. Yet if I feel that in public or around people I'm the type to completely walk away before anyone notices. Its really strange, and really pisses of women my age lol.