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    Live the life you love. Love the life you live. -Bob Marley
    39 years old female from Sacramento area, CA
    Joined dxpnet on August 07, 2013.
    Posted by Piscis_Hominis
    Posted by AbbyNormal
    I agree. I think it shows more strength when a man can find himself vulnerable enough to cry sometimes. My family in general was emotionally constipated, so it took me quite some time to become okay with my sensitive nature. I was made to think I was crazy or that something was wrong with me early on for my show of emotion. I ended up closing it off until my mom died and I went to therapy. Once the flood gates were opened again, I found it difficult without drugs to shut it off. I was always a runner, emotionally. Never taught to fully embrace my nature until I chose to in adulthood. I quite like it now. I may feel very strongly, but I at least know how to cope with my emotions. It felt like I could literally die from my feelings before.

    My double Scorpio ex was the first man I’ve been in a relationship with that was very sensitive in a pure way. I often sought out emotionally constipated men like my father before that. He really opened my eyes to the true strength of a man’s sensitive side. Emotions weren’t used or viewed in a negative way. I don’t think I’ll ever be with a man who will cry at the drop of a hat! But I do appreciate a man who isn’t closed off to his emotions because it encourages me to feel comfortable being my sensitive self.

    The only other men I’ve dated who have also shown sensitivity like this are the Pisces and the Virgo, though the former used emotions to manipulate. It all felt very fabricated in a way. He seemed more like an emotional leech than someone who had them on his own, if that makes sense. I rarely see the Virgo cry but he does occasionally, especially when he’s having down days missing his dead brother and friends. He usually cries alone though, and the last time it was something in a movie that set it off. He experienced some great losses all at once in his 20s and it’s only now that he’s beginning to get past the grief of it all. It makes me really glad to be where I am with my own because I’m better prepared to talk him through his.

    I remember thinking a long time ago that it was all or nothing—either I cared about everything or nothing at all. And for a while I chose the latter which I thought would be easier and feel safer but really wasn’t at all. I caused myself more grief running from my nature than fully embracing it. I’m happy to be me nowadays, and I’m trying to make better choices of who to surround myself with because I am extremely sensitive to my environment.


    I started to learn more about astrology when I first came here years ago. I really found it has allowed me to get more comfortable with who I am and to understand myself a bit more. I try to embrace the emotions I feel and process more now. I think I fought it before and was trying to fit in a world that I didn't understand and understood too much, all at the same time.

    I still try to keep things in check when I'm meeting a woman for the first time, or with the first few dates, but usually it just comes out. I pick up on things, can talk about things easily that maybe other people can't, etc... I'm confident that I've scared off a few women who were not ready for me.

    Probably the biggest connection I've had was with a Scorpio woman who wasn't emotionally available. She was lonely, wanted companionship, and a friend. We started long distance and I remember her telling me on the phone early on, in a moment of awe, wonder, and freaking out - "OMG it's like your'e in my mind!" I tried to hang in there but in the end she amputated me for her own survival, I have no doubt about that. I'm just saying, that I was there for her, being myself, but I know it scared the butter out of her in the end.

    Like I said previously, my father never showed a lot of emotion and affection toward me. He actually called me "Boy" most of the time, and rarely called me by my first name. It actually pains me to type this out right now. Just a bit. smile My mother is a Libra and she is very loving but doesn't show me a lot of affection and support. Never has. She was more hovering than loving growing up. She never apologizes to me for anything, she points out flaws, and dwells in the past. But I know both of them were/are good people who loved/love me. I don't hold on to any animosity.

    I remember when I finished school and got my first real job in the big city about 4 hrs away. My father was ill and my mother took care of him for 8+ years - bless her. My older sister was away at school for her second degree. She's a Sag like my dad and keeps things bottled in like him too. Anyway, at some point I realized that when I was away and speaking to them all on the phone, that I might not see them again. I could be travelling back home and get in an accident or something. So I took it upon myself to start saying, "I love you" to them. We would never say that to each other before. But I got my dad to say it. My mom to say it. My sister to say it. Even with my mom and sister right now, they kind of say it but it's hard for them to say it still. But we still say it.

    My father died right before Christmas, three days before. I was off work but stayed an extra day to do some Christmas shopping, including buying his gift. I spoke to him the night before, as I was going to drive up the next day. I told him that I loved him and he replied back, his speech muffled from paralysis from his strokes. (He had more since his first big one). But I heard him. He died through the night. I had little time to cry. smile I had to head back to be with my mother and prepare for the funeral with all these people coming home for the holidays. But before I could do that, I had to tell my sister who was 8 months pregnant. I spoke to her husband first. Then I told her and she bawled and bawled. I was so worried that something would happen to her, but she's strong.

    I don't beat myself up for shopping instead of going home earlier but I would give anything to have seen my dad one more time. It taught me that material things aren't important. When I got home, I consoled my mother and made sure she knew we would get everything prepared and covered. I thanked her for doing such a great job and for taking care of my father and that we were so lucky for what she did and for him being with us for so long. I was grateful. I slept in my father's hospital bed that night, the bed he died in, and I never felt closer to him.
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    I kept trying to write something back on this and it getting interrupted.

    I’m sure I’ve told you before but you have quite a way with words and emoting. I always appreciate your openness. You are a rare breed. Very beautiful.