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    Joined dxpnet on June 17, 2020.
    Posted by MareInfame
    Posted by scorchy
    Posted by MareInfame
    I’m sorry you are going through this, Scorchy. They are extremely destructive, it’s absolutely overwhelming.

    I couldn’t finish it either. Got confusing after you talk about your wife. Skimmed through it and seems like just more of the same.

    It sounds like your wife had an extremely destructive upbringing; violent and unstable.

    Were you her only stability in life? If you were her only stability, moment in life where she felt happy and safe, she must have deeply and perhaps subconsciously felt that it WOULD all go away (be taken from her) when she was forced to go back to Canada.

    She allowed the bad to happen to her because some part of her believed it was over for her anyway. She was sad and devastated and it seems like when she became that sad and devastated, she couldn’t see the light… couldn’t see a solution. So a part of her said”fuck it, let it all go to hell”. She is welcoming death.

    Some of us are extremists and when things go bad, we make it go WORSE so that it’s a bonafide death. Feeling extremely bad is the fuel we need to soar out of the ashes. But depending on what we are talking about and what kind of environment we are used to, for some, this play with death just seals the deal faster than with others.

    This is horrible to watch on the other end. I’ve witnessed this first hand with my uncle/godfather that I LOVED/ADORED as a father. He had diabetes and although he had amazing qualities, extremely intelligent, charming, warm, giving… just the best, he handled his diabetes with bouts of danger-playing with death. And he was the same as your aunts/family members. He would look at us like “what’s the big deal, it is what it is”. It was anxiety driving to all those that loved him.

    I saw that in me as well, after he past away. I was very comfortable with the idea of death… it was like a numbness to life. Being alerted by other made me cry, because I just knew I didn’t care. And I also like to destroy. I think, if it’s meant to be destroyed, then let’s do it right. If it comes back to life… it was meant to be in my life. But I’m starting anew. If you want to be with me, you will need to see a part of me die and get out of my way.

    Why did you give her the money, knowing she wouldn’t handle it well?


    i am the only stable thing she's really ever had in her life. her mother and her stepfather are not good loving people. they hurt her a lot when she was younger. she was the child from the first marriage and her mother resented her for it, as did the stepfather. they treated her brother (the stepdads son) much better. she has had issues with accepting that people actually do care. and that not everyone lies to try to get something from you. i assume because of her upbringing she was unable to attract healthy stable people to her.

    she's the best god damn person i know though. and just because she previously only attracted assholes doesn't mean that i am or would treat her the same way. there have only been 2 things that i said could be deal breakers. trying to make me abuse her emotionally or otherwise (and i knew what she was doing and said if it didn't stop that i would have to end the relationship as i love and respect her too much to ever do that to her, and she has mostly stopped this) and then recently i said if she were to not be more concerned about her safety. we talked about what you mentioned and she said something similar. and i asked her "have you ever seen me lie about my feelings to anyone, ever?" even when my friend would try to bait me into saying nice things i'd just speak truth. she knows. she just had trouble accepting it in the past. for some reason she felt like it was just normal for someone to lie about how they feel or otherwise be a complete cockhat, but that is not the case. and i tell her, and show her, every day how much i love and value her.

    as far as money goes. money comes and goes. it's not important. if she dies though? nothing could ever replace her. i'd give every bit of money i'd ever acquire if it would mean with 100% certainty she'd always be okay. it's just money. money only has value if it helps allow us to be together, and happy. i know it's not a very taurus way of thinking. but that's where i'm at.


    Lol… The amount of money or money loss was not my point. My point was, why give it to her IF you knew and felt deeply that she would do harm with it? You said you had a feeling she would give it to her ex. So, why invite the scenario when you had intuition and more awareness than them?

    Her destruction isn’t about you or how you treat her. Her destruction is about her pathology…. A pattern she was brought up with. It’s harder to overcome
    click to expand


    I answered. My ultimate hope was she would do as I’d asked but even if she didn’t she was still able to be safe for a while. Happy for a while. After all the shit that’s happened and her brushes with death she’s told me she sees things more clearly. With the crazy roommate when I told her what the best course of action was she didn’t give me any grief. She understood why it was important to put her safety first and not do what she’s historically done. And I had spent a ton of money keeping her away from her moms cuz she didn’t understand what I was saying before. I still have the fear, not that SHE would do things but that her crazy ass mom would. Ultimately it’s because I hoped that by showing her what I was willing to do she’d accept it. In that I mean that I showed her that I do care and would do anything to keep her safe. And I did. And then we had that convo we reached a level of trust and intimacy we hadn’t before. We have both learned so much from each other. The big thing we both learned though is that relationships are often sacrifice. For me it was easier. Was just money. She had to give up trying to destroy herself because she didn’t feel worthy of love. Scorpios often seem to have a death wish. She saw things as they were happening when she was living with that woman and how she reacted was totally different. She set boundaries. Didn’t over extend herself. Accepted that it wasn’t safe. And removed herself from the situation and she also recognized it was dangerous. That’s all I could’ve hoped for. For her to prioritize her safety over making others not upset with her.