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    female
    Joined dxpnet on June 01, 2014.
    Posted by tiziani
    I don't know, I was thinking about it this morning actually. The most unforgettable chemistry so far has been with a Pisces woman. As I said before these are two signs that don't know how to say no. It wasn't about the physical sex in the end, it was the unusual level of openness and willingness from both sides to please one another with no taboo. And the fact I could establish that kind of connection with a woman was quite literally mind-altering. It changes my view of what is possible and not possible in the world.


    BUT the sum total of that connection is that it ended. It's over.

    So it's clearly not everything. And as I've mentioned before there is such a thing as being selfishly selfless. When you spend so much time pleasing a partner that they don't really know what you want or where you stand. I think there are merits to the opposite - a selflessly selfish lover that thinks of themselves first, that really go under-appreciated at times.

    Openness frankly is just one side of the coin to intimacy in my experience.

    Take the good with the good and the bad with the bad. Happy New Year.

    I agree completely Tiz. This last relationship has been that lesson for me. I have to somehow become comfortable with being the selfishly SELFISH lover. I also think that it takes something away from the whole value aspect when you give too easily or too much. It can have the opposite affect. You don't really give the other person the opportunity to value you and if that ever does happen, it's often too late. There is such a thing as the moment passing and not because neither party wants to be available, but there is magic in moments. I think people really get that. When you let the moment pass, you also miss the opportunity to operate together in that magical space.

    So, that's my leg of personal journey that I'm embarking on...how can I be much more selfish for the sake of actually being valued as a good thing upfront rather than this hindsight thing that happens all of the time with past loves. I'm the one that supposedly they'll "never forget" but that has no value or real application in partnership. It's one of those things that "sounds nice" and for some...that may be all that they need. I find that I need so much more. I need real, material, touchable relationship and not these notions or whimsical nostalgic thoughts.

    Happy New Year to you too Dearest!!!