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    Joined dxpnet on April 26, 2017.
    before i get blasted by hate messages, first of all, i have no idea the guy i was seeing is married, until recently.

    i usually read forum boards for advice and etc, but this is my first time writing and asking for advice who has been or is in similar situation as me. which i sincerely hope not.

    im a virgo, not sure if this plays any part in receiving advice but we met in oct 2016 through a mutual friend. and as in the topic title, he's a libra. im working in a foreign country and he was in the city for a work trip as well and our friend introduced us both because of our common interests. he said it from the first time we met that he was never married and never had kids. we hit it off instantly, and he returned home in nov 2016. when he left, we discussed what happens to us and decided to be in a long distance relationship.

    in dec 2016, i went to the states to visit some friends and used the opportunity to see him too. we traveled to 2 different cities on separate occasions, and both trips were short but were also where his hometown was and where he was living. and then he had some time off from work this march and i took time off as well so we went to hawaii for a week's getaway. all seem normal so far, i was never kept as a secret or had an inclination that something was wrong. we were out in public, he had his arms over my shoulders. nothing was off.

    long story short, in this april, i accidentally uncovered that he was engaged in 2015. we facetimed, and i first asked him if he was married and he said no, and then i asked what happened to the engagement and he said it was off long ago and didn't feel the need to bring it up. i took his word for it and let it slide.

    a week later, and i do not know if this was a sign, but i chanced upon a photo that was submitted on one of those instagram accounts, like showing off your partner, or family or kids. it was him and this other female and she was tagged in it since she submitted it. though it was submitted in april 2016, i wanted to know if this was his ex or the one he was engaged to, so just like most curious people would do, i clicked on her instagram profile. her profile summary carries his last name, said she was married to him and her profile picture was a photo of them both.

    so again, i asked him over facetime and this time he told me they were actually undergoing a divorce. he couldn't tell me the reason and found it extremely hard to confess. i still gave everything a benefit of a doubt and told him we will talk when i come visit him in june. when we met, he then told me the marriage was just a registration, they're undergoing mediation, etc and even asked me to come to their last mediation session in aug, conveniently a day before my bday. of course i declined because im in no position to do so. it was an extremely tough trip when we saw each other this time.

    when i went back, i had an inclination to look up on this. since i had met some of his family members, i wanted to know how serious the marriage was, whether if it was truly just a registration, or there was a ceremony etc. i kept looking up on social media and to my horror, i found out that he got married in dec 2016. it was extremely personal, no one except some of his family members know they got married so it was just them both and wedding photos. these all mean when we met, he was already engaged and he got married while we were dating. and still able to see me two weeks after his wedding day where we traveled to 2 different cities as i said before.

    i was furious, told him to get away from me. he wanted to push everything away and guilt trip me but eventually gave in and told me the truth. he said he couldn't let go of the connection that we had, and that he was really sorry for what he has done. he apologized a few times, and begged me when i said im leaving him. i was extremely heartbroken and i didn't know what to do. my only principle in life is i will never sleep/date someone who is married, attached. i know what we had was real, and he was right about it.

    to add on something crazy, while we were away in hawaii for that whole week, she was actually in hawaii too. there was a night he was on the phone for awhile at the balcony and usually he stays next to me when he speaks over the phone but i thought it was something extremely personal or he didn't want to ruin the atmosphere, so i didn't question him about it. he ended up going to see her on the last night though he lied to me about seeing a friend. he confessed this while i was confronting him about his marriage. i do not know how he did all that because like i said, we went out in public and i never felt like i was kept as a secret.

    i had so many mixed emotions - i was really angry and i wanted to do stuff to him to hurt him, make him feel like he's the sidepiece, i even tried really hard not to speak to him, and i even tried to go on dates with other guys just so i won't think about him. but he's always at the back of my mind. everytime i want to block him or take him off any type of communication we have, i couldn't do it for a long time.

    my close friends tried to cheer me up, some of my male friends even said they want to kill him or beat him up (lol), but now, i feel like im left floating in the air. i had to tell everyone including my parents that we broke up but he constantly tries to reach out to me, shares things with me to elicit a response from me, and tells me he loves me and that i will always be part of his life.

    even though we haven't seen each other since my last trip to see him, i feel extremely shitty that i still have a deep emotional attachment with him. i know his wife is his comfort zone and they've established a lot in terms of physical assets in life because they've dated for a long time before the marriage, there is no way he will ever leave her even though he said i have the whole of him now. but i know i will never have him physically. im on this crazy emotional rollercoaster, and im just, clueless because ive never been in this situation. i literally cry every day.

    my close girlfriends have given me every possible advice to move on, cheer up, but i don't think anyone around me understood why it's extremely hard to do so. i tried reading articles on how to move on from a married man, etc. every time i seem to do good for like a week or so, i fall back into thinking about him. i tried to make myself feel better in understanding why married men even cheat.

    he even said 2 days ago he need to make up an excuse to come see me. i don't know what to say and i didn't respond.

    i would love to hear from anyone who can tell me something to kick me in my butt so i can forget about him. im even thinking of seeing a psychologist to talk about my problems.