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    Lovingly Confused, Libra/Scorp Cusp Sun, Merc, Mars, Cancer Moon, Sag Venus
    from CT
    Joined dxpnet on July 09, 2015.
    Posted by PhoenixRising
    Posted by ladylibra21
    Ok so more background information. What if this person had only been with 2 people ever, was told that sex and masturbation was wrong their whole life until they left that thinking 5 years ago and that they should only have sex when married and even then they shouldn’t participate in foreplay such as oral or other “taboo” sex positions.


    So, this person no longer believes "sex and masturbation is wrong"? Or the person still does? This doesn't necessarily require a therapist, but patience and support. His partner (eh em you) may also need to come to terms that these are his sexual preference regardless of why he thinks this way and that should be respected for the time being. It may simply be a matter of not being sexually compatible vs trying to change someone's sexual preference. When you discuss his ideas about sex do find that you judge him for his preferences?

    Posted by ladylibra21
    Had a baby with the first person he had ever been with but stopped having sex after that for the remained of their relationship and 2 more years after that.


    This may have nothing to do with what you've written above and more to do with the man simply not feeling sexually attracted to his partner. I mean if all things fit (e.g. wait until marriage for sex...now married...but don't have sex), then the missing link doesn't sound like the person's "outlook". Something is missing here. It may be tied to the question I asked above and the point I made below.

    Posted by ladylibra21

    What if this person initiates most of the time, but is going soft % 50 of the time and radiates shame sometimes during sex or looks out of the window or tries to joke and change the subject when sexy talking through text. To me it seems like he is traumatized, but he is the kind of person who always says its fine its fine. Is it really selfish to want him to get help if he is in that much pain about it? Listen I can go without it that is what they make vibrators for, but what I can’t deal with is him initiating then disappearing in his head and not being able to finish especially when I have said we don’t have to if he is not into it. So clearly he is into it just has serious problems with sex. This is coming from a person who has said growing up he wished “the whole sex thing didn’t exist there wouldn’t be so much pressure.” I am to the point I feel like I am raping him even when he is the one initiating most of the time.

    Hmph. When he gets soft how do you respond (e.g. facial expressions, gestures, body language, words you use). Do you express disappointment and frustration or anger? Do you ever engage in sexual stimulation, sensual massages without the expectation of having actual intercourse? Do you ever initiate and leave it at simple sexual stimulation without the pressure of intercourse to please him?
    click to expand


    He says he doesn't believe those things but I think they have had a lasting effect and no he wasn't married to his ex. If it is me that he isn't ok with then it is me but he has expressed that it is not me. He could have lied? I never react poorly when he goes soft I am not a child. I attempt to get it back up sometimes it does sometimes it doesn't. I always kiss and cuddle him . Then we talk about random things until we fall asleep. Yes I have tried just making out with him and feeling him up and also explaining that making out doesn't have to lead to sex this was after we were making out one and he took it one step further and attempted to have sex but could finish. He stated "sorry sometimes I just have a hard time withh sex." And I responded by saying we don't have to always have sex we can just make out or do other things. So he knows there is no pressure.