Haha. I hadn't seen your response, muwik. I speak Spanish fluently and some Russian and German so if its any of those, please feel free to add your point of view. I'd love some practice, anyway.
I updated in the Aries forum and knew I should do the same here.. We got back together after he worked on himself significantly and I started to move on for good. We lasted a while Sep-Nov 19th until the progress he'd made reneged so we're in some type of ...middle ground. As he insisted I should not wait for him, and with the advice of so many, I am now content with my life either way, though I still enjoy having him there. I see where I could improve and have been working on myself daily with no intent on getting into a relationship soon. Well, not within the next couple months. I've grown a lot, beyond what I can easily explain here. And Life tends to do that. It's made me stronger and more appreciative about what we had. And have. For now, we are friends. He's hinted at having dated others but it not being the same. And he's using baby names again and other things that make me think he's testing waters. I'd like to get back with him some time in the future, when I'm sure that the relationship we'll have together will be stronger. For now, I am single, mingling and working on my life so I enjoy it to the fullest and hopefully, I can share it with someone worthy.
I'm really proud of myself and I've made a lot of people proud of me. Being assaulted in every way, having been bullied, attacked and no justice served, minding my business only to find rumors of licentious nature being spread about me, on top of everything else. There was a time I contemplated suicide, but only you know that. And my Libra guy, of course. That time has long gone and I've become stronger because of it all. And I'm staying optimistic. It seems to really help not only me, but those I interact with. Those who actually care to share and know love.
Things haven't gone exactly as I'd like but there's always hope. Whether it works out or not, I'm really glad I experienced his love and gave him mine. And that's it.
....elves for ourselves and hopefully, we get to share that with a very special person in the near or further future. And with a great friendship and appreciation and understanding of one another, our relationship could easily flower into something much better than before, if he and I let it.
So, all in all, it could go either way. Breaking up and getting back together is getting old, and so are we. If it doesn't turn out as planned, it wouldn't be the first time and won't be the last. But for now, we find happiness in being all to relate and appreciate each other's presence.
I don't know what made me think this was a 'simple' version.
:/ this will be the third time I'm typing here. A simple update now Libra man and I got back together in September. Yay! Broke up in November. Nay!
As he saw he was regressing on the significant progress he made. He caught himself staring at other girls and could see it would be an issue so he wants to work on himself and his life, by moving away. This time, around 14,000 miles away. He seemed set on it, I use the past tense because until recently, i told him there was no way id be moving away that soon. just as a matter of fact and he now notably uses 'eventually' as was our initial plan (5 years) I told him as he was breaking up with me I felt it was a matter of stress and I'd give him time. In that time, I have also been working on myself, now gainfully employed and allowing other possible suitors near me as opposed to scaring them away as I would when I was taken or hoping he would soon take me back. Also, I've been planning for a future without him so I'm no longer holding onto (he's the one) though it still feels true to a small extent. I'm okay with us parting ways completely. But as of late, late December, really, he's been turning on the charm again. We even spent New year's together. (He tried getting handsy but I maintained my position on keeping it simply plutonic). Right now, I would like to get more settled in my career, my advanced in my plans before engaging in a new relationship.
The time we've spent apart has helped me to gain an appreciation for what we have, where I can significantly improve and how things could be better. I want to be more sure of myself before coming with anyone else, including him. And there are other interesting guys out there who are falling over themselves now so I'm not as lonely as before. Either way, I'm enjoying this time, and talking to him, while our friendship grows.
He asked for the break up, but said he's been missing me last night. (I don't allow myself to talk to him if I'm not feeling 100% confident or awake, other than that, I've purposely maintained an active calendar, mostly social and studying). It doesn't seem like he's worked on himself with the ferocity he had previously. But he has made certain progress in some aspects of his life and he seems exceptionally more emotionally aware..
It was advised to me that he and I are better off as friends. I vacillate between that point of view and my knowledge of our dynamic. What is ultimately beneficial now is that we better ours
Lol I did get lots of advice in the Libra forum ^_^ Thanks, IridescenceMorpha. I think he actually got tired of the chase. Lol he did put up a fight. But with a little space, it seems he's ready to go again. :s I gave a lot (maybe way too much) information in the Libra forum. You can check it out and give some insight if you'd like. I'd appreciate it.
The drama was a bit much. And I honestly don't know if things can be salvaged if he looks at this negative alone. If he factors in the support, connection, shared goals, tastes, experiences, values, all too good to be true cases of serendipity that led us two each other several times and other complimentary aspects and details that are way too dangnabit numerous to mention, he'd definitely be back. Hence the desire to send the email detailing the facts. Since the trust is there already, If we resolve the issues and he's willing to let go of the past hurt and start afresh as well, we have no worries. Lol Though I think the space I gave him already is working. He's called and emailed recently while I've been writing. I think it's a good sign but I know he could just be trying to stay relevant or just wants to make sure I'm okay. Or maybe he just needed that breather. Honestly, he can't be hung up on the past if we want to move forward. I'll still give us some more space and time after letting him know that. Or am I trying to control things again? :/ We may lose each other but gain some clarity and a bit of sanity hopefully. And if it was as good for him as it was for me, when it was good, he'll come around.
Now if only I could remain as optimistic all the time...
Actually, this sounds too dang pathetic. I don't get down like that. First of all, he was the one who started the issue of distrust. My response was understandable. Secondly, conflict resolution was a bigger, more frequent deal. As a result of the mistrust, suspicious things done by him would result in doubt. Even on their own would result in an eyebrow being raised. Ex: having ex as friend on fb, liking bikini pictures of girls he used to talk and flirt frequently with and whatnot. He explanned it away but of course I had to be cautious. When these minor issues came up, it would result in a drawn out tirade, until either he conceded or he said his piece and I, mine. The issue remained unresolved and was repeated and the argument and past examples were re-hashed. Could have been avoided through talking it out calmly or even just both of us being open to listen but nope. He wouldn't bring it up or when I did, would change the subject. And it would end up happening again. Same story, different day.
And his change, I realized today, was expected of a Libra, apparently. It wasn't my appearance. I'm a model. I take care of myself. It wasn't the arguments. Once in a blue moon at most. After the traumatic experience, I may have become more dependent on him than ever before. Understandable. He would drop me home, hear me out if I wanted to share but he seemed a bit drained. Understandable as well. I say 'may' as I mostly dealt with it on my own as I noted his reaction and just because I believed I could, really.He may have seen me as weak in some moments or needy but my goodness, life happens!
I think the lack of trust which was resolved ultimately, the stress of the move and the incident and mostly the inability to resolve conflict dissolved his will to partake in the relationship. When I put it like that, not even I would wanna stay but this is listing the bare negative.
Rockyroadicecream, thank you. It is a jagged pill to swallow. I'm not entirely of the belief this is general Libran charm, though. There is genuine admiration between both of us. And though it is a complicated history, it's also beautiful one. We made each other better though obviously we are both too hurt to appreciate or make use of any of that now. I'll probably end up cutting all contact but I feel I need to send that email before to let him know what my entire take on it is. And to know for myself that I tried my very best. If the stars seemed to align so perfectly before with all that happened and it was in our errors we got messed up, when we are better maybe they would lead us to each other again. At just the right time.
*He sent me an e-mail early this morning. Saying things along the line as "Thank you. For everything. Have a great day. You're the most wonderful person in the world, after all. You deserve to.." I've decided like I said earlier to keep a limited contact with him. I still want to ensure I'm not holding back on my love and trust and gonna work to find peace and patience within myself and with these thirsty gals throwing themselves at taken men. And he, he has his own issues to work out. He also may be leaving the country soon so there's that as well. He calls it a fresh start. "When I'm ready, if I'm ready I'll find you, and if I can still manage to woo you and you're not with someone else, then we would try again." Not a promising statement to me. Just dripping with uncertainty. What needs to be worked out could be worked out now, I think. no amount of arbitrary time nor distance can alone alter personal defects or incorrect perceptions. And I feel if we both want it work, as is postulated, then the issues have to be addressed in entirety so to avoid them in our possible future lest he harbour a solely negative opinion of our time together.
I don't want to have false hopes. I know he'll be back. I just don't know when and what or who might get him here. The not knowing... I just wanna be able to sort this doubt out. But my actions and my presence in his life, should reflect I'd be there for him. I'm assuming. I intend to send an email to him myself calmly stating my opinion and leave that up to him to mull over. State in it all I could ever need to. I'll just take a step back while I attend to myself and he hopefully does the same and when we are better, it'll be more than awesome..
Thanks, Tiziani. Trust was a big factor in the deterioration of our formerly happy home. He broke mine and spent most of the relationship trying to correct that. With every new mess up, I (sigh lol) broke up with him as I didn't want to be hurt again but he charmed me and continued trying to prove the sincerity of his affection and commitment. You guys are scarily insightful, btw. ^_^' I'd gotten to a place where I felt I could fully trust him because what's a relationship without trust, right? I saw he tried, even if he messed up. that was enough for me, After a near death experience, things got put into perspective. I just let my guard down and let the love flow. Even if I got hurt, at least it wouldn't be a half-hearted love. I knew he cared about me and probably didn't mean to upset me with his action or words; with a malicious intent. He's done some very foolish things but I wasn't perfect, either. He had been with me through it all up until then. So yeah. I just started being more affectionate and I guess he doesn't trust me now when I say that I trust him. He doesn't trust that we would work out because of his history of mess ups and mine of aint havin' no time for dat.
'Treating each other like enemies..' Maybe in the way of my strategizing? Trying to control I suppose the way he sees me lest I make him think I'm not sincere or would break up with him. And he's tired of looking at the sky or on the ground as we walk together or have lunch cause of his roving eyes and insistence of girls with trying to get his attention. (Grrr) it's that stupid smile, lol
He has been my partner and best friend through it all. And I his. But I did notice as my showing of affection increased, something he would have liked, his decreased. He started treating me differently, shutting me out as he did with everyone else. Especially in his depressive modes. He used to share what he felt and we got through it together, getting him back to a good place. But I'm on my own now. I don't know what exactly is going on because he insists he'd prefer not to talk about it. I can only speculate given his history. Mixed signals aren't the half of it. He's affectionate with me, basically conversing like we're a couple. Then tells me "no, we're not together, you should hate me, I shouldn't say this" ...
X.X it's just sad that it got to this point. I was sure when the trust was back completely we'd be even better than before. We were sure before. Now he's not sure anymore.
Wow, you do get it. I know he is a case. But I am as well. I could handle most of his issues except this pessimism. We do get along great I'm accepting we need this time, though I wish we would be together now while working it out. How do you suggest I go about it? Keep limited contact or cut him off entirely? Knowing Libras, he'd partner up soon enough and I'm not about to be having that. LOL time apart and then meeting up again, it comes with the obvious risk but the reward is he sees it as a definite fresh start. If he or I are unattached.
Also, just talking, we get comfortable very quickly. And flirt, use pet names and whatnot again so I would bring up the "we can work it out" but you know how that went. I'm thinking limited contact, talk casually work on ourselves and he'll see the light. He was doubtful I'd stay but if I am still in the picture, he'd see I'm serious, too.
Thing with that is I just don't like the idea of him flirting with the other girls. *ram about to charge* lol I guess I'd have to get comfortable flirting with other guys. Just in case. Keeping my options open. Sigh. I'd rather just one guy, though. I'm fiercely loyal.
Thanks for your input thus far, rockyroadicecream. Good looking out *horn bump* I would fist bump you if we had, ya know, fists and stuff. Lol
Oh slarklyrampig, you speak so much truth! T-T sigh. We came to this conclusion a few times but even then, the good times don't only exist in the past. We have a great time when we are together. And when speak. We both agree no one gets us better. We are each other's best friends. I guess it's just too much going on right now. I know I have issues to work out, as does he, but I just thought that it's not necessary to separate to address them. I am beautiful, talented, funny and whatnot and can easily get guys. In fact, several times I was approached while we we together. I just don't want anyone else. I don't like risking the "Down the road". I feel he is my partner, my other half, my twin spirit, my best friend. I don't want to let go. Sigh I sound so unlike myself. But I truly care for him and I don't mind seeming s..s..sappy. Ahem, Maybe a little bit. As long as I don't upload my face I should be fine...
Point is, we genuinely were that "great" and still are. We don't hate each other's guts. We're hurt and he's scared of it happening all over again.
I just think he's lost hope and I don't know how to get it back to him.
Thanks for the reply, rockyroadicecream. Lovely name choice, btw.
Lol we live year round in summer-like conditions. So I'm not sure. He told me about his SAD himself. He's a textbook depressed, though. I've been there for him as he as he has been there for me. I'm just not sure if he's pushing me away because of his condition or he's used a logical approach to things. Objectively, apart from the emotions running their course, I've done my part to genuinely better myself and became more calm about things. Something I'd known I had to do before him. In our years together, I got more and more gentle though I still flared up but now I'm so very chill, haha. Except for this predicament. So I improved as did he, now what?
I asked if he was depressed or thought I didn't love him anymore but he's said it's not the depression and he feel we've hurt each other too much. Both things he's said before. And then ended up even more depressed on his own..I won't go into detail. So I'm at a loss here.
Thanks for your honest opinion. Very insightful. I was at times hot-tempered but he agreed that my reactions were understandable a majority of the time. This Lbira guy, though sweet, had a problem with flirting with other girls. Including his ex. He recognized the issue and adjusted. Though slipped up in minor ways many times.. I recognized my temper and adjusted, though prefacing that it would take a while to get back into my perfect graces. This year, I went through a particularly traumatic experience, after which he started distancing himself whilst I healed emotionally and physically mostly on my own.
Point is, we both messed up. And we've both made adjustments. He was patient and I learned to take a chapter out of his book. Now he is uncertain. Like I was before. I had been two-timed in my previous relationship and was resolute about it not happening again. The relationship had its problems but not many, just one issue. Trust. Now that I believed he earned it back and I'm loving and affectionate, he's turned cold. Is this back and froth again? He says he still loves me but can't be with me right now/doesn't feel sure anymore. I take that to mean he's fallen out of love though he enjoys being cutesy with me and states he loves our convos and times together. He has a history of being depressed and fatalistic.
Anyway, there has been a lot of love here. I'm not sure if its one of his SAD episodes or if I should just cut loose and go. Doing that before, it turned out he needed me most. Most persons say just move on but even objectively considering his pessimistic approach to things, I don't want to leave my bet friend in the lurch. Even if he broke my heart,
Tmi? Lol I just want to give more of the picture. I tend to leave key things out. Thanks so much for answering!