🤬🤬🤬 Wtf do I always have to sabotage butter?!. Any other time I keep my mouth shut but noooo, I let my thoughts and insecurities get the best of me and it really does piss me off. I'm so tired of doing it... I just don't understand why...it's like I try to treetrunking hard to not screw something up that I screw it the treetrunk up!
dont get mad about it, somebody taught you that.. when you're calm again look at it objectively, where do the thoughts come from and where do the insecurities come from, when do they come out? what's the pattern? what things spark those things? don't judge (Again do this when calm) just observe.. maybe you did it this time around so you'd post on dxp about it and finally get the nudge in the right direction?
They come out in relationships and from being cheated on and played like a treetrunking fool. When I'm ignored it seems to come out.... sometimes it's fine and it doesn't bother me but other times...I get paranoid..I guess especially when I've connected with someone deeply....it's like the next day I'm super treetrunking paranoid or some weird butter.
Ok...so me and the leo were gonna hang out. We are both off today. He told me yesterday to text him when I got up. I did and he didn't respondand about 45 mins goes by...so I said "I figured as much lol. It was gonna be either you ignore me, some lame excuse or you were sleeping...don't play me like your other chicks". Then he finally responds with "your attitude is treetrunked! I was on hold with att". On one side...he could have just said that when I texted him but on the other side...I immediately go to he's playing me. Things were different when we hung out last night...kinda like when we were gonna try and get this butter off the ground before different....then I go and treetrunk it up.
So now he's not talking to me again...I just cant. So a part of me is like...I already treetrunked it up...I might as well treetrunk it all the way up and tell him I'm done and he can leave me the treetrunk alone. I need security and he doesn't make me feel secure and then ignores me when I feel that way but yet does the same butter to me....he makes me treetrunking crazy and as a leo moon...you just don't do that butter...it just end well. (And not in a psycho way...cause I have class...but I'll rip your heart out so fast... you're gonna feel it for life)
what starts you getting paranoid? what do you start thinking about.. think about, the nice thought right before the butter thought, and then also the butter thought. Also, think of the times you were ingored and it didn't bother you--any similarities? Did you have something else going on? Feelings maybe not as deep? etc
I only do deep bonds...if it ain't deep its because Im honestly not invested. But even with the deep bonds... sometimes I don't let the being ignored (which isn't necessarily being ignored ignored...just not being answered in a timely fashion...doesnt have to be right away...i know people are busy etc) bother me and I'm not sure why...maybe I just feel more secure so I don't see a sense in being paranoid. If someone makes me feel insecure...then the paranoia surfaces...which makes sense. It's not even anything like...oh you are cheating on me etc...it's more like don't play me for a treetrunking fool type thing so I sabotage before that can happen I guess.
OKs really fn slow in here tonight. Hopefully you are calm about it. I'd ask some more qs but after thinking about it a while, is it possible that w certain people, you get to feeling close or "deep" as you say, then the level of investment enters an emotional area which is perhaps wounded for you, because the last time you were in this emotional vulnerability w someone there was damage done. So even tho you are older now and the person+circumstances are different, your deeper level reaction is the same cos it's still painful in there. Hope that makes sense ..using phone..
Oh no that's makes perfect sense and yes, it's a painful area. I don't like to be vulnerable what's so ever but I know I need to be. I have abandonment issues too. So before I can be abandoned...I guess I sabotage and abandon them first. Idk