Posted by SweetLily89
I'm feeling a tad too sensitive for my liking already


^^same, having a hard time even stringing an intelligent sentence together.
I spent 15 years with a Cap and in retrospect one of the reasons that I think we lasted so long was because he wanted to feel adored, but he also loved the chase.

I found early on that if I gave him all of the attention he asked for he would be happy for a while and then he would get bored.

Luckily I'm easily distracted so when he would get bored I would find some activity to wrap myself up in and after a few days it would drive him crazy that I wasn't showering him with love and affection and he would start the chase.

If I gave too much attention when he was bored, he would get annoyed. If it took me too long to respond appropriately to the chase we would have trouble, like chasing other women sort of trouble. He never cheated, that I know of, but boy would he chase until he caught and lost interest.

I learned pretty early on when to entertain myself and when to entertain him.
Posted by Moonbutter
Posted by MissM
I'm currently talking to a guy who is a cancer moon and I think he is doing this crab dance. How do you think you can give a cancer enough confidence to stop going back and forth?


Be consistent and try not to go cold when they do... Stay warm and responsive.
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^^ Yep, don't go cold when he does and it won't take long to see how he feels. If you stay consistent and we like you, we will stop going cold. If you stay consistent and we don't like you we will avoid you completely.
Posted by Lilianni
Since you guys are starting to see each other again after a "break up", I'm guessing he still harbors hurt feelings which is why he's so passive aggressive. Him deleting and adding you back is to make a point about how he still thinks about you but hates you (childish I know) or he doesn't want you but changed his mind. When he talks to you directly after you confronting him, its just him following normal social protocol-you talk to him, he talks to you.


I have actually thought this might be the case, that he is just being polite by responding and doesn't really want to rebuild the friendship. But if I ignore the passive, attention seeking sort of behavior and don't reach out to him when he does it, he will always end up reaching out to me within a day or two. He wants to talk, he just doesn't seem to be ready to let me in and seems a lot more comfortable if I do the initiating. And that's understandable, I imagine it will take a lot of consistency and patience on my part to have any chance of rebuilding the friendship to what it was before. I just don't want to set a precedent that I am always the one the reach out, he always seemed comfortable with me and I want to help him feel comfortable again.

Posted by TheLadyScorpio
Why did you disappear on him in the past ?

Virgents, some of them, are very elusive / passive aggressive and cannot for the life of them demonstrate what they want until they have sorted out whatever it is in their head, in order to find the confirmation they need. It could be the silliest of things or it may not be, you will never know.

Therefore CybeleRising, to bypass this, approach him and directly say what you have to say, tell him what you had noticed, ask him what he wants. Be friendly about it, but direct.


We were friends for a long time, things started going in a different direction after a mutual confession of interest. There was a lot of hot and cold behavior on both sides and instead of talking about it we were just ignoring it. Pursue, hide, pursue, ignore, pursue, push away…it went that way for a long time before I gave up. We tried to just be friends for a while but that was equally as confusing as we went from being close to him putting up impenetrable walls. And it hurt, so to save us both any more pain I stopped all contact and asked him to do the same. We didn’t talk at all for six months and after that it turned into a couple of words here and there for a year or so. Now we’ve been talking again more regularly, but it’s like I said he will get my attention but doesn’t seem to want to be the one to approach and definitely is not letting down any walls. I’m wondering if he ever will.
Posted by Damnata
Posted by CybeleRising
Is he looking for reassurance that I’m not going to disappear again?


*raises eyebrows*

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*sighs* ok maybe that was a stupid question

I miss my friend, I miss this guy in my daily life - and I just wish I could set this right again
Posted by EveryOunce
Unevolved Virgos are not worth the headache.


I see that term used a lot here but what is the definition of unevolved? For awhile we were pretty close and he really started to open up. But since our fall out he's been like this. Always seems really excited to hear from me, but really hesitant to reach out first, and he does not open up in any way whatsoever. He will ask me a million personal questions, but if I ask him anything he's suddenly got somewhere else to be.

And why? Why not be direct?

Virgo guy and I are sort of half-assed talking again after a year and a half of not talking at all. But instead of just stopping me to say hello, or even calling or texting he will do weird little things that seem as if they are designed to get my attention. Sometimes I will reach out and be like “yes, I see you” and he'll laugh and then we will have a conversation. But he will only be the first to reach out if I ignore his attention getting behavior for a long period of time.

Examples, if I’m in my car in the parking lot he’ll make a point to drive by really slowly and make eye contact. Or he’ll delete me from the messenger app at work and then re-add me as a contact. You are notified whenever someone adds you as a contact and he’s worked here 15 years so he definitely knows that. He’ll stand at his desk and make eye contact until I have passed by.

I suppose this is a step up from refusing to speak to me at all, and honestly while it used to work I’m kind of over it and I’ve just been ignoring the behavior. It just becomes more and more blatant for a couple of weeks until he either steps up and starts a conversation or disappears from view for a few weeks.

Is he looking for reassurance that I’m not going to disappear again? Is it an ego boost thing? Curious behavior.
Posted by ondasp
So wait a second, I don't get it. Cancers don't like to pursue (as they want to move to their own pace) and yet they don't make a move/ show interest easily because they fear rejection.

What the hell? I mean how are you even supposed to deal with a Cancer? Damned if you chase, damned if you wait..


For me personally I am most comfortable if a guy shows interest and then steps back to give me time to think things through, if I am even remotely interested in him and the situation permits I will likely pursue to see where it could go. From there my best relationships were formed out of communication and reciprocation. I never felt like anyone was doing the pursuing.

I've been interested in a Virgo guy for years but we can never get on the same page. He pursues, steps back...I pursue, he hides...I disappear, he pursues. We never seem to be able to get on the same page.
I am a cancer Sun and Mercury and I definitely do the sidestep.

If a guy comes on too strong and makes it super obvious that he's interested before I know for sure that I am interested I will sidestep - until I make a decision one way or another.

If I am in the beginning stages of a relationship where it has been determined that there is a mutual interest and then I start to feel that his signals are inconsistent I will sidestep - until I see consistency or walk away.

If I am in a long term relationship and start to question feelings on either side I will sidestep - at least long enough to think things through at my own pace.

Posted by themagnetoreborn
Posted by CybeleRising
Posted by themagnetoreborn
1. What do you think is synonymous with your zodiac sign? For example, when people see "Cancer", they think what?

2. What about your zodiac sign can make you especially dangerous?

3. Is life worth living without having your own family/children? If so, what replaces family/children?

4. Are you naturally able to open up to others on an emotional level? If you are, what do you attribute that to? Your natural upbringing? (for example, some parents encourage their children to be expressive while stricter parents encourage theirs to be more restrained/disciplined), or your developed emotional intelligence?

5. What is your most prized possession and why?


1. Emotional. Homey. Nurturing.

2. I think an immature Cancer when feeling slighted or hurt can become very selfish and manipulative. They may have inflated expectations for the people they love and the less these expectations are met the more selfish and manipulative they may become.

3. I think that is relative to an individual, more nurture than nature. Being a wife and mother was incredibly important to me and I took it very seriously. I think that if that hadn't happened for me, though that life would have still been worth living and I would have found something else to be passionate about.

4. No, not typically. On rare occasions someone will illicit an immediate feeling of comfort and I will find myself more open with them than others. If I don't feel that immediate comfort I may never completely open up.

5. Things that I have written that are meaningful to me.



Ohhh, you know what, I can see that because my brother became that way recently. He's the middle child in my family and he's extremely reluctant to get involved in birthday or Christmas parties more than ever now. He won't do it unless we do it at a place or at a time convenient for him, especially now that he lives further away and works at strange hours.

So you'd say emotional manipulation is what could make a Cancer dangerous. Do you think it takes one to be aware of their ability to be emotionally manipulative, or could it be that they do it so long without realizing it and it becomes their nature?
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In my own experience it took maturity and a lot of soul searching. When I was younger I often had unrealistic expectations that I hadn't even shared with the person who I had the expectations of. I think because we tend to pick up on other peoples emotional cues we expect that people should pick up on ours a lot more often than they do. I never really considered myself manipulative, I always just felt like I was looking out for my own well being. Now I tend to notice it when I start to behave in ways that are destructive to my relationships and I try to be more considerate of the fact that other people have their own feelings and agendas in life. Being careful to accept people as they are with their own limitations and emotions and asking for what I want when it is realistic instead of just expecting others to know has gone a long way for me.
Posted by themagnetoreborn
1. What do you think is synonymous with your zodiac sign? For example, when people see "Cancer", they think what?

2. What about your zodiac sign can make you especially dangerous?

3. Is life worth living without having your own family/children? If so, what replaces family/children?

4. Are you naturally able to open up to others on an emotional level? If you are, what do you attribute that to? Your natural upbringing? (for example, some parents encourage their children to be expressive while stricter parents encourage theirs to be more restrained/disciplined), or your developed emotional intelligence?

5. What is your most prized possession and why?


1. Emotional. Homey. Nurturing.

2. I think an immature Cancer when feeling slighted or hurt can become very selfish and manipulative. They may have inflated expectations for the people they love and the less these expectations are met the more selfish and manipulative they may become.

3. I think that is relative to an individual, more nurture than nature. Being a wife and mother was incredibly important to me and I took it very seriously. I think that if that hadn't happened for me, though that life would have still been worth living and I would have found something else to be passionate about.

4. No, not typically. On rare occasions someone will illicit an immediate feeling of comfort and I will find myself more open with them than others. If I don't feel that immediate comfort I may never completely open up.

5. Things that I have written that are meaningful to me.

I got to say it was a good day. I just had the most normal conversation I have had with my Virguy friend since the fall out we had a year and a half ago. The dippy Cancer in me wants to text him all like... "We just had a normal conversation! Go us!" but I don't want to draw too much attention to the fact that he is talking to me again so...instead I am just going to tell all the Virgo's of DXP. Thanks for indulging my feels. Happy Friday!
Posted by starwars


Ha, StarWars

Care to elaborate? Probably not the right way to handle things right?

--just realized you were probably just answering my question-- Virgos: Why do they have such a hold over me? you don't know either, huh?
Posted by bubbythewhale1
Posted by CybeleRising
So in an odd turn of events, he texted me on Friday.


Didn't see the previous response, he had a cap moon and yay! double virguy, hope he's a nice one

But how'd that go? The texting..

click to expand


Interesting! I am a Cancer Sun/Cap Moon. I'd love to hear your story if you want to PM me.

I don't know. He said he wanted to know how a new album "made me feel". I gave him my input asked him his opinion and he never responded. So the next day I said that I didn't think that's really what he wanted to know, and that yes I still care and I left it at that.

It was strange that he reached out after three months on the week that I couldn't get him out of my head though.
So in an odd turn of events, he texted me on Friday.
Posted by bubbythewhale1
"Until finally I told him that I couldn't move backwards with him, but that I could move out of the way and that the kindest thing he could do for me was to leave me alone."

"I came up behind him peeking into my office the other day, I was about thirty feet behind him and he didn't see me. And then he shook his head like he was chastising himself and then dropped his chin down to his chest and kept walking."

My initial reaction was to laugh, not necessarily because its funny but ive been in the same situation but reversed lol. Ive wanted to tell him to get out of my life bc his presence was too important to me and wen he wasn't around it was torture, never experienced anything like it, so instead we tried to passively ignore each other. My friends and family all knew how I felt towards him, which made some of them resent him without even knowing him, just the fact that I actually liked someone for once and they don't seem to care made them upset.

I could see myself looking for him then feel stupid that he wasn't there or feel stupid bc I should just give him his space anyway. I've kept this weird feeling that the cancer watches me for some reason, and sees my little weird quirks that ppl miss



We do! If we like you we are going to take in every nuance of your behavior, especially in the beginning. We study you.

Funny, Virguy is a Virgo Sun/Virgo Moon. What was your Cancer guys moon?




The last statement really showcases the poor communication between the both of you.

You did not express what you really felt. You want him, then tell him, and show him. Your words must match your actions. A Virgent always notices it.

If there are any slight variations of it in the beginning, before a solid commitment has been established, they will have doubts. The doubts will grow in their minds as they mentally process their emotions and access the potential of the situation. I am certain enough to a degree those are the doubts that are causing the reaction and the way he is, coming and going in your life right now.

Time have passed it has been years since the both of you are in a relationship (I presume), do something, anything.

Someone must be upfront, and honest. You must step into the abyss with courage. Only once you finish falling will you find the love at the bottom, waiting.



About six months after I ended it I got up the courage to apologize and tell him exactly how I felt. I did it in a letter...it should have been done in person but I didn't have the courage. He never responded. He has reached out once or twice to share music, but it's always by text. I reached out in July and told him I was thinking of him and hoped he was doing well. He responded and we talked for a few minutes and then he texted me a song in the middle of the night and then another the next afternoon. A few days later I told him I missed having him around, again he never responded. I probably should have tried talking to him in person, but work didn't seem to be an appropriate place.