As far as women wanting to feel protected, I understand that totally. BUT, they take that expectation too far sometimes. For example, when Im out and about shopping or sitting at a table be it cafe or bookstore I've gotten interest from girls. But as soon as they see the cane I use to help me walk, they're like *imitating Valley Girl Voice* "Oh" and walk away.
That is freaking superficial. I'd understand the snub if I were still in a wheelchair. But Im freaking walking around, very evident Im not dead from the waist down. Plus the fact, my cane can be used for a weapon when needed to for protection. I took almost a year of fencing so I've got a pretty good idea of how to use a stick like object. So women are protected from douchebags when they're with me
I would never look over a girl using a cane if I was attracted to her. But maybe that's cause Im not shallow.
That's the problem with nice guys. Most dont have backbone. If their partner is legitimately wrong, they'll let them ride roughshod over them just to keep the peace. And that's a wuss move.
My dad worshipped the ground my mother walked on. BUT... if they were having an argument and he felt she was wrong, he'd stand up to her. Men cant be afraid of arguing, otherwise your relationship is doomed.
The other thing is a lot of "nice" guys lack personality/humor. They're just dry/intellectual. Ive seen average looking guys with eddie murphy/will ferrell personalities have women chasing them. And the ones who dont usually dont know when to turn the joking off and have a normal conversation. I think women want a funny guy, but one who knows when to blance it with normal conversation.
Something that is also wrong with nice guys is they push too much in dating. You never, ever ask a girl where is this going? The girl asks that during the course of dating. Cause if a guy asks it, he will rightfully come off as too needy by the girl.
I've always gone for the nice girl. I never went for the so-called "babes" when I was younger. Just the cute tina fey hipster types. My problem was the reverse. They ended up being bad girls in sheeps clothing. Something I didnt think about then was cute girls get approached more than the "hot" ones Because of that, some of the cute ones get on a big ego trip and start being too picky.
They'll look the other way when average guys approach and start to hold out for the "stud" be it a musician, or athlete they know. Whereas some of the hot girls already have had those dating experiences with studs by 25. And they'll be more open to average guys at the point. Dont get me wrong, some hot girls never learn to stop chasing studs aka Jennifer Aniston.
Bottom line if a guy takes care of himself, has a personality, stands up for himself, isnt pushy, or legitmately chased cute girls only to get burned, he has a right to gripe. But if he doesnt do any of those things, he needs to shut up and continue masturbating to his lesbian porn.
Well, this thread blew up while I was out and about. BTW its beautiful out down here in the south today. So many things to address but limited to posting space.
Beloved seriously? I mean seriously? Like Im going out on a date with a notepad. Secondly, I would only ask a personal question such as that if we've been dating a while and a small amount of intimacy had been established already. I would tell her things about my life first before daring to ask that question.
Its a slow process of getting to know someone. Im not going to go wham, bam about it every occasion I see them BTW Sag89, please read my posts instead of just skimming them and going all sorts of pissed.
I did mention already that it goes both ways with sexes if their parental relationships are bad. Sag89 you're right, it also goes the same way if a man gets called Prince or nicknames similar to that.
But guess what, even though that kind of nickname thing happens with men, it doesnt occur as much as it does with women. The other thing people completely missed from my previous post was the fact Im not gonna ditch someone just cause they have family issues.
I WILL though ditch someone if they havent yet or refuse to get help for their issues. As Librasid said, its one thing to be that way when young. But when you're older in 30's, that crap needs to be let go or treated. Cause otherwise your significant other ends up paying for it.
My cap ex treated me horribly because her father was a jackass. So that is why I felt my relatives advice was dead on target. I let her ride roughshod over me for a long time based on that issue. Till I got sanity and realized and she needed to start taking responibility for her behavior instead of using baggage as excuse to take it out on me.
The only mistake I felt with this post was not making the idea universal in terms of it being both men and women in this situation. But tell me, how politically correct are you gonna be at 3 in the morning half-awake? The times I tend to log on here is in the middle of the night.
Im already tired and beat by then. So Im not necessarily Mister Congeniality of the year at that stage. But Im actually in a good state of mind right now. No more surgeries, two potential love interests. Im happy, happy, joy joy!
Beloved, I think you missed what I said in the earlier post. I would rephrase it meaning it wouldnt come off as interrogation. Its basically has to do with the way you word things in conversation.
Im a pretty mellow dude, so women tend to open up easily around me for better or worse But I agree with Quietstorms analogy too cause it does go both ways.
For the record, Im always nice to people in the service industry. I dont flirt with them in front of a date, but I am nice. And despite my nightmarish experience with Cap ex, no girl Ive dated knows about it. I keep my dating history confidential so to speak. No matter how bad they were, that's between me and them. That's no else's concern or business.
I tend to confuse women I date cause of never asking about their dating history. The only thing I will ask and that's only if theyre asking me the where are we going question is why their last couple of relationships didnt work.
And my mother was awesome, so I always went for the nice girls. I only went for the bad ones just if I was heartbroken/didnt have time for a relationship just wanting to get laid.
My problem is Ive dated women who I thought were nice and ended up being bad girls in sheep's clothing.
Oh, there was one more piece of advice my relative give me. If you found out early on that the parents of the woman you're dating call her "Princess", drop it like its hot. Cause it pretty much guarantees that woman is going to be a nightmare in a relationship.
I wouldnt ask them in succession like that. I would ask each one at different times. Cause I get that can be badgering.
Plus, the phrasing of the questions would be different. But the core idea/concept behind the questions is good.
If I sense a girl is about to have the "where is this going" talk with me, hell yes Im going to screen the crap out of them. Cause Im not going to waste my time anymore in relationships that obviously wont work out long term. Im way too old now for BS/time filler relationships.
And believe me with the kind of women in my town, they almost always get into relationships for all the wrong reasons.
This is some advice an older female relative of mine gave me regarding women. This was years back when I went through emotional hell with my cap ex. And she nicely heard me out. The 1st thing she told me was obvious - kick this woman to the curb.
The 2nd piece of advice she gave was golden. And I always go back to it every time for reference when dating a new woman.
Here it is:
Ask the girl this: "What kind of relationship do you have with your father?" If answer is negative ask, "do you hate him?"
If the next answer to last question is yes, then ask - "Have you gotten counseling or help for it?" If answer's no, then ask - "Do you plan on looking into getting some type of help/assistance on this issue anytime soon?" If answer is no or a rude response then
RUN THE F--K AWAY, DO NOT SLOW DOWN OR LOOK BACK ONCE!
She then went on to say "If a girl has an unhealthy/bad relationship with her father, and never seeks help for it, chances are 99.9% she's gonna treat you like dogsh-t forever."
That didnt make sense completely at first. But after my experience with the cap ex, and dating other women over a period of years, it is so right on the mark.
So I tell any other guy or gal for that matter to use it as a benchmark when considering potential girlfriends. My motto is life's too short to get treated like crap with one woman. Especially when there are so many other ones who can
Day 3 has ended and no call. So its time to just focus on other things at the moment. Ill wait two weeks then come in there to get closure. I pretty much know its a brush off, but its good to be verified.
Ninja, I wish there were more women out there who thought like you. Contrary to popular belief, not all men like hard to get. I like women who show interest rather then ones that do mental chess games.
Shadows, you may be in the minority. Cause I know a ton of women here who are majorly self-conscious. I know ones who wont even give out their number to a man they've been eyeing all night who approaches just because their friends dont think he's attractive enough even though that person does.
I have no issue asking for her number. But I want to make sure if I get rejected, it isnt due to their co-workers or friends but rather one on one. If I ask one on one, and she makes some excuse saying "give me yours, or let's facebook" Ill genuinely know there's no interest. But at the time, there was no opportunity to talk away from her co-workers.
She is kind of an introvert homebody type based on the stuff she does outside of work from our conversation. I dont know if its shyness or genuine disinterest. Im going to put this stuff to the side for 2 weeks then get back to it then.
Thus is pretty much why I dont think you can use astrology to assess her/the situation. She is a Gemini Sun with a Moon in Taurus, Mars in Virgo. But regardless of signs or chart, women are going to be women when it comes to the dating game
One, you cant just go on astrological generalizations. Find out his birthday then see what planets such as Moon, Mars, and Venus are in his chart. I have a Sagittarius Moon and mars with Sun In Scorp. I act more like a Sag then Scorp But DONT let a chart be the lone deciding factor.
A persons age, and upbringing are much more critical then astrological signs. Get to know the person, not the sign.
To paraphrase something John Lennon once said, I cant be a punk kid anymore. Im an adult for better or worse. And want to be with someone to grow with. Rather than waiting for them to catch up while Im already there. So I hope that explains my aversion to relationships with younger women.
A lot of men my age get distracted by younger women's beauty and youth. But I dont, its an illusion. In reality. 20 something girls are still figuring out themselves and what they want out of a relationship all the way to 29. Sure a lot of early 30's girls have extreme immaturity. But that immaturity and doubt is much higher with 20 somethings.
So I'd rather take my chances with the 30 somethings. Cause nothing beats coming home to someone who not only gives a crap about you, but has their stuff together so to speak.
Well day 2 has ended and no call. To be honest, the only reason Ive been thinking about this so much is being stuck inside due to bad weather. Im just getting over a cold and didnt think it would be a good idea getting out in misty fog weather. I thought it might make my throat go to hell again.
Cause usually when I am out and about, my mind turns off thoughts like these. I may go out today, not sure yet. Definately tuesday though Im getting out of the house running errands which is a good thing.
My two day cold made me think she may or will soon be sick as well. I know a few friends of mine coming down with colds out of nowhere. Im willing to do the 5 day wait period. But if she doesnt call by tommorow night, Im going to start moving on.
Im a little reticient to be honest with you, about going back to the coffeehouse in 2 weeks. I feel really embarrassed. Shadows, Piranha, and Virgo, I understand what you guys are saying. But let me ask you this. Say you built up rapport/attraction with a guy over time working at a bar or coffeehouse. Are you honestly going to not feel self-conscious and comfortable about giving your number out when co workers are in close proximity?
I figured she might get self-conscious and not give her number if I asked due to coworkers being around. Women do get scared of being judged by others. I thought me giving my number was helping her if that makes sense. I normally never put myself out there like that. Even though I can hide it going in there with a smile and what me worry vibe, inside I feel really humiliated.
Im 50% ready to cut my losses. And then just have the other 50% verified going back in two weeks. Unless some miracle happens and I run into her at some place sooner. But I doubt that will happen. What's funny is I was perfectly fine being single. Till the leo who's my age (thats now taken) came into the picture. That event got me started to thinking about how time is running out. And in a town like this, single 30 somethings without kids are becoming an endangered species.
So I do feel the pressure to find someone my age. Which is why I put so much work into trying to get something going with coffeehouse girl. Maybe it is my destiny to be Hank Moody 2.0 and have meaningless casual relationships with 20 somethings. Cause it sure as hell aint gonna be serious ones with that age group. Finished next post...
I wouldnt expect her to call today since she is working. The real test will be tommorow. If I dont hear a peep, then monday will be the last day of waiting.
If a person likes someone, general rule of thumb says they'll call by the 3rd day. Ill pretty much move on at that juncture if no contact is made by day 4.
I'll have to wait two, maybe three weeks at least before going in to gauge her reaction towards me. Any time sooner might look creepy or strange. Ive been very careful about doing this whole thing. From my experience with women in the service industry, you have to slowly build rapport with them.
And also only go there on the timeframe of a customer which is once a week. Even going to their venue be it bar or coffeehouse just two times a week can look weird. Ill usually ask for a bartender/barista's number on the 3rd or 4th visit if they're not surrounded by co-workers or people. Again, the reason I gave her my number was she had been in close proximity to co-workers. I figured she would be self-conscious about giving her number out being so close to them.
My game plan is staying away about two weeks then go in acting non-reactive. Basically if her body language shows tension/uncomfortableness, I'll wave, smile and go to my table. If she comes over and gives an obvious BS excuse, Ill joke about it. Then tell her its not a issue and no hard feelings. Then cut the conversation and go back to reading for 5 -7 minutes. Then leave.
Which pretty sends the message I was going in there per my usual routine regardless of outcome. I normally wouldnt invest this much time/work trying to get a girl's interest. But in my town, attractive single 30ish women with no kids are a rarity. Itll suck being rejected, but I move on quickly.
I wish I could live somewhere like LA or San Diego. There is a much larger amount of single 30-somethings without kids there. Beginining to think it will be my fate to be stuck dating 20 somethings forever. When I would rather not. Am I the only guy left in this world that is not a Hugh Hefner type and prefers women his own age? Sorry for the moaning and groaning. I would just like to be in a mature, adult relationship. Rather than one which is immature and has no hopes for a future.
Anyhow but due to her line of work she must get approached all the time with men. And probably is cagey about giving her number.
So I felt giving mine would be the best move. My question is this for you ladies. If there is attraction to a guy and he gives his number would you call?
Im currently finishing day 1 of this waiting game. Based on past experience going there on the weekends I know she works fridays and saturdays. So sunday and maybe monday is her day off. Im giving her a 3 day window in contacting me. Basically meaning if she doesnt call/text after 3 days its a brush-off. At that point, Ill just move on.
How long do you girls wait to call a guy if there's interest? I realize every girl's different. But I do appreciate a summary of women's perspectives. BTW yes, I know her sign, but its not important. As every girl has their own dating style even if they share the same sun sign or chart.
Usually I come on here once in a while to vent. Do my verbal diarherea here, and move on. This situation is different entirely. Im dealing with feelings of uncertainty this time around.
Here's the situation - girl Ive known for a long time (BTW Its not the Leo, that fell through due to me not taking action soon enough. Shes with a different guy now) But anyway, this girl is my age worked at a coffeehouse forever. We got to know each other slowly over time. I got the strong vibe she liked me. Was working toward asking her out when she disappeared abruptly.
Found out from her co-worker she moved up to a different state to finish college. I was really bummed out but moved on. This all happened 3 years ago.
Flash forward to 2 weeks ago. I walk in the place for the first time in a long one. And who do I see, but her! I was speechless. I sit down and 10 minutes later catch her attention. FYI - place is busy and shes behind the counter taking orders.
Anyway shes excited to see me and we talk and catch up. Asked her how long shes been back. She returned in july of last year which is the month of me getting run over. She asks about my cane (I 've upgraded from my walker) Tell her about my near death experience and going back to surgery in a few months to get rods and metal plates taken out of my body.
Talk another minute. Sensing how packed the place is, I cut the conversation short so she can get back to work. A week passes afterward. I go in sit down at a table and mind my business while shes taking orders. She comes over and opens me. We have a good conversation. But she has to cut it short, because of delivering the orders. Thats cool. So another week passes before going in there again.
I go in there yesterday due to my bus breaking down in the area. It was rainy and cold, the only reason I went out was to pick up my dads meds. Go in there, she notices me immediately. Very happy to see me. Im talking to her at the front this time as its slow business wise. We talk for a few minutes. I tell her "I know how busy you get in here. I dont want get you in trouble for talking to me. So let me do something." I pull a pen and paper out, write my name and number on it. Tell her if she ever wants to talk or chat sometime contact me at the number. And I go.
I realize giving a girl my number is a major no-no usually. Finished next post...
Im in a lousy mood so venting seems like a good time as any. One of my pet peeves anymore is people relying too much on or having barely knowledge of astrology but is used anyway for dating.
I understand the appeal of astrology and yes, when you look at someone's chart it can describe them to a point. After to that is empty generalization. A persons upbringing and emotional maturity level defines them more than a chart.
For example, Ive got a lesbian friend whos Sun Aries, Sag Moon, Sag Mars and Venus? You would think that may make her a huge player or adulterer right? Wrong. She's been together with her partner for over 17 years. Never once has strayed.
Look you cant blame someone's infidelity, commitphobicness, jealousy, abusiveness on signs. It really does boil down to what happened with their parents, and other emotional traumas. Psychological traumas inform and mold our character.
I can understand turning to charts for protection against potential heartache. Someone can have the perfect chart, but still be pieces of dogsh-t. And also people who just go by sun signs and dismiss someone out of the equation for dating/relationship material because of the stereotypes for being the wrong one are f---ing ignorant.
Whatever happened to just getting to know someone? Learning their quirks/tics? It seems anymore people just go on and assume the worst when telling them your sun sign. "Oh you're a Scorpio, has to be a nympho" Yes I may indeed be a nympho, but thats because of being a dude. Most guys are highly sexed, its a thing called testerone.
I get tired of being judged for the negative actions people associated with my sun sign do. So what if you've been screwed over by every Gem, Cap, Scorp, Cancer, etc on the planet? Nobody's the same, there is a reason individuality exists.
Yet we continue and dump our previous emotional baggage onto the next person who happens to share the sun sign. Ive had more than my fair share of bad experiences with status climbing, gold-digging Cap females. But guess what? Their hunger for the right person with social status had nothing to do with being a cap. Its because they're empty, hollow people. Oh and also because 90% of the women in my city are made up of golddiggers.
As weary I already am of Cap girls, not going to hold it against them for my previous experiences. And nobody here should either. Bottom line - get your head out of the stars
No prob, Capsweetie. I get along really well air moons BTW. Just leery of dating them because emotional detachment drives me nuts. Im attracted to women who are sensitive, loving, affectionate. Air moons arent that way. Not a slight by any means with you guys, just not my cup of tea for a serious relationship.
Although people with air moons are the best for FWB. They dont get attached based solely off of good sex which is awesome. Being one of the few water signs with a fire moon who needs an actual mental attraction rather then nice big O's is a little depressing to say least.
If I were you Cap, dont proceed with a Scorp dude unless they have Sag, Gem, or Aqua moons and seem to be secure with dating an attractive women. If they dont, GTFO ASAP.
You cant generalize scorps, caps, etc in terms of sun sign behavior. It all depends on their moon and rising sign. Plus their age and most importantl,y the way they were raised.
Can most scorpio and capricorn men and women be controlling and possessive? Yes in some aspects. But in my experience if they have a Aqua or Sag moon, it levels the jealousy part. Maybe not so much the fidelity aspect but that depends. Beginning to think Im one of the very few Sag mooners that dont cheat.
Do I play the field when single? Heck yes, Ive learned through experience never to put your eggs in one basket with women in single mode. BUT, if its been established with the other woman we're in a loving exclusive relationship, Im fiercely loyal.
Emotional security means more than some hot piece trying to game me because of being taken so she can have an ego boost. If the thought of what it would be like with another woman ever crossed my mind, than that's a sign to break it off. A good woman deserves 100% complete romantic and sexual attention from her partner. If eyes or mind are starting to wander, the partner needs to man up and break it off. So a good woman can find true happiness instead of wasting her time. My dad taught me that when I was younger.
I would never make nor pressure a woman into having sex if they're sick or just had a baby. That has nothing to do with the scorpio sun sign as much as it has to do with the dude being a jerk.
I dont dig in other people's biz. If the girl Im dating would like to be private that's fine with me. I understand that because Im private as well. I will give scorps and Caps credit in one instance. Despite all the horrible dating experiences Ive had, none of the scorps/caps were inquisitive or nosy about my life. But Im not so sure it had to do with respectfulness, more so the fact they were egotistical and narcissistic.
But you cant look to astrological charts 100% for answers to relationship issues. Regardless of signs, people are still flawed and f--ked in the head. Because thats what being a human being is about.
I probably get along better with fire signs then most scorps. It might have to do with having a Sag Moon, Leo Rising, and Leo for a mom though.
I've only had 2 bad experiences with Aries but that was work related. I have a feeling their douchebaginess had nothing to do with being a Aries though.
Ive never really dated an Aries though. Just one briefly with Aries moon. But she always set up dates like every 3 weeks. Didnt know till later it was because she had a boyfriend.
Im kind of uncertain on being in a relationship with an Aries though, but not the usual reasons. Im probably the only Scorp around that isnt a workaholic. I work hard, but not hardcore driven. Im ambitious, but only to have a nice respectable desk job which covers my rent and car. Since I dont plan on ever having kids, theres no desire for wealth.
Dont get me wrong, if I became a millionaire overnight, that would be awesome. I like to live decent, but not opulently though. Anyway, every Aries I ever known is a super duper workaholic. They cant balance work and personal life for crap. Im not going to be exclusive with someone I see only once a week or two weeks.
But Aries from my friendships with them, like that arrangement with bfs/gfs. And its a huge reason why their relationships go to caca. Unless they find a fellow workaholic. Aries have no excuse to me for not being able to balance work and dating. My mom was a Leo, hard worker but always put Dad and me first before her ambition. She could balance both things.
If you're an ambitious person, work to achieve whatever goal it is and be single. Just have friends with benefits, cause its not fair to others who can balance work and dating. That's my main gripe though. If I found a Aries girl who know how to juggle work and dating, might be open to being exclusive with them. But its super rare to find Aries who can do that balance.
I really think it all depends on their chart. Like the moon and mars. Ive always gotten on with Sags real well. Probably cause of being a Sag Mooner though.
My only complaint about Sag Suns (mainly girls) is they dont get my dark humor at all. By dark humor, I mean in the vein of George Carlin and Bill Hicks. They've always been "Why are you so DARK?" When all Im doing is joking about dark subjects. As long as you're making light of it, nothing is wrong with discussing dark things.
I know there may be sag guys/chicks who get the Hicks/Carlin style of humor. But Ive yet to see one in my town. BTW when I'm showing an old Carlin or Lewis Black special at a get together in my place the following always happens. There will be some new person there and after the special is over, he/she says "OMG! that was so negative!" Without fail I find out later they're sags. Sags getting dark humor seems to be a lost cause so far in my life.
To clairify what I said given the short length you can post on here. Basically, the study said Cute girls were more prone to infidelity than hot ones.
Their reasoning was beautiful women attract a decent amount of goodlooking men to date/sleep with. Whereas cute girls dont always necessarily attract good looking guys consistantly.
And the cute girls who never have been with a studly guy, are more likely to cheat on their significant others if he showed interest. Whereas the beautiful women were less likely to because of already having that experience with that type of guy. This is basically what the study said.
I feel the study is somewhat accurate. Ive had my share of cute girls with boyfriends be interested in me. Dont get me wrong, there are a lot of beautiful women who cheat regularly. But cute girls are guilty of this just as equally.
Bottom line is we shouldnt generalize people. While they're a lot who are, not all beautiful women are stuck up and cheaters. Just as not all cute girls are nice and faithful.
If you disgree with that, follow the advice Ive said in the past. Which is: a) experiment and date another woman b) watch either The Real L Word or fictional L Word to get an idea of what women are like when it comes to dating and relationships. Bottom line, its not all black and white.