Posted by queeneemy
It's just that I'm scared of the friend zone 😅😅 and because I don't understand why pull away like this the day after telling me he wanted me to kiss him 😅
Posted by Phantom_Dangus
My best advice is treat him as a friend in terms of expectations and sexual activity, but keep flirting so he knows you like him back. Don't chase, but don't play hard to get either. You'll probably want to hold off on that massage until more is known unless you have an ironclad will.
P.S. I wasn't arguing with jeane about the massage. We posted at the same time. It seems she has some self-control. I lack. lol!
Posted by queeneemyPosted by Phantom_DangusPosted by queeneemyPosted by Phantom_DangusPosted by queeneemyPosted by Phantom_DangusPosted by queeneemyPosted by Phantom_Dangus
So, the only thing that has changed is that he told you he just wants to be friends.
And I also told him straight out clear that I don't do hook ups and that I will never have sex with a guy that I'm not in a committed relationship with and I told him "If you ever change your mind, you know where to find me". And he texted after that.
Yes, I was being a smartass. Sorry.
There are a lot of questions people will ask that could get cleared up easy. He's a Gemini sun. He is just getting over a past relationship.
I think he likes you fine, but he's not serious or even ready to get serious.
I appreciate that. Thank you. He has his sun in Gemini but he also has venus in taurus. And honestly, I know a lot of geminis, been in love with another gemini before, one of my best friends is a gemini and the only gemini trait I see in him is that he likes to tell a lot of jokes and talk a lot and be "the funny guy". Well, now I'm going to tell you why he hasn't kissed me yet. Because THAT I know. So, he had a condition, like, a health condition a couple of years back, that damaged his teeth. Like, really bad. They're in a pretty bad state. I was slightly bothered by it in the beginning because I thought it was pure lack of oral care or even substance abuse. When I learned what it was about, I wanted to give him a chance 'cause there's more to him than his teeth, right? And it's not even his fault. He came here to work for the summer to get the money to fix his teeth in our home country. I know that because my brother in law told me that. And when we were at my place the other day, he told me, completely out of the blue that he was going to get his teeth fixed. So, he's afraid of needles and hasn't set foot at a doctor's office in years. But he's doing it now. He has to have some kind of insecurity because of that. He may think that I don't want him to kiss me. When he left, we started texting and he told me "I thought you were going to kiss me" and I said "I thought you were going to kiss me too" and he said "I didn't want you to think that I was in your place with bad intentions". Today he was trying to make me jealous again saying he's going out for dinner tomorrow. What he doesn't know is that I know he's going for dinner with my sister and her boyfriend so I completely shrugged it off. And that's when he said he only wanted to be friends and didn't want me to get the wrong idea and two minutes later he was asking me for a massage. And I was like "Yeah... I can give you a massage, we're friends now so there's no danger of one of us getting the wrong idea" and he was like "It's still dangerous, I don't know what can happen after that". Also, people at my sister's restaurant like to make jokes about us and we were talking about that the other day and he said "No one has nothing to do with our life." Like... he said OUR life. Seriously, the reason why we fought is because he said he wanted me to introduce him to some of my friends. But he said that in a very disgusting way. He was testing me and instead of getting the reaction he wanted, I just blew up! I figured out he was testing me because when we talked again two weeks later, he said the exact same thing and that's when my brother in law told me he wanted a reaction from me and to tell him I was interested. So, today when he told me he wanted to be friends I told him "You know, I have a party next week, I can introduce you to my friends like you wanted" And he was like "That was only a joke". Seriously, can't this be another kind of test he's doing because of his insecurities? You must think I'm crazy because I'm still not over this guy but... this is just how it is. I tried to get over him after our "fight". I even deleted his number and went on a vacation with a few friends. But... I can't. I know that these are probably red flags with all the insecurities and that I might suffer in the future but I don't want to think about the future. I've done that all my life and I'm tired of that. Right now at this moment I want him, I don't care about what will happen later.
Okay, I better understand why you think he is interested, saying one thing and doing another. Remind me how old you guys are. He sounds so young and timid. Anyway, yes, I can see how having a problem with his teeth could hurt his confidence and willingness to initiate a kiss. Maybe that's where the timidity is coming from. It really irritates me when people test, so you know my answer isn't going to be positive on that, but it's obviously not my call. I see no reason why you can't wait it out and see how things go. Just don't do something that you would regret if he suddenly goes cold.
Also, I forgot to ask. What is it that I might do that I might regret? 😅
Haha, you know! Send him nudes, let something stupid like "I love you" slip out, have sex. If you would be devastated if you did one of those things and then he went cold...don't do them yet! 😅
Ahaha no I won't do anything like that. I'm very sure of myself when it comes to that. I'm a virgin. I waited until now I can wait a little longer. That's why I let him come to my house. I know what I want and what I don't want.
Then why did he tell me he wanted to be friends? I'm sorry but I really don't get it. 😅
One of my fears was also that he only wanted me for sex. But then I told him straight out that I wouldn't do it and he kept in touch so I thought that he was trying to see where things went. And the other day he was all about insisting that he's leaving to our home country but that he will be back. He said it three times when I was saying "Okay I get it... it's your life, you do what you have to do." And he wouldn't be so worried about what I think about him and telling me he doesn't want me to think he only wanted to take advantage of me and he would have tried something when we were at my place. 'Cause if he's only in it for the sex he wouldn't care, right? And he also told me "Are you happy now that you know I don't have bad intentions?".
I do understand that he wants sex, obviously. And if things do go somewhere I won't keep him waiting forever. And he's been here "alone" for a few months so, I get it. I really do. But it has to happen when I'm ready.
You know, my mother told me "Get used to it cause men are all like that" and I've been talking to older women and listening to their stories and I came to the conclusion that men are all very complicated. Not all in the same way but they are. I mean no offense. So, it means I will have to go through stuff like this anyway so it has to be for someone who's worth it and that I enjoy being with right?
What do you think I should do now? Should I act like a friend? Should I ignore him? Should I give him the massage? 😅 I would like things to be clear before he leaves tbh 😅click to expand
Posted by 1996Virgo21Posted by jeane
if you send him texts now, does he respond? how quickly?
Yea he always responds within a couple of hours and returns the question if I ask oneclick to expand
Posted by ClairDeLune
I wouldnt give a guy who doesnt have the balls to say what he wants any time. It just starts to turn into mind games and assumptions and later on heartache or confusion. If he wants you, he needs to assure it otherwise it's just guess play. You deserve someone who can say what he wants
Posted by RedbullPosted by DMVPosted by Redbull
There's questions why Taurus man this and that. A lot of times its like why does he act like this sometimes but that other times. Maybe in part people think Arent Taurus supposed to be all constant and "consistent" and stuff? I think its...have to be in the right space like a lot of times its just not that type of thing, not the time or place. The Taurus is focused or trying to focus on something else For instance something I dont particularly dig is being in low key mode regular pants and shirt going to do something and a woman/women wanna talk and smile and stuff in public all out the blue? Like it happens in such unexpected times/places and the last thing on my mind. I just dont get it. Its when you figure nobody is gonna pay no attention to me and I'll bother no one let me just do this real quick...oh a woman tried to talk? man did I maybe miss some type of opportunity?...and then its young attractive women like I'm an ole grizzled guy 70s baby like wha?...hahaMan it just seems crazy. Like I wouldnt say anything to her but she just gonna do that? like just that bold?...who can call it.
Im just speaking candidly but I think at the end of the day a lot of it is...as a Taurus I have to be in a certain space to even entertain or otherwise its just off. And the work thing, man I'm at work and yes not innocent sometimes flirting just happens on both sides naturally but a lot of times its like whoa, I didnt necessarily mean it to go that far...I think I try to keep restraint enough like whoa lady, wha? then Im not dead so its not like Im always against things its just...the time and the place and I try to not even get something started in those situations but they come regardless.
In other words "I need to have control over the environment and what is done for me to feel comfortable so please dont smile at me without any prior notice or discussing the intentions of said smile 1st. The manor in which you smile at me without 48 hour notice makes me uncomfortable and seems not genuine and off putting. In short, I will have my people call your people. I flirt but it's not really flirting but I call it flirting but it's just not. Why you would think I was flirting is beyond me. It's not like I was flirting with you. geesh, dont be delusional. I'm just trying to flirt. I'm not dead or a cardboard box. I just would prefer you come to me with advanced notice of anything human you're about to do. Please get my approval before doing anything even remotely human. Cause no. So, Wanna Flirt"
Haha. Ok I think I get whats going on here. This is basically a like Jeane said need to loosen up...which...if Im not being stubborn about it, hmm...thats an interesting take and one I didnt even really think about. Thats a kind of perspective that I didnt even really think about at this point. Thats not even the direction I was going in. See this is why we make threads and ask questions.click to expand
Posted by Timon
Tbh I don't think you really like him because then you would make an effort to try again. You still have feelings for your ex right?
It's not like he fell asleep the first thing when he arrived. He drove a long way to see you and you watched a movie and had dinner so maybe he was just tired after all that.
If you really like someone you make an effort. He didn't fall asleep and came to quickly on purpose. Maybe you should have made the effort to try to not make him feel bad over it.
Posted by 2LoV3Posted by jeanePosted by 2LoV3
@jeane I wanted to ask you if you have experienced anything like this with your bull or something similar. As I mentioned, my bull said he was trying to sort himself out. But I find he tends to be very careful with his words and in everything he said he didn’t directly ask for space or time he just said he was trying to sort himself out and he might not be able to respond as quickly but personally with my bull, I feel like he actually needs time to himself to figure out how he’s going to deal with his ex contacting him and arguing daily and work et cetera.
He can be very good at saying “well I didn’t tell you not to call, I didn’t tell you not to ...etc”
Do you find your bull to always be very careful with his words?
And mean what he says?
Also you mentioned that usually if you potentially had an argument you would hang back for a week or two, did you find that giving him that bit of space put things back to neutral so to speak?
ugh, you're giving me flashbacks.
yes! at the start he was incredibly careful around me. it used to drive me nuts. i took it personally. i hated being kept in the dark and kept at arms length. it was like i never got a chance to see the soft underbelly. being a scorp venus, i absolutely raged against it. nearly all, actually, now i think about it, ALL of our fights for the first 6 months to a year had that at its core.
you know what though? he was dealing with a difficult ex and a very upsetting relationship. he was going through a lot. he was delicate, his heart had been blown up into a million little pieces and trying to navigate his way out. he didn't really trust me with his feelings and given his last experience of a relationship he was totally unsure on how to move forward with me. he cared for me but he didn't want to burden me with his problems. he also was behaving in a way that he was used to but he also wanted to make it work with me. i had to keep reminding him that i wasn't his ex. i wouldn't tolerate those old patterns.
all i can say is that it took time. it took arguments. it took upset. it took patience. it took understanding and kindness and selflessness and it took courage from both us to put hearts on the line when you can't see the light at the end of the tunnel but we are solid now because of all that we went through.
he always meant what he said. he never wanted to over promise. he feared letting me down and of not being able to come through for me. he didn't want to hurt me and he didn't want me to be hurt by having to deal with his issues. he was strong and wanted to deal with it on his own.
me distancing myself after an argument? it never reset him. it reset me but he was in the exact same spot where i left him. bulls dont move. at least my one didnt. maybe he had reflected a bit but it was not neutral.
Oh I’m so glad I’m not out on a ledge! phew! I do feel exactly how you used to! Like I’m not being told everything and yes at times I have taken it personally. Some I hear or find out randomly from his dad. Eg he wanted to take his son to Spain, she said “no, not without me and I have his passport you won’t get it!” He then tells her to stop threatening him and she is not going with them. That’s the part I get told...what really happened...she totally over ruled him and she ended up flying out and staying in a separate hotel(the bit I found out). He told me he “sorted” it but I knew what really happened!! Doesn’t make him look like he has a handle of things if he tells me that, which I appreciate but that little voice always makes you think it’s something worse and personal!
I never see his soft underbelly unless it’s a discussion about our status, he always softens as he doesn’t want me to go.
Sounds so similar to me!! Don’t think he trusts me with his feelings either a) because I broke up with him already and b) because his ex is always telling him how worthless he is!
Ah yes the over promising. I used to think he didn’t want to see me but a number of times she has blocked him by not telling him what time she’s dropping their son off so he waits in all day! He really needs to sort it out for himself and like you said I need to be patient. You just fall off the wagon at times right?
If you make it a black and white situation it’s easier, but the truth is, it’s not that simple!
And this...”he feared letting me down and of not being able to come through for me. ”
Always!! Always wants to appear in control and strong!!click to expand
Posted by OnTheVirgPosted by jeanePosted by OnTheVirgPosted by jeanePosted by OnTheVirgPosted by jeane
number of previous relationships?
early 30's. Only had 1 serious one and that was years back.
how many for him?
that is for him. mine was 2
has he had lots of flings?
my concern is he might not be ready for marriage and babies. he might be getting to the stage where he is thinking "i'm not ready for this. i want to play around a bit more."
i would just be careful. this is not the first time he is doing it and he is collecting attractive women on social media. he likely hasn't strayed and probably isn't even thinking about it but just really check with him that he is where you think he is in terms of where you guys are headed. he might say he is ready but you shouldn't just assume that because you are at the stage you are, he is automatically there with you.
that's not to say break up but be absolutely certain where his head and his little head are at.
he has before me, yes.
it's hard to determine because it is through his business account and not his personal. but then does that give the excuse that he can social media with people under the guise of his business as a cop out?
To your point, we haven't only talked about it, but he's shown me how serious he is about us...we hang out with family on the weekly. he's taken steps to build a future together. he has been trying to move in, but i wasn't ready and he was understanding about it. now this just pushed us back a bit more.
it's like everyone talks about not being able to handle long term relationships, but then at one point do you call it quits? how far is crossing the line too much? i've tried to rationalize it that he hasn't physically reached out to them. It's just difficult to shake out my mind.click to expand
Posted by OnTheVirgPosted by jeanePosted by OnTheVirgPosted by jeane
number of previous relationships?
early 30's. Only had 1 serious one and that was years back.
how many for him?
that is for him. mine was 2click to expand