The lunchtime calls actually weren’t typical for us, that’s new. But I am making myself less available. He really hasn’t had time to show me anything because, at this point, I won’t believe anything has changed. It’s barely been 3 weeks. I don’t think that’s long enough for any real change.
He did text me to tell me his dad is doing worse. I responded to that and just said I’m sorry to hear that. I’m not going to be a dick about his dad, given the gravity of that situation. I haven’t responded to any texts since then, but he still tries to start conversations.
Friday he snapped me and then called me later - on his lunch. We talked for a bit, then he told me they had a basketball game that night and he was stopping to get a bottle of something on his way home because of the snowstorm coming and said he wanted to be snowed in with me. I didn’t give him a straight answer and he said he would call me later. He did, we talked some more alike nothing had changed and then he asked if I was coming over. I hesitated but ultimately said no. We talked for a few more minutes and wrapped up the call.
No contact until today when he called me again on his lunch. BTW calling on lunch is atypical for him, but he’s been doing it the last week and a half or so. Today he started off by apologizing for asking me to come over Friday and he said he understood why I didn’t. Told me he doesn’t apologize often but I didn’t deserve for him to put me in that position. We talked for over an hour and he told me he loves me, he’s in love with me and he wants to love me. His dad has been sick, he found out Friday that he was in the hospital again. He claimed that was why he wanted me to come over, but he didn’t say that because he didn’t want me to come over out of pity. He said typically when he’s dealing with big stuff like that, he turns inward (which I have experienced with him before) but this time, he turned to me. He knew it wasn’t fair to ask me to be there for him.
So, essentially, nothing has changed situationally. He still needs to figure things out. Although right now it’s more life in general and not his sons mom. He has handled that and put some distance there because he said the only person benefiting from the prior arrangement was her.
This was the first time he told me he’s in love with me. I told him I love him too. He told me he misses me, I said I do too. But bottom line is he said he has to get himself together before he can love me the way I deserve to be loved. So that’s where we’re at. A lot was said today that needed to be. I’m not going to sit around and wait, but I’m not exactly ready to move on to someone else just yet either.
No exchange has happened yet. On Tuesday, he sent me a Snapchat video of his son singing & dancing in the back seat of the car. I was working, so I didn’t open it for about an hour and I didn’t respond.
A couple hours later, he called me. I almost didn’t answer, but ultimately did. He called me by my full name, told me he needed me to be his therapist and vented to me about his day at work, then threw in an inside joke and thanked me for listening. I didn’t engage much in the conversation because I was so confused as to why he even called. So, I’m taking a few days to get a little distance and then I’ll just drop his stuff off at his place over the weekend. No exchange, no warning. I don’t care enough about the plates.
Well here’s a new twist. I texted him this morning to exchange the stuff we’ve left at each other’s places. One of the things I have is a hoodie that his son gave him a few years ago and it’s sentimental to him. He had told me he eventually wanted it back months ago because it was from his son. I kinda just never remembered to give it back and it became a little bit of a joke between us.
Anyway I told him hey I have that hoodie and you have some of my plates etc. his response: “I’m barely surviving. And those plates are miiiiiiiine lol! Maybe I should just let you keep the sweatshirt lol”
What the hell is that? Now I honestly don’t really need my dishes and underwear back, but the hoodie was such a big deal. Why wouldn’t he want it back???
I’m going to just drop it off this week anyway but what the hell is that???
Agent P911, exactly what I needed. To clarify, the grey area is a teacher dating a parent. It’s not exactly welcomed, and my older daughter, who is a senior, wasn’t thrilled about it because of the gossip. I do 100% see what you’re saying and your point makes things much clearer now.
I will say, he was very up front about being a private person and taking things slow, so I was willing to overlook what I didn’t like because I felt like he was being honest. Hindsight. I was introduced to his friends and we did go out, just not often.
Tiziani I appreciate your perspective too. This may be a temporary situation where he has to get his thoughts and feelings together, but I’m not holding my breath.
Thank you Jeane. I think I needed to hear that I did the right thing. Honestly, whether we work it out or not, I want him to be happy. If that’s with his son’s mom then it is what it is and it’s better I know that now.
I need some insight and probably a blunt truth. I started seeing a Taurus man a little over a year ago. I was very clear with him from day one that I was only interested in something real and he said he was too. We took things very slow, as I’ve learned is the way with a Taurus.
We saw each other once or twice a week typically but most of the time we were spending time at his place. Part of the reason for not going out together much is because he is the high school basketball coach in our small town. One of my 2 high school age daughters is a cheerleader for the basketball team, and I’m very involved with sports boosters and things at school. We agreed that it was best to keep things private because of all the grey area there.
Things moved very slow with us and we never officially put a title on our relationship. He has 2 kids with 2 different women and has amicable relationships with both. I also have an amicable relationship with my ex husband/kids’ father so I didn’t have a problem with this. Until November.
In November, a picture was brought to my attention of him and his younger son’s mom at a party. They were standing next to each other, he had his arm around her shoulders and she was holding that hand. Now, part of me felt like it wasn’t a huge thing because I know they’re friendly and part of me felt like it crossed some boundaries. So I sent him the pic and asked about it. He had a very reasonable explanation that they are both friends with the hosts, didn’t know the other would be at the party and that she asked someone to take the pic.
But he had also previously told me that she still very much has feelings for him and brings up getting back together frequently. He said that he always tells her he doesn’t want that. So I told him that the pic looked like there was more to it than just running into each other at a party. He apologized and said he should have told me about it.
So things were fine after that for a while. He told me on thanksgiving that when he stopped by to see his son, they took a family pic together. I appreciated that he told me and we left it at that.
That brings us to yesterday. Another pic was brought to my attention. It happened to be the pic from thanksgiving. He’s sitting on the couch with his son on his lap on one side and her on the other. I was pissed. I sent it to him and basically told him I’m not interested in wasting my time if there’s somewhere else he’d rather be. I support him having good relationships with his kids’ moms, but this looks like more than that. And I said if you want me in your life, I’d also like to have good relationships with your kids’ moms. I also brought up my ex and how we get along but have boundaries, so a pic like that would never happen.
He called on his break at work to tell me this was the pic he told me about on thanksgiving. He also said he needed to think about some things and would call me later.
He called last night and told me he needs to take a step back from everything and figure his life out. He said up until that morning, he thought everything was going good between us and that he wants me. But he needs to figure out everything else. He said this isn’t what he wants. I asked if that meant we were done completely or if this was kind of on hold until he figures things out. He said he didn’t know. I asked if he wanted to be with his sons mom and he said he didn’t know. I asked what he wants from me and he didn’t know. He told me I’m everything he wants in a woman, but he needs to take a step back. He did share a lot with me that he’s never said before - to anyone. About how he wants to be more involved in his kids’ lives and he wants to change jobs and maybe quit coaching so he can watch his older son play basketball. I gave him my honest opinion about a few things. He told me he appreciates me and that means more to him than it maybe does for other people. He said he didn’t want to hurt me, he just needed to figure things out. I said I feel like I’m gonna get a call from you in 6 months and he said I’d hear from him before that but feel free to curse him out.
So I don’t know how to process this. Obviously we ended things and it hurts. This isn’t what I want. I respect that he needs to figure things out for himself and obviously if he still has feelings for his ex, I don’t want to be a second choice. I just don’t know if the things he said mean there’s any hope of him coming back to me or if I should just move on. I love him and want him in my life but I don’t want to feel like I’m convincing someone to want to be with me. Any Taurus’ out there willing to shed some light? I just don’t want to be naive and think there’s hope of this was just a nice way of saying it’s not you, it’s me. Help!