But I am mad. This week has been nothing but high school graduations and culminations so we have had a busy week. He just asked me should we take the kids away for the weekend and us having a date night tonight. Of course my initial is absolutely how fun and a date night?! That sounds amazing! I also go with the thought of, she is temporary, he is not taking her on a date night, again sex and what else do they really have.

And while I do think this is wonderful, I also think he will call her before we go. This is a mind fuck !

Posted by geminiflyby
Sorry, Gem - I hope you take some of the advice here. I left my cheating Scorp in similar fashion. The relationship is over so you have to plan your exit. Give him just enough affection to keep his attention off of you. Save your money, line up a place to live. Drop the fantasy that things will change. You actually have the upper hand because knowledge is power.

Thank you Gem! I reread this thread so many times as I can to keep the advice seeping through this brain of mine. As someone mentioned, it is a battle of heart and head. I want to believe this is a slip up of him just wanted new sex.

Your advice sounds VERY similar to my sisters. She said keep doing the same thing but understand it isnt what I think it is and keep saving my money. That he is there to be in our childrens lives everyday and I am a bonus piece to keep happy. He loves me but not like that and probably I do not like him like that either, I am just used to him. We actually got in a minor argument about that statement. She told me that we were never really compatible and while he is a great person, we would have been better just friends. That if I was to really think about things, I would know that maybe we did only get married because he felt like that was the obligatory thing to do. I don't see any of this yet and maybe this will come with time.

Posted by ATGR

Posted by thatlibralife

Posted by geminiwithataurusman

Posted by sweethearts
Wow, I don’t know how you do it but yes leave the phone alone now, it’s just pure torture for you.

Looks like you are happy enough to accept he has you and her and you can live your life that way as long as he comes home to you. ( makes me wonder if he leaves his phone around for you to read it... that way both you and his gf accept his double life ) 🤔

It does sound like he loves you both and he’s comfortable, very comfortable living with the best of both worlds.

The only thing I urge you to do is tuck away a little bit of cash just in case your world comes crashing down one day out of the blue. Just enough to set you and the kids up on your own into another place where you can breathe.

Thank you sweethearts. He doesn't know I have his code. So he leaves it thinking its "safe". Thank you for the advice about the saving some money. I did look at the phone and he made sure to "check in" with her everyday we were on our trip. UNBELIEVABLE. The last text I saw was him telling her this morning "The pictures I take with her is like standing next to my co worker, let me handle things over here, everything I tell you is everything that I am. You have me. Just handling this for a little more. I'm not building with you just because. I don't build with anyone for nothing."

This mofo still found time to check in every fucking day we were gone.

“Just handling this for a little more”...
This sounds like he’s getting ready to divorce you...or something else? It’s eerie how he’s sure to praise you to everyone looking but dogs you to her. He’s plotting...
You better wake up now before it’s too late...

Sounds like he’s maybe waiting until the kids are old enough so he doesn’t have to pay maintenance, for example.

click to expand

Thank you ATGR. "Waiting for the kids are old enough", my sister just recently said this "I do think he loves you but he is also waiting for the kids to get older so its less guilt maybe, you know him, he would never want to be without his children, since they were born, he has been with them everyday of their life, he is not going to miss out on that, being with his children every single day. Not him."

That to me seems like yes he is onl here for the kids, fuck me! But again I have known him since we were kids so I do know that he loves me and cares, thats what is messing me up but this woman he fucking can't stop talking to!

Posted by sweethearts
And yeah, with Jeane here. Not entirely convinced he wants out as it seems he wants to keep you both. (From what you say) His exciting sex life and stolen moments and his happy family life with wife and kids and family.

You, however, if you choose to stay. Ensure you’re protected.

Thank you again sweethearts. I want him to have just as much as he has for her. It seems like he is addicted to her or something! I want our family life with our children and I want him to love me.

Posted by sweethearts
Hmmm 🤔 my gut instinct to him getting you to “look for a house” is to move you from the family home so you and the kids will be sorted and out and that no longer ties him to the marital home.

Is he talking down sizing and/or looking in a different area?

Not sure he’d totally dupe you and the law won’t allow it, however, the law will freeze assets ie: property, bank accounts etc should there be a separation and especially if it’s nasty. This is why you need some money aside.. just in case.

There are two sides to any split, the Head & the Heart. Time to start thinking with the Head!
Your heart will only lead you to more misery and paralysed you!

Thank you sweethearts. Technically our home is his house only. He acquired this house before we got married from his late aunt. We have no communal property. We are looking in a different area. Yes my sister advices holing on to save.

Posted by jeane

Posted by geminiwithataurusman

Posted by jeane

Posted by sweethearts
Wow, I don’t know how you do it but yes leave the phone alone now, it’s just pure torture for you.

Looks like you are happy enough to accept he has you and her and you can live your life that way as long as he comes home to you. ( makes me wonder if he leaves his phone around for you to read it... that way both you and his gf accept his double life ) 🤔

It does sound like he loves you both and he’s comfortable, very comfortable living with the best of both worlds.

The only thing I urge you to do is tuck away a little bit of cash just in case your world comes crashing down one day out of the blue. Just enough to set you and the kids up on your own into another place where you can breathe.

i think this is the best advice.

you're happy with him, despite the existence of other woman. i say accept her presence and enjoy your life with him. i think you get a lot from this relationship. embrace it and try to put her out of your mind. often the little lies we tell ourselves get us through the day. maybe just accept that her being in his life is the price you have to pay to be with him.

but do put some cash away! you don't want the rug puled out from under you once those kids are grown.

Hello jeane. Thank you again for your advice! I read your posts often to get myself in line. I just want him with me jeane. I do not accept this woman and I keep thinking she will go. Stupid of me to think throughout our whole trip he didn't contact her, but he did, every single damn day! Not big conversations but text like "hey baby just checking in how are you" " hey beautiful I love you more than you could ever love me" "I don't give myself or my love openly and you have all of it" I am DISGUSTED! He told her this morning that pictures with me is like standing next to his co worker. Kissing, touching, displays of affection photos is like standing to his co worker???" What kind of co worker do you have if you are saying I am like your co worker with those types of photos?? Is this a play on words??? "You have me and I am just handling this for a little more, I am not building with you just because, I don't build with anyone."

I just want him to tell me its over if that is HOW HE FEELS!!!!!!! But I know I also need to say something. I really did think this week alone and away meant something.

but we've been here before. you thought that his time with you over mother's day meant that he hadn't contacted her but he had.

to throw the cat amongst the pigeons...it's quite possible that he is lying to her too. handling what a bit longer? from what you have described you aren't holding him ransom in this marriage nor does he have to placate you to stop you from doing your worst. if anything, this entire thread shows that you are not that kind of woman.

so my sense is that he is playing the both of you and will keep this going for as long as you both allow him to.

i know you go through these short bursts of anger but then calm down and talk yourself round. i'm not judging you for that by the way, i think we all do the best we can to get through the day. what works for one is not going to work for all.

i know you just want him with you. the sad fact is that i don't think that's a realistic possibility. if it's not this other woman, it will be someone else. from what you have said, he checked out being only with you a long time ago.

from what i can see you can either share him (and close your eyes to it in order to maintain the loving relationship you feel you have ie family bbqs, loving photos on facebook, gifts and weekends away) or you kick off and kick him out. the former is the closest to what you want. you have to decide is it worth the price you have to pay (his affection being elsewhere) to have it.

to be fair, for 3 years you didn't have an inkling this was going on. even over your birthday, he kept it well hidden from you. you're not the first woman in history whose husband kept a part of his life secret from her. you won't be the last.

ultimately the question is, can you close your eyes to it?

click to expand

Thank you jeane. You mentioned something, if its not you its someone else. Years ago, early in our marriage, I found out he was seeing someone, but it was nothing like this. The woman I found out about before in our early days was a purely sexual thing and definitely was for a couple of months if that, she also was seeing other people, etc..that was one of our tests to me and we succeeded over that hump. But this, I'm just amazed and pissed by. I feel like he is addicted to her and its disgusting to me. You can't even for a fucking day not talk to her??????????? to me that is addiction.

She has been giving him hell for my birthday week vacation too. His texts is everything of explaining to her, and telling her he loves her.

I do not want to share him, I just wanted him to want us and our family. I had finally disclosed what was going on to my sister and she advised to stick it out before I leave and save more because while I have a little money in the bank from my own job, it won't be enough to sustain me. We do not have a home with both of our names, our house was gifted to him before we were married by his late aunt. And some other financial things that we aren't connected in marriage by, he has always handled all financial matters.

Yes, I do love family bbqs, loving photos on facebook, gifts and weekends away, I think these memories made is everything! I thought he felt the same.

Posted by bmoon8

Posted by geminiwithataurusman

Posted by bmoon8"The pictures I take with her is like standing next to my co worker, let me handle things over here, everything I tell you is everything that I am. You have me. Just handling this for a little more. I'm not building with you just because. I don't build with anyone for nothing."
😳

Does this not tell you everything you need to know? Good lord.

Hello bmoon8. Thank you as I appreciate your approach. I actually don't get the play on words here. Its like standing next to your co worker? Where does the co worker come in? And kissing, holding me, affectionate moments is like standing next to your co worker????? I DONT FUCKING GET IT.

But we just talked about buying a damn house!

You do? I think I finally succeeded in my goal with this thread. Now use that anger to fuel your actions to getting the hell out of this mess before he leaves you high and dry.

He’s just playing you like some fool and placating you until he leaves.

click to expand

Thank you bmoon8.

Posted by MareInfame

Posted by geminiwithataurusman

Posted by MareInfame

Posted by geminiwithataurusman

Posted by sweethearts
Wow, I don’t know how you do it but yes leave the phone alone now, it’s just pure torture for you.

Looks like you are happy enough to accept he has you and her and you can live your life that way as long as he comes home to you. ( makes me wonder if he leaves his phone around for you to read it... that way both you and his gf accept his double life ) 🤔

It does sound like he loves you both and he’s comfortable, very comfortable living with the best of both worlds.

The only thing I urge you to do is tuck away a little bit of cash just in case your world comes crashing down one day out of the blue. Just enough to set you and the kids up on your own into another place where you can breathe.

Thank you sweethearts. He doesn't know I have his code. So he leaves it thinking its "safe". Thank you for the advice about the saving some money. I did look at the phone and he made sure to "check in" with her everyday we were on our trip. UNBELIEVABLE. The last text I saw was him telling her this morning "The pictures I take with her is like standing next to my co worker, let me handle things over here, everything I tell you is everything that I am. You have me. Just handling this for a little more. I'm not building with you just because. I don't build with anyone for nothing."

This mofo still found time to check in every fucking day we were gone.

Wow. He is trying to trick you, what a bastard! I told you to save your money.

He is worse than I thought. I thought he was a polygamist… but he not. He’s a con-artist… and he is planning to con YOU.

Save Your money and get yourself a LAWYER!!!! WAKE UP!!!

She asked him what did he mean and he told her he is playing his supporting role and don't discredit the building they are doing.

what fucking building

BTW… I’m glad you are finally getting mad. It will help you get the drive you need to protect yourself.

I’m sorry I was so impatient with your optimism and what I see as delusions. It’s just that all this is so time sensitive. The sooner you SEE the better your outcome will be…

click to expand

I am beyond upset

Posted by thatlibralife

Posted by geminiwithataurusman

Posted by thatlibralife

Posted by geminiwithataurusman

Posted by sweethearts
Wow, I don’t know how you do it but yes leave the phone alone now, it’s just pure torture for you.

Looks like you are happy enough to accept he has you and her and you can live your life that way as long as he comes home to you. ( makes me wonder if he leaves his phone around for you to read it... that way both you and his gf accept his double life ) 🤔

It does sound like he loves you both and he’s comfortable, very comfortable living with the best of both worlds.

The only thing I urge you to do is tuck away a little bit of cash just in case your world comes crashing down one day out of the blue. Just enough to set you and the kids up on your own into another place where you can breathe.

Thank you sweethearts. He doesn't know I have his code. So he leaves it thinking its "safe". Thank you for the advice about the saving some money. I did look at the phone and he made sure to "check in" with her everyday we were on our trip. UNBELIEVABLE. The last text I saw was him telling her this morning "The pictures I take with her is like standing next to my co worker, let me handle things over here, everything I tell you is everything that I am. You have me. Just handling this for a little more. I'm not building with you just because. I don't build with anyone for nothing."

This mofo still found time to check in every fucking day we were gone.

“Just handling this for a little more”...
This sounds like he’s getting ready to divorce you...or something else? It’s eerie how he’s sure to praise you to everyone looking but dogs you to her. He’s plotting...
You better wake up now before it’s too late...

SHE ASKED THE SAME THING- "WHAT DOES HANDLING IT FOR A LITTLE MORE MEAN?" I'm looking at the fucking phone while he sleeps. She asked him that and he said "Playing the supporting role"

He praises me in front of everyone. EVERYONE. OUR FAMILY. FRIENDS. OUR CHILDREN. EVERYONE.

Yeah he’s up to something for sure.
I’d be wary. Please take care of yourself. This guy really is a con whether you’d like to believe it or not. Don’t rationalize his behavior away. At the very least it’s clear from that text he’s eventually planning to leave.

click to expand

Thank you thatlibralife.

Posted by MareInfame

Posted by geminiwithataurusman

Posted by sweethearts
Wow, I don’t know how you do it but yes leave the phone alone now, it’s just pure torture for you.

Looks like you are happy enough to accept he has you and her and you can live your life that way as long as he comes home to you. ( makes me wonder if he leaves his phone around for you to read it... that way both you and his gf accept his double life ) 🤔

It does sound like he loves you both and he’s comfortable, very comfortable living with the best of both worlds.

The only thing I urge you to do is tuck away a little bit of cash just in case your world comes crashing down one day out of the blue. Just enough to set you and the kids up on your own into another place where you can breathe.

Thank you sweethearts. He doesn't know I have his code. So he leaves it thinking its "safe". Thank you for the advice about the saving some money. I did look at the phone and he made sure to "check in" with her everyday we were on our trip. UNBELIEVABLE. The last text I saw was him telling her this morning "The pictures I take with her is like standing next to my co worker, let me handle things over here, everything I tell you is everything that I am. You have me. Just handling this for a little more. I'm not building with you just because. I don't build with anyone for nothing."

This mofo still found time to check in every fucking day we were gone.

Wow. He is trying to trick you, what a bastard! I told you to save your money.

He is worse than I thought. I thought he was a polygamist… but he not. He’s a con-artist… and he is planning to con YOU.

Save Your money and get yourself a LAWYER!!!! WAKE UP!!!

click to expand

She asked him what did he mean and he told her he is playing his supporting role and don't discredit the building they are doing.

what fucking building

Posted by MareInfame

Posted by geminiwithataurusman

Posted by sweethearts
Wow, I don’t know how you do it but yes leave the phone alone now, it’s just pure torture for you.

Looks like you are happy enough to accept he has you and her and you can live your life that way as long as he comes home to you. ( makes me wonder if he leaves his phone around for you to read it... that way both you and his gf accept his double life ) 🤔

It does sound like he loves you both and he’s comfortable, very comfortable living with the best of both worlds.

The only thing I urge you to do is tuck away a little bit of cash just in case your world comes crashing down one day out of the blue. Just enough to set you and the kids up on your own into another place where you can breathe.

Thank you sweethearts. He doesn't know I have his code. So he leaves it thinking its "safe". Thank you for the advice about the saving some money. I did look at the phone and he made sure to "check in" with her everyday we were on our trip. UNBELIEVABLE. The last text I saw was him telling her this morning "The pictures I take with her is like standing next to my co worker, let me handle things over here, everything I tell you is everything that I am. You have me. Just handling this for a little more. I'm not building with you just because. I don't build with anyone for nothing."

This mofo still found time to check in every fucking day we were gone.

Wow. He is trying to trick you, what a bastard! I told you to save your money.

He is worse than I thought. I thought he was a polygamist… but he not. He’s a con-artist… and he is planning to con YOU.

Save Your money and get yourself a LAWYER!!!! WAKE UP!!!

click to expand

She asked him what did he mean and he told her he is playing his supporting role and don't discredit the building they are doing.

what fucking building

Posted by thatlibralife

Posted by geminiwithataurusman

Posted by sweethearts
Wow, I don’t know how you do it but yes leave the phone alone now, it’s just pure torture for you.

Looks like you are happy enough to accept he has you and her and you can live your life that way as long as he comes home to you. ( makes me wonder if he leaves his phone around for you to read it... that way both you and his gf accept his double life ) 🤔

It does sound like he loves you both and he’s comfortable, very comfortable living with the best of both worlds.

The only thing I urge you to do is tuck away a little bit of cash just in case your world comes crashing down one day out of the blue. Just enough to set you and the kids up on your own into another place where you can breathe.

Thank you sweethearts. He doesn't know I have his code. So he leaves it thinking its "safe". Thank you for the advice about the saving some money. I did look at the phone and he made sure to "check in" with her everyday we were on our trip. UNBELIEVABLE. The last text I saw was him telling her this morning "The pictures I take with her is like standing next to my co worker, let me handle things over here, everything I tell you is everything that I am. You have me. Just handling this for a little more. I'm not building with you just because. I don't build with anyone for nothing."

This mofo still found time to check in every fucking day we were gone.

“Just handling this for a little more”...
This sounds like he’s getting ready to divorce you...or something else? It’s eerie how he’s sure to praise you to everyone looking but dogs you to her. He’s plotting...
You better wake up now before it’s too late...

click to expand

SHE ASKED THE SAME THING- "WHAT DOES HANDLING IT FOR A LITTLE MORE MEAN?" I'm looking at the fucking phone while he sleeps. She asked him that and he said "Playing the supporting role"

He praises me in front of everyone. EVERYONE. OUR FAMILY. FRIENDS. OUR CHILDREN. EVERYONE.

Posted by MareInfame

Posted by geminiwithataurusman

Posted by bmoon8"The pictures I take with her is like standing next to my co worker, let me handle things over here, everything I tell you is everything that I am. You have me. Just handling this for a little more. I'm not building with you just because. I don't build with anyone for nothing."
😳

Does this not tell you everything you need to know? Good lord.

Hello bmoon8. Thank you as I appreciate your approach. I actually don't get the play on words here. Its like standing next to your co worker? Where does the co worker come in? And kissing, holding me, affectionate moments is like standing next to your co worker????? I DONT FUCKING GET IT.

But we just talked about buying a damn house!

Did he bring up the house out of the blue?

That was below the belt. He seems to have split personalities. No limit to his lies.

click to expand

We had talked about it last year, and he brought it up on our trip. TELLING ME I SHOULD LOOK FOR HOUSES FOR OUR FAMILY AND SO WILL HE.

Posted by bmoon8"The pictures I take with her is like standing next to my co worker, let me handle things over here, everything I tell you is everything that I am. You have me. Just handling this for a little more. I'm not building with you just because. I don't build with anyone for nothing."
😳

Does this not tell you everything you need to know? Good lord.

Hello bmoon8. Thank you as I appreciate your approach. I actually don't get the play on words here. Its like standing next to your co worker? Where does the co worker come in? And kissing, holding me, affectionate moments is like standing next to your co worker????? I DONT FUCKING GET IT.

But we just talked about buying a damn house!

Posted by xiongmao

Posted by geminiwithataurusman

Posted by xiongmao

Posted by geminiwithataurusman

Posted by Truemara
Embrace your current life. It will continue with both

Thank you for your response Truemara. Both me and that woman? I know this may mean nothing but he really was focused on me for this trip. Of course I think, this is his way of relinquishing that woman, and holding on to what he knows he really wants and that is me and our family.

Why would he relinquish? He’s getting best of both worlds.

Thank you xiongmao. Deep down, I'm thinking he will realize he wants our world. To be honest, I can take this answer vs the fake love. In this, I can understand he loves me and he may have some type of feelings for that woman but nothing sustainable vs. thinking he is faking with me.

Well, until he has to choose between the two worlds, that realization is probably not likely to happen. It's like...if I can have both chocolate and ice cream, I'm gonna choose both and not think about which one I like more, if that makes sense.

click to expand

Thank you xiongmao .

Posted by jeane

Posted by sweethearts
Wow, I don’t know how you do it but yes leave the phone alone now, it’s just pure torture for you.

Looks like you are happy enough to accept he has you and her and you can live your life that way as long as he comes home to you. ( makes me wonder if he leaves his phone around for you to read it... that way both you and his gf accept his double life ) 🤔

It does sound like he loves you both and he’s comfortable, very comfortable living with the best of both worlds.

The only thing I urge you to do is tuck away a little bit of cash just in case your world comes crashing down one day out of the blue. Just enough to set you and the kids up on your own into another place where you can breathe.

i think this is the best advice.

you're happy with him, despite the existence of other woman. i say accept her presence and enjoy your life with him. i think you get a lot from this relationship. embrace it and try to put her out of your mind. often the little lies we tell ourselves get us through the day. maybe just accept that her being in his life is the price you have to pay to be with him.

but do put some cash away! you don't want the rug puled out from under you once those kids are grown.

click to expand

Hello jeane. Thank you again for your advice! I read your posts often to get myself in line. I just want him with me jeane. I do not accept this woman and I keep thinking she will go. Stupid of me to think throughout our whole trip he didn't contact her, but he did, every single damn day! Not big conversations but text like "hey baby just checking in how are you" " hey beautiful I love you more than you could ever love me" "I don't give myself or my love openly and you have all of it" I am DISGUSTED! He told her this morning that pictures with me is like standing next to his co worker. Kissing, touching, displays of affection photos is like standing to his co worker???" What kind of co worker do you have if you are saying I am like your co worker with those types of photos?? Is this a play on words??? "You have me and I am just handling this for a little more, I am not building with you just because, I don't build with anyone."

I just want him to tell me its over if that is HOW HE FEELS!!!!!!! But I know I also need to say something. I really did think this week alone and away meant something.

Posted by Truemara
Is he purposely leaving it out so you find out and puts him in a place we’re you be breaking up instead of him? Seems to convenient to leave evidence behind.Taurus don’t like to get dirty.

Thank you Truemara. He doesnt know I have his code. He has always left it around me but of course this year I found out his phone code. Taurus doesn't like to get dirty?

Posted by sweethearts
Wow, I don’t know how you do it but yes leave the phone alone now, it’s just pure torture for you.

Looks like you are happy enough to accept he has you and her and you can live your life that way as long as he comes home to you. ( makes me wonder if he leaves his phone around for you to read it... that way both you and his gf accept his double life ) 🤔

It does sound like he loves you both and he’s comfortable, very comfortable living with the best of both worlds.

The only thing I urge you to do is tuck away a little bit of cash just in case your world comes crashing down one day out of the blue. Just enough to set you and the kids up on your own into another place where you can breathe.

Thank you sweethearts. He doesn't know I have his code. So he leaves it thinking its "safe". Thank you for the advice about the saving some money. I did look at the phone and he made sure to "check in" with her everyday we were on our trip. UNBELIEVABLE. The last text I saw was him telling her this morning "The pictures I take with her is like standing next to my co worker, let me handle things over here, everything I tell you is everything that I am. You have me. Just handling this for a little more. I'm not building with you just because. I don't build with anyone for nothing."

This mofo still found time to check in every fucking day we were gone.

He always leaves his phone here in the office when he is rummaging about and it takes restraint to not look in it. But after this past week, I feel a shift.

Posted by xiongmao

Posted by geminiwithataurusman

Posted by Truemara
Embrace your current life. It will continue with both

Thank you for your response Truemara. Both me and that woman? I know this may mean nothing but he really was focused on me for this trip. Of course I think, this is his way of relinquishing that woman, and holding on to what he knows he really wants and that is me and our family.

Why would he relinquish? He’s getting best of both worlds.

click to expand

Thank you xiongmao. Deep down, I'm thinking he will realize he wants our world. To be honest, I can take this answer vs the fake love. In this, I can understand he loves me and he may have some type of feelings for that woman but nothing sustainable vs. thinking he is faking with me.