Also being friends only works after a good long break, there's always one that wants more.

Clean break, not an easy ask but far better for you in the long run.

You know it takes 30 days to break a habit, any habit...you get past those 30 days and you are on your road to recovery.

Good luck

We are all bought up on fairy tales, it use to be boy meets girl boy rescues girl and they live happily ever after...even the fairy tales have changed somewhat...now it seems to be boy and girl meet, they don't hit it off they have a love hate relationship, problems and then they work things our and get together living happily ever after.

Personally, I think a lot of people expect to be swept off their feet or to fall in love at first sight or liken romance to movies. As we are what we eat, some of us are what we watch!

Gucci Guilty is devine!! And I picked up a cheap bottle of David Beckhams, The Essence which is beautiful and light for daytime

I know you hate this saying SL but I believe it holds a lot of value...Why buy the cow if the milk comes free? If you move in with a guy and give him everything a marriage has to offer without the contract then why would he take it to the next step..unless that is what he originally wants himself without pressure from the other party. This could be the other way around but it is generally the woman that wants marriage.

Maybe if it's marriage people want, then they need to find out what the person also wants before spending too much time and effort on them. You can find out their values easy enough by asking straight up what they want out of life without making them feel like they have to ask you right there and then.

But evidently you have to date the same type because trying to change someone isn't going to work and there are a lot of people these days that really aren't interested in getting married period!

Delete his number and any contact you have of him that can make it easy when you are weak. If he sends any message delete or straight away and try not to read it.

But that's only as Theultra says...is this a permanent thing or just a means to wake him up and try and get him back??

Posted by P-Angel
Being insecure isn't something someone else can do to you. Him cheating didn't cause you to be insecure .. you're own emotional weakness causes you to be insecure.


he was the effec, not the cause


The longer you wallow in your self pity, the longer you'll convince yourself that you have no duty in healing from the emotional injury, which will result in your own lonliness.


I'm sure him cheating hurt your heart ... but YOU are the one who continues to hurt it by claiming that he was worth you to hold onto it .. why the fuck would you give a cheater so much credit that they deserve to own your heart like that?


Bull-fucking-shit ... if you actually want to a strong and confident woman then YOU will take charge of yourself.

@ P that was insightful, I wouldn't have thought of it in this way and it helps with old wounds. Thanks

You have to take into account how someone is raised

Everybody's parents/guardians don't raise them to be 100% for commitment or marriage

Then you have to take into account how them witnessing failed marriages, failed relationships or seeing staggering marriage/divorce statistics have affected their mentality about committment/marriage

There's so much that goes into it that shapes someone's fundamental ideals about commitment/marriage: media, personal experience (some have already went that route before they met you & b/c it failed or wasn't as fulfilling as they thought, decided not to believe in it anymore), what they've been taught by their peers, what they've been taught by their guardians, maturity/age level, etc.

^^^^ This..reading this and thinking about it. My mother has done exactly what I have replicated. One dad 4 children and one long term live in partner, no marriage.

Although one of my brothers won't marry, he has been with his gf for 15 years and they have one child. The other two are in marriages and still together after numerous years and children.

@Capgirl. Don't they now live in a de-facto relationship which means unless there is a pre-nup he is already entitled to 50% of everything! Works that way in this country and my homeland whether its a gay or hetro relationship.

Yes to a lot of what you are saying, I knew I wanted out of my marriage approx 8 years before I ended it. I knew I wasn't in love with this man anymore...another 6 years go by confirming all that I thought I knew another year before telling him and another to finally leave. For all sorts of reasons, timing, children, business excuses. The Failure of the marriage even after it was said and done legally stayed with me for 6 more years before I could even move on.

I honestly don't have that commitment with this new relationship, I know I could walk if it wasn't right for me anymore. Maybe because we aren't legally bound is the reason why...

Do you know that it was so easy to get married in the first place, we didn't have a big wedding we went to the local courts and eloped but it was a small fee and a few words and signatures and it was all done. My surname changed overnight.

To end it took 6 long months, 2 solicitors trying to get us fighting and even today after 8 years I still carry his name on some legal documents. I couldn't get my maiden name back for more than 2 years with bank account, licences etc until we were 2 years separated and could obtain a divorce!! I know it's different in the US and quicker but I was stuck with an identity I didn't want! Definitely harder for woman, luckily I had hyphenated my surname with his because that was the only reason I could use it with some documents!

Now I know people don't realise a lot of this until they go through it and that is not the reason others won't commit legally but I've seen the light!

I was married for 19 years, had 3 children. We got married when our eldest was 8 months and we knew we were going to have more children so decided to marry.

I always knew that I would get married to the father of my children and I always knew there would only be one that would father children with me.

I have no intention of ever marrying again, I am in a committed relationship and we live together but I won't remarry. We won't have any biological children together although now we have 5.

What I am trying to get at is...I think each person knows within themselves whether they are open to married or just long term committed relationships, as you say for you it is a natural progression as it was for me the first time around but the next time it's not what I want.

My ex on the other hand is a marrier..he took a long time to get over ours and hardly dated until he met his second wife.

Took a day off with my man and did some retail therapy and had a nice lunch. Also took a chillax pill and decided not to stress Thanks

Look at the amount of Scorp in your chart!! No wonder you are confused! I know nothing about charts sorry but I'm sure Elle or a few others will help you with that one!

Had a huge day at my place, 19 people and some staying. Too much to drink and too much to eat and hot!! 30+ degrees in the shade. It's been going on for a week solid now and I can't relax...2 step children that want to do something every day and my 2 children plus 3 dogs..

Last night I hid in my room and this morning I'm growling because of all the mess and washing!

Need to learn how to chill out but at the moment everything is annoying me!

Perhaps I should run away for a day on my own, I spend a lot of alone time normally so think this will solve it...

It's officially 9.21am 21st Dec Australia and 12.21pm 21st Dec in New Zealand. We are all still here

In-laws...I always refer to them as outlaws! Who knows why they do what they do...whether to upset you or because they are oblivious to your feelings...all I've learnt is is better to turn a blind eye.

My sis in law will not under any circumstances come to my home, Christmas this year is at mine and even though she's invited she won't come and my brother , niece and nephew miss out as well...we'll have fun though

Unfortunately that is the damage done when we cross those lines...with men and woman there always seems to be one that feels more than the other.

Give him time, it'll probably take till he finds someone else to love...then there are other issue

Sorry about my bluntness, got up too early this morning!

As a Libra we look at both sides of the coin...you are purely looking at yours only. He's the hurt one, so leave him alone to heal. If he comes back on his own all good but you have no say in whether he does or how he deals with it...so simply let go and don't act like you are the injured one.

And you show too much emotion for someone that has none. Leave the dude alone and you'll be forgotten quickly.

Oh and this is what happens when you ruin a friendship for selfish reasons!

Give the guy some space! You don't want him but yet you feel you need him to be your friend and at your beck and call still?? Why does it matter so much to you anyway??

You made the choice to end it, live with the consequence of his decisions which obviously don't include you at all at this point!

Now if the pics had every other family member except you, there might be just course to be upset, However, this isn't the case...

Over reacting... why do you really feel hurt by this?