I understand what you are saying sheath about having a mediator because you can never be sure with lawyers. My ex and I were pretty much agreeable on everything with out settlement and both our lawyers were trying to make us fight over every little thing. It took 6 long months and the lawyers putting the dig in on both ends, especially with me, saying he owed me this and that. Spousal maintenance, child support, lose of earnings blah blah blah which I wavered and then they wanted everything valued up to the last cents which we had also decided we weren't going to do.

The longer they drag it out the more money they make!! Criminal really!

The pre-nup alone has been quoted at $ 3000 and then there is additional for his independent advice! Highway robbery!!

The mind was boggling...

thought "fuck the w???? lol

FTW???

woman in general know how to get what they want...manipulation.... I like to think of it more like being the neck that turns the head

Don't you believe that for one second!!

Posted by jru2


Anyways, I'm trying to be straight up with the girl I'm with now. I've already ruined a couple of evenings talking about how someday we might have to experiment with other people. She don't like the idea, but at the same time, I totally see her as being like I get a few years into a relationship ... a little bored, maybe feeling neglected, and bam ... a wonderful op presents itself! I don't think she will be able to resist any more than I, so why don't we just be upfront about it and give each other a pass? Then at least we know that no one is sneaking around on the other lying. For me, that's just the easiest way for me to trust her ... she has the freedom to do whatever the hell she wants, so why wouldn't she always be honest with me about it? Of course, I would expect to be able to enjoy the same freedoms from time to time.

You can't change the way someone feels just because you want them to be this way, you say you've already ruined a couple of evenings suggesting your relationship takes this route. Obviously this girl you are with prefers a monogamous relationship!

I myself prefer to be monogamous and if my partner suggested this to me, I would naturally become suspicious and jealous that it was already happening or that he had someone already lined up to do the wild thing with. Think you may have already caused irreversible damage to your relationship with this chick!

You are better off finding someone that already shares your view and checking it before you enter a relationship because it's not for many woman.!

So I have started the process of a pre-nup...feels morbid already, maybe because it reminds me of the 6 month long legals of my split and property settlement first time around...

Made up my mind after talking with my mum and although she is happy for us taking the steps of moving in together she also cautioned me on keeping my head on straight and thinking more from a business perspective.

He's totally fine with it all and I guess once it is all drawn up and files we can move forward without giving it much thought.

Play it cool...wait for her to ask you out. If she is asking you out in a group, throw back in her face her comment of being led on...

Posted by sweethearts
Well it depends what you want from her??


Dropping her like a hotcake can reverse things IF she has had any thoughts of something other with you. You were the one that first initiated contact several times. After she told you to back off, was she the one to initiate contact again to keep you falling all over her? If so, fall over someone else in front of her and be blas? with her and her texts etc. This could promote a 360 on her part...and if it doesn't you haven't lost anything.

But one things for sure, we don't like losing our admirers. Makes us feel special!

This ^^^^

How embarrassing for her! Hope she apologises for him, a good friend would.

You know she may be a little jealous of you herself, which is where he has come off as trying to pay you out...ever thought of that?

Some people are just plain rude!!! Never met anyone like that, he seems to have tall poppy syndrome. Hope your bff puts him in his place or loses him...

curious why you have not met him before if they have been together 8 months and she is your bff? And why is he commenting on your body parts, my bf would have knocked him out after the first warning!

No, thanks, it's good to get stories.

We are both in our 2nd relationship...no more children, we have 5 between us. When he left his ex wife he left without taking a thing of the 11 years that they built up together which gives me the impression that he isn't at all the type to take. Their split was awful as she cheated and moved the new guy in within a month and still he didn't get nasty.

Is this over shadowing my thoughts as I feel in my gut that I trust him completely. He was the one that suggested I get a pre-nup for my own peace of mind...

Sorry to hear this is happening again Sid when you were seemingly happy.

I think you need to search deep within yourself this time not just for you, who is falling apart over this situation but for your children that will be feeling like a yoyo in it all. They will not get off unscathed now or in the future with your indecision. It is something that is important enough that you have to make it once and for all and stick to it without waivering.

It might be the hardest thing you have had to do but you have done it once before and you were doing ok and you will find that peace again.

You are too good of a person to have to put yourself through this with someone that doesn't appreciate your worth and with that she is taking away your own confidence in yourself. This in itself is causing more personal damage to you, something you have been working so hard on!

People don't change Sid unless they want to change for themselves, you can't please her because she isn't happy with herself so she is finding fault in you.

Step out of the picture, look at this story as if it were another thread in here and you write your evaluation of the situation. I know what you would be telling this person to do...

What is your take on it? One party has substantial property interests and the other has virtually nothing.

Is it admitting defeat of the relationship before it has even begun? Or is it wiser to think ahead and protect your interests?

I whined with them as they are like that in their own homes (untidy) and they were visiting from overseas so I had to have some sort of patience with their short stay. Anyone else that doesn't abide by my rules in my home gets thrown out after a few warnings, like my daughter and her bf.

You yourself are whining quite a lot because you have plenty of people around you that you are hitting up for exactly what you are doing...Pot calling the kettle black, is that a Gem trait?

Thanks Chem

You've taken that out of context...or I should have added a comma in...

When I cleared up the matter and told him that I didn't have a problem with him having a night out after a long working week or whenever he felt the need,

he explained that he was NEVER allowed to do this with his ex!!!! All hell broke loose if he did.

Is Sid the only male that understands anything +1

Yes I have bouts of whining, like recently I have been a lot because of how I have been feeling and what I have been going through.

i.e.:

I haven't been feeling the best emotionally and last week my brother and family of 6 came to stay, would've been great but even after me asking they proceeded to never clean up after themselves or rather in their own time at the end of the day. I don't live like that and so would clean up which annoyed me and yes I whined to my other sis-in-law.

I think he whining comes more when you are dealing with other issues and when things aren't as perfect as we Leebs like them. But yeah everyone whines, my mamma is a Scorp and she whines constantly, my step dad a Leeb and he does too and I could continue on through every sign...

^^^^^ Haha I get that!

I have people around all the time which is great when they are there but I really do enjoy being on my own. There are too many things that need to be done and I can't think with people around. I have to have time so that I can sort everything out first and then I'm happier once I know everything it sorted and I don;t have anything to do cos then I can focus on giving my undivided attention to however has popped by

Posted by Galileia428
That's easy..they don't. They'd rather pretend like nothing is ever wrong.

Yes I get that...and now that it is all said and done nothing really is wrong! Nothing that I needed to worry about anywho...it was all to do with him and putting his feelings in place and to bed.

I just got all tied up and anxious making it about me, which is how I felt. The perfect solution would've been if he took me aside and said "look I need a few days maybe a week or more to sort through my feelings" instead he disappeared. I would've felt a lot easier but I guarantee I still would've felt some anxiety.

Relationships are hard work and never perfect and you can see around the threads how easily people make constant mistakes that cause an end to theirs possibly prematurely.

These boards are great to get other ideas and opinions that can make you stop and think before you act, they help but you have to be open to the negative as well as the positive comments.

My man apologised for the way he treated me and didn't consult me of his intentions but he was carried away with his own turmoil to be thinking about what he was causing me to go through and he didn't have a plan per-say, he just needed to sit in his cave.