I find that I cant look into a guys eyes that I like...but dont have a problem smiling and looking at strangers in the eyes...

Probably why they approach me...something else I should teach myself to do, stare that pisces out!

The Supermarket...in my experience

Crazy how many guys will approach you at the supermarket... direct too!!! i must look real domestic! lol

What are some of the strange places you have had guys come up to you?

Lol at Hairitic!!!

I'm out too, have tried a few times and only met nutters... well I didnt even get to meet them before I worked it out! Even people I've known from the past or guys that I know that try it on FB...same deal...strange!

Everyone should try there own thing out though, just my 2 cents worth.

Posted by Nefer
sweets is going to be fine, despite our best efforts to make her head implode lol

!

And that is exactly where I'm at...a true to form Libran that can see the wisdom in what you are ALL are saying...

Gona take a queue out of a male book and go sit on my rock and ponder...

thanks so much all of you, you are exactly what this girl needs to sort out herself

I have to ask here then Tik...

Firstly i understand what you are saying about guys that really want you so they do make the moves...but is that the only way, I'm sure alot miss on hesitation and their own insecurities. My husband and I were together 20 years but nothing would have happened unless I asked him out...

I meet a lot of people through friends and the gym, alot of guys flirt with me but not very many throw it all in these days...perhaps it is because I have that defensive sheild up...maybe it's just the world and the way it is these days.

I'm thinking give him the green light enough to show him I'm interested...if he doesnt respond I'm not going to throw myself at him... but we have bought ourselves to this point by the past things that has happened between us...yes it started off wrong. I cant even tell you that I'm sure he is even interested.

I just think it's worth a shot to find out dont you?

I dont think it will break me if he rejects my advance of spending alone time together on a date but I wont carry around this nagging "What if" and I can move along. You have to remember even though I have had past hurts I'm a mature woman and I've learnt alot from past mistakes.

Posted by ianthefish
so sweethearts is this the story?

id like to be up to date..

he put the moves on you, you turned him down, thinking he could be a ladies man, or you were scared...

later you initiated, he turned you away, you think its a tit for tat, but where you guys drinking or anything? because if you were, of course he would turn you down...

you backed away, for whatever reason, he assumed you must have only tried that because you were drinking?

but then you guys just went back to innocent back and forth banter... like nothing had ever happened....

but he is supposed to be chasing you or making the first move?

Ian's summary was spot on...yes we have already had a first encounter over a year ago when we first met and I had heard that he was a player/heartbreaker so I didnt allow it to go any further. He tried once after that which where I felt he might have seen that as rejection...and I guess it was me guarded.

Getting to know him a little more is what I intend to do. No it doesnt mean sleeping with him esp not at first if I dont feel that it will only be that but sitting and talking without interruption. We haven't and cant do that and I think he would like to, I know I would. My gf went to the bottlestore the other night and that was when we were able to actually talk to each other. She was gone what felt like 5 mins and said the store was closed...he suggested she go to another place that was open. It felt like he wanted more time to talk and he had cancelled plans to hang around for a couple of hours with us. ( you see my gf I think may have been crushing on him for a while, nothing there for him except sisterly love, he told me earlier )

He once said to me that I had met my match in him...all our conversations are very short almost one line responses which is so frustrating.

And yes Tiki it is hard but moreso because neither has the opotunity to actually relax and talk openly with people around all the time. idk

I think it is worth going with Ian and asking him out, geting alone together and see where it takes us...I'm thinking of just hanging out, definitely no alcohol included. I'm ready to find out and move forward whether it be just as a friend or something more.

And in saying that, I've decided I have to ask him to his face and not go with texts or calls, this could take time in order to be able to get him alone long enough.

I'll keep you updated

Thanks...I've got you!

So easy to say soooo hard to do and get it right and swallow alot!!!

Actually just as well because i wasnt in a good state of mind at the time but I've come good and done alot of soul searching!

Wasnt thinking!!!

Summed up to a tee Ian, except the last part as to what to do next???

Loose term of expression P...you dissect everything!

I love these threads, they are the most entertaining on the boards!!!

OMG You have to take the lead, lol that reminds me of the last guy I kissed, to me he wasnt a good kisser. He initiated the kisses and I just felt awkward, then i realised if I changed the direction it felt more comfortable...if we had spent more time together I would have had to take the lead. Try playing with him teasing him, then from there you could get more sensual. Start softly til you can develope a style that gels with you both.

this is a serious matter because kissing is the absolute best when done right!

Good Luck

Ok I take back the comment of ladies man..more Commitment phobic. His past with his mother I think makes him scared to trust but he has been in relationships even though they are short lived. From what I've heard if the woman starts making plans or wants the love word he starts to get cold feet. (all heresay)

We have a connection but I feel me pulling away the first time has him reserved with me now.

Today I popped in twice to help my gf out and he responses to me with light hearted banter...also still taking slight digs, which just makes me smile because I know what he is doing...He's looking for me to bite back.

For instance, once I was driving them to the airport and he thought the way I was going was the long way, we bantered back and forth about which was the quicker route and when he wouldnt give up I laughingly told him I'm the driver and so we are going my way the best way and if he didnt like it I would let him out and he could go his way...so he joked all the way about being there already had I listened to him!! So now we play that game where he goes against anything I say and vice versa. That's what annoys him about me...I'm right too!

What P says is what I think I need to do and somehow turn around our relationship so that we are more than just digging at each other all the time and being more real so that maybe he can see that I'm not so independent that I do need someone. Then I can take that extra step Ian is talking about and see what happens from there. And yes I have been stewing with this one for a while!

Both Tiki and Nefer are looking more at my own insecurities which I'm overcoming. All of you including some of the others have opened my eyes in differing directions. thnx

I guess now I'll hang in there, work on a few things and see where it gets us, he is worth the effort!

Ladies man because he can have most women when he wants and does but yeah he's single and I dont hold that against him or it doesnt really bother me unless I have to witness it...so maybe I shouldn't put it that way. He doesnt have a heap going all at once as I said if he is with someone he remains dedicated until they call it quits. He does get to a point where he cant commit and then the realtionship ends...(told to me by his flatmate)

I'm glad you clarified that Ian because I got the feeling you were like jump right in there when I'm more like I can and will when I pick up that its the right time. And I personal think that there can be a wrong time with him, we are just warming up together again because I havent really been around him since late last year.

Yes both very right about me and my protective shell to a tee! Something else I have to learn to lower the guard now that it is not really needed. It was in place to get me through these last few years but I feel ready to let go and relax a little. I no longer feel the need to come off as a man hater... Something I knowingly have been projecting to keep anyone at arms length!

Tiki is a proven great advisor to me and I listen to what she has to say along with you P and Ian and you Nefer...but you were all pulling in different directions I felt..so I was going away to weigh up what each were saying. I will come back tonight and re-read everything again, obviously I've missed some points.

I say a ladies man because he has alot of woman and its more than the normal good looker throw themselves at him. He takes up on a few when I guess maybe he is feeling it but I've seen times where he really isnt that bothered by the attention, maybe it's when I am there... My gf is his flatmate and she has always spoken of him breaking hearts from the time I first met him. When he is with someone he is dedicated to that person but no relationship has gone far with him. I've seen him (not visually, I kept away) in one relationship for 3 months and she cheated on him, other than that only one night stands that I've heard of.

He is good looking and soft hearted and spoken and caring NOT the typical I love me and I'm out to use and abuse player, he doesnt throw around flattery to get with you ... and that probably is why so many woman try to get with him because they can see he has warm qualities and they all approach him.

I've had wise instruction from these boards and others situations. I'm using this with my gut feeling also that to move now will have him swimming fast in the other direction as P has said but I do believe even just for a moment that he isnt anywhere near as defensive to me as he might have been before. Him telling me I annoy him brings a smile to my face because that could only mean...he feels something, why else would someone annoy someone else and he wasnt saying it in a nasty way. i asked whether it was in a good way or bad way to which he didnt answer and then I said so you "hate to love me??" He and I both said together or "love to hate me!" Cheesey.. as someone else had said!

He was the first to use Love in the conversation../when he said you annoy me but I still love you. That little bit given the friendship so far says alot to me! Not a word I know he uses lightly and maybe it was a slip but regardless it was said!

It's not that I wouldnt make the first move...but more that I dont think he is ready to put himself out there yet. The timing isnt right I guess, is what i can see.

I feel this Ian. At this stage life isnt going to end tomorrow and there is time to see this right and not rush anything til it does feel right.