I'm of the belief that you cant impose upon anyone your moral standings...honestly she'd just laugh at me as I'm a prude that doesnt sleep with anyone because nobody in my eyes has proved worthy. Or i still have my own issues to sort. It doesnt bother me because I feel good about myself... and I know deep down every morning when she wakes she doesnt feel great at all about the guy next to her. i have been there when i was in my teens.
There will come a point when she will realise the only person she is hurting is herself. She doesnt take these guys home but stays out at theirs...in her mind the better of the two evils!
So this weekend while helping my friend to move out of their home they shared, she tells me that she has told her ex about the guy she slept with last weekend and also who he was. I didnt know that she actually did know him before the night and that he was an aquaintance of her ex....Perfect revenge I guess was her thoughts!
She also spent time with someone else she met this Friday night while out! OMG I guess this has really rocked her and now her revenge is to just sleep around. My own morals are nothing like hers so i really cant say anything to advise her, can really only sit back and watch!!
Not at all, we disagree about almost everything, cant talk to each other and never can resolve a dispute but to say we have to agree to disagree! Most annoying person I know and I hope to be nothing like her although I do love her....sometimes! Will stare clear of any Scorp men too!
Sadly it's more that I am sitting back and watching how manipulative someone can be...the lies and further deciept to get what they want. I'm actually learning to overcome my situation because of it...
But it's her actual and mother that are highly effected by all this and threatening to walk if she were to go back.
Thanks though...mustn't go back to hating on men because of a dozen bad apples!!!
I felt this most recently...the not wanting to let go of a bad/hurtful situation and I wasnt any where near in the type of relationship that she has had with this man of 6 years. In doing so it was prolonging the healing but I continued with false hope... So I can see clearly why she allows him to manipulate her....she has to see it all for herself and see that it's really DEAD unrevivable. Yes it's a form of self-abuse and we wont put a stop to it for one reason or another. The stories all over these boards are of woman self-abusing bad situations because they dont want to let go and try to hang on for the stupidest reasonings...Some get defensive when others slam them trying to make them see sense but they hang out and hope that someone is on their side with more hope to grasp onto....
Unfortunetly in my time here (6 years) I havent seen many of these sob stories turn to fairy tales...
And i dont think this one will either, if she fails to hold true to her convictions she will lose alot of respect and support from her family who have known all along her pains and on top of it all it'll happen again...if he were to come back now he'll most definitely re-affend because he is only SORRY that he got caught!
Guys like this I really wish would lose the thing that they have over women...their looks, grow fat, get bald and get ugly because that's what they really look like deep down! Sorry personal grievance coming out here!!!
At the risk of being another NUTTER, my thoughts are that these woman MAY have their own agenders...the ones paying for him to come and go have enough money which doesnt mean too much to them, so their own lives must be of that they are professionals & have little time for a real relationship or rich husbands that have little time for them.
However for him to feel guilt there must be some that he is completely decieving into believing they are in an intimate LDR.
Very interesting topic...I've seen men that can woe a woman because they have learnt the art of what a woman really wants...they are all ears and affectionate and loving and touchy feely and it pays off...Unfortunetly the ones I've seen had alterior motives, all they wanted was to get her into bed and it worked a treat! One guy I knew was an older gentleman and he could get the hottest chick in the room everytime...we who knew him used to watch and shake our heads!
Yes this year has also been challenging emotionally so far, knocking me off my feet for a part of it and lonely too but I've made some hard calls that have put me in this situation. Closing the door on the people that dont have my back. Because to me it's important that I get as much as i put into my relationships. But there is still focus ahead, it's just made me stronger in the sense that nobody is going to be looking out for me but me and given me the chance to focus a little more on my children and keeping that together. There is also excitement ahead as I changed my life's direction just on the spur of the moment and quite spontaneously uprooting my security...scary as it's been there's only forward now!
Looking back it has all been my doing, I am the one that has decided to change things and HARDEN up...even though it hasnt gone smoothy which is something that I normally always make sure of. It's still a step in the right direction!
People that WANT to change their lives WILL and CAN and do YES!!
Majority of people try and change their lives because they have gotten caught...like Tiger Woods, he wont change! He's trying desparately to hang on to his family so therefore he has to show that he is trying to change, also the Jesse guy same thing...But change has been forced upon them...they'll re-affend because they have the desire to feel desire from not just one but several people!
And yes there were a number of reasons she did what she did...but at the end of it, it didnt work. She is still in the same position she was before and nothing has gone away!
BUT don't stop dating all together just b/c of some A hole in the past, that truth be told, had we just listened to our intuition, we could've avoided & ran from a long time ago. Alot of us see those red flags & hear those "warning bells" sounding off, but people rarely run like hell when they're supposed to. So after staying, they finally end up getting hurt, then leave the situation with a huge microscope, paranoid about each new person they may meet. And to me, that's ridiculous b/c alot of the hurt we all have been through could've been prevented, had we just walked away when we saw it coming. In the moment, we all say, "Oh it's easier said than done," & we use that line as an excuse to stay around. BUT, yet when things finally bacfire (like our intuitions warned they would), we like taking our past hurts out on people that had NOTHING to do with or NO affiliation with the A holes in our past. It sucks, but it is what it is.
My problem in it's entirety! Seems to be there are very few really nice guys out there and majority of losers and when you are as picky as hell like VH and I are it is even harder plus I tend to go for guys that are good looking and most that are know it and that generally is the type that are the losers!!! It's not that I'm shallow it's that I want to desire the person that I am with because stuff taking a paper bag to bed everynight! So part of my requirements are that they are pleasing to the eye for me...& I guess I am more cautious not only because of past hurts but also because the type of guys that I am attracted to. The initial attraction is one thing...then there has to be some level of connecting or interest. It's been a long time since I've had a straight off intense sexual connection with a stranger but then that's probably a safety net for me!
Hey Surfy dude...surprised you know what a Kiwi is I think picky is...i want someone of importance that will be around for a while...not just a shag!
I have seen one night stands transform someone's mindset. Hell, I had (pretty much) a one night stand transform my entire life. It isn't even just knowing you are desired, it is the spark of a connection that reminds you, it isn't over and that other possibilities might still exist. It can return your passion and desire to live.
I can understand this...I'd liken it to having sex with your partner after you've found out that they have been cheating on you with someone else and you wanting to prove that you are still desired or better (in alot of cases that who they went with!) Sad really how distorted our views are when we are left broken!!!
And who knows when the last time she had sex was. It may have been years. Despite what people say we need each other and we need sex. For women, it is even more important because it connect women to their power and the divine.
They had had sex the very night she confirmed everything...she was already suspicious and he was guarded. She was trying to get to his mob phone to read through texts and he wouldn't go to sleep, so she put the man at ease with sex... But they did have a good sex life as alot do and guys that are cheaters will still cheat, because it's not just about the sex either with them, it's the thrill of the forbidden fruit the excitement of it all and the feeling of them being sooo desired too! Anyway when he finally went off to sleep she found not one but three phones, implicating his affair and YES it was someone that they both knew and were associating with fairly regularly!!!!
whatever that SOMETHING is that she's seeking, whether it's just simply good company OR even as far as that emotional comfort, the chances of her actually getting anything OTHER than just pleasure in the moment, are slim to none.
Yes I saw her the next day and her mood was stil somber, so even though she had the sex and had someones arms around her to comfort her or make her feel something if not desired it hadn't worked. She was still on the phone to her ex listening to his pleadings and BS unable to be angry and tell him where exactly to go! He is now emotionally dragging her through it all again and again trying to weaken her to taking him back...At this stage she isnt strong enough to cut him off.
Maybe....not sure that she would go back, i see alot of strength in her and think that maybe it's just happened that one too many times. i guess time will tell!
Have you never just felt sooo low that all you wanted was to be was held and feel someones arms around you even for a moment so you dont feel so alone?? And not by a woman but a man...I have, most recently, not that I would with a total stranger but then it wasnt me...and I'm not judging as I havent walked a mile in her shoes. I'm part of her support system. But I can definitely understand her doing what she did...
In her defence, she was already a year and a half into the relationship with him before she found out she was the other woman...very hard to walk away and she did and moved countries and he ended up following. Both the woman ended up in the same country and same general area. So which was he actually folowing??? He ended up with my gf!!!!
Honestly some guys live their sad little exisitance like this! I've had 2 dates that have had gf's and unbeknown to me til after I excepted...thank goodness I am cautious and slower in that department but also only by sheer luck have I found out before anything has gotten further!!
Horror stories in abundance right here on these boards...teaching me alot but is it teaching me too much. I'm one of the most relaxed and sociable of my friends but as soon as someone approaches me I become all tense or suspicious!!! I guess if I'm interested that guard will be dropped as I have experienced most recently going out with someone that I was very interested in and it flowed easily. Pity about circumstances...just wasnt meant to be!
It cant hold you in it's warm arms and comfort you, which is what she needed Jason. As far as I know he wasnt wanting anything more either and not much was discussed personally so she wasnt leaning on him for emotional support, that's what her friends are here for...just physical...