yep, think positive thoughts and they will generate positve things. Dont dwell on the negatives!!!

Dont be too hard on yourself...alot of women mis-read things or see a little more from men blindly because we are romantics at heart...how many times have you heard of a girl thinking she can turn a gay man straight if he would just sleep with her???

What it is saying is you are ready for love and sometime soon you will no doubt find it...when you least expect it. Good luck

that's what happens when you tread into an area of uncertainty...sleeping with a friend will always change the relationship, no matter how strong you think this relationship was in the beginning. Straight away your love changed to being in love with him and you told him when you had also told him that you didnt want you friendship to change just because you slept together!!!

It looks to me that you have tried to manipulate a relationship from him emotionally, straight after sleeping together you suggest you want to see where this will go and he declines...then you change your mind and tell him that you dont normally jump into relationships and want a FWB with him to which he declines again...so you try to take it back to the platonic friendship even though you are falling for him more. Having come up against a brick wall you then go back to being buddies but decide to try the jealous route by dropping that you are on a date and also your ex is back!

I would suspect that he is the confused irritated and frustrated one as he doesnt know what you'll do next!! Yes the friendship is broken and will be very hard to get back on track...you want more and he doesn't and he has made that perfectly clear with his actions.

You may have to distance yourself from him for a while to clear your head, also sometimes absence makes the heart grow fonder, but dont bank on it...sort yourself out first.

taken at face value Ian...

I'm sure she isnt sitting around moping all the time, it's just the down time when there's nothing else to do but sit on Dxp...and she's young and thinks he was her only true love....few more years down the track and things will seem so much different and of course the criteria changes as you get older and more experienced...and he's still doing exactly the same thing and doesnt seem to have matured at all!

yeah he's pretty hot...pity he's a cap!

Typical male answer Ian...and the way a man would get over someone but us woman, we work differently. Scorp has to go through all the motions first and that can take some time...

One thing for sure is being here on DXP helps and even comments like yours make her look at the situation in different angles

Hey, not at all. Similar thing happened with me recently where someone was texting me hard out and really wanted to meet me in person again after meeting in a public place...so we did but there was just nothing there!!! Maybe because my mind is elsewhere but moreso because we shared nothing much in common that we could really connect with!

You have overcome a huge obstacle in actually meeting with him and going against your anxious nature...so maybe that's what this was all about. Good on you and try again

mine is for a lost love....with the hope that I may have found that again...

It's what's in your heart that counts -- not in the "moves" you make or don't make.


Words spoken by a righteous Christian no doubt!!!!


So many of us have been in a long standing relationship and have been attracted to someone else and the mind and heart has wondered...if they are strong and true enough not to go further then I personally take my hat off to them and certainly wouldn't condemn them!

What you think that because you are in a relationship that you are blind and not going to feel any attraction to someone else in the world of billions of people??? Utter BS DY, take your blinders off!

You stood him up of course he was angry!!! And to make matters worse instead of allowing him to think things through and get over it you were right there in his face!! You should have let him cool down first and give him space...

You seemed to me that night stalkish and desparate, people dont just get over something instantly because of a quick explanantion, given some do but alot of others have to think about it all and process it before they except it. Have you ever been really angry about something and then tried to stop yourself in the midst of it??? Not an easy task!

Give the guy some space to sort it all out in his own head and stop bombarding him...if you have got a good relationship, he wont let it go...unless you are coming across as desparate and stalkish...that in itself is a huge turn-off!

Will definitely let him know how I feel about it and find out for sure when I see him

If I was seeing him physically I think this would make the situation a little more urgent...At the moment even though there is soo much going on...it's all still a little surreal...

Thanks Nela, While I appreciate what you are saying here I think it runs a little differently in this situation, there's a different maturity level i feel here... Yes maybe he should be calling first and there are times when he is and does move forward alot faster than me...he has let me know his intentions and they are honorable and I am the one that is holding back til I know for sure...(so many unanswerable questions at this point to commit myself, if even only verbally)

We havent seen each other in 14 years and so far he has done all the chasing but because we are at a distance there are the lull times where I think as LLL says we both think we are giving each other the space we feel the other needs. We both have a very full on social life!

I for one think that a realtionship is a 50/50 thing, I cant expect to have him chasing me on everything when he has openly put himself on the line many times and I have remained quiet or rather let things go over my head tot he point of ignoring what he is saying til I am sure!

And I have read he's not that into you and Steve Harvey's book which I think is better, anyway I guess time will tell and it isnt long before we meet up and find out what is truely going on and what the future will hold for us...

I come here to get others opinions and different angles which I appreciate and certainly take into account when I am thinking about everything, so thanks for reading and taking the time to comment

Wow you look even better in this pic LLL, beautiful!

Thanks for all that advice...I'm really not sure where this is all going, yes there is trust there, I should possibly be the vunerable one with him as his morals in the past arent as high as mine but I believe in him and what he says to me...I have lived and experienced alot so not completely blinded! We have been friends most of ours lives and I think this is a huge bond between us...

The connection is there and the communication better than I've ever experienced, any doubts I may have are immediately reassured if I broach the subject and sometimes when I dont.

My main doubts are the distance...I know what he is thinking for a future together, no one knows how that will work out as it is different countries not states and we are still in the prime of our lives!!! It would be easier if we were in our 60's and weren't both running around having so much fun and enjoying our personal separate lives!!! I still feel too fresh out of a 20 year marriage to consider coupling up again... but he has me thinking...He's the one that expresses his desires to slow down and be more settled with one person. Of course only if I feel this way when we see each other will I consider any of it!

It just feels too much like a fairy tale at the moment...

Hey you look a bit like Nicole Richie!

Just to clarify Enfant... sweet_heart is not me!

So what has Enfant done wrong exactly??? He hasnt pursued this other woman at all and only on occassion shared outings because they have mutual friends...

In his own time I'm sure he'll come to a decision about what he will do, but as far as I can see has been quite the gentleman about it!! Alot would make sure they have sneered one before letting go of the other by having a full on affair or try and have their cake and eat it too. He may have fantasized and to some that is cheating but he hasn't put anything into practice but his mind...I dont see anything wrong with that!

You need to share that with another gf...not many men are going to have the reaction you require and you will be disappointed even more!

I feel ya LLL, and that has crossed my mind...I guess it just makes me feel like I'm chasing him and as a woman think that he should be the one to make moves or at least let me know that it isn't all one sided. Something I will have to deal with as you say. No point making a mountain over this very small bump! How did you do the LDR thing for so long? Any tips there??

I understand that he is wrapped up in preparation for Xmas and yes he's busy....but I also need to feel like I'm not the only one in this. I'd like him to reach out and put himself on the line...and let me know he's missing me and wants to hear from me too..

it's a libran thing I think, I've done my share now it's his turn... wonder how long I'll be waiting???

No, I would say that it may possibly be a Libra female thing...I have found that I will say the most hurtful things and even sometimes hit below the belt!!! It's like I'm sooo upset that I want to project the venom onto that person....And I always really regret it when I've calmed down and re-hash the stupid things I've said...

And as Spica says, hurtful words can not be taken back...no matter how remorseful you feel later and how much you apologise it is too late!! The best I've come up with to stop myself is the count to ten theory and get out of the room...still it's something that has to be mastered as I know I can feel my blood boiling and it's so hard to just stop....

Libras love being loved and if he isnt getting what he needs form his current gf then he'll look to get it elsewhere...this can be just purely flirting to boost his self esteem or in some cases sex...but whatever, it's for his benefit and satisfaction...not yours! Be careful!

Also because he is feeling down and out with his family situation and you know him and them more than perhaps his current love, he's wanting your shoulder to lean on...not considering the consequence of his actions...after all, it's all about him remember!

You know how sometimes in relationships there can be for whatever reason a bit of a lull period... Well I've had a few of those with my Leo man...

Problem is, I dont know whether I should be the one to approach him first or wait...mostly the reason is because both being busy or I should say that he is particularly busy so i give him space thinking he'll contact me when he's not so busy but then I feel like it's actually a waiting game...Is he waiting for me? If I am the first to break the silence then he's there like a shot and we are back on the path together but it's just dawned on me that I am always the first...

So what I'm really asking is...is this just a power struggle between us or is me thinking 7-10 days is too long, really not that long at all to men?

The relationship is still strong, it's just this one niggly thing that grates me...